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[Imic]

mindblast guards and eat their brains

[3]
You mindblast several guards, and they are each immediately incapacitated, but more guards and angry villagers keep coming and injuring you, so you are both unable to eat anyone's brains, and there is an angry mob that could almost certainly overpower you very close behind you.

This is a situation with many names, not least of which, "I need to roll a 5"

This is my brand new minimalist rtd

SUE GM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING

USE LEGAL WINNINGZ TO RETIRE TO SUNNY CZECHOSLOVAKIA OR SOME SHIT

[2]
The GM disables health to shut you up, before throwing you out if his house, the Bay12 courtroom, and back into the game with a fierce chastising.

Wield my grace-of-a-bread-crazed-duck as a diplomatic tool and diplomacy them until they make me mayor.

[2]
The people are, for a brief but glorious moment, entranced by your glo-
Wait, why the hall are we listening to a duck apthat ate all of our food and wants to take over the Dukes position?
They grab you, tie you up, and start dragging you towards the town square...

Go back to the door, which should act as a bottleneck, and start sniping down goblins and other nasties with my firearms.

[1]
The momentary spell of fabulosity wears off, and you run back to the door, but once you reach it, you trigger a trap that failed to activate earlier due to you rolling a 6 and unlocking the door successfuly. You are knocked unconscious and dragged off, later awaking deep inside the dungeon.
Across the room are several goblins around a fire, though you can't see what they are doing. On the opposite side of the room is all of your stuff in a a pile. On another side of the wall is a doorway, with ligh coming from it. There are random things on the ground, but you are tied up in such a position that you can't quite make out all of them. The goblins now appear to be drinking beer.

Quickly try to find the fattest villager around. Revealing my true form, run, grab the villager with my arms and consume them as quickly as possible.

[5]
You find the fattest villager un the entire town after some searshing, slowly stalkinghim, occasionally telling other people not to worry, just an ordinary yellow talking chest going for a walk, before he reaches somewhere secluded. You slowly open up, revealing your true form, which rises far above him, and you devour him whole, as he screams for mercy.
All your actions will now be edited to turn marginally more favourable to you!

Pull the murderhobo card and try to trick the other villagers into mobbing him.

[5]
You are bleeding in the groun with a mug of beer spilt all over you. After you start yelling various things in various forms, a third mob of townsfolk turn up, and beat him senseless, he is taken by surprise, as a small army pf angry people start charging at him yelling and killing him. There are children throwing things at him. As he slowly gets beaten up, someone drags you into the church, where you get healed by the priest, and sent on your merry way.

[I apolagise that the quality of updates is low, I'm cery tired right now, and I spent all of yesterday driving. If anyone mentions this, they are rolling a 1 next turn.]

[Secheral]

Plead not guilty and convince the people that the Duke is a demon and only by the will of the people and duck can he be slain.

[sprinkled chariot]

Cast invisibility, they can't lynch thing they can't see

[Yoink]

NAME: YOINK
APPEARANCE: GROSS HEAVY METAL PEASANT YOU ALL KNOW AND LOVE
BACKGROUND: DISGRUNTLED FORUMITE MISLED BY "MINIMALIST" DESCRIPTOR, DETERMINED TO SEEK JUSTICE FOR THIS HEINOUS CRIME AND PREFERABLY GET FILTHY RICH IN THE PROCESS


>HEAD TO TOWN SQUARE, ELOQUENTLY PRESENT MY CASE AGAINST THE GM BEFORE THE DUKE HIMSELF

DEMAND COMPENSATION FOR THE MOST INJURIOUS INCONVENIENCE CAUSED TO ME BY GM'S FALSE ADVERTISING IN THE FORM OF EITHER A KINGS RANSOM WAIT, POOR CHOICE OF WORDS...  UH, ONE THOUSAND (1,000) GOLD PIECES/DOUBLOONS/REALES/PIECES OF EIGHT/ [INSERT MOST-VALUABLE LOCAL CURRENCY HERE],  ONE (1) SIGNIFICANTLY POWERFUL MAGICAL ITEM OR NO LESS THAN THREE (3) MINOR ONES.

OR, Y'KNOW, AN OUNCE OR TWO OF YE OLDE PIPEWEED. I'D SETTLE FOR THAT, TOO.

[Glass]

...
Inconspicuously get untied.

[randomgenericusername]

Randomly stalk and eat people in the town square until I become more powerful. Gain monster experience levels for eating villagers.

[Puppyguard]

[I apolagise that the quality of updates is low, I'm cery tired right now, and I spent all of yesterday driving. If anyone mentions this, they are rolling a 1 next turn.]

((What are you talking about? The updates are awesome quality!))
Join the lynch mob.

[Imic]

Plead not guilty and convince the people that the Duke is a demon and only by the will of the people and duck can he be slain.

[5]
As you plead not guilty to the angry mob, they suddenly realise that they are lynching a talking duck. A talking duck. talking duck.
They run off and have a huddle. You're now lying on the ground. The mob runs over to you, before revealing to you that actually you would make a very good candidate for Duke. You vaguely remember hearing them saying something about feeding you bread until you forget about tackses or something, but before you can comment on this, they carry you towards the Duke's palace.
[Continued in Yoink turn]

Cast invisibility, they can't lynch thing they can't see

[2]
Your spell fails miserably, and you fqll over and injure yourself. You barely manage to get back up before the mapob is right behind you. You run down an alley, through a garden, and back onto the street. You've just managed to give them the slip, when you trip, fall, and injure yourself again. You hear something crack. You can't get up...

