Episode 5 - Cold SteelFeel it against the palm of your hand! True power! True power! True power! Amen.
The Malefic Man closes his eyes. You try to poke him, but your finger simply squishes across his eye! He grins. Panicking, you poke your finger into your hand, and manage to push it through to the other end!
Hah! being able to put your hand or fingers through your other hand or fingers is a common reality check! what does that mean? it means when people think they're dreaming, some try to do it, and if it works, they're in a dream! you've established that players aren't reality warpers (otherwise i could make things with pure will), so this means this is a dream! whos dream? and doesn't that mean we're all dream characters? Nope! I know I'm real, since I'm, you know, an actual person in real life, and the same can be said for every other player.
excepttricklessockpuppets /cough/ anyway, since i'm real, and most of the players are real, and this is a dream, this must be a shared dream of some kind. and that suggests the Malefic man might be "real" too. since I know this is a dream, I can do anything. see, dreams are formed of your mind, of expectations and beliefs and subconcious knowledge. this dream may be shared, but that just implies control is split and reality offloaded. so what do you need to do for power, in a dream world? Convince everyone that you have the powah. some is still from your own beliefs, too, of course, but everyone else matters too.
JOE: Hey everyone! guess what? I've gained power over death itself! I say, pointing at death as he leaves from that time when he gave me a curse.
JOE: he came here because I said so! technically true, after all. and since I controlled death once, obviously I can do it again. I have death march down the alleyway, lopping off heads of people who just appeared to make him look badass, and then instruct him to stab pink text with his scythe. then, I smile and, without a hint of fear, tell death to deal with that one-hp malefic man. its death, so obviously he can go anywhere and you can't stop him- unless, like me, you have power over death himself. I smile, and sing a song. the world burns around me as I smile, and proclaim myself god of molten flames. the sky smoulders and the ground is ground to ash, and I smile. this is the world we live in.
I never claimed you were reality warpers, only reality
benders. Bending reality involves bending it either very slightly or a lot - and anywhere in between. Take a spoon, and try bending it. Chances are, if you take a spoon made out of some flimsy material, you'll be able to either break it, or if it's made of some weak plastic, you can bend it pretty well. Similarly with reality, being a reality bender does not give you the power to do everything with your will. The reality check you performed earlier simply shows how reality is broken, in fact, nothing about dreams has ever been said. You proclaim yourself the god of molten flames, as you sit still with your eyes closed, imagining a reality where you rule as the king, as reality crumbles right before your shut eyes, burning vehemently.
I kick some dude in the pelvis area
Some dude screams in agony!
I'll admit, it's a nice trick. Problem is, part of that teenage mentality is turning away from your original ambitions. The second Malefic Man practically nullified his gun, as it would be more interested in exploring what it /really/ is rather than confining itself to your dated, regressive philosophies. As such, The_Two_ Eternities would never have been injured. In fact, the barrel would have been caught up in it's own self-loathing to even recognize it's potential as a storage device, and would never have accepted the gun in the first place, or at least attempt to repress it's ability to store weapons. However, due to The_Two-Eternities exerting authority over it, it was forced to comply with his demands.
Having resolved this grievous reality error, I attempt to disorient the geese with my shadow puppet skills. Plenty of contrasting light now.
The second Malefic Man's gun realizes it's supposed to follow a teenage mentality, sucks out the bullets out of The_Two_Eternities and MedievalParadox, and quickly tries squirming itself out of the Malefic Man's hand! "
Hey!! Stay still... You little... NGAHHH!!" he yells out as he accidentally shoots himself in his leg, clutching onto the gun. "
GOOOOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!! NGHAHHHHH, HOLY FUCK, IT HURTS, IT HURTS, IT BURNS SO MUCH, DEAR LORD, DEAR GOD, MOTHER MARY, BROTHER BOBBY, FUCKING MOHAMMAD, ALLAH HIMSELF, FATHER GOD DAMN CHRISTMAS, IT HUUUUURTS!!!! ARGH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! DEAR FUCKING JEHOVAH, GOD DAMN JOSHUA, FUCKING YAHSHUA, YAHWEH, FUCKING HELL, GOD DAMN BABY FUCKING JESUS, THE DAMNED TETRAGRAMMATON, YAHWEH, BY GOD, IT BURNS, IT BURNS SO MUCH, IT HURTS LIKE A GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! GOD DAMN IT, GOD DAMN IT!!! FUCKING MARILYN MONROE, OH DEAR LORD, OH MY PRECIOUS, CHARLES FUCKING MANSON, MARSHALL MATHERS, FUUUUUCK, MATTHEW GOD DAMN MCCONAUGHEY, THE AGONY, THE TORTUOUS AGONY, OH GOD, SHIT, FUCKING MILES MORALES, ALL OF YOU FUCKERS, EVERY M-FUCKER OUT THERE, OH THE DESPAIR, OH THE HORROR, WOE IS ME, WOE IS ME, SSSSSSS... NGAHHH!!!!!" he yells out, and collapses onto the floor. 1 damage is dealt.
