The strange feeling in your gut fades away. Maybe you’re just getting hungry again. You let go of the metal door handle.
“What am I doing? I’m Kung Fu Man! Not Run Away Man! I will not be mocked by your hinges and solid construction!“...Are you okay?”“This door has offended my family and has offended the Kung Fu temple!’“...what?”“Enough! You have blocked access for far too long! This ends now!”You take your traditional Kung Fu battle stance and you unleash a snap kick!
WA-TA![2]
Your foot meets the door in a loud thud. A few suspenseful seconds pass. Then a few awkward seconds.
“This usually works…” The Colonel gives you the biggest “Is this maniac for real?” look and opens the door by the handle, no doubt complying with the unreasonable demands of the door hinges.
As the door opens, a wave of cold air and condensation spills out, filling the immediate area with ominous fog. Beyond the metal shelves of frozen hamburger patties, and in the center of the freezer you see a large hulking figure.
“What the hell is that!?!”You didn’t expect to be hanging out with a fast food mascot and people(?) in chicken costumes today.
You also didn’t expect to see a menacing biped cow today either.
Yet here we are. And the day is nowhere near over.
ENCOUNTER: OF COURSE IT WAS A MINOTA-Woah woah woah, hold your horses ...er cows. A closer look reveals that this cow monster is completely frozen. Is it dead? Can’t quite tell, but it obviously isn’t reacting to you at all.
ENCOUNTER FINISHED!“Bogus! I wanted something to fight! Not this cow popsicle!”The Colonel walks into the freezer behind you and looks at the frozen cow.
“So this is what the new ad campaign was referring to… The boss is gonna want to hear about this...” You hear him say in a low voice.
“Ad campaign? About Minotaurs? Aren’t the Minotaurs more of an ancient Greek mythology thing than a Medieval thing?”“You haven’t watched any TV lately, have you.”“My TV was FUCKING STOLEN.”“Whatever you say, Kung Fu Man. The short of it was that Hamburger Fiefdom was releasing a specialty hamburger using a new ‘ultra jumbo beef patty with extra growth hormone.’ Good thing all their meat is still ‘never fresh; always frozen.’ This thing might have given us some trouble.”
“Wow. That’s so...Boring! I have a better idea...”A) Do the Kung Fu to the cow
B) Turn around and leave
C) Attempt to thaw out the cow using something from the kitchen
D) Something else…[Make a suggestion]
Health: Kung Okay!
Equipment: White Battle Gi, Black Belt, Blue Headband
Wallet: 190 Moolah
Traits: Path of JC (lvl1)- Increased effectiveness when using improvised weapons
Items: Bag of Mail - You could deliver a nasty paper cut with all those bills
Mail-truck Keys: Keys to the Kung Fu Fist Delivery Truck
Wooden Sword: Careful, you might get a splinter swinging that around
Rubber Chicken Bullhorn: It screams with the might of a thousand condemned chickens
Medieval Horn (broken): As useful as crap metal until fixed
Kung Fu Special Techniques:
-Kung Fu Palm Thrust (lv1): A straight thrust to the gut. [small chance to stun]
-Kung Fu Chop (lvl1): Slice through defense with your bare hands! [chance to ignore armor]
-Ro-Sham-Bo: Channel your energy for a devastating maneuver [requires charge-up, chance to stun, high chance of critical hit]
(Going on a short vacation next week, so don't expect any new updates next Friday or later)
Author
Topic: The Saga of Kung Fu Man! Ch.1 Wooo in the hell is this...? (Read 11405 times)