We've been assaulting a Dagon base last time, apparently. A priest with an MP5 is blissfully unaware that a helicopter landed a few feet away from him. Mr Silly dropped a smoke 'nade...
Then he gunned the cultist down with his bullpup rifle. Next time he'll pay attention to what's happening around him... oh, wait, he's dead.
The major upside of Arasaka is that its snapshots are more accurate than most precision guns' aimed shots, which allows running and gunning effectively. A window sniper with a bolt-action rifle just got ran and gan by Ms. Attention. Runned and gunned?
Maybe I should have spreaded them out? There were no 'nades involved yet, but Mr. Inglenook got a buise from a chosen's FAMAS. Mr. Silly got tickled on the brain by some psychic dude and panicked, which is not ideal, it's gotta be said.
SURPRISE RPG MOTHAFUCKA! One dead, two unconscious, at least five serious injuries. The best thing? Mr. Shoestring's got another rocket, and if that's not enough, he can always whip out his magnum
dong.
The two green klansmen were downed by the explosion, but the chosen got taken down by Ms. Attention's Arasaka. This gun is the best gun ever... until we get laser miniguns with unlimited ammo, then that will become the best gun ever.
Napalm. The cultists are nicely huddled together, just asking for some fifth degree burns and total morale destruction.
Ms. Babe felt bad for the sneaky klansmen hiding behind the hill. They looked cold, so she gave them some fire in the compact form of an incendiary grenade.
This is a cultist being hit with a reaction shot.
Napalm grenade didn't blow as big as I expected. Ms. Attention got tickled and went berserk. No Arasaka this turn.
We were almost ambushed by a priest, but Mr. Raichu ran up to him and hit with three out of six shots of his SMG. I really don't like SMGs.
Look what I found! A recolored bloodhound! Wait, scratch that, we haven't seen an actual bloodhound. These guys are scary if there's more of them, and taking them down should usually be a priority. Not really this time.
Ms. Babe, reliable as ever, takes down another cultist. L85 is much more fun to use than BlackOps SMG, because it can actualy hit the target from time to time.
Mr. Silly is back in action and kills a shotgunner.
A challenger approaches! This is the guy who tickled our brains! We should catch him, but we're in no position to do that. Killing him will be good too for now. Mr. Shoestring magnumed him, then Ms. Babe got two shots in with L85. The sorcerer is bleeding badly
Mr. Inglenook healed himself, then filled a priest and a cultist with buckshot from his auto-shotgun. This is a good gun after all.
Fuck that! We lost Mr. Shoestring to the sorcerer's staff, and had to leave Mr. Raichu behind. A whole pack of gilldogs and a cabal of the chosen appeared out of nowhere. We couldn't do it in the end.
I have no idea why I sent Mr. Byrd Jr. Jr. alone on a monster hunt. If it's not a single sporpion, I'll call him back.
There's exactly two sporpions, and Mr. Byrd Jr. Jr. handled the situation.
MadLad in San Francisco. Flying a helicopter to arrest a single insane man may be a bit excessive, but the points we get from these missions is a good enough excuse.
We've got him. An insane soldier with a G-11 space magic gun. There were 266 of those guns produced in total, how come soldiers and cultists just run around with them?
Civvies, wonderful people who keep our civilization running. They also keep Mr. Minor-league from running by blocking the way. And this is one of few agents not equipped with a tonfa.
There was very little reason in doing this, but it made me feel good, and that's all that matters.
I can't say we're in the ideal position here, but we should be safe enough. I sure as hell hope nobody blows up the exploding barrel storage Ms. House is hiding in.
We tazed him a few times, he shot someone, cops shot him, then he passed out at the beginning of his turn. We stole a crowbar from a stunned worker and sold it for $80.
New agents! Harriott HQ first.
Mr. Zoku is a pretty good shooter and he's got good bravery but not much else.
Mr. Yanush is a professional stabber, but he's kind of a pusspuss. Not bad at shooting and throwing too.
Now for Guy Fieri HQ:
Mr. Kitty is pretty bad. He's a sniper material with his average TUs and low strength. The bravery though...
High stamina and throwing and no strength? This is a weird combination. If this was XPiratez he would make a great archer, but here? Maybe a knife-thrower?
Anyway, zamboni infestation in Madagascar. Dammit, president Madagascar, should have shut down everything when you heard about a man in Brazil coughing!
Mr. Tuna shoots his auto-shotgun one-handed and takes down a zamboni.
'Nades went off. Not sure if they killed a zamboni or not, and I'm not sure what this one unconscious one is doing here. I think it got hit by reaction fire.
This is how daddy likes it! Ms. Babe got one with her L85 (I can't overstate how much I love this gun) while Ms. Macrofauna finished off the unconscious one with a shot to the head with a CAWS.
