Turn 31Name: The Revenant can not remember their name.
Description: Ghastly grey skin. Burning crimson eyes. A broken pair of horns curl from his head. Otherwise, his body is covered in a long, black, flowing robe.
Why do you want milk: To perform the Akashic Ritual using it as a reagent and learn my name by reading the Akashic Records.
Appearing from a dark cloud, the Revenant seeks milk.
5Pain. Melting. Burning. A priest. You can't remember anything about what happened to you, but you know you're dead and somebody's to blame. You hear screaming as your senses return to function. You glance around with your awakening vision and dimly spot a farmboy running out of a barn door. You're hovering over a vat of milk in a farm.
now that the quest was finished. Is time to save the world.
Use a ritual to contact a sun god from another universe and start negotiations to gain a new sun in this universe.
1You attempt to reach out and contact an extrauniversal sun god to try and get a new Sun. The first thing you sense is a tiny song. It sounds repetitive, but peaceable. It's oddly hard to precisely remember. This goes on for some time. Eventually you get a reply.
"You've reached Sun God Central Headquarters, Western Multiverse Division, Subdivision 4. I understand you require a new Sun. Can I get your name and account information, and can you please fill out a survey explaining to us what the problem with your current Sun is? According to our instruments, your universal instance still has a functional Sun assigned to your planet and an active sun god representative. To continue in English, please chant 1. Para español, canta 2. WvGha sQpla Drary Sqarm D'Barr *Roaring sound* ztyezty 3.A new Sun then appears in the sky above you as the voice continues on.
Look for a tall place. A very tall place. From what I learned in high school physics, the taller you are, the more people can hear you. Find a place where everyone can hear me talk.
3While your friend is busy grappling with the horrors of the multiverse, you come up with a plan. There's not much in the way of high places around, so you climb a really tall tree.
Well go off to teach people in the ways of calisthenics so they may live through the apocalypse fit and healthy
3You see the value in the exercises you accidentally invented. You find some of the terrified people in the streets as they scream prayers to the sky and somehow gather them for a quick calisthenics session. It appears to have gone very well, since the Sun reappears when you're done.
Seeing the frankenanimals watching her, Florence gave them a smile as she bellowed them to come closer, a plan already forming in her head:
After she animate the monstrosity, Florence will convince the frankenanimals closer so that she can give them a brain surgery to make them more subservient, promising them free candy or something in return for their compliance in a surgery to 'upgrade' them.
4-1 for previous 6The animals approach you cautiously. A creature with the body of a twisted bear, six wolf heads, and antlers arranged along its back approaches from the front.
"Creator..." it says.
"Why...did...you...make...us? Why...do...we...exist?"You also animate the creature before you. It thrashes its arms and howls at the sky. It's under your control.
Sir Hektur shall pray to the sun for information on evildoers to beat in most knightly way.
(Please bold your actions, it makes them easier for me to see when writing turns. I almost missed this one.)
6"HUH? WHO IS THIS? WAIT, "SIR" HEKTUR? OH, YOU GUYS! I REMEMBER YOU NOW! YOU WERE KIND OF FUN! ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME, YOU SHOULD KILL THIS ONE NEPHALEM GUY. THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE MOST, IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT."The Sun then telepathically gives you knowledge of Nephalem's appearance and location.
"I have killed the demon summoner and the sun is still missing that must mean that there are still demons about, I must find them, but first my ally was injured I must help him."
Check on the arm if hes still alive use a healing spell on him, if he is dead give him a proper burial.
6The Arm is weak, but still alive. You heal it up with a powerful spell. The dying flesh flakes away, leaving the bone. The arm can still move, and gets back into a crawling position. It gives you a thumbs up.
Originality is for those who can't play a Viking while making jokes about Viking stereotypes.
Name: Erik the LIV (Erik the Fifty-fourth)
Description: A (fairly) tall, (heavily) bearded, (somewhat) muscular, (slightly) bloodstained axeman wearing some lovely mail armor and a horn-less helmet and carrying an appropriately-proportioned Dane axe and otherwise dispelling the ridiculous myths about Vikings and Norsemen. Well, except for the fact that he's a berserker. And he's called Erik. And he pillages (then burns) things for a living.
