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OOOOOOH, BEEF HAS EXPIRED! AUUUOOH, IT GOT PARASITES!

2 (28.6%)

HOW MANY BREADS HAVE YOU EATEN IN YOUR LIFE?!

0 (0%)

I. LIKE. JUICE!

0 (0%)

HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT?!

1 (14.3%)

PINGAS!

4 (57.1%)

Total Members Voted: 7

Voting closed: August 18, 2018, 03:36:57 am

[Yoink]

ANYWAY, I'LL REDO THE TURN TOMORROW, THE GAME IS NOT DEAD!

AND NEITHER AM I! ...YET!

EDIT: OH NO I WENT AND STARTED A NEW PAGE WITH A SHITPOST. PLEASE, I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS        

[CABL]

YOU'RE FORGIVEN, YOINK!

JUST A NOTE: I REMEMBER SOME OF THE ROLL RESULTS QUITE WELL, SO WHEN I'LL TRY TO WRITE THE POST AGAIN, SOME OF THE ROLLS WILL BE PREDETERMINED, AND SOME WILL BE REROLLED!

[Screech9791]

OH MY SCIENCE, I'VE ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED MY TURN 6 WRITE-UP FROM MY CLIPBOARD! *Double facepalm.jpg*

ANYWAY, I'LL REDO THE TURN TOMORROW, THE GAME IS NOT DEAD!

Just put the draft in a .txt file.

[CABL]

TURN 6

Run in to the subway station and get into a train, if there isn't a train run into the subway tunnels.

6, 4+1 VS 6-1
HAROLD RUNS INSIDE THE SUBWAY STATION! THE TRAIN HAS ARRIVED, BUT IT'S FILLED WITH DEATH SQUAD MEMBERS, WHO WERE DISPATCHED TO KILL THE PEACE DISTURBER! HAROLD IS SURROUNDED FROM BOTH SIDES BY THE PARAMILITARY AND DEATH SQUAD, WHO OPEN FIRE AT HAROLD! HE TRIES TO USE A DEATH SQUAD MEMBER BY HOLDING HIM AS A MEAT SHIELD, BUT THE LAW ENFORCEMENT DOESN'T CARE AND JUST SHOOTS HAROLD ALONG WITH THE MEAT SHIELD! HAROLD FALLS DOWN ON THE FLOOR, HAVING A WOUNDED RIGHT ARM AND BLEEDING!

>Head to the branch office and shoot it up. with my Saiga-12 automatic shotgun.

1 VS 4

THE PARAMILITARY/SECURITY IS TOO BUSY PURSUING HAROLD, SO 0CRA KICKS THE DOOR OPEN AND STARTS SHOOTING AT THE OFFICE WORKERS! UNFORTUNATELY, 0CRA FAILS TO LAND ANY SHOTS, MOST LIKELY TO THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY (AND THEREFORE, NO LIGHTNING), OR MAYBE 0CRA JUST DOESN'T HAVE SKILLS WITH SUCH WEAPONS! ONE OF THE MORE RICH-LOOKING WORKERS GRABS HER PISTOL AND SHOOTS YOU IN THE RIGHT ARM, WHICH MAKES YOU DROP YOUR WEAPON FROM THE PAIN!

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT UNCONSCIOUSNESS: WHEN YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS, YOU CAN ONLY MAKE ONE AND ONLY ACTION: TRY TO WAKE UP!

DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

HAVE NEAR-DEATH OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE
GAIN SHITLOADS OF ENLIGHTENMENT AND STUFF
ALSO POSSIBLY LEARN SECRET METHOD TO DEFEATING OR BEFRIENDING EVIL STRANGLE-Y MONSTER ROUTER    

5,5,5 (HOLY SHIT!)
AS YOUR SOUL ALMOST APPROACHES THE HEAVEN, JESUS SHOWS UP, AND TALKS ABOUT 'DESTINY' AND HOW IT'S NOT YOUR TIME TO DIE, YET! HE SAYS THAT ALL EVIL SPIRITS ARE WEAK TO THE PURE LIGHT, SO HE GIVES YOU A SUPERPOWER TO CONTROL LIGHT! WELL, AND ALSO PYROKINESIS, BECAUSE JESUS IS FEELING GOOD TODAY! YOU WAKE IN YOUR HOUSE, SEEING THAT THE ROUTER PLANS TO IMPLANT SOME MICRO-MECHANISMS INTO YOUR HEAD BY STABBING YOUR HEAD WITH A DONGLE!

Bobs: Now that your inside, bud off micro bob's that will infiltrate the Ventilation systems.

