(Tax season was a bitch, but we're back!)
[initiative]
[kfm]22 [Col]23 [C.B]11 [C.P]20
[BK]10 [s2]13 [s5]18 [ba1]17 [ba2]2
[Col][target s2][move:scm] [6v2][hit][5][s2-e]
[kfm][chair attack][multi-attack? 1-no] [target:ba1]
[5v2][hit][5][KO]
[secret move: heads, yes]
[overwatch]->[horn]
[CP][target:BK]
[2v6][counter][BK 3v3][blocked]
[s5][target:kfm]
[flail wildly!] [2,3,3v5,1,3] [HIT=1][2]
[ba1=ko][wakeup?1=no][ootf]
[s2=ded][no move]
[BK][Target:CP]
[5v3][hit][1]
[ba2][trigger overwatch]
[kfm 3v1][hit][6] [ba2-e]
------
Eliminated: s2, ba1, ba2
------
initiative
[kfm]charging, [Col]2 [CB]17 [CP]8
[BK]15 [s5]20
[S5] [target :kfm]
[1v6][miss/no counter]
[CB][target:BK]
[3v2][hit][4-1(armor)]
[BK][target:kfm]
[3v6][miss]
[CP][target:s5]
[1v1][miss]
[Col] [target:s5]
[4v2][hit][5][S5-e]
[kfm][target:BK]
[5v3][hit][4][stun:no][crit:yes][BK-e]
The assault on Hamburger Fiefdom continues as our motley crew continues pushing their advantage on the dwindling defenders!
“Eadweard, thee blinking idiot! what art thee waiting f'r! soundeth the bloody h'rn bef're we all kicketh the bucket!"“Aye, milord!” Shouts
Burger Archer 1. Hey! Lowly cannon fodder mooks have names too, ya know!
Meanwhile,
The Colonel continues to grapple and scrap with the clearly outmatched
Squire #2. After a series of futile punches and kicks, the Squire is knocked down to the floor yet again. In faux sympathetic voice, the white suited fighter taunts the downed mook.
“I’m sorry, but it’s over.”He stomps the ground repeatedly as the Squire slowly picks himself off the floor, oblivious to his impending doom.
“For...For the king!” Ah, he’s still got some fighting spirit left, but fighting spirit doesn’t affect the integrity of one’s spine. In one smooth motion, The Colonel skips towards the Squire, and pivots his body like a pendulum, landing a picture perfect high kick directly on the Squire’s jaw. A loud snap is heard before the thud of a fallen body. This time, he doesn’t get back up.
Burger Squire #2 is dead!“Now that… that is music to my ears.”“Sounding a horn? Not if I have anything to say about it!” What happens if they sound the horn, anyway? Whatever it is, if they want to do it, they’re gonna have to go through you.
You formulate a hasty plan to neutralize the two Archers posted at the far counter. Naturally, your plan involves the unintended usage of furniture and fixtures.
kick some of the chairs in to the squires with the bows
You hastily acquire a nearby stray chair and heave it into the air. You follow it up with a controlled snap kick, managing to keep the chair intact for its short trip to the Archer’s personal space.
“Take a damn seat!’Chair! Apply directly to the forehead! Sadly, they don’t make chairs as big as they used to, as the piece of furniture only strikes Archer 1 in the noggin. He crumples to the floor, out cold. Try as he might, he is unable to wake himself.
Burger Archer 1 is KO'd!Fling a letter at the one going for the horn, shuriken style.
You take a wide stance, with one arm dipped into your pilfered bag of infinite mail. Your finger settle on a regular envelope, possibly somebody’s utility bill or acceptance into college, and wait for the right moment to present itself. Somewhere, a lone tumbleweed rolls by in silence. When someone goes after the horn….
“!@#%”
Popcorn, with club raised above its head, decides that it has had enough of the
Burger Knight’s incredibly annoying ye olde English and goes after him with silent intensity and the intent to kill.
“Backeth! backeth fowl beast! stayeth backeth!” The Knight manages to evade the swinging strike and follows up with an uppercut! The chicken blocks the attack and shoves him away!
“The most wondrous king shall certes promoteth me aft'r i vanquish thee! has't at thee!”The Knight retaliates against the hostile chicken with a swinging haymaker. The punch just barely lands; lightly grazing the bird’s head.
Overwhelmed with the sentiment of “I didn’t sign up for this crap”,
Squire #5 charges at
Kung Fu Man wildly flailing with his wooden training sword and hollering like a lunatic.
“UGYYYYAAAYYYAAAAYYYAAAHHHH!” Here, blind violence ended up as inaccurate violence. Despite his, uh, strange yell, The Squire achieves an underwhelming accuracy of 33%, only getting a single weak hit on your torso.
“This is mine own chance!”
Thinking you are preoccupied with fending off a rabid man with a wooden sword,
Burger Archer #2 leaves his post and heads towards the back of the kitchen. And there you see it! Hanging on the wall, next to what appears to be a walk in freezer, is an imposing horn formed out of brass, patiently waiting for someone to use it.
