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[Spriggans]

This actually made me cry !


Never thought adventure mode could be that romantic.

---

Your lover lays unarmed, a monster about to RIP him, you bash the monster's head into gore !
me : "Yaaay ! Take that you fat monstrosity ! You don't touch his man !!"

Then you take care of him and all. Healing him, placing furnitures in your "home" to make it cozy.
me : "How cute !"

---

Then, the end...

Lady : Will you have me as lady?
Jonic: I cannot accept this honor.  I am sorry.

me : "That's it ! I'm loosing it ! "

---

(idea : make a band together ?)

[FourierSeries]

Bad news.

I didn't get as much done today as I intended. Real life and all.

As you may know, getting a companion to reequip their weapons is extremely difficult when they have a container to play with. Current dfhack is missing adv-bodyswap. It would also help with things like forcing companions to train up for, and tag along, for an oceanic voyage. Jonic may not need to breath, yet, as we have seen, getting him to take the plunge is a nightmare.

We're currently on more of an island than a continent. There's a little more black space to explore which will be quickly exhausted. We have two towns, assorted villages, various dwarf colonies, and (my) our happy home lair. A nice and quiet island life retirement home. Outside of Jonic, there's nothing else interesting to see here.

Furnishing a lair may be fun; however, in spite of what the wiki claims about lairs preventing item scattering, "That One Book" will attempt to wander off of it's own accord. I found my book sitting outside on the entrance hatch when I got back from a village grocery run. I ... could take it back to the tower where it came from? A bakers dozen of necromancers is all this world needs and I'm sure the other twelve would like their book back.

Good news!

Got some playing time in, this evening.

Dfhack gui/companion-order offers a convoluted compromise to Jonic's equipment problem.

A zinc cage appears to be proof against creepy book-legging. Fingers crossed ...

Episode synopsis: welcome to your relationship simulator, v0.44.05.
I has a secretive admirer!

Much to my surprise, Jonic did have some bling squirreled away. I sweet talk him into a little "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." After some fun fumbling around, I scoop up his money pouch, bone earrings, and crown. I stash them all in my cage-of-vice for safe keeping. The dwarf hair bracelet goes into the nearest murky pool, ugg. His ensemble is now more functional, if a little on the bland side. We can work on that.

As for myself, we compromise on my keeping a water-skin full of river spirits. As for all the rest, in spite of my doubts he can remember the taste of food, he's right. An extra backpack of booze, berries, and prepared troll spleen is a gustatory crime in the making. Away it goes, and I feel much lighter on my feet. So much more dangerous are we now.

One more trip to the village. I wanted to pick up a nice handbag to store the food properly. Halfway there I notice we are being followed! I double back three times just to be sure by letting whoever it is try and catch us. We crisscross each other's path. Fine. Jonic and I drop outta warp and I march up on the accoster's last known location. Ah hah!

Jonic: Family is complicated and those ties be both a boon and a curse.  Sometimes both at once!

(Jonic's hinting at a largely theoretical problem, since I'm not interested in kids, and, you know, we're both undead. Unless I'm missing something else? Hold that thought.)

You: Greetings.  My name is Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing.  Praise be to The Poisoned Glimmer.
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: Ah, hello.  I'm Lasiv Inkmelt.

(The only thing that really matters here is what he is holding. I look closely. A shield and ... a scourge? While I favor a hammer presently, I am by original trade a lasher of legendary skill, two times over. I should have pulled out my kit before talking. Clearly, this guy is sneaky and made of trouble.)

You: Why are you traveling?
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: I'm on an important mission.
You: How are you feeling right now?
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: In the midst of conflict...  I am not scared!
You: How's life here?
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: Well, let's see...  we've got the fighting.
You: Tell me about the fighting.
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: Just now I attacked Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing in The Single Dune.
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: I must withdraw!

(Oh ... kay? Confused, I check myself for entry wounds or bruising. He jets. Nice misdirection. I've never seen someone run so fast. I sprint after him, unarmed still.)

The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: I yield!  I yield!
You: Goodbye.
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: Goodbye.
The hammerman Lasiv Inkmelt: I must withdraw!

(Off he goes, desperate and slow now, panting and plodding and wheezing.)

