Turn 21._.
I get why the sun is pissed, but why does it have to punish all of us for two dumbasses?
Harnessing the power of the sun, rip out Anti-Aaron's heart and sacrifice it in the name of Sol!
3-1 vs 5-2, 2((Shouldn't I have gained a bonus from the chanting past turn? I specified I was going to use the power from the chant.))
Chant even louder than before to annoy both dragons who just broke my buff. Distract both of them from fighting.
4+1Help sacrifice anti-Aaron to the sun...
1+2 vs 3-2Break Anti-Anna's arm by elbowing it with my weapon-free arm.
Using the moment, cut her hand off, then slice her throat open with a quick Ripper swing.
4+2 vs 3(Cows)
5The Grail gathers its strength and begins an even louder chant than before. The cave echoes with a booming
DRACON ES STULTOS! again and again as the Annas continue to duel. The good Anna breaks her counterpart's arm and slices through her wrist. The hand drops free as Anti-Anna stumbles back and trips while dodging a swing at her throat. The cloned Pip-boy slides off her arm and drops at the originals feet. The pained Vault-Boy image is visible with dotted indicators at the arm.
Elsewhere, Aaron lands and strides up to his opponent to rip his heart out for the Sun. However, the distracting noise of the Grail's chanting causes Aaron to turn his head in annoyance for a moment. The feral version takes the opportunity to grab and pummel him into the ground. Anti-Aaron picks up a lamp post, breaks off the top, and prepares to stake the original to the ground. He never gets the chance to bring it down. Adam shoots through him like a beam of light and darkness. Anti-Aaron looks blankly at a large hole through its torso for a brief moment before falling over on its side. A few cars are crushed by the impact.
Adam hands the heart to Aaron, who immediately lights it on fire and holds it up as a sacrifice. The Sun doesn't seem satisfied as it speaks to everyone in the room.
"YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY WITH THAT? I JUST SAID I WANTED "HUMAN" HEARTS. YOU THINGS TRY TO MURDER ME AND NOW YOU THINK I'LL STOP BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME A BIT OF SOME LIZARD WHO WASN'T EVEN REAL. I SHOULD'VE COOKED YOU WAY BEFORE NOW!"Anti-Anna scoots back a bit and looks nervously at her remaining allies. The Anti-Adventurers stare coldly and Caesar-ATHATH looks at her with scorn. Caesar-ATHATH then looks from her to the rest of you and gives a thumbs-down signal. Anti-Anna shows a betrayed look for a moment and then pulls a
beautifully engraved pistol with her remaining hand. She prepares for a desperate last stand.
The cows find a bag of vegetables.
"Gah! Why do you repel, Mug Dimension! I am a mug demon! It is in your nature to accept me!"
Okay. Time to do research. Acquire the Mugonomicon.
1You teleport to the
Imperial Library of Constantinople to see if you can find their copy of the Mugonomicon. You get there and cast a quick illusion spell to avoid having to deal with annoying guards. When you get inside and ask the scholars, they inform you that a cloaked traveler showed up just a short time ago and purchased t.
The Mug Dimension strikes again.
SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU WERE JUST USING YOUR SKILLS GLEANED FROM SCOUTS, YOU DON'T NEED TO BECOME TARZAN! If you did become some kind of forest dweller, you'd be more like a crazy old hermit, anyway, this goes against your character traits.
Alright now I need to-
reads the rest of the update
Fuck this shit I'm out (mhm)
Fuck this shit I'm out (No thanks)
Don't mind me
I'ma just grab my stuff and leave
Excuse me please
Fuck this shit I'm out (Nope)
Fuck this shit I'm out (Alright then)
I don't know what the fuck just happened
But I don't really care
I'ma get the fuck up outta here
Fuck this shit I'm out.
Take out the auxiliary time machine controls that I mentioned hiding in my bag a few turns ago, teleport the time machine here, and leave. Don't come back.
Prepare to make a new character sheet to get in on the godly madness. If that isn't allowed, good riddance ye sun-fuckers and demonologists.
(Really an auto-success, I won't make anyone play a certain character if they don't want to. Just wanted to see if I got an interesting roll. You can make a new character.)
4You've seen a lot of weird things in your time. You saw Genericville's downfall. You've seen the world threatened by giant beverages no less than three times. You saw Underworld get four sequels for some reason, seriously. But now the Sun is threatening to murder everyone. You think that's a good signal that you need to get somewhere safer. You use the auxiliary controls and summon the time machine. It appears before you. Hopping in, you set the controls. The future's obviously not a safe choice given the possibility of imminent apocalypse, but you've got the entire rest of history to live out your life in. The time machine flashes and you disappear to unknown eons.
Cormac/Shaun O'Brian has retired.It is time!
Use my super-pure milk in a ritual to trap the sun.
5, 1+2 vs 6It would stretch the bounds of most minds to think you specifically had prepared a contingency plan to defeat the Sun if it ever revealed sentience and tried to wipe out life as we know it. However, most minds are not those of 16th level wizards. You prepare the ritual and cast it. All your preparations go as well as you could hope, but ultimately the Sun simply succeeds on its Will save.
