Are you ready to die, Fucking Donkeys? Ready to spill your lamb sauce for the sake of Earth?
Two dead enemies, and it's just first turn reaction fire. Ms. Vixen, despite wearing only a regular suit, had survived being shot with a CAWS. If she somehow survives, she'll make a great soldier.
We're not going down without a fight! The first wave has been stopped. Next will be supersoldiers and the last minotaur. This may not take very long after all.
It's axe or nothing! The last minotaur has killed... someone, but Mr. Soup doesn't mess around either. Good thing we equipped him with an axe, or else he would have been useless with his tiny Team Magma pulse pistol.
Holy shit, what the fuck?! Don't worry guys, it's not a super-minotaur, just a minotaur corpse. The giant flamethrower usually appears on top of the minotaur, but we've blown up the flamer.
Wave 2 status: handled. It's sad to see that a bunch of rookies are handling the situation better than the veterans of Guy Fieri HQ ever could.
Explosion magic at it's finest. The whole third wave has been vaporized with just a single rocket, courtesy of Ms. Continuity.
MR. TOY, STOP KILLING YOUR COLLEAGUES!
A whole bunch of soldiers were killed, causing Mr. Flame to go berserk and kill the person who had healed him a turn before. What a fucking asshat.
The last supersoldier was axed to death, and we're done.
Nothing of real value was lost, though I'd have prefered if we hadn't lost seven chumps.
A hybrid supervisor has told us that they have bases somewhere. He didn't really know where, but apparently we're not welcome in there. Shooting hybrids isn't hard, but their drones would be more fun to deal with if we had lasers.
We can now research the 'impersonatron' that will help us gaining access to the Syndicate HQ. We need to do it.
These guys are fucking assholes. The best way to deal with them is to chop off all extremities with an axe.
Being a medic, the gazer knew about other alien creatures. Silacoids are terror units of chtonites, a race we haven't seen yet, because we bailed from the cavern mission. Silacoids eat rocks because deep inside they are rocks.
Waiting for happening, shooting down Syndicate scouts, researching...
The UAC rocket launcher is weaker even than the RPG launcher, yet heavier than the regular rocket launcher. The area in which it excels is the clip size - while other launchers can hold a single rocket, this one uses 7-rocket clip, meaning it can fire twice in a turn, then twice again in the next turn without wasting a turn on reloading.
Exobiocontamination in north Africa. Yes, this is what Sahara looks like. We'll get good money for abomination remains.
Somehow nobody was converted into an abomination. Over $400k from corpses and live entities cashed, rookies from Gordon Ramsay HQ trained. Good mission.
We currently have no cars for covert missions, so this one is getting a skip. Honestly, I wanna get an interceptor for the Guy Fieri base instead of having the hangar taken by a van.
YES. This vest is much tougher than the armored vest, and it's somewhat resistant to laser and electricity. It's not as flammable as the old vest, but its kinetic defense is a tiny babby bit worse.
Bro Kaos. He's here to replace his older brother's Mongolian body double. He's got good stamina, but the rest of his stats are mediocre, average at best. He's also Italian.
Ms. Pies is also quite durable, but she's also pretty good at throwing stuff and quick-handed. I have no idea what this horrendous set of skills can be used for.
Mr. Beugs is a decent sniper who's completely useless at melee range. Maybe he should get some MannCo Jarate pills to triple the size of his kidneys for those sweet kukri crits?
I also started marking named soldiers with an
- to keep track of them more easily.
It's me again! I don't even know when the second iteration of me kicked the proverbial bucket. I can shoot and stab, however my reactions are very slow, just like in real life.
No guts too huge. Regular rocket launchers are good, but not very handy.
Our coverage is growing! Now we can shoot down Syndicate planes before they get close to a base. I just wonder where the third base is, and what could be in there. One is sectoids, one is gazers, the third one? Anthropods?
Feels good man. Mexico doesn't seem to appreciate how we dealt with gazer terror attack though. Sure, we've vaporized half of that neighborhood, and haven't kept a single civvie alive, but at least there are no aliens running around out there.