You: Hey Jonic.  This servant of The Poisoned Glimmer greets you.  It really is a pleasure to speak with you again.
Jonic: Hello.  It is good to see you.  It really is a pleasure to speak with you again.  Hopefully your friends can dissuade you from this foolishness.
You: How are you feeling right now?
Jonic: Can it all end so quickly?  Begone fear!

(That's OK sweetie. He was just some paparazzi, or something. We're still an item. I promise!)
What just happened? The game log demonstrates I've never seen this guy before. Does the game make you a quest target at some point?

Jonic stopped spitting at me. Yay! Why is he so wrangled up about my friends though? What friends? In the olden days before I visited the tower, I did have this one silver lasher companion who was hell on wheels until he screamed off out of my sight while I was being mobbed by six beak-dogs. He died. All my previous companions died. Is Jonic jealous now, or what? I can't figure out what he wants, assuming he even knows what he wants.

Imagine I'm saying this in the voice of Colonel Kurtz: this game. This game.
You: How are you enjoying the adventure?

Jonic: This is the life for me.

That's the spirit, boy! Let's explore the remainder of Paradise Island.

Later that night, we're jumped by "a huge monster in the shape of a wolf." A wolf in no clothing. Another bareassed naked and unarmed idiot, this island's theme it seems. Jonic takes notice, fancying meaningless details as males are wont to do.

Jonic: She is very small yet very muscular.

You: You must yield!

The wolfoid charges me. With a slow heavy swing I attempt to crush one of its legs and create a training dummy. To my surprise, Jonic zips up behind, lancing the right rear leg and crippling it all on his own. I circle around out of range and let my boy have his way with it.

Mano a Mano, his fighting style is effective as long as he holds onto his spear. Which he does. What is missing is what I am all about, a certain artistry, that zip-crack one shot killing blow. Ten or so rounds in:

The muscular giant wolf recruit has bled to death.

You: Hey Jonic.  Life is, in a word, jealousy.  Are you stalking a dangerous beast?

Jonic: Hello.  It is good to see you.  It really is a pleasure to speak with you again.

He's beaming! All right! Jonic remained untouched throughout this encounter. Good enough for me. Good job, sweetie!

We continue wandering across the darkness, seeking to reveal all that remains of Paradise Island's secrets. A cave!

Jonic: Not far from here, a fearsome creature has made its home.  Duskrock is in The Yawning Crest.  Seek this place if you hunt Stëtso Swiftflier the Knight of Power the cyclops.

He's right on top of the rumor ball for change, with who's who and what's what. That's encouraging!
Last cave I tried was a never ending bout with boredom. This could be a huge commitment, so I end this evening's shenanigans here. Tomorrow I can camp out at the library. I'll fool around in legends mode a bit then.

Go hunt another vampire with your vampire companion

(idea : make a band together ?)

I agree, we need another companion to add to the mix. If I'm reading the game correctly, now that I remember what to look for, based on my observations during my travels vampires are pennies to the dozen. I have a better idea for a candidate, but it depends on finding a way back to the mainland and my old stomping grounds. Paradise or no, I'm not leaving Jonic here alone.

[Spriggans]

It will depend on where your Island is. But if Jonic doesn't swim, you can go North/South enough to encounter ice. Then disable temperature (or not, if you like it risky), and walk on the ice to the main land

[FourierSeries]

A shout out to the people who maintain and extend DFHack. While I do miss the adv-bodyswap option, there is sufficiently equivalent functionality to do what I remember being able to do in times past. Plus some interesting new options and extensions. Thanks, guys!

My intention here is to play Dwarf Fortress, not DFHack. I planned on limiting myself to gui/companion-order, as trying to equip your companions through the in-game system is unreasonably complex. Unfortunately, I did something stupid (more so than my regular serving of stupid), and then got blindsided after that. So I hit the cheat button twice, as you will see.

I intended also to make use of questport to launch us off the island after we finished exploring. As it turns out ...

Complete episode synopsis: Get wrecked? Mums the word! Dammit.
You: So, where is this cave?

Jonic: What cave?

You: See? On the map. It shows it right here. You want us to bring justice to that cyclops you mentioned, right?

Jonic: Hrm. The map shows only where a river begins. Stëtso Swiftflier lives near. Not here.