5
MICRO BOBS SUCCESSFULLY INFILTRATE THE VENTILATION SYSTEM AND CEASE THE CONTROL OF IT! YOU ALSO HAVE DECIDED TO BLEND WITH THE OTHER WORKERS, BY HIDING BEHIND A WALL AND COVERING YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR PALMS! IT WOULD BE WEIRD IF A JANITOR DIDN'T REACT TO AN ARMED MAN ENTERING THE BUILDING, WOULDN'T IT?

Bid farewell to Jerry and leave work for the day. Purchase some mini peppermint patties from the grocery store and put them in the fridge at home. Then go to the E.B.M. (Electronics Black Market) and gather parts for my dark web ISP.

5 VS 2, 4, 1
YOU BID FAREWELL TO JERRY AND HEAD HOME! THERE WAS A COMPLICATION WHEN YOU TOOK AN ELEVATOR TO THE FIRST FLOOR WITH AN ARMED MAN, BUT YOU EFFORTLESSLY SNEAKED PAST HIM, DUE TO HIS ARM HURTING LIKE HELL! YOU BUY PEPPERMINT PATTIES, RETURN HOME, PUT THEM INTO THE FRIDGE, THEN LEAVE YOUR HOME TO GO TO THE ELECTRONICS BLACK MARKET! JUDGING BY THE SMELL OF FRIED FLESH AND THE SIGHT OF THE VENDORS AND CUSTOMERS BEING ELECTROCUTED TO DEATH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE E.B.M IS BEING RAIDED BY THE DEATH SQUADS! AND IT LOOKS THEY'VE SPOTTED YOU, SO YOU BETTER RUN!

I'd like to join, if I still can...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Igor
APPEARANCE: The kebab remover guy from my profile pic
GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: NONE

Spawn in millitary barracks, where I, with my comrades was celebrating another successful kebab removal operation when the Internet suddenly stopped working.

YOU'RE A VETERAN MERC, WHO WAS PARTICIPATING IN THE BALKAN CORPORATIVE WARS OF 2024-2027, KILLING TURKISH ISLAMISTS! YOU WERE PLAYING EUROPA UNIVERSALIS V AND SUCCESSFULLY REMOVED KEBAB AS SERBIA, BUT SUDDENLY, THE INTERNET GOES OFF IN YOUR MERCENARY COMPANY'S BARRACKS!

NOTE YOINK'S PREDICAMENT, TURN HIM INTO A FELLOW SWORD.

4 VS 5
YOU'VE ALMOST TURNED YOINK INTO THE SWORD, BUT ALAS, HE GAINED JESUS POWERS, WHICH PREVENTED YOU FROM TURNING HIM INTO THE SWORD!

Darn, meatshields, but no firepower, oh well Gather up my money and bring the troops, we're gonna go shopping for cat food

1
YOU GO OUT ON THE STREET, NOT MINDING THE FACT THAT A AUSTRALIAN MAN IS BEING STRANGLED BY A ROUTER IN THE NEXT ROOM OF THE HOUSE! YOU FAIL TO FIND ANY PET SHOPS IN THE SLUMS, AND A COUPLE OF RABIES-SUFFERING DOGS FURIOUSLY LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR CAT ARMY!

EDIT: HOW THE FUCK IT'S "PSYCHOKINESIS" INSTEAD OF "PYROKINESIS"?

[Ozarck]

Bluff the Death Squad! I am, after all, an Employee of Comcast!

"That's him!" she screeches, pointing at some random black marketeer or customer or potted plant, "That's the one that stole the encryption key!"

[Pixl_lover]

SEARCH FOR WEAPONS, ARM MYSELF, AND GO OUTSIDE TO GET BACK MY INTERNET!

[HugeNerdAndProudOfIt]

Micro-bobs: Find the server room

Bobs: Cower in fear, try not to get shot.

[King Zultan]

Grab the gun from the dead death squad guy and jump around and do some matrix stile shit and kill all of the death squad guys.

[Screech9791]

>Grab my Saiga-12, leave, and get myself patched up before grabbing armor and an underbarrel shotgun for my shotgun, for more shotgunning, as well as a flashlight mounted on my gun.

[Doomblade187]

Summon myself to Yoink's hand, he will have a blade.

[Yoink]

Summon myself to Yoink's hand, he will have a blade.

EMBRACE THE SWORD! NOT LITERALLY, THAT SOUNDS UNHEALTHY. JUST HOLD IT IF IT SHOULD APPEAR IN MY HAND.
ALSO ASSUME COMBAT STANCE, FIGURE OUT WHERE MURDEROUS ROUTER IS AND PREPARE TO DEFEND MYSELF   

[CABL]

Failbird is missing again. I'll PM them.

[Failbird105]

Defensive positions!