You use your shadow puppet skills to disorient one goose! Unfortunately, the goose you have disoriented is the goose Anaphaxeton is flying on! The goose crashes down on the ground, and Anaphaxeton along with it.
Realty just set itself on fire, literally, the only option is to get a new realty, I teach the unreality in the chamber I'm in about server management,multy threading and how in general be a better reality then the current one
On the contrary, my boy, reality did not set itself on fire, King Zultan did! Of course, it barely makes a difference. The unreality listens carefully, and then tries very, very, very hard, from bottom of its heart to become a reality. It fails. It is evident that in order for a unreality to become a reality, at least multiple reality benders have to commit some sort of odd ritual. One is simply not enough.
Using my natural affinity for all things bird, I summon the remaining geese and telekinetically bind them to me with manifested lines of glowing blue light. Our combined mental faculties should allow us to attain higher-level intelligence and give me comprehension and control over the flock's extradimensional properties.
You warp the flock of geese to yourself, and become a hive-mind creature -
THE INFINITY ӘꝎS☰. The intelligence of five flying geese, unhinged from reality, allows you to reach a higher level! Instantly, you gain the ability of
REALITY LINING, a higher level technique involving the transfer of unreality to reality. Look at the end of the update for details!
but i’m not reality bending, unless magic is impossible in this dimension! that means my pants should stop being an ice-tray and return to being my pants, my finger should stop clipping through my hand, and the flash should have been bright enough for the malific man to be having trouble seeing for at least a little while for closing his eyes instead of looking away.
The ability to bend reality is inherent to a lot of the population - they just never realize this because, as with bending a spoon, normal reality is supposed to be impenetrable to an amateur! However, with a flimsier reality, such as this one, such abilities can be manifested more easily. Nevertheless, "bending reality" involves bending it slightly, not bending it entirely out of its shape, at least for you! The fire melts the ice tray anyway, making your crotch feel very cold and then very hot, and your pants suddenly switch to being on your head! A lot of the time, different from bending a spoon, reality will decline your requests, and instead compromise them with something a little funnier. Also, a rock falls on your head from somewhere in the future.
Throw a permanent marker at Malefic Girl.
Reality bending comes in many different types. A bender must embrace their own personality and traits, and create a style that they can work off of. The Malefic Man's daughter pretty much has it down to an art form. A
literal art form. Teenagers love to be artsy, especially bitchy and spoiled teenage girls, they always carry around a sketchbook with themselves, but if they're careless, they might forget to bring a pen. The Malefic Girl grabs the market you threw at her. While it is certain that she is not a bad artist, the manner in which she draws things is not exactly for everyone. This leaves her wondering about the realism of her drawings. Of course, a reality bender does not need to fret much about these things. She opens her book, and begins sketching. Even if the final piece doesn't
look very realistic, there is always a way to fix this. The drawing she is drawing right now, for example, is not very realistic. It's a picture of you, actually, in torment and anguish. Not very realistic, right? Reality can fix that.
The very nature of a reality bender is to make things the way they want them to be. Instead of correcting the drawing, reality corrects itself to adhere to the drawing's whims. You begin twitching erratically, and collapse onto the floor, in pure torment and anguish, just as documented. The Malefic Girl smiles.
Reality is broken. Fling the First Malefic Man at the Malefic Girl. Let them all crash into the Second Malefic Man's Barrel afterward, and the Gear somehow end up around my own neck.
..It's better not to question Reality when she's like this.