"I'LL GET TO YOU IN A MINUTE, FOOL. JUST GOT TO DEAL WITH A BETTER MAGE FIRST."As I've already promised away my other vial of milk, I should probably make plans to find some more somewhere.
Clean up my equipment and try again to find someone willing to come with me on a quest. Failing that, buy myself some light armor.
2, 3+1Everyone you find is too busy with horrified prayers and/or hiding from the Sun to help you at the moment. You decide to buy some armor instead. You head back to the shop where you acquired your sword. The owner is distracted with trying to round up and sacrifice goats, but the extra money you offer is enough to get him to take a moment and toss you a set of
brigandine armor.
...meanwhile, in Hell, Demon officers and some search hellhounds are looking for anyone trying to escape.
3 to find 0rca, 2+1 vs 3 on stopping him.>Dig out of hell with a spoon
5Sheol. The Lake of Fire. The Nine Circles. Hades. Hell. As you toil for eternity, you almost break down enough to admit that maybe you shouldn't have stolen that milk. For your personal punishment, you're forced to work as a scribe in an enormous library, forever copying the works of the great literary masters in their exact hand. When you fail, you're ripped apart and put back together. When you succeed, your work is immediately ground up into soup and fed to a pig demon. Eventually, you decide you've had enough. While the pig is focused on slurping and puking up the works of ancient Chinese poets, you climb up on a ladder and "accidentally" drop an enormous copy of the Mugonomicon on its head. The skull is flattened by the impact. You grab its spoon and start digging through the brimstone walls. After a timeless while, you hear demon guards rushing up the tunnel behind you. They aren't fast enough to stop you.
You break through the surface of the ground and behold daylight once again. You take a moment to realize you're floating and invisible in a pauper's graveyard. Directly beneath you is an undisturbed, but fresh grave marked only with a cross made of sticks. You sense the demons approaching rapidly to your location.
You still have the spoon.
((Thought I had edited my action sorry))
Go search through the charred spider house
3You step gingerly past a decapitated woman in a black robe outside the ruin and head inside. The interior is ruined by fire, but looks mostly like a largish hovel of the sort favored by commoners. I say "mostly" because there's a giant heart hanging from the ceiling in the center. It does not beat. There's not much of use to find in here. Most of the valuables have been carried away, and recent goblinish paintings line the walls. You find a ritual dagger hidden under a scorched book of spells. It has a wavy blade and a pentagram symbol on the pommel. Perhaps that could be used for something.
tell the armor about my quest to find a sword for a pseudo-king.
If it wants to help give it one of the swords.
3I would like to help. Helping is nice.
I would like to scold spooky-floaty man and tell him that he isn't being very nice. If he keeps being mean, I would like to kick him.
1, 6 vs 1-1Ziizo and the armor quickly deal with introductions as Lord Saxon approaches. Ziizo kicks his sword over to Bothadtam, but the armor ignores it. Bothadtam tries to calmly explain to Lord Saxon that being angry is no excuse to hurt others. Lord Saxon laughs mockingly, extends claws, and leaps at Bothadtam. The armor puts a boot through his chest in response. Lord Saxon is instantly reduced to a pile of dust.
"Where is this voice coming from, I know its not god so it must be some form of milk demon, it must be close by and I must vanquish it."
Grab the brick and hurry further in to the catacombs and find and destroy all of these demons and cultists.
1, 5+1 vs 6(Arm vs Imitation Serpent)
6 vs 3You get the brick and venture on. Occasionally stopping to bash an inattentive cultist's head in, you descend to the heart of the catacombs. You hear a few youthful voices arguing here. A band of initiates stands next to a summoning circle. One of them is already dead and the others pace about madly. Your sword is lying ignored in a nearby bin. One of them spots you and shouts a warning to his comrades. An imitation of a milk serpent like the ones you saw with Goatsby appears and charges you. You prevent a bite by using your brick as a shield. The Arm uses the opportunity to land a gut punch.
"PUNY? PUNY?! HOW DARE YOU CALL MY MAGIC PUNY."
Using my tower in the schizo-realm as a point of focus, launch a massive magic missile-nay, a magic NUKE- at the Sun.
4+1 vs 5Let it never be said you never did anything positive for this world. You summon up all the power of things that should not be and imagine a weapon that will not exist for centuries. A sleek Minuteman missile appears as a crackling outline in your hands. You hurl it like a javelin at the Sun. You imagine the impact would have been enough to wipe out a city. It doesn't kill the Sun though. It gets brighter in the sky as you feel the heat suddenly rising around you.
Sun Action:Destroy Madness Zone.3 vs 2The Sun decides that Goatsby is the biggest threat at the moment. It takes particular notice of his personal landscape's power. The Sun focuses its rays there. The Madness Zone immediately begins to suffer under the heat. Plants creak, blacken at the edges, and scream. Many of the creatures eject their organs and crawl around as empty skin to save water. Anything squirrel-based turns instantly to stone.
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 2 (Read 162094 times)