[CABL]

TURN 7

Bluff the Death Squad! I am, after all, an Employee of Comcast!

"That's him!" she screeches, pointing at some random black marketeer or customer or potted plant, "That's the one that stole the encryption key!"

2, 2 VS 2
"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!" ANSWERS A DEATH SQUAD OFFICER TO SALLY SECRETARY, WHO POINTED AT A POTTED PLANT. "BESIDES, OUR PROCEDURE IS TO QUARANTINE AND EXTERMINATE EVERYONE WHO ARE NEAR THIS ILLEGAL WARES STORE, INCLUDING THOSE WHO PASS IT BY!" WITH THIS BEING SAID, THE DEATH SQUAD OFFICER SWINGS HIS SHOCK BATON AT SALLY! THE ATTACK GRAZED, MANAGING ONLY TO SLIGHTLY BURN SALLY'S RING FINGER!

SEARCH FOR WEAPONS, ARM MYSELF, AND GO OUTSIDE TO GET BACK MY INTERNET!

3, 1
YOU ARM YOURSELF WITH AN OUTDATED EQUIPMENT FROM THE EARLY NEW TWENTIES, AND GO OUTSIDE! FOR SOME REASON, YOU'VE THOUGHT THAT GOING THROUGH THE WOODS WOULD BE FASTER THAN WALKING THE ROAD IN AN EQUALLY OUTDATED MECH SUIT! UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN TO BRING A HOLO-MAP WITH YOU, YOU GET LOST IN THE WOODS!

Micro-bobs: Find the server room

Bobs: Cower in fear, try not to get shot.

AUTO-FAIL, 4+2 VS 1
MICRO-BOBS HAVE FOUND THE SERVER ROOM, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THE MAIN SERVER DOESN'T WORK, MOST LIKELY DUE TO THE LOCAL SUBSTATION BEING SHUTDOWN FROM ELECTRICITY SPIKE!
YOU'RE NOT A PREFERABLE TARGET FOR ANYONE, AND THE NANO-CONCRETE WALL SHOULD BE DURABLE ENOUGH TO STOP BULLETS!

Grab the gun from the dead death squad guy and jump around and do some matrix stile shit and kill all of the death squad guys.

3, 6-1 VS 1+2
HAROLD GRABS THE LASER PISTOL AND GOES MATRIX ON THE ASSES OF THE PARAMILITARY AND DEATH SQUAD MEMBERS! DESPITE THE OVERWHELMING NUMBERS AND SUPERIOR EQUIPMENT OF THE LAW ENFORCEMENT, HAROLD MANAGES TO HEADSHOT A HALF OF THE DEATH SQUAD AND SOME PARAMILITARY FOLKS!

>Grab my Saiga-12, leave, and get myself patched up before grabbing armor and an underbarrel shotgun for my shotgun, for more shotgunning, as well as a flashlight mounted on my gun.

1, 1 VS 5
0CRA ATTEMPTS TO GRAB HIS SAIGA-12 BACK, BUT THE OFFICE WORKER FROM EARLIER SHOOTS THE SHOTGUN AND DESTROYS IT! THEN, 0CRA ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE, BUT GETS A BULLET IN THE BACK OF HIS NECK, LEAVING HIM IMMOBILIZED ON THE FLOOR, ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM ALL THE PAIN!

Summon myself to Yoink's hand, he will have a blade.

EMBRACE THE SWORD! NOT LITERALLY, THAT SOUNDS UNHEALTHY. JUST HOLD IT IF IT SHOULD APPEAR IN MY HAND.
ALSO ASSUME COMBAT STANCE, FIGURE OUT WHERE MURDEROUS ROUTER IS AND PREPARE TO DEFEND MYSELF   

2+1, 2, 3 VS 4
THE DOOMBLADE APPEARS NEAR YOINK'S FEET! YOINK WILL LOSE SOME TIME GRABBING THE DOOMBLADE FROM THE FLOOR, BUT IT ACTUALLY SAVES HIS LIFE (SORTA): FAILING TO PREPARE HIMSELF FOR A STRIKE, YOINK BARELY DEFLECTS THE ROUTER'S PLUG STAB ATTACK, AT THE COST OF DENTING AND LOSING THE SHARP TIP OF THE SWORD!

Defensive positions!

2 VS 4
THE TANK TANKS ASSUME A LINE FORMATION TO BLOCK THE INCOMING RABID DOGS! HOWEVER, RABID DOGS HAVE ALREADY MANAGED TO KILL A COUPLE OF THE TANK CATS!

[Screech9791]

>Quickly teleport to a hospital. After I'm healed, I grab a M249, with an underbarrel shotgun as well, with a flashlight.