Reality is broken! You attempt to fling the First Malefic Man, but end up finding that you had just flung the gear into the barrel, upon which it explodes into a million pieces. The Malefic Girl appears on top of your neck with her knife, and stabs you thirteen times.
Call the fire department as reality's on fire, then reveal that I'm a werewolf or something and go kill Malefic Girl.
You call the Volunteer Fire Department! A shady looking man appears from behind the already broken van, wearing a hat and a long overcoat. He smells of cinnamon and bad fashion. "
Hi. My name is Jake. I'm part of the Volunteer Fire Department. Is there a problem here? Because I don't currently see a problem - Of course, I'm not going to go on a tangent about that, that'd be stupid, right? Just plain fucking stupid. Anyway, what's the deal with all this?" he asks, and you shrug, and suddenly transform into a werewolf. The Malefic Girl shrieks as you pounce onto her, and accidentally swallows some of your fur. 1 damage dealt from choking!
Sure I was only across the timeline for a single moment, but a single moment that lasts as long as time is quite a while. that gives me all the time needed to go through a training montage, master kong fu- and gain the skills needed to kick everyone whos stuck here into the Next month Last year.
Ah, yes - the art of Kong Fu, harnessed by masters such as King Kong and Dik-Fuk the Dong Smasher, not to be confused with Kung Fu. You gain the ability to kick people into next month last year! Unfortunately, as reality is broken, and reality consists of space-time, your understanding of "next month" and "last year" may as well be Schmebuary of 9001 BCE. You kick a rock to try it out, and the rock flies into Dustan a few posts above you, confirming your - or, I guess,
my theory. At least this is somewhat useful.
>Quickly head to the page reality is currently at, select the Malefic Man, then delete him.
The concept of "present" for reality is Page 13, while you are currently only on Page 4 due to the GM's lack of a stable updating schedule. You try to peek at Page 13 to see what happens, but you are met with a warning screen and a huge cacophony of broken everything.
WARNING. FILE CORRUPTED. CONTINUE ANYWAY?
You decide not to continue because you like being alive, and would rather continue being alive than be dead.
climp out of the pile, and start building scrantron reality anchors.
A scranton anchor impedes the ability of a reality bender to bend reality, but it cannot help in a situation where reality itself is broken. You end up impeding your own reality bending abilities, making you a simple human in the vicinity of the anchor. For a brief moment, you feel pain. Actual human pain. You feel the fire scorching your flesh, and burning off any and all of your nerve endings. In a few milliseconds, the raging fire consumes you entirely, and you can no longer feel anymore. It's almost relaxing, comforting, in a way...
And then you're kicked back by reality suddenly shattering and creating a huge hole, and you're back to your usual self, impervious to damage. Woah. That's new. It's almost as if the anchor somehow concentrated reality in one place and caused to implode in on itself. The hole zooms and whooshes around, moving in and out of itself as if it were a four dimensional model.
Huh, he didn't expect that to totally work. Cool!
Wait, the girl was calling them out. Suddenly, reality's instability washed over him, giving him an insatiable bloodthirst. Was someone looking for a fight? DEAL!
He blasts out of the vehicle and stares the Malefic Girl straight in the eyes.
