Name: Attom
God Level: demigod
Power: 0 of 5
Description: A mass of thousand of arms holding different cooking instruments.
Tear mechaspiders apart to free myself, again.
[1]
Attom's weakness is mechaspiders, apparently. He is once again completely entombed and unable to escape.
Name: Borkle, He-who-pinches-your-face
Sphere: Battle Strife
Power: 13
Forces: 18 Hard Boys, 1200 Hearty Boys, 550 WarBeasts
((What’s this “entry price” again?))
Borkle Heads down with his army to give these monsters what-for
[3]
[-3 power]
Borkle heads down with his army and conducts a few raids. Nothing special, mostly just running in and butt slapping a few critters before running out again, giggling.
Lilith expends one power to restore the forest to the glorious state it was in before the great fire.
Name: Lilith
God Level: Minor
Power: 6 - 1 = 5
Spheres: Life and Nature
Description: An entity born from the fertile flesh of Akahet's more hospitable areas, Lilith is a collection of plant matter that has molded itself into the shape of a humanoid.
[6+1]
Lilith recreates her forest, but even more so. She summons up trees the size of sky scrapers and great primordial beasts of massive size. Dinosaurs, giant insects, fish like buses, all manner of insane stuff.
Get the Cyber Necromancers to assist me in the destruction of the monsters.
Name: Zarel, Godscorched
God Level: Demi
Power: 0
Sphere (If major or minor god):
Description: A Tiger Giant with an exoskeleton made of Obsidian. Heat and a faint red glow radiate from its joints.
Notes:
[6]
Zarel enlsits the aid of the Cyber Necromancers to aid in his battle against the monsters.
[3v1]
Together they rain cyber necromantic hell down on the monsters, driving them away and into the ocean.
Corrupt the beasts with my flesh to speed up their evolution. Make them better through trial. Breed the strong, feast on the weak.
See how smart they are, try to organize them into some semblance of society. Whenever one shows signs of intelligence, breed them.
Try to breed them with myself.
Name: (TAMI) the Thing with Aparent Moderate Intelligence.
God Level: demigod
Power: 3
Sphere: Biomass
Description: A shapeless mass of flesh with a few animal-ish forms.
Notes:
[1]
All the monsters attempt to adapt to the ocean but simply drown instead, leaving Tami alone. Well, except for Thorn, who has affixed itself to a fish and is idly swimming about.
Name: Enal "The Heartless Mind"
God Level: Minor
Sphere: Knowledge, Logic
Power: 5
Description: An orange scale-skinned lizard-man with glorious wings unfurling behind him. His glasses had been replaced with contact lenses, and his eyes glowed a deep amethyst purple. He had a long, flowing blue robe on his thin form, which rippled with psychic power.
Notes: "The first one who points out the errors of the universe is a genius. All who follow are imitations."
He summoned up that shard of power he set aside for his child, and well, held it awkwardly.
"Well, it is, er, my first time..."
Toss 3 power at my celestial spawn with Anaconda! He/She/They shall be smart, cunning, and maybe a little emotionless but that was fine in the name of LOGIC!
Blood is blood and a surprise is a surprise. This result was not expected. Let it be known that the blood cult does not intend to unleash this monster upon AKAHET. It shall only be used in defense of the blood cult from attempts to destroy it. You have my word for it is the word of HAKA, and he is a fair lord of blood. The cult has other plans, other priorities to be had. Again, we shalt only use this Soul Serpent against those who attack the main body of the cult. No more, no less.
"THOSE ARE THE SOULS OF MY FOLLOWERS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, SPECK. GIVE THE BEAST BACK TO ME OR I SWEAR THAT I WILL EVENTUALLY GET AROUND TO SHOWING UP AND KICKING YOUR ASS.
ACTUALLY I HAVE AN IDEA. POINT STILL STANDS THOUGH. DON'T RESIST IF YOU LIKE HAVING ALL YOUR ORGANS IN THE RIGHT PLACES."
Spend 1 Power to split off a small group of cogs from my aura and give them instructions to pass through the barrier and slice up the Soul Serpent until all the souls are separated into individual pieces of flesh.. Being inanimate objects, the program-cogs should be able to pass through without paying Power.
"Now, where were we? Oh yeah."
Do the babymaking thing with Enal. Invest 3 Power.
(Having obtained Credst's approval) lightly modify the humans... Firstly, make their hair more exciting with spiky and curly bits, give some of them bright red or blue or green or gold or purple or pink or white colored hair. Secondly, give them a strong impulse to scream in battle, especially shouting the name of techniques or spells as they use them. This is a minor tactical disadvantage for style's sake, but it's balanced out by the ability to speak incredibly quickly, being able to shout whole monologues at each other in the span of a single leap. Thirdly, they shall be greatly susceptible to hilariously contrived social misunderstandings, especially as pertains to sexuality.
