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[TamerVirus]

4/0/2

A)”Yeah.”

“Good! Finger licking good! I’ve got some of my men at a safehouse close to the target. Go rendezvous with them and, well, do what you do best.”

“You better keep you your end of the deal, or your spine will be the next limited time offering. That is my only warning.”

“Now now, Kung Fu Man. If anything, I’m a gentleman and a man of his word. You’ll get your info. I promise you that.”

One fast travel jump cut later~

Scene change!  El Pollo Loco -> Run Down Safe House

The Colonel's goons had holed themselves up in a decrepit apartment block a stone’s throw away from the Hamburger Fiefdom. The smell of decay and despair linger amidst the urban blight.

You park your Kung Fu Delivery Truck and walk yourself up to apartment 5A, ignoring the bugged out druggies and other assorted unsavory types.
You chop on the door to signal your arrival.
It opens to reveal a person in a chicken costume.
You take out your rubber chicken and look at the suited fella.

“Hey, Kung Pollo, is that a friend of yours?”

You squeeze and release the toy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Well? You a friend?”

The chicken suited character doesn’t react. All it does is gesture Kung Fu Man to come inside.

“Silent chicken. Big, tall and quiet. Typical.”

You enter the apartment and note all possible threats and exits. Not counting the chicken who met you at the door, you count two others in the room. One is yet another chicken suit, leaning back against the window, wings(?) folded together. The other one, pacing back and forth, stands out much more. For one, he isn’t in on of those chicken outfits. Instead this one’s dressed almost exactly like the Colonel, except he’s swapped out the white suite for a white vest, presumably to show off his biceps. This Colonel is also much younger and well-built than the old man Colonel you met in El Pollo Loco. Looks like he could actually hold himself in a fight.

“Uh, you into Cosplay? Cosplaying the Colonel? ... Why?”

This Colonel sneers at your comment and responds in a distinctively gravelly voice.

“Ugh, so we’ve got ourselves a wise guy. I don’t like this. Not one damn bit.”

Spoiler: He poses and flexes his muscles. (click to show/hide)

“But Colonel told me you’re our ace in the hole….so I’ll play nice.”
“Popcorn and Buffalo, get your fat asses over here. We’ve got a plan to go over.”

The two chickens take their seats, while the Colonel places a blueprint on the table.

“Now it may look like a castle, but Burger Fiefdom is just another old drive through fast food joint. Today’s some sort of employee orientation day so I count maybe five to eight guys on site. Now, my plan is simple: The four of us kick down the front door and apply boots to asses. Clean and simple. Sounds good?  Or do you have your own big ideas?”

A.) “I like the sound of a full frontal assault. Makes a big statement.”
B.) “You three should attack from the front. I’ll sneak in from the drive through window and catch them off guard. They won’t be expecting me.”
C.) “I’ll attack the front, alone. You guys will sneak in through the drive-through window and ambush from behind”

Spoiler: inventory (click to show/hide)

Health: Kung Fine!
Equipment: White Battle Gi, Black Belt, Blue Headband
Wallet: 15 Moolah
Items: Bag of Mail - You could deliver a nasty paper cut with all those bills
Mail-truck Keys: Key's to the Kung Fu Fist Delivery Truck
Screaming Rubber Chicken: What the hell am I to do with this?


Kung Fu Special Techniques:
  -Kung Fu Palm Thrust (lv1): A straight thrust to the gut. [small chance to stun]
  -Kung Fu Chop (lvl1): Slice through defense with your bare hands! [chance to ignore armor]
  -Kung Fu Man's Secret Move!: Channel your energy for a devastating maneuver [requires charge-up, chance to stun, high chance of critical hit]

[Rockeater]

A

[IcyTea31]

D.) "Surround the joint. Nobody leaves the premises before we're done. I'll sneak in alone."

Alternatively, A.

[Man of Paper]

C.5) "I'll attack the front alone."


Or B I guess.

[scourge728]

A

[Pavellius]

A

+1

[NRDL]

A

[King Zultan]

A

[TamerVirus]

6/0/1

A.) “I like the sound of a full frontal assault. Makes a big statement.”

“Good. Let’s get the show on the road, boys. You two, grab your drumsticks and get a move on.”