"̴͚͎̜͇͗̾̽̾ͅĮ̸̡̆̈́'̵̲̫͍͈͖̀͊m̴̜̙͂́ ̵̡̰̈́̕ǧ̵͉̜̻̗̀͜ų̷̪̙̊͜ḙ̵̭̠̓͘s̵̠͐̈́s̸̼̆͗͋i̶̛͙̰̅̎̀̾n̸̩̲̼̈́̎g̵̙̑̑ ̸̡͙͓͉̜̎̀y̶̺̦̫̽̂ò̶̢̦̍̉͜ͅu̷̧͊̌͜'̵̖̹̼̬̆̒͐̅ŕ̵̨̘̟̄́̋e̸͍̻̰͇̍ ̷̡̀͠ū̴͚̋͌̚ŝ̵͕͙̱̝̌́ë̸̺́̒̀̈́d̵̪̬̃̆̕̕ ̷̱͋̿̅t̸̛̤̟̋̒͝o̶̫̰̒ ̴͇̞̪̹͙̊̀̿̇͋h̷̘͒ä̶̰̫̮̮͇̎͑͠ṽ̸͖̫i̶̡͕͔̫͛̏n̵̢̛̫̠͊̒̏g̵̡̪̽̀̀̀ ̴̝͔͗͑̈͝p̵̧͚͎͓̫̉͠e̸̼̺̪̫̓͛͑̑o̵̡̙͚̟̮̐̀̑p̵̢̙̮̹̜̏͑̅̅̿l̶̦̜̜͓̑̚ę̵̛̭͇͐̋ ̸͚̫̤̥́͆͌̇s̶͎̺̈̅͊c̸̯̓ḁ̴̢͇̖͕̄͠r̸̹̦͚͚̋̌͂̋͐ē̸̍̓ͅd̵̬̜̟̠̞̓ ̷͙̱̗̏͐́̽͝ͅo̷̲̻̝̊̄́͑f̶̢̢̭̻͊̈́̌̌͝ ̸̧̯̮̜̳́̆ý̴̨̡̪̲̾͊̚͠ǒ̵͉ư̸̢͇̙͎̍̎̚͝.̵̞̌̈͋.̷͇̰̊.̴̡̛̪̰̼̋̓"̵̺̪̺̣͉̋͂́͘ he hisses with madness in his voice. "̶͚̀́̅N̵̛̩̋̃̋̿o̴͎͎̜̾͌ ̵̰͓̜̼̀̍̅s̴͎̩̳̏̄ͅṷ̵̢̩͕̈́͗̿̓̇͜c̵̹̥̩̋́̕h̵͙̠͛͒̓͒̚ ̵̡̛̟̗̿́ļ̶̰̥͇̪̆u̵̳̅̅͜͝c̷͕͙͊̉k̴̨̜̤̂̃͐ ̴̛͇͕̼̻́̽̃͊w̵̧͗i̷̢̛̬̍̏͝ẗ̶̯̮͚̺̖́̍͌͘h̶̬̣͝ ̸̦̟̤͕̜́̊͗͋m̷̖̬̅͌̄ę̶͙̠̜̻̌,̸̭́͝ ̵̜̐͠͠͠d̵͔̤̚e̵̠̝͓͒͋͆̍͜͠á̷̟̪͚̲r̸̯͎̣̪͇̒̓͘ì̸̩̘́͋̂é̶̟̩̋͑̀!̶̪̤̱̣͗́̈́̔̏"̶̘̟̙̖̹̿͊̆͂̈́ The madman then snatches the knife out of the teenager's hands and jams it into her surprisingly thick skull. He tried to pull it out, but damn, it was stuck in there to the hilt. In her forehead. Like a crappy unicorn. As if the Girl wasn't hurt enough physically, now she felt horrible as her already low self image got kicked in the shins again by the madman laughing so hard about how she looked that they heard it in the goose pocket dimension. His madness faded as he laughed, and soon he was just laughing, rather than cackling in all caps about how he was going to kill the humie-corn.
I'm guessing you're used to having people scared of you... No such luck with me, dearie!
"
Low self image, eh?" you suddenly turn around, and see the Malefic Girl standing there, holding a notebook and permanent marker, completely unharmed! As can be found above, she has a rather unique way of reality bending, involving drawing a non-realistic drawing and having it come to life. "
And daddy said that "pursuing a career in art is stupider than eating shit from the asshole of Charles Manson and celebrating this occasion with an annual party with coke, hookers and blackjack"! Humph, honestly, if you aren't going to torture your victims with chic, why do it at all?" she giggles, flipping the drawing around. It's you. And another you. You're impaling yourself in the forehead. With the Malefic Girl's knife.
You turn around in disbelief, and see yourself, and then become yourself, and find that you suddenly have a knife stuck in yourself, and the other you was you all along. "
Hey, I've got to hand it to whomever gave me this permanent marker! Great idea, really. Makes the suffering that much more everlasting!" she says, twirling her knife between her- Hey, wait a second! You touch the knife on your forehead, and find that it isn't there at all, but the area around it still seems to be obfuscated by something that you can't see. "
Placeholders! Of course, if the knife is here, it can't be there, right? But you are supposed to have it in your forehead, I mean, the picture says so, and a picture speaks a million deaths! So of course, the only solution is to have something there. Not a knife. Just anything, you know? It's like air, except it's sharp, and it's dense, and it's solid. It's great, isn't it?" she says, and you growl in anger.
