I recently arrived at the fortress of Bridgeborn. Upon setting foot in the fortress, I was told to pick up thrash and carry it to the stockpiles.
I picked up a sock, and carried it over to the stockpile.
I then picked up a leg and carried it to the refuse stockpile.
I then picked up some square wooden peg or whatever and carried it to the...
''Hey that's the overseer staff!''
I stared in confusion.
''Hey everyone this dude is the new overseer!''
Oh...
Oooookay. sure, whatever. I'll run this place. I'm a lye maker. My life is basically making up a lie about how making up lye is actually a job, and thats why I can't do other works. I'll just point at things and tell people to do them.
''hey why is this guy working so slow?
-Oh thats nogoodgames, he's missing a lung.''
I don't like Bridgeborn.
My first act as overseer was to decomission an old opening in our walls that the masons used to access the outside in order to work on a useless dome project, before sealing themselves inside the dome and dying of thirst.
It basically saved the fortress because a dozen goblins are sitting atop the now patched hole leading to the heart of this unprotected hamlet.
i also made sure at least one of the masons made it out, and we had time to retrieve and bury his teamates. Good planning, whomever devised this super useful statue building.
I look outside and spot random goblins murdering people.
''hey guys, maybe dont go outside and pick up random shit while the siege is taking place!''
''So what's going on around here? What are those noises outside?
-Oh that, that would be the goblin invaders.
-Shouldn't the army take care of this?
-What?
-The army.
-The what?''
I don't like Bridgeborn.
More goblins are showing up everywhere.
My enthusiasm for this settlement is as high as our military organisation right now.
The goblins are not going anywhere. the archers sit outside our trade depot while the melee fighters run around and kill stragglers.
Raise the bridges at all cost!
WAIT!
I'm sitting on the bridge for some reason!
Cancel the project!
People run around and go outside like idiots. I fall asleep on the bridge, because overseeing is hard work, yo.
I wake up, and half the fortress is stuck outside.
Raise the bridges! Fuck everyone else, I dont even know them.
Hey you, the sleeping dude in the middle of a siege, yeah you! You're now in the army.
Nccomander is activated.
And you, random dude running around for his life, you are his second in command!
Sarrak is activated.
At least I dont know them enough to miss them.
Nccomander wakes up, and decides to charge the entire army of fifteen with his second Sarrak in toe.
The fools.
The archers have run out of arrows while shooting at skeletal goats, or other dwarves.
Nccomander and Sarrak pounce into the frey, punching a guy so hard that his friends panic and leave the battlefield altogether.
What.
The.
Fuck.
Note to self, never piss off this guy.
And just like that, The entire army ups and leave. That was frankly amazing. I lower the bridge, and soon the stragglers return to the fortress in time to carry goods to the trade depots. the human caravans have arrived.
some guys running around like idiots spotted a copper vein to the north. I send a few miners to gather it, and dispatch the rest of the fortress to pick up random trash while we can.
A thief steals the only steel armor we have, while a glassmaker goes slowly insane because we simply cant make what he needs. Fuck you too, buddy.
The rest of the year goes back swimingly. I trade a few things to secure food and drinks for these hungry coworkers of mine, tidy up the place, build a few more stockpiles and bins, and start smoothing out the sleeping area.
As spring draws near, our drink supplies are running dangerously low, and we have no water. the injured dwarves are all but destined to die, im afraid. some people spotted giant skeletal monsters but so far they cause no trouble.
On the last day of my term, I name myself bookeeper to avoid any work in the future. The time has come to get rid of this staff, and pass all my problems to the next--
''Oh shit what is this noise!''* * * * * *
The very second that winter turns to spring, a giant eagle swwops in and kills me instantly.
I don't like Bridgeborn.
* * * * * *
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Topic: !!THROWBACK FORTRESS 2!! (v0.28.181.40d | NEW OVERSEERS URGENTLY NEEDED) (Read 45026 times)