I'm not entirely convinced so I wander around a bit. Sure enough, it's a three prong chickens foot of streams feeding into a proper river. I circle around to the right of the chicken foot formation and swim across the river leg. I guess he's right. I kinda slept through remedial map reading. I might be able to use this situation to tempt Jonic into taking a swim for some adventure training. He's out of sight so I pace back and forth, and wait. And wait. And wait. Yeah, he can read a map just fine, but try an get him to navigate a simple path behind you? I walk down the left hand side and circle back around. I find him crawling away from the streams as fast as he can.

Jonic: Gruesome wounds!  Begone fear!
Jonic: I must withdraw!

He's been cut to ribbons. How? While keeping an eye on him I kit up. He must have passed by the middle toe stream. There's nothing here? I walk up to the waters edge.

The frail alligator misses you!
The frail alligator misses you!

Later on, I finish reciting my monologue of woe to the stars above and what lies beyond.

You: ...and I beat them both into a pair of shoes. This was all my fault. So how about it big guy? Spread some cheesy cheese?

Jonic: You waste your breath. Our lot with the gods is to be cursed. Not answered. Ow.

You: Sush, you. And ... Amen?

The Poisoned Glimmer, Deity: Hah-hah! Thhrrrripp! *poof*
DFHack->full-heal.

I didn't see his part of the fight but, yeah, he got wrecked. Much more than what his "walk it off" fast-travel insurance covers. At least it was by a proper predator, instead of some carpish nonsense.
You: We're going shopping. No excuses! You need a proper set of armor.

Jonic: Yes, hrrm. Indulge me my questions while we are shopping. Why do you call this land Paradise Island?

You: I met you here, silly. That's why. <3

Jonic: You came to this place, where? How?

You: I swam across and beached by some town in the northeast. The one closest to the mainland.

Jonic: Another town on the coast lies on the northwest. I hear the shopping is good there.

We move through the last unexplored part of the island, discovering a town and ...

Jonic: You call this place an island. Why?

You: 

... a land bridge to the mainland.

These people have some nice stuff, mixing it up with Dwarven civilization. From an oddly named thrift store, "Keep Raid," I get him kitted out in bronze everything.

I ponder our next move. A land-bridge is not a complete answer. The map shows no direct path to where I want to go, unless we wander through blank unexplored lands to discover a path over the icy top of the world, and back down again. Seems promising? It will be a Jealousy's hell of a long journey. I dunno.

Think global, act local. We head south to visit our lair one last time.

Oh, about this area, it's very busy. We keep running into traveling scholars, and scribes, and false hammermen, and similar trash all the time. Not to mention the stark raving mad.

The spearman Alron Lisidrithlut: I yield!  I yield!

You: How are you feeling right now?

The spearman Alron Lisidrithlut: I wouldn't feel comfortable getting all
dressed up.

You: How's life here?

The spearman Alron Lisidrithlut: Well, let's see...  we've got the fighting.

You: Tell me about the fighting.

The spearman Alron Lisidrithlut: Not a quarter hour ago a wombat attacked Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing in The Past Hills.

First I heard of it. I don't even know what a wombat is. Sounds like something nasty a girl might pick up from some seedy tavern. After I tell him to beat feet, I ask Jonic what he thinks about all this.

Jonic: I can take or leave merrymaking myself, but I don't begrudge people their enjoyment.

Yeah. I should have named this place Clown Island.

Later in the day, we run into a large, well armed party. Even with three bowmen they're no threat to me, but I really need to pay more attention to Jonic' state of training. As it turns out, they're all peaceful and dress happy. If they were not though ... well. Taken all together, I should have interpreted this encounter as a clear and final warning.

You: Why are you traveling?

The bowman Sinur Ithbikethi: I am searching for Cruxwines the Calamities of Muting the wombat leather dress, and this quest is taking me to Silveryheated.  The treasure is sought by the goblin vampire Snodub Hellglow of The Monsters of Waving.  I will return it to Tendermenace.

You: Sure! I totally understand. I mean, I'm sure it's a very nice dress, wombat and all. Whatever that is. Bai!

Late that night we find one last traveler between us and our lair. While I put on my chatty face, the traveler flashes out of the darkness.

The skinny moon woman wrestler kicks you in the neck with her left foot, but the attack is deflected by Your iron mail shirt!

(She knocked me flat on my ass too! I'm unhurt and unhappy! I unfurl the silver whip.)

