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[4powerd]

Fate has gifted you a quest. Acquire a full flammable bedroom, study and dining room artifact suite. Become the mountain home. Set alight, they will be furniture fit for a king, or even a long line of kings with very short rules.

that would be easier if my dwarves did anything...all they ever do is haul stuff, or sleep

[EPM]

One of my dwarves made a thong that menaced with spikes of dog bone. Sadly, I could not force one of the nobles to wear it for the sake of perpetual agony.

[TubaDragoness]

no spike, sadly, and how do you make spikes out of pig tail?

By being Mooded. It's amazing how inspiration can allow a dorf to break the laws of nature, physics, and/or good taste.

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Well if six-legged poisonous sauropods made of salt can exist then I don't see any reason to think pigtail spikes couldn't

[anewaname]

no spike, sadly, and how do you make spikes out of pig tail?

Ultra-hold beard gel.

[gchristopher]

In seriousness, a wood chair is a great artifact to get, for all the reasons already posted. Building-destroyer-proof, valuable and useful to several room types, potential infinite fire, and a legendary carpenter. As Fleeting Frames pointed out, only a door or a hatch would be a lot better.

[deathpunch578]

Artifacts like this should be even more amusing come the new release. "One chair to rule them all".

a 1000 year war over a single chair

[Ametsala]

no spike, sadly, and how do you make spikes out of pig tail?

Ultra-hold beard gel.

Urist's ☼Ultra-Hold Beard Gel☼™
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Not even !!Dragonfire!! will mess your Beard when you use Urist's ☼Ultra-Hold Bear Gel☼™!
Now only for the ridiculously low price of One Giant Cave Spider Silk Sock! If you order before the caravan departs, you'll get the Special Offer of Three for the price of Two!
That's not All though! The first Hundred orders will be delivered in a Unique Dragon Bone Beard Gel Box with a Unique Engraving of Urist striking down the Dragon Ziril Duradbardum!
Urist's ☼Ultra-Hold Beard Gel☼™! Order Now from your local Outpost Liaison!


More on topic:
Moods can be quite disappointing when the dorf in question is a) possessed, b) only grabs one worthless material, and/or c) the artifact is something boring like a gabbro scepter that's studded with gabbro.
I think the most disappointing moods are possessed armor/weaponsmiths. They end up making a zinc gauntlet and won't even get the experience for it to churn out masterwork armor/weapons to help your military dorfs not die so easily.

[EPM]

So I discovered that I took a screenshot of that aforementioned artifact! I misremembered the details, but...



Ow.

[Lord Eclipse]

I once got a Wooden Scepter with Wooden decorations, it was worth only like 3000 or so dorfbux

[IndigoFenix]

Artifacts like this should be even more amusing come the new release. "One chair to rule them all".

a 1000 year war over a single chair

A chair that burns forever might be worth it.

The flaming throne.

[4powerd]

So I discovered that I took a screenshot of that aforementioned artifact! I misremembered the details, but...



Ow.

so quick question, what in armok gave a dwarf the inspiration to make THIS?!

[anewaname]

tavern... booze... weekly table-dancing contests?

[Staalo]

how do you make spikes out of pig tail?

Felting.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Although it's very hard to menace properly with spikes like that.


EDIT: Looked more into felting, and I think I found an exact picture of how I imagine these crappy starter artifacts to be:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Uselesstrinket the Waste of Resources", a sheep wool neckwarmer

This is a sheep wool neckwarmer. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is made from sheep wool cloth. It menaces with spikes of sheep wool.

[Thisfox]

Although it's very hard to menace properly with spikes like that.

EDIT: Looked more into felting, and I think I found an exact picture of how I imagine these crappy starter artifacts to be:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Uselesstrinket the Waste of Resources", a sheep wool neckwarmer

This is a sheep wool neckwarmer. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is made from sheep wool cloth. It menaces with spikes of sheep wool.

You laugh now, but when the vampires come to the fort, how silly will you look then?