"Oh crap, it looks like TWO Jedi! One using the Force and one with a lightsaber! SOMEBODY CALL THE STAR DESTROYER!"
Attempt to call in orbital bombardment while running for cover from the lunatics on the field.
6: YOU TRY TO CALL IN ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT. GIGANTIC PLASMA BOMB DROPS RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR POSITION.
2: BOMB WAS DUD. PHEW.
"You 'bout to get rekt, JOHN MADDEN!"
Weaken JOHN MADDEN with horn power, then consume him!
FOOL! JOHN MADDEN IS NOT AFFECTED BY SUCH PETTY MORTAL THINGS AS NOISE!
RECOMMEND TO JOHN MADDEN THAT HE SHOULD CONSUME KIRBY BEFORE HE CAN CONSUME US.
3v6: MADDEN LOWERS NOISE CANCELLING EAR PHONES AND BRACES SELF. KIRBY SCREAM INTO MICROPHONE. MADDEN BLOCK ATTACK FLAWLESSLY.
2v4: YOU TRY TO INHALE, BUT REMEMBER MIKE HAVE 3 USES. YOU THROW POWER STAR TO PREPARE. MADDEN EVADE.
4-1v1: NOW THAT YOU CAN, YOU BEGIN TO INHALE. MADDEN FALL OVER FROM FORCE, BUT STILL HOLDING ON.
ATHATH 3: YOU SUGGEST MADDEN EAT KIRBY. MADDEN THINK HE UNDERSTAND. SYNC RATIO RISE TO 50%.
3+1: MADDEN RAISES HIS ARMS! ELDRITCH PORTAL OPEN UP BETWEEN HIM AND KIRBY.
HE SUMMON GIANT UNDEAD TURDUCKEN DEMON. IT IS TRULY TERRIFYING. INHALE CANCELLED. TURDUCKEN BARES GIANT TEETH LADEN MOUTHS.
1v6: KIRBY EVADE STRIKE, AND FIRE AIR BLAST. TURDUCKEN TAKE SLIGHT DAMAGE.
MADDEN SYNC RATIO: THIS RATING SHOWS HOW IN SYNC YOUR ACTIONS AND DESIRES ARE WITH MADDEN'S WILL. AS THIS RISES, HE'LL BE MORE LIKELY TO FOLLOW YOUR SUGGESTIONS
RUN TO BALL. WE HAVE TO OBTAIN THE BALL
5-1: YOU RUSH TO BALL AND CLAIM IT. ADVANCE 5 YARDS.
VEHICLE SENTIENT. DRIVER NO LONGER NEEDED. SACRIFICE HIM TO THE CHEER GODS FOR A BOON AND TRY TO SURVIVE THROUGH THEIR ATTENTION.
5v3: YOU GRAB HEAD OF FORMER DRIVER, AND SLAM IT INTO EMERGENCY OPERATING TABLE. HE STUNNED BY FORCE.
2: NURSE IN SHOCK AND CANNOT REACT.
2: YOU TAKE SCALPAL AND TRY TO SACRIFICE DOCTOR IN RITUAL. DOCTOR DIES. IF THEY EXIST, CHEER GODS SEEM TO OFFER NO BOON. PERHAPS YOU PERFORM RITUAL WRONG. MAYBE LARGER SACRIFICE NEEDED?
THIS IS WHY SECONDARY WEAPONS ARE A THING, MAGGOT! CHASE AND FIRE ON AGIRE WITH MY SHOTGUN TILL HE IS DEAD, THEN RELOAD IT AND MY ROCKET LAUNCHER.
2-1v5-1: YOU UNLOAD EVERY BULLET FROM SHOTGUN. THEY ALL MISS. DAMN IT.
2: TRY TO RELOAD LAUNCHER, BUT SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT YOU LEFT YOUR SPARE ROCKETS IN YOUR OTHER PANTS POCKET. ARGH.
(I swear this isn't my fault. I actually wanted to see you blow something up, but my will and biases are powerless against random.org.)
PAINT AMBULANCE PURPLE. WELCOME TO THE PURPLE CROSS, YOU'RE ON MY TEAM NOW.