What's this? Not an infector, not a spitter... I want this one alive. Well, sorta.
Holy balls, it blew right up! Okay, pink ones explode on death, and we didn't even have to sacrifice a rookie to learn that. Good job, Ms. Macrofauna.
I, Mr. SQ, personally threw a landmine at a pair of zambonis. My arms are weak and noodly, so I kinda botched the job. At least I have a free hand to shoot my magnum now.
One zamboni ran away in the wrong direction, the other was sniped by Ms. Attention before it could move.
A fatty was trying to be sneaky, but nothing escapes Ms. Attention and Mr. Hostess today. I really don't remember which zambonis we've already caught, and I'd rather not miss something as common as a fat zamboni, so I hope we can take it home.
This was nerve-racking. Mr. Tuna couldn't hit the fat zamboni to save his life, I couldn't hit it to save his life, Ms. Macrofauna's CAWS wasn't enough, but finally Ms. Babe with her wonderful gun saved the day.
We've found the remaining zambonis, but I gotta say, this doesn't look good at all.
MR. TUNA IS DEAD! I rushed in with my weeb sword to avenge him, but Ms. Babe had to finish the business.
Ms. Attention was close to getting eaten, but the zamboni couldn't make it. Point-blank shooting isn't really what Arasaka was made for, but it works. The last one was killed by me and my magnum. I was useful!
We didn't get an explosive zamboni corpse. Shame.
Okay, lady, but we're sorta low on money right now, psycho-squid-cultists are scary, and I'm not doing a mansion raid just yet.
What we can do is research a fat zombie we just caught.
"Long" range stun weapon get! Too bad we need to manufacture it ourselves with our own hard earned money. Let's waste valuable research time and look at some monster corpses.
Oh look, a mission we'll have to abandon because it's a dozen of shamblers.
Pigs, snakes and... tapirs? That's a really strange animal to bring up, but sure. Also, it seems like the spiders are always in mating season, because we always see them in swarms.
The thing I like about regular healing spray is how it fits in the leg and shoulder slots. Advanced healing spray doesn't have that and it's expensive as balls. It can be used 3 times though.
A zamboni mission disguised as a monster mission. We're equipped for fighting zambonis, so why the hell not.
There's more of them than I expected, and there's no special fancy ones, so let's go home.
But first I needed to sword one to death for that sweet exp. Mr. Hostess picked it up and hauled it to the helicopter.
Dart clips are the most lucrative business so far, so we should keep selling them for extra profit at least until the council give us the green stuff.
How about an EGGSALT outpost? This is a horrible situation, but maybe we can make it work.
Okay, arresting the boss might have been a better idea than blowing him up with Herr Kaos's grenade launcher, but I'm not letting my agents die of extreme lead poisoning. Let's get out of here.
*This is the moment I disappeared for two months, so if I seem confused or out of practice, that means I really am confused and out of practice.*
A Red Dawn Pioneer informed us about this guy. I've never met him, but I'd trust him with my life. Come on, a mzn with TWO ferrets can't be a bad guy.
I don't know why I wasn't working on getting a machine gun licence, but now that one egghead is free...
Where were we again? Harriotcopter is flying back to Ainsley Harriott base, the Flavorcopter is flying to Ireland to take down a Dagon outpost, and the Guytruck is going to Siberia to kill some monsters.
It'searly in the morning, we just got out of the helicopter, I'm holding a revolver in one hand and a sword in the other, and there's a cultist priest aiming his shotgun at me. Welcome to my life.
Ms. Macrofauna got two full blasts, but thanks to her kevlar vest she took 1 damage. She then threw a grenade between the priest and his rifleman lackey.
Ms. Attention sniped a guy, I shot another guy. Ms. Macrofauna is the only one who couldn't get behind the helicopter on time, because instead of running away, I had her shoot at a rifleman, whom she hit despite meager chances.
Oh yeah, those two chumps aren't going to be standing there when this turn ends. In fact, they will be scattered all over the place.
That's what I'm talking about! Three 'nades, three kills. Wait, three? There were supposed to be four. Yeah, the priest survived, even if just barely, and shot Ms. Macrofauna for the third time, dealing no damage.
We-he-hell, would you look at that - he loved buckshot so much, yet when Ms. Macrofauna sent some his way he wasn't that happy about it. He's dead, in fact.
A chosen has appeared. He's carrying a pocket revolver, which means he's gonna pull out dynamite as soon as he gets close enough. There's a hard counter against a tactic like this:
A precision rifle that can fire twice even after a position adjustment. Credit where it's due, Ms. Attention managed to hit both times.
The next target is in a really inconvenient place, and he's got a double-barrel shotty. I'll try to sneak up on him myself.