Update my scheduling system so that I can do more than 3 simple-ass things in a decade.
Summon up all the parts of my old body.
If Uzina successfully blasts a hole in the barrier, suggest to the mechserpent armada that they quickly get to work stabilizing the breach and building a gate around it. This would be an amazing strategic advantage.
Name: Anaconda
God Level: Minor
Power: 4
Sphere: Machinery and Murder.
Description: The bright blue and brute serpent, which throttles its prey. An aura of floating cogs surround it, awkwardly.
Notes: Ensouled. Fleshy!
[2+1]
The barely functional section of gears Anacona sends out smashes into the barrier and falls apart.
[3+2]
Enal and Anaconda form a divine union and birth a Hearty Naga.
(did he accept this?)
[5] Anaconda successfully turns the humans into Anime Humans.
[2] Anaconda fails to summon up her old body parts, wherever they are now.
Name: Hectorclese the Stout
God level: Minor
Power: 8 - probably
Sphere: Victory and Feasting
Description: The Heartiest of Hearty Boys, the pinnacle of what they can be; big and strong, he's always on the lookout for something to eat. He walks among mortals with a dim glow around him, a clear sign of his deification.
Notes: Smarting over the loss of some Heart Boys in the Food Invasion
80 war beasts and 40 Hearty Boys
Hectorclese stands awestruck by his stunning... failure success action.
Construct some sort of propulsion device to gently propel this Chaotic Food realm toward Akahet
Enact some sort of breeding plan among the Hearty FoodBoys, ‘cause more is good. Perhaps through some sort of fighting tournament... the winner receives exclusive breeding rights with the best... uh... examples of the opposite sex for one year, when the next tournament is held.
These tournaments shall be known as Morsel Kombat.
[2,3]
Hectorclese attempts to throw together some kind of engine for the realm but...well...he ends up with not much more than a cream eclair boost jet and its filling doesn't have the force required for something of this magnitude.
He then enacts Morsel Kombat but ends up eating a lot of the Kombatants. They are very tasty.
I give the humans 3 decades before they're all dead or radically different from what they once were.
Double the amount of spiders Attom is entombed in and continue absorbing whatever power is lying around, preferably going near where the God Machine was to do this.
"Here, let me give you a hand with that."
Name: Credst
God Level: Major
Power: 9
Sphere: Creation and Destruction
Description: A humanoid of swirling blue and red energy with barely indistinguishable features and a bright sun rotating on top of a crescent moon as a hat. He has 4 hands.
Notes: The sun and moon atop Credst's head represent creation and destruction.
Destructive Acts: 6
Creative Acts: 6
Credst's hat has no damage.
[4] Credst adds a few more spiders to the pile but his attempts to then absorb energy from the universe come to naught, he can't get anything.
"We'll see if you can dance with the Death itself."
Go offensive: do small hops towards the enemy while simultaneously doing pike thrusts.
Name: The Prowler
God Level: Demigod
Power: 1 out of 5
Sphere (If major or minor god):
Description: A humanoid with extremely thin limbs, elongated and thin torso, long neck, and a human-sized head of a three-eyed dragon with no pupils and white sclera. It's scales are black and shiny.
Notes: Chaos Energy Vorpal Pike, has an apparatus that allows moving around the Void.
Name: Borkle, He-who-pinches-your-face
Sphere: Battle Strife
Power: 13
Forces: 18 Hard Boys, 1200 Hearty Boys, 550 WarBeasts
((What’s this “entry price” again?))
Borkle Heads down with his army to give these monsters what-for
Father, All I did was to make mortals worship you instead of false gods!
Spend 2 power on covering myself with sacred wrestling oil and wrestling Prowler to death in most fabulous way possible with sacred 247 oiled wrestling moves of Borkle
[4 v 3+1]
The Prowler and Flexius Twisted continue to battle across the barrier, but despite the small hops and body oil neither can gain an advantage over the other.
[1] Lilith's forest burns down completely and the ash and heat are trapped within the bubble of the barrier. The entire place is reduced to a low oxygen hellscape.
"I'm so screwed, I don't even know what caught fire."
Go hide under a rock, and make a knife out of stone and carve little zebras out burnt sticks, so I don't go insane while I hide.
Name: Dr. Bob
God Level: Demigod
Power: 0
Sphere (If major or minor god):
Description: A humanoid with the head of a deer wearing a white lab coat.
Notes:
[3] Dr. Bob hid under a rock and whittled zebras for a decade. He never got very good at it.
Begin eating local children that get lost near the woods. Spare just enough to spread my legend.
(Retreat to the safety of the preserve if they hunt me.)
Name: Thorn ('It')
God Level: Demi
Power: 0
Description: Looks like what ever being ate the peach. Slowly replaces their mind. If the body dies, a bush grows within a day with a single peach.
Notes: Fond of huskies.
