Turn 34 Enjoy some fine wine in heaven with righteous sirs and fine angel ladies
2You find yourself in heaven and try to set up the party. There aren't any angels available for your party at the moment, because Aaron Blaze and Adam have sent them into battle. That's a bit disappointing.
4. However, Anna shows up with a couple boxes of alternate reality Coca-Cola and a bunch of recently unemployed mug demons. You and the newcomers party on as the conflict below plays itself out.
throw my cloak away revealing that I am not a vampire.
Then continue dancing and sharing milk and apple juice with the other party-goers.
3You throw away your cloak and reveal to your allies that you're not actually a vampire. You almost doubt yourself for a moment when you promptly burst into flames. However, you were actually standing in the shade at the moment. It was simply an example of the placebo effect in your companions. Once the fire is put out, you break out the milk and apple juice and hand them out to your new friends. You make sure to toss some up to Bothadtam as well.
In a panic, start crafting the necklace of adaptation.
4You quickly whip up the necklace of adaption while still invisible and teleport away, leaving the battle behind.
Suggest they name the town BARONSTEIN
3The villagers agree heartily and fetch a new sign to install your name on their village. The sign goes up and you bask in the magnificence of BARONSTEIN. However, the entire village is then switched out with a nearly identical copy from an alternate universe where everything is the same except this village is called Berenst
ain.
Daarrrn.
Name: John Smith
Description: Your average joe. John.
Why do you want milk: I'm thirsty.
Go to the local grocery store. Buy some milk.
5You are John Smith, and you're out of milk. Being a reasonable fellow, you venture over to the local shop and purchase a bottle of milk. That was easy enough.
(Init:FDI, Harold, Holy Frankenstein, Bedlam, Nod, Goatsby, Grail, Painkiller, Adam, Aaron, Erik, Scrin. I adjusted actions dependent on the Holy Grail's gift to after that happens.)
(FDI vs Scrin)
5 vs 2-1"See the milk was evil, the holy water destroyed it, and that means the mug is some kind of demon, and all of you fell for it's lies, but I was to late to destroy all of the milk and it got some and has reached its full power, we must destroy it before it kills us all!"
Ready my holy sword to strike down anyone who attacks me, if no one attacks me I shall attack the "grail" mug.
(Readying)
4Ascend to godhood, fly to the skies and reach eternal life in the heavens. Trascend my physical limitations and become an eternal source of the sacred milk (and win!)
Stop the fighting for a short time using my restored sacred powers. Gift everyone (except those planning to use it's power for their own benefit.) a bottle of my holy milk.
Auto-4, Auto-4, Auto-4, Auto-4.For showing up in exactly two turns, I think that last battle went pretty well for Erik.
Shall we ride with the warriors of Valhalla to fight in the probably-world-ending battle, because seriously that's the only reason this afterlife exists (training to fight in Ragnarok) and there are still people who need killing. Use Valhalla's doors to show up next to literally everyone, and try to kill them, and then claim the milk to make some really good mead. Besides, if it turns out to not have actually been Ragnarok, that's fine, just consider it some practice for the final apocalypse.
(I'm assuming that "everyone" means everyone in the battle, rather than everyone in the entire world.)
(Ride with warriors)
5
(Erik vs Painkiller)
6 vs 2
(Erik vs Aaron's angels)
5 vs 5
(Erik vs FDI)
1 vs 3
(Erik vs William)
4-1 vs 3
(Erik vs Nod)
3-1 vs 5
(Norse gods vs Harold)
1 vs 4
(Norse gods vs Adam's minions)
6-1 vs 4
(Norse gods vs Aaron)
4 vs 3
(Norse gods vs Adam)
6 vs 1
(Norse gods vs The Arm)
4 vs 3
(Norse gods vs Bedlam)
5 vs 6
(Norse gods vs FDI)
6-1 vs 3
(Norse gods vs Painkiller)
2 vs 1-1
(Norse gods vs Holy Frankenstein)
6 vs Auto-4.
(Norse gods vs Aaron's minions)
2 vs 3
(Norse gods vs Frankenanimals)
4-1 vs 2
(Norse gods vs Nod)
1 vs 6
(Norse gods vs William)
3-1 vs 6 Blocked by peaceful resolution, unfortunately.
"HAAAAROOOOOOLD!"
Casts horrible Revenant magic at Harold, empowering it with my hatred
1, 2 vs 3+1Accept the graciously-provided Grail Milk, I guess.
I want to harness my Luck God powers, finally, and make my holy milk give me auto-5s instead of auto-4s.
