This is gonna be a good one.
Initiatives:
E.P.A.S. AI: 7+6=13
Captain Nico: 7+1=8
Darkwarlock3: 7+0=7
DOOM CRUISER: 8-3=5 (Oh wow the DOOM CRUISER didn't go last this time. That ought to be fun.)
Captain [REDACTED]: 4+1=5
EDGECAT PIRATE MECHA SHIP: 1+4=5
Blorb Boy: 2+1=3
Reject fusion with cat-ship, citing the combination to be "low damage". Request fusion with SCP Carrier or Magma Chomper. Attempt to pinpoint reality-disrupting weapon locations, aka the particle beams and dimension ripper module. begin assailing said weapons with plasma.
(Decided that fusion does need permission, since it is an especially important decision with long term consequences for all involved. .)
2+4: The dimension ripper module is located very close to the ship's core in the middle of the keel. It seems rather difficult to get at.
8+4v6-3, 3+6: You fly over there anyway, and take a shot at the area which deals 210 damage.
Fuse with the Experimental Plasma and Scanner Corvette... if the pilot wants to? Otherwise, move to close range and attack the DOOM CRUISER with my claws!
7+3: Your claws rip and tear at the fore of the ship for 75 damage.
I tear into the doom cruiser by using the magma chomper
Permission granted for fusion.
8+3: You tear into the DOOM CRUISER using the magma chomper. However, the armor is highly reinforced! You only chomp away 150 damage. However, the DOOM CRUISER seems to be heating up at least.
Let's actually shoot back at these guys please? They're making a laughing stock of us.
At last, the DOOM CRUISER has finally had enough. This endless punishment won't be tolerated any further. The DOOM CRUISER retreats, flying far back so that it has clear shots on every target it has chosen. Four ports open up on the ship's fore, revealing the DOOM PARTICLE BEAMS that were previously discovered. Each of them fires 3 carefully aimed shots into the void, but who are their targets!
Oh no! 8 of them are headed toward the EDGECAT PIRATE MECHA SHIP! Will the pilots be able to avoid this assault?
4+4v5+2, 1+4v1+2, 1+4v4+2, 7+4v4+2, 4+4v8+2, 7+4v1+2, 3+4v4+2, 5+4v5+2, Armor 6+2, 6+2, 6+2, 1+2, 8+2, 6+2, 2+2: The deadly accurate assault almost connects completely. The relativistic particles bypass the shields completely, dealing 650 damage!
7+4v1+5, Armor 6+1, 4+4v7-6, Armor 4+3: E.P.A.S. AI and Captain Nico also take a particle a piece for 100 damage each.
7+4v3-1, 2+4v7-1 Armor 5+2, 4+2: Finally, Warlock is hit by the remaining two particles. Luckily once was a glancing blow, so they take only 150 damage from them. The magma in their hull then hardens, fixing 25 points of damage.
(For the record, this was still a random result. I didn't deliberately take your advice.)
FIRE ALL HARPOONS AT WHATEVER SEEMS EASIEST TO GET THROUGH!
5+2v7-3, 6+2v7-3, 5+2v7-3, Armor 1+3, 3+3, 7+3: The harpoons penetrate the fore for a clean 150 damage. Most of the harpoons that were in the stern have driften into space upon that area's destruction. Maybe you could do something interesting by reeling them all in at the right time.
Look death in the eyes, and Katana Claw the front of the DOOM CRUISER!
7+3, 6+3: The katana claws sweep across the fore, ripping away 550 damage worth of hull. The internals may soon be revealed.
>Have a boarding squad of Edgelord Marines attack the cruiser while the ship provides edgegun fire support to the stern.
(As stated, you don't control the boarding guns.)
8+2v5-3, 2+2v2-3, 7+2v5-3, 1, Armor 5+3, 8+3, 3+3: The first gun connects with three shots for a total of 120 damage, but the second gun jams! You'll need to clear it.
The spinning blades deal 75 damage.
See if I can manage to get my newly enhanced weapon over to the pirates to use on board the cruiser and get a bit of space booze(to modify) for my trouble. Also scan the Cruiser with my new radar.
You temporarily connect to Captain blackbeards part of the fused ship via docking port, and hand over the newly powered up gun. While there, you snatch a bottle of space booze in exchange.
6+3: Your new scanners shows the team more accurately where the DOOM PARTICLE BEAM system is located, as well as the power source therof. It also discovers another subsystem. This one looks potentially irritating.