The skinny moon woman wrestler misses you!
You attack the skinny moon woman wrestler but She jumps away!
The skinny moon woman wrestler attacks you but You roll away!
You stand up.

(She's moved away from me now that I've up and ready. One cheap shot deserves another, so I throw a different approach at her.)

The skinny moon woman wrestler jumps away from The flying +iron bolt+!

(Even further away now. She flashes off behind a tree to my right—JONIC!)

The skinny moon woman wrestler kicks Jonic in the first finger, right hand with her left foot, but the attack is deflected by Jonic's bronze right gauntlet!
The force twists the right hand, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the right elbow's muscle and bruising the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, many nerves have been severed, a ligament has been bruised and a tendon has been bruised!
A ligament in the right elbow has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
The skinny moon woman wrestler collides with Jonic!
Jonic is knocked over and tumbles backward!
Jonic loses hold of the bronze spear.

(She's too damn fast! Moonbitch tears into Jonic while I sprint after her. Jonic curls up into a ball, anchoring her in position. I beat on her. She beats on him. I win.)

You lash the skinny moon woman wrestler in the head from behind with your silver whip, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!
The skinny moon woman wrestler has been struck down.

Jonic: Ow and ow! Ow again!

You: Oh merciful well of Jealousy deep! Mumble, mumble, toil and woe. Mulligan. Aight and, ... Amen?

The Poisoned Glimmer, Deity: Ack! Urp. BleeaaRRRRGHH! *poof*
DFHack->full-heal.

Oh. Wow. Jonic needs some serious training. No more messing around.
You: Give me your spear. Take this crutch.

Jonic: Your god healed me fully again. What am I to do with a crutch?

You: Walkie walkie. No talkie. Move!

Just as I began. It's a start.

When we reach the lair Jonic notices something else amiss while crutch hopping toward the entrance.

Jonic: Hrm. A book was delivered to the front lawn. Yours?

You: What? OH COME ON!

The zinc cage is as it was, sans book. Enough of this! I stuff my little vice deep into my backpack. We're outta here.

Jonic: You intend to return the book I see. The tower is our destination?

You: Something like that. Do you remember that last big group we ran into? We need to expand our party. But first, see that spot on the map? It's along our way north.

Jonic: I do not recall such a symbol. Being in the middle of so many Dwarven settlements, it should be related. Yet, it is of the wrong color. Hrm.

You: It's blue! A little backwards u. It's so cute! Let's go see what it is.

Episode end, part 1. To be continued.

[FourierSeries]

Episode ongoing, part 2.

We occasionally drop out of warp for a river crossing, or to pick through a bandit camp, or chat with passing strangers. Much to my surprise, Jonic has taken my training admonishments to heart.

You: Get ready to get wet. Stop right there, Vampie. Hey! The river's in the other direction!

Jonic stabs the slim honey badger in the right rear paw from behind with the bronze spear and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The slim honey badger has bled to death.

And so, we take our leave of civilized Wombatistan, crossing into the Dressless Honey Badger Wilds.
Amusingly, we keep running into honey badgers at every stop. He's slaughtering all of them. Jonic seems to have ignored wildlife before this, so I don't know what to make of it. Alligator induced PTSD?

Also, I usually keep Jonic paired with his training crutch. He got in some badger bashing with it. I've gotten very good at forcing him back to spear and shield via DFHack. I do this by standing next to him and "trading places." DFHack->unequip, walk into him, grab crutch and drop spear, walk into him, DFHack->pickup.
We stroll into a snoozing bandit camp with two guards posted, a wrestler and a bowman. I barely finish introducing myself to the wrestler when the bowman bounces an arrow off Jonic's shield. It takes me all of two seconds to rearm Jonic. I chase down the bowman.

Skinny bowman: Help!  Save me!
You grab the skinny bowman by the throat from behind with your right hand!
Skinny bowman: Stop!  This isn't happening!
You: Drop a copper bow!
Skinny bowman: Okay!  I'll do it.
The skinny bowman drops the copper bow.

I hold him there until Jonic catches up. Releasing the disarmed bowman, I step back. Jonic takes this opportunity to stab him in the everything and—

Jonic stabs the skinny bowman in the head with the bronze spear and the injured part is cloven asunder!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
A tendon in the skull has been torn!
The skinny bowman has been struck down.