Oh, so it's a gun specifically for underwater operations, which means compromises had to be made. Its accuracy within its limited range is good though. We need to research a clip to know just how much damage a "WOAH WOAH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!" can cause.
We need to research alien alloy manufacture, because we couldn't make enough vests to armor a single skyranger.
Oil Fire II has shot down a real deal UFO! The Good Old Rub is flying to Greenland to clean up.
New strategy, the first two agents in the plane are crappy guys with shields so they can take the first hits for actually valuable people. I thought I've equipped the soldiers with alloy vests, but apparently I must have accidentally done this in Guy Fieri HQ.
Ayy lmao. At least sectoids don't use heavy plasmas. Apparently their shields absorb 50 damage and regenerate 7 points per turn. Good to know.
I was prepared for gazers, hence hi-ex and heavy cannons.
Arasaka is still a very good gun. We should find a good upgrade for it pretty soon though, but I don't remember the prequisites.
Taking a big gamble here. A sectoid could pop out of the UFO at any moment and blast us hard, or we could breach with no issues. It's all up to the game now.
[Hacker voice] I'm in! The reactor seems to have blown up, killing two crew members.
A heavy cannon slug put down its shield, then a macro SMG bulled put it down. Nothing really special was recovered, but by selling useless stuff, we've netted half a million.
The multi launcher is... interesting. It can fire four rockets in a single turn, which is absolutely terrifying with base 30% accuracy. On itself the launcher is light, but the rockets are heavy as balls.
We're about to assault a Cyberweb manufacturing facility in Brazil. This is gonna be a great chance to check out our new toys, namely the rocket launcher and stun rod. The pistol? I just like the way it looks.
Two points of entry, one goal: shut down the place, steal documents, maybe arrest some hackermen.
Robertspheres aren't the most durable roberts, are they? A single CAWS shot from Mr. Paramecium and the first kill for this mission is scored.
Mr. hackerman, I'm sorry I have to do this, but you leave me no choice.
Mr. Collar have no mercy for bald people. A shiny head may reflect lasers, but high calliber bullets are a completely different thing.
Someone may be beaned. We couldn't destroy the roboturret, now we'll suffer the consequences.
More and more roberts. Nobody seems to be able to hit anything, so we have to hope nobody gets zapped too hard.
Okay? No roberts shot a single beam. The robertturret holding up a group of soldiers was effortlessly cut down by Mr. Freedom's cool sword. I already like them.
Gunning down roberts continues.
No worries, cyborgs get a bullet too. First Mr. Miscommunication wounded the technomad with a magnum, then Mr. Passenger finished the job with his rifle.
I like when rookies get good kills. Mr. Leeway got a burst at a hackerman from the high ground killing him, and earning the title of an agent.
This hackerman is not a technomad. I can't access his combat summary, which means he's a higher-ranking Cyberweb hacker.
As cheesy as it sounds, it's a 'Mystek'. I learened that when they all started panicking. Don't like getting your roberts smashed up, huh?
GG EZ. We've destroyed all remaining roberts, and both mysteks surrendered. We've got typical Cyberweb guns such as lightning throwers, ionizers and ion blasters. The cyberweb seems to have connections with deep ones, judging by the fact they had a deep one spear and a sonic pulser in their storage. And of course there were ion beam accelerators.
Hybrid farm in Australia. Mr. Lake, without getting out of the plane, shot the hybrid shotgunner with his pulse pistol. He was just supposed to be a bullet sponge, but whatever.
Drones hiding inside the barn? No longer the case. Mr. Enquiry exploded half of the building.
Meat!
Can't hide from Mr. X, hybrid. Mr. X beat up the farmer with his bare hand.
141 points, nothing unusual.
A small UFO has landed on a farm in Spain. The Guyranger hasn't returned from Australia yet, so we've sent the Sauceranger. Immediately we see a sectoid with a canister gun.
We might have missed the window with the UAC rocket launcher, but that made a convenient opening in the wall. It took some tries, but we've finally killed one sectoid.
There's some sectoid tickling our brains furiously. Fortunately nobody's tickling Mr. Fishnet's brain, because that could have been a disaster, considering he's the one with a rocket launcher.
