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[Eschar]

install doom (original one) on the thing.

And not Colossal Cave Adventure?

Install Colossal Cave Adventure.

[wierd]

I am thinking "I have no mouth and I must scream" would be a much more... "entertaining" thing to install.

[Gatleos]

Before we get too gung ho, we need to keep the corporate masters happy.

1) issue this hardware a proper asset tag.
2) assign that asset tag to the support ticket.
3) look in the archived support ticket database for case notes dealing with xyzzy, heironet, and that room number.
4) update case notes for this ticket, detailing all steps taken so far. Remind the future reader that you are being serious. Add references to any search results that gave a hit and seem relavent.

This ticket is starting to get out of hand, but you'll be DAMNED (possibly literally) if you're going to let it get the better of you. After creating a proper asset tag (and writing over the sticker on the back of the tower with sharpie), you update the support ticket with a summary of the steps you've taken to fix the problem so far. You suppose your goal is still getting internet access on this thing, so you're sticking with the ticket.

After looking through the support ticket database and some floor plans, you come to the conclusion that 1.) Hieronet Explorer is extremely buggy and prone to spatio-temporal glitches, 2.) XYZZY is mentioned by no one, anywhere, and 3.) the room you are currently in does not exist. The support tickets mentioning Hieronet Explorer tend to concern connection issues and/or "madness from beyond the stars".

Try and see if the VM on the phone has internet

Okay it does have internet. Maybe something essential to the infestation wasn't copied over when you made the backup? It's still probably useful for storing these floppy images.

Torrent the necromicon or access it through Hieronet. Also, find and download a file with rune translations, for easy reference.

You probably don't need anything more than Google to translate germanic runes. That Necronomicon torrent link, on the other hand, requires Hieronet Explorer, which you now have!

You copy the URL you were given into the address bar. Huh.

Finally, you hit enter and navigate to the page hosting the Necronomicon torrent! You click the link, and the torrent download begins.

install doom (original one) on the thing.

And not Colossal Cave Adventure?

Install Colossal Cave Adventure.

To pass the time, you decide to download Colossal Cave Adventure and install it on this machine.

You were considering a couple of other spooky games, but for whatever reason you felt this was more appropriate.



Oh! The torrent is progressing much faster than you-- was the taskbar missing just a second ago?

HE IS BELOW TO BANISH HIM YOU MUST SPEAK HIS MASTER'S NAME

Type in Nyarlathotep.

Oh.

OH SHIT

HOW DO YOU SPELL IT FUCK

You hear a vast rumbling from below, as if the space beneath you just expanded immensely.

Spoiler: Documents (click to show/hide)

Code: (polybius.txt) [Select]

44454233 453314151114 52244423 5354555554
It translates to "TURN UNDEAD WITH XYZZY"

Code: (hieronet_help.txt) [Select]

accessing the hieronet is easy, even on the mortal plane!

1. complete the desktop summoning ritual to install the needed program
2. read up on some ancient symbols! hieroglyphs, runes, etc. will be necessary
3. find some hieronet urls. ask one of your skinwalker friends if they know any!


Code: (email) [Select]

From: Michael Kisielewicz
Date: Friday, April 9, 1999 4:22 PM
To: Qalzsx'wa The Engorged
Subject: Project Status

Hail Qalzsx'wa,

Just shootin' ya an electronic mail, wondering how the whole Y2K project's coming along on your end. It's been a little difficult getting these messages across without the Hieronet router set up, so I was wondering if you heard back from the support team at Hells-Deathwell. See, we have to sacrifice a goat in the conference room every time we send one of these emails without a persistent Outer Realm connection, and the whole logistical side of shipping live animals to the office is getting a little tough to manage. So if you could get in touch with them that would be greeaat.

Thanks a bunch,
Michael


Code: (LIES.txt) [Select]

DO NOT BELIEVE THE TASKBAR'S LIES IT IMPRISONS HIM BUT NOT FOREVER

HE IS BELOW TO BANISH HIM YOU MUST SPEAK HIS MASTER'S NAME

f b c l     a y a p
g a i h ==> t n o h
e k j d     l e t r
Nyarlathotep!

