"How awesome those dwarven mommies are" is one Dwarf Fortress topic that our family can return to again and again.
As everyone knows, a dwarven mommy can heft a longsword or axe and fight like a BOSS against creatures terrible, crazed, and bloodthirsty - all the while keeping her new baby balanced on one hip.
At least that's how we usually imagine it.
From this family lore of the fortresses, I present to you my son's story of one such mother:
Rangalos Grajuriantilatos, and her baby, Muthllos
(with many apologies to C.S. Lewis)
He invites you to tell stories from other character's points of view, just nothing contending with the stories others have posted. He also notes he has written a second story and will post it in a week. Now, without further ado:
The Cyclops
Everyone else always says I’m crazy, but having a pile of fricasseed frogs and eel pie is wonderful. It’s one of the best parts of being a chef. I can just ask the other dwarves to make a pile of ingredients near my private kitchen (the manager at least made sure of that!) when I’m off catching Muthllos Frangandragos, my new baby.
They always say “You’ve got to learn that life isn’t all fricasseed frogs and eel pie,” but I am going to prove them wrong. When I’ve cooked enough food for everyone that day, I set aside at least three hours to experiment with new recipes of fricasseed frogs and eel pie. I only have three hundred of each recipe in the chests in my room, so I need to wait at least another month before I can begin the grand exhibit.
However, maybe I should still petition our expedition leader, Urgust, to ask people to make and set up an underground hall filled with tables and chairs, all with huge pans on them. I should also ask if he would have them set up a well (I don’t know why everyone always gathers to wells, but they do.)
Soon the Day will arrive, the Day Of Frogs And Eels, that shall be famed for all generations, and I shall be exalted as a hero! I, Rangalos Grajuriantilatos, who began as a humble cook in the Mountainhomes! Truly, new outposts are where glory is found… wait, is Muthllos outside the walls?!?!? How did he escape?
Didn’t I tell him that he should never go out? There’s a CYCLOPS outside the walls! Okay, it was time to get in protection mode.
I ran to the weaponrack in the training room, almost being cut in half by sparrers but dodging just in time. Aha! There was a crossbow, masterfully made, and bronze bolts, the perfect ammo. I needed armor, but a suit of iron armor was quickly found as well as a dwarven axe. Now, it was time to go.
I ran outside the walls, ignoring the annoyed looks of dwarves nearby. The might of the cyclops was legendary, but so was the might of a dwarven mother with a baby in danger.
Soon I heard it, a loud tramp-tramp-tramp, along with terrified squeaks. I loaded my crossbow. The sound approached, and listening carefully, I shot! I heard a roar, as the cyclops came into view, Muthllos just ahead. I scooped him up and began shooting. I shot three times, then ran for my life, running in circles, cyclops just behind.
He had almost caught up when I heard… singing from nearby? It sounded elven! Perhaps the elves had come
in a caravan to sell things like they often did, and they always traveled with bodyguards! I heard the sound of bowstrings being strung, as elven swordsmen rushed through the trees.
At the same time I heard shouts of “Hang on, ma’am, we’re coming to help you!” as a squad of axedwarves rushed towards the cyclops. Soon the Cyclops was deafeated, and I was honored greatly - not so much for killing it, as for being brave enough to motivate a squad of axedwarves.
Ten extra dwarves even volunteered to help with the preparation for The Day Of Frogs And Eels! It would be ready in a week now!
Author
Topic: The Trials of Dwarven Motherhood (Read 1451 times)