>HEAD TO TOWN SQUARE, ELOQUENTLY PRESENT MY CASE AGAINST THE GM BEFORE THE DUKE HIMSELF

DEMAND COMPENSATION FOR THE MOST INJURIOUS INCONVENIENCE CAUSED TO ME BY GM'S FALSE ADVERTISING IN THE FORM OF EITHER A KINGS RANSOM WAIT, POOR CHOICE OF WORDS...  UH, ONE THOUSAND (1,000) GOLD PIECES/DOUBLOONS/REALES/PIECES OF EIGHT/ [INSERT MOST-VALUABLE LOCAL CURRENCY HERE],  ONE (1) SIGNIFICANTLY POWERFUL MAGICAL ITEM OR NO LESS THAN THREE (3) MINOR ONES.

OR, Y'KNOW, AN OUNCE OR TWO OF YE OLDE PIPEWEED. I'D SETTLE FOR THAT, TOO.

[1]
You stride up towards the Duchal castle, ready to yell a lot. You quickly approach him and give him your finest, most eloquently devised speech, only to have it come out like a heavy metal sing. Somehow p, he figured out what he meant, and he promptly tells you to "Fuck off". Just as you start to do whatever you were about to do (Definatelye no pipe weede involvede), the room is suddenly full of an angry mob, all yelling at the top of their voices. They run towards the Duke, tie him up, and throw him out the window, leaving a fat duck in the chair. Suring thr commotion, however, the GM strikes you with a bolt of divine pissed - offery, dealing you enough da,age to kill you, npbut not before the cevil himself rips you up from the deepest depths of hell to tie you down to someone playing cheesy music until the end of the universe finally comes to end your miserable existance.
Yoink is dead!

...
Inconspicuously get untied.

[5]
You move over to something sharp, and use it to get your arm out. You use your now free arm to get the other one out as well. You manage to undo all of the other knots quickly once your arms are free, but the goblins seem to spot you for just a second. He growls, and you freeze, but you know he saw you.
Then the goblin who was looking at you passes out from too much booze.
...
That was anticlimactic.

Randomly stalk and eat people in the town square until I become more powerful. Gain monster experience levels for eating villagers.

You come out of the alley, ready to devour all that oppose you, but once you come out, there is literally no - one there. They're all off at the castle yelling and rioting. You can't quite see what's going in, but you din't seem to be required. Your immediate thought is to go and eat the rioters, but there are a lot of guards with large weapons. This is a bit of a conundrum.

[I apolagise that the quality of updates is low, I'm cery tired right now, and I spent all of yesterday driving. If anyone mentions this, they are rolling a 1 next turn.]

((What are you talking about? The updates are awesome quality!))
Join the lynch mob.

You run iver to the first lynch mob you see, but a second ine runs past you, and you suddenly find yourself flattened and on the floor with a lot of people walking on top of you. After you get up, you seem to have broken every single bone in your body. You try to get up, but to no avail. The mob is still there, though, so at least that worked out.
((Thanks...))

[Puppyguard]

Use sheer willpower to repair myself.

[Glass]

(Can I get a +1 to feats of inconspicuousness and rougery once I've done and succeeded at enough of them?)

Quietly acquire a weapon, and start taking out goblins without the others noticing.

[Secheral]

Make some of my new subjects check if the duke is really dead. Meanwhile, raid his stash.

[randomgenericusername]

Okay then. Raid the abandoned shops for loot to use as bait. Gold, food, scrolls, gems, potions, books, etc.

[sprinkled chariot]

Attempt to crawl away to safety using tentacles. Play dead in case of danger.

[Imic]

Use sheer willpower to repair myself.

[3]
Unfortunately, wanting to be better really hard doesn't generally work. The rioters start to go forwards towards the Castle, leaving you behind in the floor, with several bines broken. The Church is nearby, though.

(Can I get a +1 to feats of inconspicuousness and rougery once I've done and succeeded at enough of them?)

Quietly acquire a weapon, and start taking out goblins without the others noticing.

[5]
There is a large metal object on the ground. You reach over to pick it up, and slowly go up behind in eof the goblins. You hit him in the head, and he falls over, with what is presumably a broken skull, judging fromt the large dent on his head. You sneak around, one by one, and hit each Goblin in varying ways, until each one is dead. After you move them out of the way, you sneak around scrounge for whatever you can find. You manage to find a few spears, though only one of them is actually useable. There is some money as well, but not too much. Your own gear is upin a bundle on the floor beside the wall, and it feels good to have your firearms back again. As you look around, you see that there are three exits to the room you're in. Two doors and an archway, but one door is locked.

Make some of my new subjects check if the duke is really dead. Meanwhile, raid his stash.

[2]
The person walks off and goes to find out if the Duke is dead, and you fly off to find the Duke's stash.
There is no bread in sight.
Not a single drop of the solid nourishment that your fat ducky body needs.
You feel very hungry.

Okay then. Raid the abandoned shops for loot to use as bait. Gold, food, scrolls, gems, potions, books, etc.

[3]
You look around and manage to find a bit of gold and food, but the Town Square doesn't have any adventure gear shops. The rioters are all inside the castle now, although there are some running in and out. The guards are nowhere to be seen.

Attempt to crawl away to safety using tentacles. Play dead in case of danger.

[5deargodyoueldritchabomination]
Tentacles come out from beneath your clothes, and you crawl out of sight. The rioters who were chasing you, seeing tentacles coming out of you, run away, and doon't look back. You hide in a back alley, away from any brave guards or the like.

[Glass]

Find where they put my stuff.
See new post.