Code: (Necronomicon.txt) [Select]

~-= crakk-freekz.net =-~

torrent info: connect to hieronet url www.□□□□□□□□□□.sothoth
to download Necronomicon.pdf through your built-in torrent client


Spoiler: Programs (click to show/hide)

Sigil Tablet
Scryglass of X'tpylix
Hieronet Explorer

Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)

Floppy disk (XYZZY)


Floppy disk ()


Floppy disk (backup)


Red dry erase marker


Win98 Phone


Floppy (blank)


Floppy USB adapter

[Rose]

See if we can open the newly downloaded PDF. If we can't, then download Acrobat Reader 6 on a different machine and copy it and install it.

[wierd]

There are any number of PDF readers for Android. The now cursed(?) cellphone should work well. (If it wasnt cursed before, it soon will be though.)

Temporarily succumb to a fit of psychic sensitivity. Open a command prompt.

Code: [Select]


C:\copy con AUX

OGTHROD AI’F GEB’L—EE’H YOG-SOTHOTH ‘NGAH’NG AI’Y ZHRO!
^Z
1 file copied


recover from the fugue state to recoil in horror at the results


(For those not familiar, this is the "banishment" spell from Charles Dexter Ward)
(Edit, since we dont want to give whatever horror lies behind the taskbar a corporeal form. )

[Fniff]

Headcanon: our interpid IT consultant is named Charles Dexter Ward.
They prefer Charlie or, if you're a friend, Dex.

[Paxiecrunchle]

This is rapidly becoming my favorite game on these forums, those spooky scary skelingtons made me nearly double over in laughter.
I wish there was someway I could upvote your posts.

Just out of curiosity, let's see if its possible to search hieronet for 'Antartica' just to see what comes up. Also, we should try loading a ''normal website'' like say ''yahoo news or google'' just to see if they are affected in any way.

Edit; Perhaps also try going to ''crakk-freaks.net'' jus to find out about these guys, try through both browsers. P

[Rose]

Yeah, let's not forget out primary purpose here.

At the end of the day, we need to get this computer connected to the internet. All the occult stuff is just a means to an end.

[Gatleos]

Just out of curiosity, let's see if its possible to search hieronet for 'Antartica' just to see what comes up. Also, we should try loading a ''normal website'' like say ''yahoo news or google'' just to see if they are affected in any way.

While antarctica.sothoth appears to be an unclaimed domain (golden opportunity!), google.com loads as normal in Hieronet Explorer. It does appear to have mistaken your location for "R'lyeh" however, and set the language settings appropriately.

Perhaps also try going to ''crakk-freaks.net'' jus to find out about these guys, try through both browsers.

It seems to have been a fairly normal file sharing site. Looks like the domain lapsed some time in mid-2002.

Temporarily succumb to a fit of psychic sensitivity. Open a command prompt.

Code: [Select]


C:\copy con AUX

OGTHROD AI’F GEB’L—EE’H YOG-SOTHOTH ‘NGAH’NG AI’Y ZHRO!
^Z
1 file copied


recover from the fugue state to recoil in horror at the results

The mouse raises briefly from the desk and does a few flips in mid-air, and the disk is "banished" from the floppy drive, at the wall. You're not quite sure it had an effect on whatever lurks Beyond the Taskbar, since the thing seems to have retreated into a colossal cave down below. Any attempts at banishment would have to take place... down there.

See if we can open the newly downloaded .pdf. If we can't, then download Acrobat Reader 6 on a different machine and copy it and install it.

There are any number of PDF readers for Android. The now cursed(?) cellphone should work well. (If it wasnt cursed before, it soon will be though.)

OR you could just use one of your shittier testing laptops. It already has a newer version of Adobe Reader on it, and you wouldn't mind cursing it anyway.

Alright, let's take a look at the first page.

Looks like some of the more recent keepers of The Book have been signing this blank page. This PDF might be pretty old now, no telling who the newest keeper is. That reminds you, you should have probably read the README file that came with the PDF.