Pop the Meat Ship, barfing up my remaining tissue at the DOOMSHIP.
3+3: You rip at the DOOM CRUISER one last time for 150 damage, then unload everything you have.
3-1v4-3v, 6-1v3-3, 4-1v1-3, Armor 8+3, 2+3, 1+3: The glorious acid spray covers the fore of the evil warship, dealing 150 damage. Your ship pops, and explodes in a cloud of flaming toxic gas for another 100 damage. As the first hero to die in defense of THE PLANET, your sacrifice will not be forgotten. A moment of silence for Blorb Boy.
Squad action 8v6: The pirates inflict 200 damage to the DOOM CRUISER's internals. Finally, another round of fusion shall commence.
-20% 61: Finally, the fusion between E.P.A.S. AI and Darkwarlock3 begins! The two glow with an awesome power and slowly begin to merge! Once the glow reaches a crescendo it bursts, revealing an entirely new ship!
With the death of Blorb Boy, another arrival has appeared! From beyond the sands of time, it's George Washington himself, first president of the United States of America! He rides a classic car into space, boggling the minds everyone present. Looks like he's here to stop the DOOM CRUISER anyway, so fight on! King Zultan, get in here and control your vehicle!
1930 damage was dealt this turn! 39% SQUAD POWER CHARGE has been added! The meter has been OVERCHARGED to 112%! I'll only allow this once, so don't let it exceed 100% again!
Players:
Pilots: Captain Blackbeard, Pilot Varkan, and MIDNIGHT EDGEMAN
Description: The EDGECAT PIRATE MECHA SHIP is a fusion of three ships. It takes a large, roughly humanoid shape. The head is red and spiky, under the control of Captain Blackbeard! Eclipsing the craft on both sides are a pair of enourmous power fists guarded by gauntlets and tipped by claws mode of katanas. The remnants of Blackbeard's Ship Ram are also mounted on the outer edges of this awesome vehicle, and can be combined for an attack once charged. All this is controlled by Pilot Varkan! The body is highly bulky and spiked all around, protected by a trenchcoat. An extra pair of arms hold the EDGY GUNS. This area is under the control of MIDNIGHT EDGEMAN! The whole vehicle is covered in red and black paint, with a cape reminiscent of a nautical sail.
Hull: 350/1000
Shields: 500/500
Regen: 100
Aim: +2
Armor: +2
Dodge: +1(+1)
Initiative: +3
Equipment:
Captain Blackbeard controls:
Cat-Ear Radar: A small scanning array. Not very powerful, but also improves dodge by 1 due to detecting incoming attacks.
Space Harpoon Gun: Does a little damage and stabilizes the ship. Can be used to tow ships or be towed. 50 damage per hit. Can be fired three times per turn. Best at close range. Now shoulder mounted, and can be reeled in at high speed to slightly boost melee damage.
Boarding Guns: These fire pods containing crew members into the target. Said pods are tipped by drills. 6 ammo, can't be replenished easily. Damage varies, but is highest against weakened areas. The DOOM CRUISER's thickest armor won't be penetrated by this weapon yet. 3 shots per turn. Best at close range.
Super Space Booze: Emboldens the pilots, giving them a +1 to most actions. Lasts 2 turns. Does not stack. Can be declined. 5 bottles. Active on all until end of turn.
Pilot Varkan Controls:
Katana-Claw Powerfists: This system accounts for a huge amount of this robot's mass. It is a giant pair of arms mounted to the vehicles sides. The fists are guarded by gauntlets and tipped with three claws each in the form of the katana from EDGEMAN's ship. Swings twice per turn, and inflicts 300 damage. If swung at full force, can punch so hard it rips space. Extremely powerful, but strenuous. 33% charged.
Ship Ram: A truly humongous mounted spear. It is split into two halves, which each half attached to the outermost part of one of the Powerfists. They can be merged into a powerful ramming weapon at the cost of all other actions. Deals massive damage and reduces armor on hit, but can't be used consecutively. 75% charged.
MIDNIGHT EDGEMAN controls:
EDGY GUNS: A painful looking pair of red and black guns. They launch spikes that embed into the target and explode. 50 damage per hit. Each fires up to 3 shots per turn. Best at short or mid range. 15 ammo. One is jammed. These guns are still held by the vehicle they originated from. The smaller arms of the EDGY FIGHTER CRAFT OF EDGE are mounted beneath the vastly larger power fists.