We're breaching the UFO entrance. Nobody in there so far.
No flanking for you, sectoid. Mr. Whirlwind has shot a quick burst and killed the lmao.
Now this is a funny story. Mr. Downtown was out scouting, when he was surprised by a sectoid trying to reaction fire with a canister gun. Being at a melee distance, Mr. Downtown has overpowered the spaghetti-limbed alien, making it shoot at the wall, which got melted. Mr. Tree and Mr. Treatment took the chance and killed the sectoid through the hole in the wall.
Possibly the last one. We're having Ms. Essay stand in the doorway with a shield, just in case the sectoid decides not to brain-tickle, and shoots its plasma rifle instead.
Last one? Hah, as if. Ms. Hay has killed that one, then Mr. Wirlwind killed one more outside. Now there's yet another one in the UFO.
Still not over yet! Ms. Hay and Ms. Essay are currently hiding from Mr. Radio who fell under alien mind control.
Oh, it was over, we were just waiting for Mr. Radio to come to himself. Nothing special about this UFO, but Gordon Ramsay HQ was in need of some alloys.
A Syndicate scientist has finally decided to tell us about minotaurs. They're apparently too stupid to talk, but they're still given huge flamethrowers. They don't use those flamethrowers, mind you, which doesn't mean it's a good idea.
We've never recovered such device; we know of its existence only because a hybrid foreman had told us about it. I know where this is going - the syndicate HQ mission will be covert, and there WILL be minotaurs waiting for our barely armored and barely armed soldiers.
Sonic pistols can blast Bon Jovi VERY loud, apparently. If only we hadn't destroyed our only specimen during the research.
There's no such thing as 'more evolved'! Jeez, some scientists they are!
Gazers' main crustacean feature is its monstrous armor rating resembling that of a lobsterman. Well, it's not really onthe same level, but at this point there's little difference.
Young Shen is overjoyed that we can now make our own alien alloys. I get where he's coming from; this may or may not change everything.
Fast, very shooty, and very inaccurate. It can be used one-handed with a big penalty, and there's no extra crouching bonus. We have pulse machine guns and heavy miniguns for shootiness.
Woah, slow down, Young Shen! We haven't retro-engineered anything yet! We don't even know why we would need a zrbite powered craft, especially since we only have a sample that we've stolen from Osirion.
So we could potentially create MEC troopers? I don't think so, but I can dream.
I've lost track of research myself, and I haven't been telling you guys about my picks so here is the tab for Guy Fieri HQ:
-5 for Staff of Heart Grip - a staff we got from the sorcerer of Dagon. Not sure how good it is. The only one we have will get destroyed during research.
-5 for toxigun - a chemical weapon. I think we got it from Osirion.
-5 for canister gun clip - we've been stockpiling canister guns, and we still can't use them.
-5 for proximity grenade - I think it's a dead end, but seeing the research topic on the list started being annoying.
-5 to each cyberweb roberts - no idea what for.
-5 to zamboni trooper - we have some corpses that we can squeeze Monster out of in the storage.
-5 to freaky ghost tank - the arc is barely started, so there's no reason to do it. I'm just a completionist like that
-15 to monstrous breed - ending the monster arc. We earned this project after cleaning up the abandoned Red Dawn base.
Blood moon in Russia. Immediately we're welcomed by a man in a white fursuit.
One of two white werewolves was bitten to death by a dog. If it wasn't enough, it was a reaction bite.
In the endit was just a regular monster mission. Haven't caught an alpha because I forgot. We did have a little accident with reaction fire...
A medium UFO in, where else, Greenland. Are they building a base here? This seems to be a harvester, so not likely. But what are they harvesting here?
Warming up to machine guns every day. It takes some hits to break through shields, and LMG's shootiness does just that - hits a few times.
Though nothing really beats the sheer power of macro SMGs or accuracy of smart rifles.
Oh yeah, this gun has both firepower and accuracy, so nevermind. I'm stockpiling alien guns like there's no tomorrow, because each plasma rifle we keep is one plasma rifle we don't have to build ourselves.
Looks like we've cleared the outside of the UFO. Now the leader will try brain-tickling, probably to great effect.