Apparently, the ‘drumsticks’ Colonel was referring to were crudely made clubs that looked like a fried chicken drumstick from a distance. You’d more likely see a stereotypical unga bunga Neanderthal wield such a weapon, and not in the hands of  some silent thug in a chicken costume.

The two feather suited enigmas, referred to as Popcorn and Buffalo, both remain unflinchingly silent and stoic in the face of your antics and the hell-screams of your rubber chicken during the brief walk to Burger Fiefdom.
Meanwhile, the Colonel felt more of a need to grumble and mumble to himself over your presence. Greatest Hits include:
“You better not get in the way.”

“I am the showstopper. The main event. Me! I could’ve handled this on my own…”

“I’m keeping an eye on you. Don’t cross me or I’ll kick your chin straight back to Chinatown”

You've dealt with much worse in the past, so the bather doesn't really bother you

“Drives a mail-truck. Carries a mail bag. You rob a mailman on the way here?”
“For your information, he called himself the Post Man…”
“This guy can’t be for real”

Scene change! Dingy Apartment Safehouse -> Hamburger Fiefdom

…...
“Disco is dead, Man! We’re doing this my way! Hit the music!
“Hey hey! I’m the main character. It's called Saga of Kung Fu Man and I just so happen to be Kung Fu Man!"
“You already had your damn moment! Playing the same song is gonna get real repetitive real quickly. So I got the music!

The two chickens interrupt the argument with wild gesticulations

“... You know what, Kung Fu Man? Popcorn here is right.”
“Yeah. I get it. That works for me.”
“At least it's not gonna be the fucking chicken dance.”
.....

Meanwhile, inside the halls of Hamburger Fiefdom

A row of young new hires stand at attention. Their training almost done, these rookies are blissfully unaware of the pain that is just moments away.

“....at each moment rememb'r thy sensitivity training and at each moment rememb'r to smileth at the vile peasantry and sayeth ‘Do has't a royal day’ ”

“Nay milord…”

“V'ry well then! anon t is timeth to showeth thee how to thaweth the beef patties...”

Y’ALL READY FOR THIS?

[5]

The doors explodes open as Kung Fu Man and the others storm the building!

“The Colonel sends his regards! Get ‘em!”
“What! Hark! Marauders! To arms, men! To arms!”

ENCOUNTER: RAID ON HAMBURGER FIEFDOM!

You quickly assess the situation at hand: You and your team are slightly outnumbered 8 to 4, however, your dynamic entrance has caught them all off guard. 6 men are positioned in the center of the room, with 2 others standing at separate Moolah registers. One fella is clad head to toe in metal plate armor. For convenience, we’ll call this goon a Burger Knight. It must be the manager training the new hires. The new hires, the Burger Squires, seem rather unremarkable, except for their garish outdated outfits. This main room is sparsly furnished with wooden tables and chairs. Your intuition tells you that there might be more foes elsewhere in the building.   

Spoiler: Hostiles (click to show/hide)

1 Burger Knight
7 Burger Squires

Spoiler: Kung Fu Man (click to show/hide)

Health: Kung Fine!
Equipment: White Battle Gi, Black Belt, Blue Headband
Wallet: 15 Moolah
Items: Bag of Mail - You could deliver a nasty paper cut with all those bills
Mail-truck Keys: Key's to the Kung Fu Fist Delivery Truck
Screaming Rubber Chicken: It screams. Really loudly

Kung Fu Special Techniques:
  -Kung Fu Palm Thrust (lv1): A straight thrust to the gut. [small chance to stun]
  -Kung Fu Chop (lvl1): Slice through defense with your bare hands! [chance to ignore armor]
  -Kung Fu Man's Secret Move!: Channel your energy for a devastating maneuver [requires charge-up, chance to stun, high chance of critical hit]

Free form suggestions! What should Kung Fu Man do?

[NRDL]

Throw the Screaming Rubber Chicken at the Burger Knight then Kung Fu Chop him!

[Pavellius]

Propel one of the squires into the knight via palm thrust.

[scourge728]

After we kill them, cut off their heads and keep them as trophies.... ((was that too far, I was gonna be like BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD but decided that was a bit....much))

[Rockeater]

Propel one of the squires into the knight via palm thrust.

+1

[Man of Paper]

Propel one of the squires into the knight via palm thrust.

+1

Another +1

[King Zultan]

Throw a chair at the biggest group of squires.
Then do this.

Propel one of the squires into the knight via palm thrust.