EDGY AOE: On command, this vehicle shoots out spikes from all over its body like a pufferfish to attack all nearby enemies! 300 damage. 3 turn cooldown.
EDGY COAT: Can be activated to reinforce defenses by posing dramatically. 3 turn cooldown. Now worn by the entire machine.
Auto:
Spinning Blades: A series of sharp circling blades that line this vehicle. Inflicts about 75 damage to nearby targets every turn, possibly more.
DEATH RECHARGER: Destroying ships recovers 100 points of hull and shield if done at close range. Halved otherwise.
Pilots: E.P.A.S. AI and Darkwarlock3
Description: This ship, the Experimental Plasma-Magma Chomper and Scanner Corvette (EPM-SC) is a synthetic ship that runs extremely hot, and is coated all over in magma and plasma. Just being close to it is unpleasant. It boasts support capabilities and weapons that'll heat up the target.
Hull: 500/500
Shields: 400/400
Regen: 50 base +25 hull and shields when above 200 hull.
Aim: +1(+3)
Armor: +1(+3)
Dodge: +1(+3)
Initiative: +1(+3)
Equipment:
Experimental Scanner: Scans targets for information. Can reveal sub-system locations. Very powerful, but results may not be perfectly accurate.
Plasmagma Gun: Fires a single 200 damage bolt of plasma. Heats up the target. Fired at low velocity, so it works best at close or mid range.
Eruption Shot: Fires molten rock at the target. 3 shot burst. 50 damage per hit. Inflicts heat. Best at close to mid range.
Molten Plasma Missile: Superheated projectiles that immensely heat up the target. 175 damage. 6 ammo. One shot per turn.
Plasmagma Chomper: A super-heated weapon at the front of the ship coated with magma and plasma. Shaped like a powerful jaw, it rips into targets effortlessly. 250 damage+50 to highly heated targets. Inflicts heat. Restores hull by 50 on kill.
Name: Captain Nico
Description: Feline Optimization Engineering Vessel. The Feline Optimization Engineering Vessel is a humanoid ship that can augment other ships with feline parts. It also has a repair function.
Hull: 250/350
Shields: 250/250
Regen: 50
Aim: +1(+1)
Armor: +2(+1)
Dodge: +0(+2)
Initiative: +0(+1)
Equipment:
Catastrophe Cannon: Launches cubes of condensed cat meat at absurd speeds. Why? Because it can. 200 damage per hit. 0 ammo. Best at short or mid range.
Claws: These work as you'd expect. 100 damage.
Cat-Ear Radar: A small scanning array. Not very powerful, but also improves dodge by 1 due to detecting incoming attacks.
Repair Kit: Comes with 500 metal. Restores 1 hull to the target for each point of metal used. Non-Organic ammo can also be refilled.
Augmentation Machine: Allows the attachment of Claws and Cat-Ear Radar to a ship. 1 use left.
Name: Agent [REDACTED]
Description: SCP Anomaly Esoteric Transport Carrier
The SCP Anomaly Esoteric Transport Carrier is a ship built by the SCP Foundation. It wasn't supposed to show up in this universe, but that's just how anomalies are sometimes. Protect humanity!
Hull: 300/300
Shields: 200/200
Regen: 50
Aim: +3
Armor: +2 (+1)
Dodge: -1 (+1)
Intiative: +1
Equipment:
Cat-Ear Radar: A small scanning array. Not very powerful, but also improves dodge by 1 due to detecting incoming attacks.
Claws: These work as you'd expect. 100 damage.
44: World War II Era Molecular-Fission Cannon. 500 damage, but takes 3 turns to reload. 6 ammo. Best at close range.
148 Armor: This ship is lightly coated with Telekill Alloy. This keeps the anomalous properties of this ship localized, and also protects it slightly from a variety of things.
914 Replica: Can modify objects according to the rules of said SCP. GM decides results. Starts with generic materials that the player can define. Veto allowed.
914 materials: Loaded Helicopter Missile Pod, A Grenade Launcher, Four grenades, Rifle ammunition, A toy robot, A space suit. One bottle of space booze.
914 results: None on board.
2722 Parts: Sub systems copied or recovered from a curious space ship.
Instance 12-1131: A set of laser point-defence systems, mounted on the outside of the hull, each 1 meter in diameter. Each capable of power in excess of █████ kW. Consumes shields.