Auto-5"We should go back to the farm then, we'll just get slaughtered on all sides here. Also who's that crazy lady with all the reanimated animals, Kane may have use of her. We may still complete our objective yet."
Send a diplomat to Bedlam, and push through back to the farm to capture and milk the cows.
3"I humbly request on behalf of Kane, our Enlightened Messiah and Great Prophet, an alliance between you and the Brotherhood of Nod."
Florence tilted her head at the diplomat of 'Nod'. What a strange name for a cult! Is it comprised entirely of yes-men?
On any normal day, she would've hooked up with any cultists, if only to slaughter some heroes. Now, she's having too much fun by herself to care about any sort of alliance with a bunch of numbskulls. On the other hand, she could use some more spare parts for her frankenanimals.
With a horizontal slice of her bonesaw, Florence separated the poor chap's head from his shoulders. Stitching his hands to his head, she reanimated both parts and ordered the shambling corpse to send this message back to his master:
"I don't bloody know who or what this Kane is. No doubt that he's a foul, atrociously ugly fanny-faced, drooling, snot-headed, hairy tongued, warty cunt who thinks he's Jesus-come-again. If you want to worship a true goddess, a more useful person, come to me, all of you, and swear fealty to me. Don't try anything, for I am the Supremely Capable, Really Intelligent boffiN, and I will brook no attacks against my person. Now make haste and grovel at your queen's luscious feet!"
Continue fighting. If the Brotherhood of Nod and the Farmers Defense Initiative comes knocking, well... make like an alien invasion and exterminate them all! No extraterrestrial crystals required! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Also, punish Erik by removing his head from his thick neck and adding his corpse to the towering monstrosity under her command. Punish Harold by ordering the monstrosity to devour him. Lastly, scream in rage at the audacity of that Grail upon realizing that he stole the milk and that she cannot get it back, before enhancing herself with dark energies and taking her frustration out on everyone nearby!.
(Reanimate Erik)
2+1 for experience(Attack Harold)
5 vs 1+2(Power up)
1Accept the Holy Milk and drink it! Win the Game!
If the Holy Milk gets destroyed again, go and milk that cow from earlier while telling my bike to attack the vandal.
If the Holy Milk doesn't get destroyed, fulfill the prophesy of Painkiller by resurrecting everyone who was a good (wo)man during their life, and also making the Earth indestructible no matter what.
2, 1 "Hello, Father. The world may be ending. Do you really wish me to save it, or just keep us alive? I hope this is not disrespectful, but I'm not sure which someone like you would prefer."
"EH... DO WHAT YOU LIKE, REALLY. I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE THOSE SMALL-MINDED INGRATES WOULD BE TERRIBLY THANKFUL EVEN IF YOU SAVED EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. BUT THE EARTH HERSELF IS WORTH SAVING, IS SHE NOT? I'D RATHER NOT BE COOPED UP IN HERE FOR ALL ETERNITY. WHATEVER YOU DO, THOUGH, KEEP YOURSELF SAFE, MY CHILD. I DON'T WANT MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION COMING TO ANY HARM!"
KICK BACK AND RELAX WHILST RAGNAROK RAGES OUTSIDE. MAYBE SWITCH ON THE FLATSCREEN IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER-CUM-LIVING ROOM AND SEE IF I CAN PICK UP ANY TV CHANNELS FROM INSIDE THIS POCKET DIMENSION
FONDLY PINCH MY BELOVED MONSTER BABY'S CHEEKS AND LET HIM/HER/THEM/IT AMUSE ITSELF BY SAVING (OR NOT SAVING) THE WORLD AND ITS INHABITANTS FROM THEIR IMMINENT DESTRUCTION
(Determining monster's intent)
1(Watching TV)
4Drink the holy grail milk and use all the power at my disposal, including my world saving bonus, to just stop everyone's insanty with the armies of heaven and hell at my side.
1, 1+1A battle? Fighting isn't good. I don't like fighting.
"Hey, everyone!"
...
"Hey, you there!"
...
"HEY YOU FIGHTING PEOPLE!
Fighting isn't good, and you shouldn't do it. What are you fighting about? I'm a certified conflict resolutionist, maybe I could help? Please?"
5Glancing at the man yelling at everyone to stop fighting, Florence gave him a derisive snicker.
"Your precious little words are better spent on insulting us!" she retorted. "Pretty much everyone here are committed to fighting! You came to the wrong place with your pathetic pleas of pacifism!"
The endgame. FDI moves first and uses catapults to take down the Scrin starship. It crashes into the ground, tearing a deep trench through the dirt by Harold, who tries unsuccessfully to persuade everyone that the Holy Grail is actually a demon. The priest readies his holy sword to hold off any who hold him back from his quest.
