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[Detoxicated]

God. "I see you have managed to fulfill this riddle. Now let me introduce you to the butcher."
The two of you walk off. The missile is still recovering and has yet to realize that it needs to blow you up.
"What happened to joint?" To this there is no reply from god though he looks quite content with his red eyes and that smirk.

Finally the two find themselveslf before the house of the butcher. He opens the door and they see...

[Puppyguard]

...a man coated in blood with a large knife. Jeremy almost jumped out of his skin just from being scared so bad. The bear and the butcher begin conversing while Jeremy looked around outside. in the nearby alleyway he sees a head watching him, but it quickly slips back into the alley.
What was that!?! Jeremy thought. He decided to...

[TalonisWolf]

...call for some reinforcements. Pulling out a phone, Jeremy starts to dial a number he had hoped to never use again- but if having a missile coming after him, bumping into God, and stumbling on what looks like a murder scene doesn't call for desperate measures, what does?

He hears the phone get picked up and a voice asks...

[Secheral]

"How do you want your pizza?" in a chipper tone.
Jeremy knew better than to trust it and so for a while silence reigned as he gathered the courage to call upon their help once more. "Nnn-no toppings, p-please" he finally declared with a quiet sob, filled with a terrible knowing that they will solve all his problems. But at what cost? All was silent for a while. "Understood. The First Circle of Pizza is already on it's way. We have not yet forgotten the old pacts, Jeremy of Dudenheim." The other side finally responded in a cold emotionless voice, completely at odds with their previous tone and hung up. "What have I done?" Jeremy whimpered softly to himself...

[Puppyguard]

...A mere ten minutes later a massive flying pizza flew over the city. Sobbing, Jeremy hopped in the van and turned on the engine.(the bear left the key in.) He drove away as the pizza blasted a death laser on the city utterly destroying it to the core of the earth. Jeremy sobbed and finally stopped the car at...

[Imic]

... A large tower, just outside fo the blast zone. While he tried to figure out what just happened, he looked up to see a massive flying Battleship, that looked extremely out of place. Suddenly, he realised that this flying boat was actually controlled by the corporate bizniss men whi ruled the glass tower! The ship flew straight for him, collapsing the building he was on, and landing him on top of the ship. Massive turrets turned towards him, and he bagan to cry, but then he saw God, flying towards him. He started to...

[TalonisWolf]

...wish he'd never woken up. What had he done to deserve this?

Actually, God is precisely the perso-

...Person? Diety?

God is the sort of fella to ask this kind thing. Dropping to his knees, Jeremy clasped his hands and begged the approaching figure. "Why? What have I done to deserve this? Where's your mercy?"

God landed in front of Jeremy and clamly explaned...

[Paxiecrunchle]

Sprouting a second head for shits and giggles the bear laughs "Oh ho you mortals are still on about mercy, good grief, I kill millions of you just so you you can be recycled to do this dance all over again and you assume I have a huge budget of time for mercy?"

He smiles in a manner suggesting mildly uncoordinated thought processes and slight mania. "Perfect mercy is for perfect beings, but if it made you feel better the your survival and death of that city shall someday be linked together in creating a grandly, intolerably false utopia, which I will get around to fixing, as soon as my omnipresence is restored of course...''

''That's were you come in Jeremy! Now all you need to do is..."

[Killermartian]

...survive all those turrets being pointed at you!" And with that, God disappears, leaving you facing a bunch of gatling guns facing you, and so Jeremy decides to...

[sprinkled chariot]

spit acid at turrets, so ....

[Puppyguard]

... Time slows down as ...

[Doomblade187]

Jeremy's coma powers activate! He spews acid as he leaps into the air, the stream of acid melting through the turrets. After the long second is past, Jeremy lands among the ruins. God returns, with three heads now and a fresh joint in hand. "Thank you Jeremy. Even though you may be in a Coma, this has more importance than you know. Thank you you, my omnipresence is returned to me. I needed you to awaken your coma powers for me. Now my true power has been restored.

As he says this, he starts to appear in mutiple places, over and over and over again until he surrounds you like in ocean of three headed bears. Finally, he speaks once more.

"So what do you want in return?'

[Puppyguard]

..."I want to leave the coma and begin a normal life." Jeremy Dudenheimer said to the ocean of bears.
"Granted." The bears puff their joints and the entire sky begins shifting colors. Jeremy's eyes began to slowly close.
He opened his eyes to find his family waiting for him at the hospital. Finally, he was safe...

[Maximum Spin]

... from coma bears and space pizza, but not from suffering, as his seemingly perfect recovery from obviously irreparable brain injury, including the miraculous spontaneous reconstruction of his skull, made him an instant target of shady, legally nonexistent government research agencies, all of which immediately began vying to capture him and...

[Puppyguard]

...their first move was to assassinate each member of his family. Killing them off made their job of capturing Jeremy easier. After his entire  family was dead, Jeremy became incredibly paranoid of anyone he met. He singlehandedly killed seventeen abductors.
But now, Jeremy had been caught by a simple net trap in his house. A voice came from the dark corner. "Welcome, Mr. Dudenheimer. We've been expecting you." A man clad in black leather stepped into the light and...