No, avoid the paint and ram him.
5v3: YOU GRAB PURPLE PAINT FROM UH. SOMEWHERE I GUESS. YOU OPEN CAN AND SPLASH ENTIRE CONTENTS TOWARD AMBULANCE. VEHICLE MODERATELY COATED IN PURPLE PAINT. IT STILL CHARGE AT YOU!
2v1: SUDDENLY VEHICLE SCREECH TO HALT BEFORE IMPACT. PAINT MUST HAVE LOCKED UP THE AXLE OR SOMETHING. THAT OR THE GEARS WEREN'T ENTIRELY FIXED AFTER AMBULANCE TOOK CONTROL OF ITSELF.
SHOUT VERY LOUDLY. TARGET CLOSEST ENEMY AND UNLEASH A FLURRY OF NANTO SUICHO KEN STRIKES TO CUT THEM INTO SLIVERS.
2: YOU TRY TO SHOUT, BUT STILL CATCHING BREATH. CANNOT SHOUT.
4-1v6: YOU TRY TECHNIQUE ON BULL, BUT YOUR HANDS UNABLE TO PENETRATE ROUGH HIDE.
GRAB BALL, FEED TO RED BULL
1-1v3-1: BULL CHARGES ZIIZO. YOU TRY TO GRAB BALL, BUT FALL OF BULL. ATTACK MISSES! YOU TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT BY BULL.
5: INJURIES ONLY MINOR, MOSTLY.
DO NOT EAT BALL! BUT DO CARRY IT TO TOUCHDOWN.
5v5-1+1: YOU TRY TO WRESTLE BALL OUT OF ZIIZO HANDS. SUCCEED! YOU START CARRYING IT TO BLUE ENDZONE. GAIN 5 YARDS.
JOIN TEMPLARS BY SAY 'HEY HOLY MAN, THIS FOUL BEAST IS OUR MUTUAL FOE, TOGETHER SMITE, YES?''
THROW BANISHING AIRHORNS AT JOHN MADDEN AND STORMTROOPER FOR BREAKING PHYSICS.
"Yes, join my fight, holy brother, and together, we can smite our enemies!"
"Mine leg is broken, but not mine spirit. With my new, holy ally, we will strike thou down."Pray to Jesus Christ, so he can heal my wounds, then attack the stormtrooper together with my new ally!"
YOU JOIN TEMPLARS. THAT WAS EASY.
5v4&1+1: YOU GATHER AIRHORNS FRON CROWD, AND THROW THEM IN BANISHING ATTACK.
MADDEN STRUCK BY BLAST OF SOUND! CORPOREAL FORM LOSE A LITTLE SUBSTANCE.
5: TROOPER EARS MODERATELY DAMAGED. HOWEVER, HE NOT BANISHED.
SOME AIRHORNS DEPLETED. NOISE LEVEL DROPS TO "OH LORD I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF THINK. STOP IT!"
3: YOUR LEG RECOVERS SOMEWHAT. JESUS APPARENTLY BUSY KEEPING MORE DEMONS FROM ENTERING THIS WORLD.
4v5: YOU CRAWL TOWARD STORMTROOPER, BUT GIANT METAL THING FALLS IN YOUR WAY.
UNFUMBLE DANGIT. REGAIN BALL FOR TOUCHDOWN.
BUT IF ANYONE ELSE COMES CLOSE, KICK BALL AT GOALPOSTS
6v6-1: YOU GRAB BALL FROM BULL. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE.
FIELD GOAL MODE INITIATED!
CURRENT DISTANCE: 35 YARDS.
DIFFICULTY: SOMEWHAT EASY.
ROLL REQUIRED FOR SUCCESS: 3.
SUCCESSFUL ROLLS REQUIRED: 1.
1-1-1: YOU KICK BALL WITH ATROCIOUS FORM DUE TO YOUR WOUNDED LEGS AND THE NOISE. IT FLY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD.
3-2: FORCE OF HIT KNOCKS YOU UNCONCIOUS. BALL ROLLS 5 YARDS BEHIND YOU.
dig further to reach the skaven warrens that OBVIOUSLY exist beneath the stadium.
