As for how to proceed-- since this is clearly some serious black magic voodoo that is probably related to the unholy evil emanating from HR, we should make a disk image of this system's hard drive before we do anything else.
Good idea! When all else fails, backups have your back.
After a moment of searching, you find a small container of floppy disks behind the tower.
Looks like the black one is blank, so you stick it in the A: drive and start the backup process.
You looked for "winipconfig" this is WROONG. it is winipcfg
Gahhh you always get that mixed up. Let's see if winipcfg works.
There we go! For a second there, you thought the utility wasn't present on the system. That would have been
weird.
So, a few things. First, you don't recognize that ip address. After some command line fiddling, you figure out that it's
80.179.4.22, which doesn't match up with the company's network. However, the company domain (baldr.net) is up there. Hm. There are a couple of other weird things, you guess.
[X} My documents! My Computer! Open all of the things!
Huh. Disappointingly normal.
Drag a slightly newer computer out of storage, attack it to the network, make it a router, then network this 98 box and it together over a LPT port. Get internets
Because, clearly, there aren't enough things wrong with this system.
Despite the apparent occult influence over the network connection, you spend about half an hour jury-rigging another physical connection. Once everything seems ready to go, you perform a ping request. Once it predictably and boringly fails, you just try to resolve an address through internet explorer.
No dice.
[X] The only solution is to get several candles, red chalk, a knife and a chicken. Proceed as ordained by local cult leader.
You're able to retrieve a dry erase from a nearby conference room, and some leftovers and a knife from the break room. No candles, as far as you can see.
44454233 453314151114 52244423 5354555554
It translates to "TURN UNDEAD WITH XYZZY"
Floppy disk (XYZZY)
Floppy disk (
)
Floppy disk (backup) [in use]
Red dry erase marker
Chicken bucket
Butter knife