Why do you want milk?: Would you have him make his mead out of something else? What do you think he is, some sort of barbarian?
Sail my longship up a river and look for a nice defenseless village to pillage and then burn.
5You are Erik the LIV. You stand on the bow of your longboat as your Viking crew works the oars behind you. The wind and waves churn around you as you scan the shore for targets. You soon find one. There around the next bend is a village comprised entirely of rich yet pacifistic priests.
Find a shop for magical items.
(Glad you liked reading the original game! I think my favorite parts were Imic reversing time, the blackened ukuleles, and the giraffe president.)
2You look around, but you only find a shop that sells nothing but rat droppings and hair.
"Kill that craftsman or capture him. We must keep fighting! For Kane!"
Order the horde not to let that craftsman near the fallen siege weapon and to keep up the offensive.
3-1 vs 1Your army is on the verge of defeat, but then Team Vertigo flies in on hang gliders and drops explosives on the enemy. This kills the craftsman and provides a critical breather to your army.
UNLOAD TREE FROM WAGON AND, USING CARPENTRY TOOLS I TOTALLY HAVE LYING AROUND IN MY LAIR, BEGIN CONSTRUCTING PLANNED FORTIFICATIONS.
IF I HAVE TIME, SET UP COMFY AREA FOR ZOMBEARS TO RELAX IN... NOT SURE IF THEY SORT OF ZOMBIES WHAT NEED REST OR ANYTHING BUT OH WELL THEY CAN BE COMFORTABLY UNDEAD NONETHELESS
5, 3+1You do in fact have a large assortment of appropriate tools that for some reason are perfectly sized for use by zombears. With their help, you get the constructions built up and make housing for your pets. They prefer a mausoleum design, given their nature. That's all set up.
Attempt to make friends with the potion spirit.
4You calm the bizarrely animated potion creature down. It purrs quietly and seems to imprint on you like a baby bird.
Well, it would be better if evil prepares its anus!
Name: Painkiller
Appearance:
Here!Description:
Lyrics say it all.Why do you want milk: To unlock the power of resurrecting living things!
FALL FROM THE HEAVENS INTO THE CASTLE ADJILIA! !!EXPLOSIVELY!!
SLICE AND DICE THE UNHOLY PAIL WITH MY FRONT WHEEL!
3 vs 2o.o
VENGEANCE-POWERED RAMPAGE, ASSHOLES! GET RID OF ATHATH, GET RID OF FAFNIR, AND GO MAKE A NEW FUCKING SUN!
(Enter vengance-powered rampage)
1(Attacking ATHATH, then Fafnir, then new Sun.)
3-1 vs 1, 5-1 vs 3, 4While being protected by my knights and using the extra bonus I gained from the prayer, try to summon the armies of the mug dimension again. All of them.
2"Ahem... MUG HOST, ATTACK!"
Sic my mug host on the luck guy and his allies. Also summon a DOOOOOOM MUG from the Mug Dimension because why not?
(I figured that on this turn I'd allow the many targets for this action and Glass', since doing so increases the odds of suddenly getting wiped out by a string of bad rolls. Also, the whole "battle for the end of the world" thing made it seem appropriate. Didn't attack Painkiller, because he technically hasn't said he's an ally and your minions are demons who hate you.)
(Mug Host vs Knights)
6 vs 2-1(Mug Host vs Aaron)
5 vs 2(Mug Host vs Grail)
2 vs 5(Doom Mug)
4GET THE HOLY GRAIL. Or the holy pail. WHATEVER THE NAME OF THE DAMN THING IS, GET OUT OF THIS DIMENSION, AND GET. IT.
(Fafnir vs Unholy Pail)
4-1 vs 2(Knights protecting Grail)
4(Unholy Pail vs Grail)
6-1 vs 3+1(Init:Knights, Aaron, Adam, Fallacy-ATHATH, Painkiller, Mug Host, Pail, Grail, Fafnir)
In many religions, myths, and legends, the end of the world is accompanied by a final battle. A last clash between Good and Evil, in which the final cosmic arguments are settled in blood. It may be that the Battle of Castle Adjila is that fight, for this world anyway. Mordred and his knights encircle the Grail. Despite their wounds at the Unholy Pail's hands, they rally around and fight to last to defend their summoner from the pails incoming at all sides. Aaron Blaze picks himself up from GROGNAR's attack and attempts to rage. He cannot manage to bring back his strength at first. GROGNAR left him too wounded.