1: YOU KEEP DIGGING. TUNNEL COLLAPSE DUE TO BAG DIGGING AND NOISE VIBRATIONS!
4: YOU BURIED UNDERGROUND. AIR SUPPLY WILL RUN OUT AT END OF 2 TURNS FROM NOW.
RED TEAM:
Mallos:
ROLE: QUARTERBACK
STATUS: BODY A BIT SORE. LESS EXHAUSTED.
crazyabe:
ROLE: TACKLE
STATUS: RIGHT ARM MODERATELY GOUGED. TRAMPLED BY BULL.
FallacyOfUrist:
ROLE: MASCOT: RED BULL
STATUS: CHARGING.
Dustan Hache:
ROLE: SOLDIER
STATUS: EMPTY ROCKET LAUNCHER. EMPTY SHOTGUN. NO EXTRA ROCKET AMMO.
BLUE TEAM:
ziizo:
ROLE: SAFETY
STATUS: HELMET ON GROUND.
Aigre Excalibur:
ROLE: Cornerback
STATUS: MAJOR CONCUSSION. BRUISED UPPER BODY. WOUNDED LEGS. UNCONCIOUS.
Failbird105:
ROLE: SKAVEN STORMVERMIN
STATUS: ARMS SLICED OPEN. ARMOR SOMEWHAT DAMAGED. TRAPPED UNDERGROUND. AIR SUPPLY: 2 TURNS LEFT.
Secheral:
ROLE: CHEERLEADER
STATUS: TAUGHT ASSISTANT(PROVIDES POSSIBLE ROLL BOOST FOR TEAM.) HIJACKING AMBULANCE. KILLED DOCTOR.
OTHER/FREE AGENTS:
Glass:
TEAM:
PURPLEROLE: CONFUSED SOCCER PLAYER
STATUS: COATED AMBULANCE IN PURPLE PAINT.
ATHATH:
TEAM:
GREENROLE: ELDER GOD JOHN MADDEN
HEALTH: MADDEN SLIGHTLY DAMAGED
STATUS: ACOLYTE OF FOOTBALL. MADDEN SYNC RATIO: 50%. UNDEAD DEMON TURDUCKEN ALLY.
Paxiecrunchle:
TEAM: TEMPLARS
ROLE: DRUNK REFEREE
STATUS: BLEEDING FROM MOUTH. SUCCESSFULLY ATTACKING MADDEN.
Egan_BW:
TEAM:
PINKROLE: KIRBY
STATUS: INJURED. NO POWER.
CrocAndBearLover:
TEAM: TEMPLARS
ROLE: COMMANDER OF NOBLE KNIGHTS OF TEMPLAR ORDER, CHARLES III LE CHAMPAGNE
STATUS: RIGHT LEG MOSTLY EXPLODED.
Madman198237:
TEAM: 501ST LEGION
ROLE: STORMTROOPER SNIPER
STATUS: EXECUTING ORDER 66.
King Zultan
TEAM:
PURPLE?ROLE: AMBULANCE
STATUS: ATTACKING GLASS. CAN'T MOVE.
GENERAL INFORMATION:
SCORES:
RED: 0
BLUE: 0
PURPLE: 0
GREEN: 0
PINK: 0
TEMPLARS: 0
501ST LEGION: 0
BALL STATUS: 40 YARDS FROM RED END ZONE. ON GROUND.
RTD STADIUM:
BRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!SEATS OCCUPIED: 12,500/100,000
VIEWERS WATCHING LIVE: 13,000 PEOPLE.
SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS: 23,500 PEOPLE.
NOISE NOW MORE TOLERABLE TO VIEWERS. PEOPLE BEGIN TO RETURN.
FOOTBALL FACT OF THE TURN: TO ENVISION THE TURDUCKEN, PUT THE HIVE MIND HEAD FROM DEAD SPACE ON A GIANT ROTTEN FLESHY BIRD BODY. THAT'LL DO.
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Topic: A GAME OF FOOTBALL: CANCELLED (Read 28586 times)