Instance 93-0983: Roughly spherical automatons equipped with nanometric motile parts acting as drones of various sections. Drones able to adhere to most surfaces, perform delicate repair and cleaning tasks. Internal storage seems to act as a valid chemical reactor. Extremely efficient, able to self-repair, grow in size and replicate through a mechanical "mitosis" after a period of growth. Automatically repairs hull by 50 each turn.
Anomalous Transport: This ship is carrying a variety of things are simply not meant to be. Damaging or destroying this ship may have metaphysical consequences.
Name: George Washington
Description: 1978 Lincoln Continental Car Guns
Hull: 100/100
Shields: 200/200
Regen: 50
Aim: +2
Armor: -1
Dodge: +1
Initiative: +2
Equipment:
Hood Machine Guns: Not from the hood, but on the hood. 15 damage per hit. A three shot burst from each for a total of six shots.
Rear Machine Guns: The same as above, but pointed backwards. It'd be quite the feat to hit the same enemy with both of these on the same turn. Drifting recommended.
Roof Rifle: Not quite a railgun, but fairly strong. Can swivel in any direction, but requires the car to be stable to fire. 100 damage. 6 shots.
Missile Mounts: Hidden beneath the body of the car. One missile can be fired per turn for 120 damage. These have a homing effect. 6 shots.
Flares: Pop these to dissuade attackers. Can be activated automatically. Only one use.
Time Machine: Obviously Washington used this to get here somehow. Probably an interesting tale, but this isn't his story. Anyway, this time machine only goes forward. Be careful what turn you choose to arrive on. Has a cooldown of 3 turns after the car arrives.
Next attack on turn 8.
Health: 14,640/25,000
Stats:
Aim: +0
Armor: +3
Dodge: -3
Initiative: -3
Known Weapons and Equipment:
Medium machine guns: THE DOOM CRUISER fires many medium machine guns. 24 attacks at random targets, 25 damage per hit. -2 to aim.
Heavy machine guns: THE DOOM CRUISER fires many heavy machine guns. 24 attacks at random targets, 50 damage per hit. -2 to aim.
Full machine gun barrage!: THE DOOM CRUISER fires both sets of machine guns! No multi attack penalty. Still -2 to aim.
DOOM REPAIR: THE DOOM CRUISER launches a fleet of nanobots to repair damage to it. The ships of destroyed players will be used for materials. This status lasts for 4 turns, or until the players cancel it. THE DOOM CRUISER doesn't heal very fast, but every bit counts.
DOOM DRONES: THE DOOM CRUISER deploys 6 drones to attack the party! Drones have 100hp, no shields, and a light machine gun. They have +1 to dodge and initiative.
DOOM MISSILES: THE DOOM CRUISER launches a whole bunch of missiles! 15 attacks at random targets, 80 damage per hit. +1 to aim. (-1 to aim.) Location: Stern. Destroyed.
DOOM ARMAGEDDON: THE DOOM CRUISER fires 3 powerful homing nuclear missiles at random targets! Those targets almost certainly die if they get hit. I'll tell you the damage if it is relevant. The team has 1 turn to shoot down/jam/redirect/delay them. +4 to aim. (-1 to aim.) Location: Stern. Destroyed.
DOOM PARTICLE BEAMS: THE DOOM CRUISER fires a blast of tiny particles at relativistic speeds! Particle beams ignore almost all defenses. 12 attacks at random targets, 100 damage per hit. +4 to aim. Located in the fore.
DOOM DIMENSION RIP: THE DOOM CRUISER fires a weapon that tears space itself to attack every ship on the field! all valid players take 1 nigh unavoidable attack for 300 damage. Located deep in the middle of the keel.
Ranges:
Blackbeard, Varkan, MIDNIGHT: Close to fore
E.P.A.S. AI, Darkwarlock3: Mid below keel
Captain Niko: Close to fore
Agent [REDACTED]: Close to fore
George Washington: Far
SQUAD POWER: 112%
Buffs and Debuffs:
DOOM CRUISER:
Boarded: Will take damage over time based on crew competence. 1 squad on board.
Heated up: Moderate increase to damage caused by hot attacks.
Acid Shot: Fore coated in acid. This area takes an extra 20% damage for one turn.
Notes: That took longer than it should have. Well, next turn won't have an attack from the DOOM CRUISER, so it shouldn't be so difficult.
Edit: There, I'm done. By the way, I'll need more waitlisters soon enough. Feel free to join back into the fight Yottawhat.