A comedy in one act.
Dramatis personae:
- Ratatosk, the bulked-up giant
- Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never, friend to Ratatosk
- Aasbjorn, the blind murderer of peoples
- Peoples
Scene 1, Act 1
The Arena
Enter peoples of all kinds and colours, also Ratatosk and Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never.
Peoples, talking in general: Is so nice, guvnor. Where's them refreshments at?
Aasbjorn rides in, starts tripping peoples
Aasbjorn: Ha, knaves! I shall refresh your memory of who be the champion, Zatoichi-style!
Peoples: Oh no, we are being added to the kill count despite our best efforts!
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never, turning to Ratatosk: Here, my bulky friend, you look fairly bulked-up. Grab this here ax, and it shall grant you the resolve to murder this murderer, so that he may never murder again!
Ratatosk: But I'm so bulked-up I can't reach down to you my Atlantean pal! You must find a stool or somesuch.
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never: Fair enough, I shall summon these stools out of earth and ice, and mount them to reach you, oh giant meat mountain of Niefelheim!
Summons earth and water elementals.
Ratatosk: Be careful, it's too warm for the ice to hold, you'll slip!
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never slips on a puddle of water, killing one of the peoples and lodging the ax in Ratatosk's chest.
Peoples: Argh.
Ratatosk: Argh.
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never: Argh. I too have suffered. My back is broken. Friend - whilst I'm done for, you're so bulky you can still fight. Pull the ax from yer chest, and Kill me, yes, then go and kill the smell-Never.
Ratatosk: I think he's only blind. He can smell just fine.
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never: Whatever.
Ratatosk strikes Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never
Kill me (Y), Kill the smell-Never, dying: Now I understand the true meaning of my name. (dies)
Ratatosk: Die, you smell-Never!
Aasbjorn: I can smell just fine.
Aasbjorn strikes Ratatosk
Ratatosk: Oh, I'd normally leave now, but am so angry. (chills Aasbjorn, strikes repeatedly)
Aasbjorn: Jesus, dude. I was blind and unconscious, and you still couldn't hit me. (dies)
Ratatosk: Awesomesauce. I think I'll go to the gym and get bulked-up even more.
Exit Ratatosk.