Meanwhile, Holy Frankenstein asks his master for direction. Matteo tells him to decide what to do on his own, but requests that the planet itself remain intact. Frankenstein considers the suggestion.
"Perhaps you're right. They wouldn't be grateful, not to monsters like us. Wait here a moment, I will use my power to cleanse the world of sentient life." With that, Frankenstein teleports to the battle. He rises into the air and points to the sky. A fleet of Doom Mugs appears above him, and Frankenstein begins monologuing at the forces below. Nobody pays attention. From his secure location, Matteo turns on the TV and flips through various channels while sitting on an enormous couch with his zombears. The channels include a live scrying feed of his creation looming over the world. Also various sitcoms and gameshows, but that's not important.
Among the myriad distractions is a Nod cultist sent to propose an alliance to Dr. Bedlam. Bedlam would normally be interested in such a deal, but instead decides that raw violence suits her more. She mutilates the poor follower of Kane and sends his reanimated head to go deliver a threatening message to his allies. Then, she turns to more personal vengeance. Since Erik is currently dead, Bedlam cuts his head off and merges his corpse into her favorite monstrosity before having the thing attack Harold. The monster attacks Harold and beats him severely until the Arm manages to ward it off and shepherd its master into the chaos of the battle to lose Bedlam's horror. Bedlam then tries to slaughter everyone in sight, but the effort of summoning dark energy strains her patchwork body. A leg falls off and Bedlam is forced to postpone her rampage in order to quickly sow it back on.
William and the Nod troops decide to leave the battle while the FDI are distracted, and finally manage to get the stolen milk for Kane. Kane rewards his loyal servant by taking him to a secret lab for a glimpse of Nod's future. It is a single green crystal in a containment cell.
The giant revenant of Goatsby spots Harold's wounded form in the battle. Goatsby shouts a battle cry and unleashes his hatred. The hate does not work to Goatsby's advantage in this case. It clouds his judgement and allows Harold time to parry his blasts.
The Holy Grail recovers from its ascension and surveys the battlefield. It decides to deploy its full power to try and calm everything. First, it ascends to Heaven, safely out of reach from those who would attack its still-vulnerable physical form. It then uses its will to grip everyone in the battle and force a few moments of peace while it distributes Holy Milk to those who would use it to help others. Adam, Aaron Blaze, and, surprisingly enough, Painkiller accept their gifts. However, Painkiller's gift burns his tongue with its holy nature. He can still drink it, but is unable to do so just yet. Adam also has difficulty once his angels and demons start to wriggle free of the Grail's spell. A demon bumps his arm as it staggers toward the hundreds of victims below and spills the milk. As a god of luck, Aaron's drink goes better. The taste restores him both to full life and full improbable power. Aaron rises up with his angel-dragons and prepares for the moment the battle will resume.
The sky splits open and a path to Vahalla opens. Erik strides reborn from the Bifrost, with the Norse Pantheon at his back and behind them an endless army of the honorable dead. The Grailspell breaks and all the various factions prepare for their final apocalyptic showdown. It's then that a lone voice shouts from the sidelines. Bothadtam yells from his treetop, attempting to stop the fighting.
"Hey, everyone!"
...
"Hey, you there!"
...
"HEY YOU FIGHTING PEOPLE!
Fighting isn't good, and you shouldn't do it. What are you fighting about? I'm a certified conflict resolutionist, maybe I could help? Please?"
Bedlam is the first to react. "Your precious little words are better spent on insulting us!" she retorted. "Pretty much everyone here are committed to fighting! You came to the wrong place with your pathetic pleas of pacifism!"
However, his voice effects two particular combatants strongly. The Norse gods are deeply surprised at someone rejecting Ragnarok for simple "peace". Odin orders his followers to stand down and fight their final battle another day. The other to listen is Holy Frankenstein. Bothadtam proves to him that perhaps this world's life is worth preserving, even if they don't really understand his mercy and will likely destroy themselves in some absurd conflict again someday.
As a result, the Grail-empowered factions are united in the goal of stopping the fight. With the immense firepower of Frankenstein, Aaron Blaze, itself, and soon Painkiller, Adam, and whoever else it chooses to back its words up, the Battle of Castle Adjila is over. The Holy Grail's endless supply of milk soon provides enough for everyone around. There will be conflicts in the new world, of course. Most of the villains are still out there, and they will not be stopped by this. Not even the Holy Grail's milk-powered reign can last forever, and soon there will be something new to fight over.
But, for today, tomorrow, and the foreseeable future, at least everyone finally has enough milk.
The end.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk 2 (Read 161955 times)