Aaron charges at his enemies. Aaron first flies at Fafnir and slashes him along the side. Fafnir is hurt, but ferocity of the wolf to keep going. Aaron then wheels around and glares at Mug-ATHATH before tearing out the castle's portcullis. He slams it down, points first. Adam sees that the battle is going alright at the moment and teleports out to take care of some critical business elsewhere. Mug-ATHATH looks at his wound. Good think he can't bleed or have broken bones, or that stab might have really hurt. Still, the unsightly cracks need to be punished.
The ATHATH summons his horde of minions to punish the enemy. The Mug Host reluctantly moves in. First, they pull Aaron away from their master and savage him with their claws. Aaron struggles to survive against the horde on all sides. Mordred and his knights wheel to protect their master from the new threat. Their skill isn't enough to save them. They show valor to the end, but fall one by one. A mug demon claims Mordred's helmeted head as a trophy. When they try to move in on the Grail, it smites them with holy vengeance that shatters many of the demons.
The Planet's devastated. Mankind's on its knees. A savior comes from out the skies. In answer to their pleas. He is the Painkiller.
A cyborg comes riding in from the clouds on a draconic motorcycle. Painkiller assesses the battlefield and determines the most metal course of action to take. Faster than a laser bullet, he crashes into the Pail and rides with bladed wheels along the sides. The Pail is nearly killed by this, and is forced to try desperately drawing life from the Grail to survive. The Pail draws out just enough life to keep going. Before the pail can even consider what to do about Painkiller, Fafnir makes his move. Ignoring Aaron's attack, Fafnir leaps at the Pail and hurls energy bolts at it. The Pail would have been defeated if not for its stolen life. As it is, the Pail is simply weakened.
The Grail tries summoning the Mug Dimension's armies. It replies to him.
"Look, I'd like to help, really. But that...ABOMINATION has usurped control. Don't worry though, I'll eventually take him out after we silence your world.Aaron raises a hand to the sky as the Mug Host surrounds him. A beam of golden light rises from it and merges with another in the sky. Together, Aaron and Adam craft a new Sun. Mug-ATHATH's upraised hand then provides it's first eclipse from Aaron's perspective. One more Doom Mug appears in orbit.
CABL, Mallos, you know your characters aren't dead, they're just in Heaven and Hell respectively. You can still play them. In fact...
For Anna
Hello miss, welcome to Heaven, would you like to respawn?
For Goatsby and Grognar
Welcome to Hell, may I take your order? NO! because we're going to start the torture now.
Use my newfound knowledge of nuclear explosions along with my power as the sun God and my powers as a demon and angel to control fire and light, and finally by +1 to saving the world to create a new sun right where the old one was. Then send these two thorns in my side off to The Void.
(Goatsby's soul is busy with being a hateghost, but you've got GROGNAR.)
4+1+1+1Adam appears in orbit and gathers his power. Taking raw energy released by Aaron Blaze, Adam drags the power from Earth's orbit and places it in the Sun's vacated position. Once there, he grips the raw matter of the universe, and tears it. A unthinkably vast explosion results forever in airless silence. Being the sun god, Adam is unharmed by this. He then heads to the afterlife to greet some of the new arrivals. First, he meets GROGNAR. "WHERE IS THIS? NO MATTER! GROGNAR SMASH YOU!" GROGNAR charges and punches Adam. However, his strength means nothing as a resident of Diablo's domain. GROGNAR's fist connects directly with his target's face and doesn't even elicit a flinch.
Welcome to Hell, may I take your order? NO! because we're going to start the torture now. To go into further detail would not be pleasant reading. It's enough to say that this was the end of the soul once called GROGNAR.
Meanwhile, Adam-as-Angelo meets with Anna and offers her resurrection. She declines. She already came back once, after all. The angels accept this answer and show her off through the pearly gates.
5 turns to Omega Doom Mug impact
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk 2 (Read 162091 times)