That felt good. The cultists started panicking after the chosen was killed, which is ideal. On the other hand, there's more of them than I'd like, which is kinda bad, but not really.
Not really, because we have no trouble sniping them from across the map, while their guns can't hit even at point blank.
They just keep showing up! Two got taken down with my favorite L85, but it didn't take long until we discovered another bunch of green klansmen.
It's hardly visible, but there's a chosen with an FN FAL behind this rock. If we can get him, there won't be any more threats. He is in a really good position though.
Sike you thought! CAWS stands for Close Assault Weapon System, but Ms. Macrofauna doesn't care. That was 27 (or 36, I don't remember) damage at best, but it left a fatal wound.
Here we go! A bullet made for killing elephants made a really fatal wound in the chosen, and the cultists realized that if they don't stop resisting arrest, they won't live to see another day.
This seemed to be a weapon stash, because there was plenty of guns (UZIs and old Soviet pistols) with mismatched ammo. There was also 100k in cash for us to claim, and some explosives.
Thiccboi. These guys eat other zambonis, which should make our job easier, but doesn't. Instead we need to shoot them a lot until they collapse, then shoot them some more so they don't stand back up. Same with regular zambonis, but here it's taken even further.
You know whose guns were famously used to fight zambonis, even armed ones? UAC. Let's reach out to them.
Rattos. There are civilians here, and it would be silly to lose points to coypu. One civilian didn't make it.
A scientist finished taking apart a dead cat furry. While dog furries were humans genetically spliced with wolves, cat furries' genetic code is encrypted in unreadable XNA for some reason. While I was writing this, Harriotcopter has arrived in a Nigerian village and killed a zamboni for 69 points. Nice.
Oh crap, this seems like a job for the A-team.
Or not. We're gonna have to take the Guytruck out for a ride again.
Yeah, but flamethrowers and scout drone shotguns are quite effective at exterminating those bugs. I miss that drone...
Woohoo, they love us! We can now properly equip ourselves with BlackOps guns!
Okay, it's my first time doing an industrial investigation. We already have clear evidence that Black Lotus is behind whatever is going on here. We could only bring flashlights, which aren't great as weapons, but there are some tools scattered around the car.
Shit, a ninja with a gun! I wonder if Mr. Particular can wrestle this guy. Not like we have any choice, because he doesn't have the TUs to run away far enough.
Yes! A bit of struggling and...
Nothing. Mr. Byrd Jr. Jr. even joined with an axe he found, but the ninja is like a... well, a ninja.
Meanwhile, Mr. Storm and Mr. Jack are investigating the large building where a karate man was seen. Mr. Jack is armed with a wrench.
That man has a crowbar! It's not the best situation to be in, but I'm sure we can salvage it by withdrawing coolly...
And setting up the most crafty ambush the world's ever seen. Mr. Jack even threw Mr. Storm his flashlight and...wait a minute, I just noticed something:
Bald beard brothers!
Okay, now that this is out of the way, you're probably wondering what is the outcome of the ninja situation.
The ninja couldn't overpower the two agents, so he tried to run for it. Mr. Particular was faster and whacked the guy on theck of his head with a flashlight. Now we have a pistol that fires buckshot, and a briefcase of cash.
Looking down a hole in the ground, Mr. Particular noticed a bald guy with an iron pipe. That would have been a threat a turn ago, but now?
He's a minor inconvenience AND full of holes.
Oh, this wasn't just a hole after all, so my recklessness paid off. Mr. Byrd Jr. Jr. went down and whacked the cultist with a flashlight. A wad of cash fell out of the Black Lotus follower's pyjama.
This is annoying. We need to apprehend that man, and by avoiding traps and ambushes he doesn't make it easy for us. Mr. Storm also confirmed there was another person downstairs, but their identity and weaponry remain unknown.
There's one outside too, but we have two armed agents there. The Kludge isn't strong, but it's fast for a buckshot sprayer. We're not dealing with armored targets here, so it's a good enough gun for this mission.
Against my better judgement I decided to split the party. Mr. Storm went to investigate the top floor, which was empty, while Mr. Jack carefuly followed the cultist. The perp went down to the ground floor.
That's good for us, because Mr. Particular is already waiting by the entrance.
Surprise, muthafucka! We brought flashlight for a reason, god damnit, and the agents will use them whether it's an optimal method of apprehending criminals or not.
Right, but where is the last one? There's no one downstairs and...
I'm so glad I positioned Mr. Jack in such a weird place, or else I wouldn't have noticed that there was a guy trying to whack Mr. Storm from behind.
Omae wa mou shindeiru.
What a nice mission that was. We retrieved a briefcase and four wads of cash. With the tools and weapons, it nets us $123k without spending any ammunition or healing stuff. Plus, we arrested three people.
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Topic: I don't want to believe - X-Com Files (Read 90899 times)