As I hold onto my arm, and try not to succumb to weakness I notice reality is burning around me and I feel a new rush of energy heading into my already potent powers, and So I look up at the second man and say. "Well if you insist on going down that path, Prepare yourself to break in more ways than one." and then I use a Telekinetic shove to send him off the building as I work on fixing my arm.
As mentioned above, the bullet in your arm suddenly disappears! You don't really need to know why. You shove him telekinetically into one of the buildings! See, you can do that. He flies into a building, completely crashing into it, but then appears on the other side, you only have a moment to turn around, but he suddenly flies back into you from the other side! 1 damage dealt from the collision, but now he's literally on you.
Arise from the body pile, taking the form of an intelligent wobbuffet. Waddle around aimlessly towards any of the malefics.
You waddle across to the Malefic Girl. "
Awww, you're so cute! I'm gonna keep you as a pet. Is that alright? Heh. Who cares? You can't speak!" she says, and grabs you, stuffing you into her backpack. Of course, being intelligent means you can think everything you want, but it is a known fact that Pokemon
usually cannot speak, not because of lack of intelligence, but simply because their mouths don't allow for intricate human speech. You end up just yelling "wobbuffet!!!!" constantly, as you're shoved deeper and deeper into the backpack, now sitting with notebooks, drawings and paintbrushes.
I hold my goose up, allowing me to fly. I then drop on Goose Numero Uno.
You hold your goose up and fly up back into the air! The three other geese become jealous of your skills (disregard the fact that they're part of the goose hivemind now as stated above) and get even angrier. They summon their boss, El Goose Supremo, to have a "word" with you. A crazy buff-looking goose steps out in front of you - or rather, hovers. The movements of his wings are so fast, that you can't even see them, and it just ends up looking like he's standing on thin air. He raises one eyebrow, as if to say, "so, you are the goose tamer I have heard so much about", and then raises his fist, as if to say, "tl;dr, eat shit, f49907". He then punches you into the ground. Really hard.
i pet the doggo numba wan
but how u pet the doggo numba wan
if you r the doggo numba wan?
?
You suddenly start petting yourself. The Malefic Girl thinks this is like, so totally cute, she can't even.
Wow. Things have happened. Important detail from IndigoFenix, as he has ascended to infinity goose-dom, and thus harnessed the higher level reality bending abilities of the geese. This technique is known as Reality Lining. In order to complete it, similar to lining a bag in real life, the following steps must be done:
1) A small hole must be made inside unreality.
2) Reality must be pulled out from the outside from unreality.
3) Then unreality must be turned inside out so reality faces outward.
4) In essence, this merges reality and one existing unreality, like the goose chamber, per se, into a viable STABLE DUAL SCHRÖDINGER'S REALITY.
What this means is that reality becomes stable. In short, without revealing too much, the inside of reality causes the outside to break down. When an issue is present on the inside, everything is effected. Covering the inside with a dormant stable/unstable neutral unreality causes reality to register its inside operations as perfectly and entirely neutral. Put short, it tricks reality into solving all of its problems automatically. Thing is, this technique is
very difficult to achieve. Why? Well, let's just say some people don't really want that to happen.
"
Hah, as if!" both Malefic Men chant in unison. "
There's no way I'm letting you fix this chaos. Chaos is great! Everyone loves chaos, right?" the second Malefic Man says, and nods. From unreality, the first Malefic Man snaps his fingers - and suddenly, the curse of teenage objects is lifted. "
It's like an on and off switch. Once you connect through a simultaneous sequence, your brainwaves basically align. Or some bullshit like that." the first Malefic Man says. The second Malefic Man's gun returns to him. He smiles, and clutches the cold steel with all five of his fingers.
The Malefic Girl is very unhappy. So unhappy, in fact, she might as well kill you all on the spot. What do you do?
Malefic Man: 1/10 HP. Currently in the isolated goose chambers.
Second Malefic Man: 6/10 HP. He's got a gun. Wow.
Malefic Girl: 3/5 HP. Huge knife! Huge scary.
El Goose Supremo: 31/31 HP. One hundred wing flaps per millisecond!
Author
Topic: Malefic Minds (Read 23230 times)