I pick through the bandit camp and nick them for a nice pair of giant crow leather mittens as extra protection for Jonic's bronze gauntleted hands.

You: Hey Jonic.  This servant of The Poisoned Glimmer greets you.  Are you stalking a dangerous beast?

Jonic: Etur Blownpuzzles is really dead.  It is done.

One way or another that was inevitable, but I'm glad he took the kill.

Later on we run into another madman claiming to have attacked me, "just now." Oh, Jonic! Be a dear and show this person The Exit please.

Jonic charges at the skinny pikeman from behind!
The skinny pikeman looks surprised by the ferocity of Jonic's onslaught!
Jonic collides with the skinny pikeman!
The skinny pikeman is knocked over!
Jonic stabs the skinny pikeman in the head from behind with the bronze spear and the injured part is cloven asunder!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
A tendon in the skull has been torn!
The bronze spear has lodged firmly in the wound!
The skinny pikeman has been struck down.

Jonic: I have improved my armor.  That was very satisfying!

You: Yeah. It was good for me too!

A few more honey badgers (and other various assorted nonsense) later, we discover the blue thingie thing to be ...

Jonic: How fleeting life is...  Begone fear!

Jonic: Can it all end so quickly?  Begone fear!

Jonic: How fleeting life is...  Begone fear!

You: A Dwarf Fortress? Sweetie, there's nothing to be scared of here. I've seen one before. They build them big and boring. Let's have a look around.

We check things out while Jonic keeps a running commentary of horror. Walls, a courtyard, and a trade depot piled up with unsold merchant wares. Long, spiraling entrance ramp. Bedrooms galore, filled with clothing. A store room with piles and piles of "Private Property." Hallways and forges. More forges.

What this place lacks is any sign of life. Or death. No dwarves. No dead bodies.

I've passed through the trenches of a goblin pit. I've sped read my way through a Necro tower. I've never seen anything like this. I am well and truly creeped out. Prying the training crutch away from Jonic, we rearm ourselves to the max. We round a corner into another forge.

The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.

There is this nasty, sweating, buff giant tarantula inhabiting the forge. It's doing push ups.

I inch my way up. Jonic circles around. The tarantula continues showing off the benefits of a phenomenally physical lifestyle.

The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.

Jonic: Wouldn't it be grand to just take my life off and do nothing for the rest of my days?

Yeah. Even my salad days of training pale in comparison to this guy's dedication. Too late to back out now.

The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.

You: Greetings.  My name is Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing.  Praise the moon.

The tarantula promptly falls asleep. Like, out cold.

Along with remedial map reading, I wasn't really big into beast biology 101. So, I'm a little nonplussed right now. What does a spider have for a head? Is that the head? Nothing else looks like a proper head. So, the brain should be right ... here? I wind up and haul off on a likely spot.

You lash the forgotten beast in the cephalothorax with your silver whip, tearing the fat and bruising the muscle and bruising the brain!
The forgotten beast has been struck down.

Jonic: Can it all end so quickly?  Begone fear!

Jonic: Rules are there to be bent, but they shouldn't be flouted thoughtlessly.

You: This place is just too weird for rules. Or dwarven physics. Or anything. Way too creepy. You were right, we shouldn't have come here. I'm done. Let's go!
And now, a word from our sponsor.

The Poisoned Glimmer, Deity: cephalothorax {sef-uh-loh-thawr-aks} n. The anterior part of the body in certain arachnids and crustaceans. The head. *urp* *hic*
So, a forgotten beast moves in, chases everyone off, and turns the place into a strip mall health spa for one. Time passes. Then the dex ran out. It always does.

Just say no to drugs.

Episode end, part 2. To be continued.

[Cathar]

Aw man... nothing says plot shield like full-heal. Kinda kills the mood
It's not funny when it feels scripted

[Bumber]

The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.

There is this nasty, sweating, buff giant tarantula inhabiting the forge. It's doing push ups.
...
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.
The forgotten beast stands up.

You: Greetings.  My name is Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing.  Praise the moon.

The tarantula promptly falls asleep. Like, out cold.

Somebody needs to draw this.

[Rumrusher]

one comic of a giant tarantula passing out from a hard workout...