Current Approximate Description:
(Like 20 feet at the shoulder)
[4] Thorn can't exactly eat children in the woods, seeing as it had been driven into the sea. But it could nibble toes at the beach. Which it did, continuing until gaining minor folklore status.
Begin eating local children that get lost near the woods. Spare just enough to spread my legend.
"Hi. Sorry to bother you, but I think we need to talk. I try very hard to get along with all my divine kin. Generally, I take a live-and-let-live approach to whatever they like to do, although it pains me when mortals get hurt. I hope we can be friends, actually. I certainly don't like pushing weaker entities around at all. But I think I'm going to have to be very clear on this.
If you decide to go around killing kids, then I will use every bit of power I can and take every favor the rest of the pantheon wants to give me to put you down.
Again, sorry to bother you, but I felt we needed to work that out.
Gather the mortals in my burrow together and build them an subdimensional city to take shelter in during the Hearty Boy invasion. Also, see if I can connect to the Underworld using my burrow.
Name:Ep.
God level:Minor
Power:1
Sphere:The Weak.
Description:A little brown mouse with an upward-pointing crescent on his forehead.
Notes:Lives in an infinite subspace burrow.
[6]
Ep builds a complex maze city within his burrows for those who are lost inside.
Ep can connect to the underworld.
Arrange for the available energy siphons to follow Borkle down to the surface, and be ready to protect mortals from collateral damage from the beast fight. They are to reap the souls of the dead mortals, and leave alone the souls of the giant megabeast and Borkle's troops.
See if I can get an energy siphon or two to be able to reap the souls of naturally dead mortals from the endless maze without creating a hole in the barrier. If a hole would be needed, no worries for now.
Personally ensure that oozeworld doesn't encroach further on the underworld. The soul acid rivers are tempting, but systems are already in place. Once this is done gather power - the energy siphons should be announcing who they work for - and bide my time.
Name: Manor
God Level: Major
Power: 2
Sphere (If major or minor god): Consciousness and Souls (the business of being sentient, including life and death)
Description: [The Observer]
[2]
Manor's wrangling of the energy siphons fails as the energy siphons begin to die off for unknown reasons.
Name: Užina
God Level: Demi
Power: 3
Description: A tall, humanoid figure seemingly formed out of flexible breadrolls, with bagel hands and tomato soup in place of blood. Its head is a dark, hefty loaf of rye, with only a couple of creases and a cryptic pattern of seeds and flour resembling anything akin to a 'face'.
Notes: Awakened food elemental.
Aboard Attom's Food Cruiser, armed with a superweapon known as the Pressure Cooker.
Užina sighs - a most uncanny gesture coming from what is basically a humanoid loaf of bread - and waves a couple of nearby food elementals in Attom's direction.
Then, not wanting to be distracted further before finally getting the chance to try out this new toy, the bread-being leans forwards in its seat, tightens its bagels on the controls, and takes aim...
Send some food elementals over to help Attom out, if he is unable to escape on his own.
Then spend my entire 3 power to fire a blast from the pressure cooker at those two nerds fighting on the barrier - hopefully punching a hole right through it in the process.
[1] The food elementals pile onto the hive of spiders crushing Attom and effectively finish him off. Attom suffocates on spiders.
[5+2][1]
Uzina turns the Pressure cooker towards the realm of mortals and fires the cannon directly at the two gods fighting on the barrier's surface. Both Prowler and Flexius Twisted are obliterated in the blast, a chunk of the barrier falls away, and a piece of the mortal realm is destroyed.
They listened! They listened! Suddenly all the failures and false starts fell away. Cawder had called, and people had listened. This was a good day.
Assist Ep in building his city, and help the refugees settle in to their new home.
Name: Cawder
God Level: Demigod
Power: 0
Description: A wizened condor nomad with a scruffy air, whose eyes flash with multicoloured divine light - clearly a result of the great Manor's random boon-granting.
Notes: none.
[1] Cawder gets lost.
Boost entropy around the universe.
Suck everything. Reap anyone that gets in my way with my scythe.
Either this will succeed or fail horribly. Either way, it will probably be fun.
Name: Sucker, Demon of Entropy
God Level: Major
Power: 3
Sphere (If major or minor god): Death and Entropy
Description: A Skelton wearing a dark cloak.
Notes: Holds the Edge of Oblivion. A scythe with the power to kill gods and slay souls.
Has impressed some necromancers.
Can pull souls of the dead from the underworld.
[4]
Sucker floats around the universe, petting his entropy spots and generally being happy about the way things are going.
The energy siphons go extinct.
Most populations increase slightly, but at the same time are struck by a malaise which prevents them from being productive. The Universe sits in effective stasis for an entire decade, besides the actions of the gods.
Power: -1 for all.
Author
Topic: Divine Fuckery: The End is Nigh (Read 118316 times)