This was the exact moment you have been waiting for! You hop away from the assaulting squire and line up a shot. Time seems to slow to a crawl as you take an envelope out of your bag. The sound of fighting gives way to the rhythmic thumping of your own heart. Your inner Qi concentrates itself in your clenched hand. Wait for it….
Wait for it…
NOW!WAH-TAH! The envelope vanishes out of you hand and there’s silence. The Burger Archer stops, frozen in his tracks. A few tense seconds pass. A pool of blood rapidly forms at the archer’s feet, before he collapses to the floor and his head rolls clean off.
Burger Archer #2 is dead!But this is no time to be ogling your superior skills! That Burger Knight and his annoying squire still must be eliminated! It’s time.
then use the secret move on the burger knight.
Time to break out your secret move...a technique that was passed down from master to master. You straighten out yourself and assume a meditative pose.
Will Kung Fu Man land his secret technique? Will Burger Knight get his promotion? Will the next update take too damn long? Find out….Right now!You stand unmoving, clearing out your mind and focusing your inner energy towards your legs. The air swirls around you ever so slightly. Clear your mind. Focus. Clear your mind. Focus. Like a statue of a violent Buddha, you meditate in stoney silence.
"He's just standing thither! taketh that gent down right now!"They think you’re wide open. Well...you are.
Burger Squire #5 throws another swing with his training sword and completely misses. How?!? You were standing still! The
Burger Knight also achieves the null achievement of missing a stationary target. Yay! Your poultry based comrades don’t fare much better, with Popcorn failing to hit the weakling Squire 5 and with Buffalo landing a loudly clanging swing on the Burger Knight’s armored torso.
“Stop wasting time, you damn chickens! Let me handle this.”The Colonel interjects the only way he knows how: by broadsiding Squire 5 with a stiff clothesline. The white suited fighter climbs up a nearby table and sizes up the prone form of the fallen Squire before launching and crushing elbow drop right on the sternum. The Squire’s eyes bulge out of his skull for a couple of seconds before he is quiet and still.
Squire #5 is dead!IT. IS. TIME. You are ready and fully charged. A hazy memory briefly bubbles to the surface of your mind. Ah yes. You remember. This technique. He called it…
...
Ro-Sham-Bo...
You stare at the Burger Knight like a predator within killing distance of its prey. He has no chance. You vanish from view, moving so fast as if almost imperceptible. You run up to the armored Burger Knight and….
AHHH-SHAAAAYou drive your qi charged foot directly between the Burger Knight’s legs and directly into his groin. A loud gong sound reverberates from the the Burger Knight’s suit of armor as it futilely tries to contain your strength. The armor shatters into millions of tiny shards, leaving a man standing in his boxers.
Then the room falls silent.
“Dude. Really?”.
The Burger Knight just has this look of sheer primal terror painted all over his face.A face that has seen the abyss. He lets out a small, high pitched gasp.
Then his head violently explodes.
“Wow.”You give the corpse a bow of respect.
ENCOUNTER FINISH!The Colonel and his chickens grabs the still unconscious Burger Archer 1 and tie him to a chair as you quickly loot the bodies and kung fu chop open the registers. You also manage to pick up the rubber chicken you used earlier, which has become a sort of bullhorn after it lodged itself in the Burger Knight’s helmet. That mailbag has ended up being really useful, eh?
Loot Get!- 175 Moolah- Wooden sword- Rubber chicken bullhorn thingamabob This encounter has taught you something! Pick one trait!.
A) Bullseye (lvl1): Attacks by throwing small handheld thrown items are more likely to hit its mark
B) The Path of ‘JC‘(lvl1): Become more effective at using furnishings as improvised weapons
“Huh. We actually managed to polish up this joint really quickly. You’re not as useless as I thought.” The Colonel sticks out his hand.
Do you…
A) Shake his hand
B) Smack his hand away
C) Don't even acknowledge him
D) Go shake the hands(?) of the chickens
Health: Kung Okay!
Equipment: White Battle Gi, Black Belt, Blue Headband
Wallet: 190 Moolah
Items: Bag of Mail - You could deliver a nasty paper cut with all those bills
Mail-truck Keys: Key's to the Kung Fu Fist Delivery Truck
Wooden Sword: Careful, you might get a splinter
Rubber Chicken Bullhorn: It screams with the might of a thousand condemned chickens
Kung Fu Special Techniques:
-Kung Fu Palm Thrust (lv1): A straight thrust to the gut. [small chance to stun]
-Kung Fu Chop (lvl1): Slice through defense with your bare hands! [chance to ignore armor]
-Ro-Sham-Bo: Channel your energy for a devastating maneuver [requires charge-up, chance to stun, high chance of critical hit]
Author
Topic: The Saga of Kung Fu Man! Ch.1 Wooo in the hell is this...? (Read 11241 times)