[FourierSeries]

Episode ongoing, part 3.
The dwarves fame for steelmongery is vividly on display. Almost all the equipment is too small to be of use. On the way out, I trade up my supply of cheap-shot with a set of +steel bolts [25]+.

Jonic: Trade is the life-blood of a thriving society.

You: 

No. Finders keepers. Get your own bling fling, vampie.

You have discovered a lair.

Oh. From my many travels I know unexpected lairs are nothing to be suspicious of. Not this time. I'm feeling some leftover spook from the abandoned fortress. Also, I know a dragon calls this region home. I don't know exactly where, and there are not many lairs around here that I know of. I've never met a dragon, so ...

My vague plan: add another monstrous companion to the mix, from a very special place. My lovable Jonic's a prickly ball of cotton. He's been holding his own, he can keep up with me, but I need something else to work as a distraction when I go all out murdilize. After we've found a likely candidate, we'll return my vicey vice to the tower. With this journey we can work out the team's kinks, or work some kink in, and prepare. Prepare for what? A dragon hunt!

So, I don't want to fight the dragon right now. We should, at least, take a look around and see if he's here. Or see what's here. I have a feeling. A big feeling! I run through my to do checklist.

You read the +andesite-bound codex+.

Away from the tower, plain books are dreadfully scarce. I've been holding onto this one since forever.

You drink the river spirits [3].

I'm prepping for the hard part. I never know how he's gonna react.

Jonic: I can appreciate the right turn of phrase.

You: Pause to consider.  There is a time for artful speech, and a time for blunt speech as well.

Jonic: I have improved my persuasion.  That was not satisfying.

Jonic: I don't want to argue.

You: There must be something else to discuss.

Jonic: I got into an argument with Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing.  I am very satisfied.

Harumph. I'm not, but this is all about getting focused. Final item: chat up The Big Guy.

You: Greetings.  My name is Itvid Taperedmeads the Trustworthy Siege of Packing.  Praise be to The Poisoned Glimmer.

You: There's nothing like a good brawl.

The Poisoned Glimmer, Deity: Ack! Four oh four to the floor. Thrrip!

We ready.
There's a method to optimize your character's focus requirements at creation. I blew past all that and paid the price. Luckily, I can gain focused status without cheating. It's a pain in the ass though. The trickiest part is picking a fight with my companions, always dicey. Also, books are way too scarce on this continent for my comfort.

Eating a fine meal would really simplify this process. As the wiki she say, no wai, never, can't be done. Maybe. I keep my eyes open for an opportunity.
Finding the lair entrance in a tree and cliff packed wilderness is a little tricky. You have to keep your eye out for the first thing that pops up at you. There! I try to carefully move underground from the spot, once. Twice.

Jonic: Why do you hop around these gold coins?

You: Oh. I ... never mind.

Jonic: Would silver coins be more suitable? Perhaps, be it time for a more visionary prayer of repair?

You: Very funny.

What kind of lair is this? There's a trail of treasure to the southwest. I follow the trail. A silver coin pile. Then gold coins. More gold coins. A book? And then I discover that which left its three toed imprint of a foot for alligators to play in.

Jonic: That's no dragon. It's a roc!

A bird of prey so large and ferocious it dwarfs many dragons. All beneth its mighty wings should fear the sky. Her feathers are white. Her skin is black. Her eyes are black.

The wind whips up a brassy brazen tune to an ominous preamble, as if. I consider airing the state of my feeling. Good? Bad? Or?

You: DINNER!

The roc holds the same opinion as I. She's happy enough to let me sprint right up to her. And so.

The roc misses you!

You punch the roc in the upper body with your right hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the gizzard!

Focused as I am, I still couldn't find a place to lash. The head is just beyond my reach. I'm fighting a two legged pillow of down! The roc razors away with her talons and pecks. She's way too slow to connect. I snap-foof at her feathery armor in return. Plan B is still closing the distance with his spear. Should I drop the whip and try stabbing away with an arrow? The roc appears frustrated as well, making a mistake by overextending a peck and exposing her neck.

You lash the roc in the neck with your silver whip, bruising the muscle and tearing the upper spine's nervous tissue!

The roc falls over.

That's it? I step back and switch to my little silver hammer. Jonic goes headhunting. The ferocious roc meets this new threat by changing fighting style, from kinda-dangerous-kwon-do to ... chicken with its head cut off derp-oh. The bird flops around without striking back. Jonic fillets it. The bird passes out. I just stand there with my arms crossed, leaning on my hammer.