Code: (README.txt) [Select]

Hey there, just a couple of notes before you dig in to the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis.
First, certain parts of the .pdf file seem to shift around at random. This is normal,
and there isn't anything I can do about it. Sorry.

Second, most of the pages in this book WILL cause you to go insane if you look at
them long enough. I do NOT recommend looking at pages unless you know they
are safe. I don't know of many pages that are safe to look at, but you can start with
pages 33, 98, and 422.

Finally, some of the pages in here seem to refer to Hieronet URLs. If you see the
Hieronet icon in the corner, that's what it is. Have fun!

-Steve

...Did Steve Jobs create this .pdf?

Spoiler: Documents (click to show/hide)

Code: (polybius.txt) [Select]

44454233 453314151114 52244423 5354555554
It translates to "TURN UNDEAD WITH XYZZY"

Code: (hieronet_help.txt) [Select]

accessing the hieronet is easy, even on the mortal plane!

1. complete the desktop summoning ritual to install the needed program
2. read up on some ancient symbols! hieroglyphs, runes, etc. will be necessary
3. find some hieronet urls. ask one of your skinwalker friends if they know any!


Code: (email) [Select]

From: Michael Kisielewicz
Date: Friday, April 9, 1999 4:22 PM
To: Qalzsx'wa The Engorged
Subject: Project Status

Hail Qalzsx'wa,

Just shootin' ya an electronic mail, wondering how the whole Y2K project's coming along on your end. It's been a little difficult getting these messages across without the Hieronet router set up, so I was wondering if you heard back from the support team at Hells-Deathwell. See, we have to sacrifice a goat in the conference room every time we send one of these emails without a persistent Outer Realm connection, and the whole logistical side of shipping live animals to the office is getting a little tough to manage. So if you could get in touch with them that would be greeaat.

Thanks a bunch,
Michael


Code: (LIES.txt) [Select]

DO NOT BELIEVE THE TASKBAR'S LIES IT IMPRISONS HIM BUT NOT FOREVER

HE IS BELOW TO BANISH HIM YOU MUST SPEAK HIS MASTER'S NAME

f b c l     a y a p
g a i h ==> t n o h
e k j d     l e t r
Nyarlathotep!

Code: (Necronomicon.txt) [Select]

~-= crakk-freekz.net =-~

torrent info: connect to hieronet url www.□□□□□□□□□□.sothoth
to download Necronomicon.pdf through your built-in torrent client


Code: (README.txt) [Select]

Hey there, just a couple of notes before you dig in to the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis.
First, certain parts of the .pdf file seem to shift around at random. This is normal,
and there isn't anything I can do about it. Sorry.

Second, most of the pages in this book WILL cause you to go insane if you look at
them long enough. I do NOT recommend looking at pages unless you know they
are safe. I don't know of many pages that are safe to look at, but you can start with
pages 33, 98, and 422.

Finally, some of the pages in here seem to refer to Hieronet URLs. If you see the
Hieronet icon in the corner, that's what it is. Have fun!

-Steve


Spoiler: Programs (click to show/hide)

Sigil Tablet
Scryglass of X'tpylix
Hieronet Explorer

Spoiler: Pages (click to show/hide)

Signature Page

Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)

Floppy disk (XYZZY)


Floppy disk ()


Floppy disk (backup)


Red dry erase marker


Win98 Phone


Floppy (blank)


Floppy USB adapter

[Rose]

Hieronet explorer can access Google. Internet is working, ticket closed.

[consumptiveAbsolutist]

> Look at Page 33.
I hope that Steve didn't intentionally pick the most dangerous pages in The Book just to screw with us. That would be horrifically bad.

[akkudakku]

Use OCR software to find the hieronet glyphs in >>necronomicon.pdf<<. Don't feed new software to the demons.

[Dermonster]

[X] Sign name on PDF. You'll be one of the greats!

[Gwolfski]

yes

also something ate our game.

[helmacon]

yes

also something ate our game.

I hope it liked it.