Sectoids, you better get ready, 'cause Meat Marines are coming for you. There were two or three more aliens outside, but we've sniped them with no problem.
These lmaos chopping up cows! This sectoid is obviously a medic, because he's got a stun bomb launcher.
Do you guys think this is gonna end well? Probably not. However, unless someone gets mind-controlled, there's no risk of anyone getting killed in the enemy turn. Stunned? Yes. Killed? No.
The sectoid blasted itself and Ms. Plume with a stun bomb. Ms. Plume then finished off the job with her stun rod.
The bad news is, two good soldiers are under mind control. Because everyone is clumped up together, they couldn't shoot well and didn't hurt anybody.
We're also coming in through the back door. Mr. Freedom has mowed down a sectoid to get there.
This ship happens to be the Church of Sirius's shrine ship in XPiratez. We should expect to see a chryssalid, some celatids, and two extremely dangerous beastmasters.
Let's try to block mind-controlled dudes. Mr. Passenger would have gave the lads and lasses a hand, but he's a pusspuss who'd rather drop his gun in panic.
Well, that was... something. Mr. Chimes got under mind-control again, and ran to the hills to get a better aim. Mr. Collar broke out from mind-control, but went berserk and shot Mr. Chimes with his heavy cannon causing him to drop. Ms. Maintenance healed Mr. Chimes.
Going in. This sectoid thought it would stop us. Well, not really; it was facing the door, not the lift.
A navigator and a leader. The navigator is unarmed due to panicking.
There's one more, apparently, also unarmed. Can we arrest an alien using only fists? We can get their shields down with guns, but the beating will have to be done with fists. Should have packed more stun rods.
Welp, grenades. Mr. Miscommunication and Mr. Girl are dead. And here I was thinking this will be a perfect mission. Mr. Girl was already pretty good.
It was okay, I guess. 104 alien alloys, and misc useless alien tech to sell and/or research.
A huge UFO in spain. I have no idea what this is, but if we managed to capture it, it would be an incredible victory.
No, we're not gonna do it. We need to sack some of the most psi-vulnerable soldiers, because way too many have less than 10 psi strenghts, while they should all be over 60, according to wiki.
At least hybrids don't do MIND BULLETS. There were six, and we've killed them all.
When fighting sectoids, soldiers such as Mr. Radio are a huge liability. Sure, I could just make them into medics on those missions, but it's a waste of barracks space.
I've learned my lesson. I'll tidy up the bases by sacking all non-important psi-deficient soldiers.
Mr. Silly ain't going nowhere, but he also ain't going on a sectoid UFO mission. Actually, most of our veterans are smooth-brained mouth-breathers. We'll have to train up a new generation of soldiers to greatness.
We ended up firing half of Ainsley Harriott HQ thanks to mediocre psi power
This is useless to us curently, as it requires psi skill that none of our soldiers has. It causes stun damage, but I've seen my guys getting hurt by it.
Zamboni troopers are actually CYBERZAMBONIS! The modern armor doesn't do them much good against modern firearms. Their implants can be researched, so let's do that.
A lot of rookies have arrived, and a lot of them had to be denied. Is this minmaxing?
I'm not getting those. I've got really bad memories.
Cyber-psycho-crack comes back again, this time in a bootleg version developed by Team Magma to control zambonis. It's fucked though, and doesn't work.
Oh, here we go! Finally something related to the Syndicate HQ. Apparently there's someone even higher pulling the strings, and I'm pretty sure it's aliens. Or Illuminati.
Now that we've fired way too many soldiers, we'll have to do a lot of training missions.
I'm pretty sure there are worse things living in the sewers in real life.
DIOOOOOOOO!
---
We've defended the base, recovered some UFOs, raided a Cyberweb factory.
The most important thing was realizing we can't afford not to discriminate when hiring rookies. Sectoids, cerebrals and ethereals won't be going easy on us just because all our best soldiers display no brain activity.
Finally, in the end I've discovered that my vampire adopted brother is hiding in Egypt. We gotta go there and hope that his spirit projection kicks us with its bad leg.
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Topic: I don't want to believe - X-Com Files (Read 91011 times)