Jonic stabs the roc in the head with the bronze spear and the injured part is cloven asunder!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
A tendon in the skull has been torn!

The roc has been struck down.

You: You look like a mighty warrior indeed.

Jonic: I am lady.  I was a fishery worker for two of the years of my life.

You: My hero!

My idea for an extra crispy fine meal falls flat. Laid out on the ground, this thing looks more like a seagull than a free range chicken. Bleah. I dig a +kaolinite-bound codex+ out of the dirt as some light reading material in recompense. We move on, heading north. Another lair? This whole area is becoming grand central lair!

Fat cyclops: Is this an attack?  What's going on?!

We chat for a while. He's amiable. He's happy. He's just another idiotic unarmed nudist. Whatever else he is, Thranlenge Uzoener is no threat to anyone. I'm going to hold onto my energy for the trek through the frozen north.

You: Have a nice life, one eye. Bai!

Jonic: But ... cyclops?

You: You killed a roc, Jonic. Aim higher.

He's been going on about cyclopes from the beginning. Too bad. Now he takes to grumbling and map reading.

Jonic: Hrumph. You are as correct as you are transparent in your aims.

You: Thank you. Huh?

Jonic: You seek a special place to recruit from. Why must we journey so far for your goal? Would not this be special enough?

As we push along into the unknown, I expect nothing more than an occasional town or lair. Jonic points to a freshly uncovered symbol of naught on the map north of us. Just the kind of naughty special I need.

You: A tomb? Whoot! GO GO GO GO!

Jonic expects me to bash my way in, but I pick the lock instead by ingenious methodology. I turn the handle and push the door open. We clamber past the inconveniently placed front desk and step into a corridor.

Jonic: You have done this before, you said?

You: Back home, sure! I mean, I only visited the front lobby. I dropped off a zombie kitty cat of mine there and took off. I needed to visit the town next door without causing a fuss. After that I visited the elves, way up north. They don't like zombie kitties either. After that--

Jonic: And you know what it is for which you seek?

You: Sure! A zarcought ... uh ... a coffin.

Jonic: A sarcophagus. Which we passed.

You: Huh?

The muscular human ranger mummy stands up.

The muscular human ranger mummy straps the silver slicing knife to his Upper body.

You: OH COME ON! HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR?

Fair or foul, it turns out to be not much of anything. The mummy stands on the front desk waiting on us. I implore him to speak the whole time, but he never says a single word. He escorts us throughout the tomb tour. Jonic entertains himself with party gags, tripping every one of them. Finally, the mummy sees us off and out the front door. Without a word, or a tip.

Jonic: A veritable fun-house of traps. Most enjoyable, in spite of the service staff. Satisfied?

You: Dammit.
Yes, I thought a pile of gold coins was the lair entrance. That roc surprised the hell out of me. If you've not figured it out by now, a lot of the weirdness of my story is self inflicted. The thread title may as well be renamed Adventures in Dyslexic Myopia Quest.

Yeah. There goes the whole plan. I wanted to recruit a mummy. I failed.

I'm open to suggestions? Also, any suggestions for an imagehosting service?

[Cathar]

Im so late

Also, imgur as an imagehosting service is good ! No registration or anything.
Great storytelling

[Eschar]

PTW. PTW. This is amazing.

[rhavviepoodle]

I've noticed that night creatures don't always aggro, particularly when you're sneaking. In my most recent adventure, a night creature turned me down for adventuring, but was impressed enough with a poetic recitation to join me as an entertainer. That lasted for about two minutes, at which point they stopped being a green @ and started trying to kill me.

[Rumrusher]

I've noticed that night creatures don't always aggro, particularly when you're sneaking. In my most recent adventure, a night creature turned me down for adventuring, but was impressed enough with a poetic recitation to join me as an entertainer. That lasted for about two minutes, at which point they stopped being a green @ and started trying to kill me.

that probably due to they saw you, and realize "you're a dangerous beast... to them" the only proper way to keep them from breaking agreement is to Blind them which I think to do a non lethal wounding you need to make an interaction that cuts off the ability to see, but that's kinda mean spirited just to get a night creature friend

[DG]

Posting to chuckle.