Out in a once beautiful meadow, a fledgling koopa fort is busy trying to get itself together. Unbeknownst to them, the fort is being stalked by one who would wish to do it harm.
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"Get off our fucking lawn, you damn hooligans!" yelled Pikalord, as he threw a rock at a haxxor who looked like he was trying to sneak into the fort. The haxxor cried out and ran before he even got close enough to see the fort. "I swear, why do they even come if a hardy shout is all it takes to scare them off." Pikalord said as he slowly shook his head, before getting back to dragging the rotting pentaceratops corpse he had with him to the overflowing corpse pile.
One day, Auze began complaining that he had nothing to do. "As a noble" he whined to anyone who would listen "I am above hauling corpses, and I demand work more fitting to my rank". It was obvious to most of the koopas in the fort that Auze intended to weather the apocalypse in his quarters and not help the rest of them, so most didn't care to heed his complaining. To both shut him up and make him useful, Mottled Petrel told him to try to figure out the magician's studio that had been built. After several hours, Auze came to this consensus "So, according to these instructions, which is mostly pictures, I need to inscribe a slate and then pour some kind of magic dust on it? And then I need to look at it really hard for a long time, and if I'm lucky there will be a small chance of some kind of magic orb appearing. Once the magic orb is eaten, the consumer will gain its magic powers.". Mottled Petrel blinked "Is that really how magic works?" "How the hell should I know!? There isn't any words on this damn thing, this could be a koopaling's picture book for all I know!" Auze said with exasperation as he waved the instructions around. "Just try to figure it out, we'll deal with the 'magic orbs' when we get to them.".
Mottled Petrel sat reclining at his desk, wondering what his next course of action should be. He was jolted out of his day dreaming by a large koopa slamming something on his desk.
"Oh, KoopaUnknown, you're back. What took you so long?" Mottled Petrel asked as he saw who it was, and as he watched the Cunning Citadels file in. They all looked tired, worn out, and most of their armor was covered in yellow stains. Koopa Unknown looked mad, but that was normal. "What zhe hell!? You told uz that we were searching for cook book. Turnz out zhe only book on zhe whole continent with the name you gave uz waz ztored away in a dark tower. And after dayz of fighting through living cheese, all we find iz thiz!" KoopaUnknown exclaimed as he angrily pointed to the big leather bound tome he had slammed on the desk.
The book almost looked as if it was pulsating, and the words 'The Book of Coagulation' were imprinted at the top in golden calligraphy. "I don't know what you're talking about, this looks like a cook book to m-" Mottled Petrel opened the book, and the sounds of a thousand damned souls whispering at once filled the ears of everyone in the room. The words on the pages looked like they had been written in blood, and smoky black tendrils emanated from the phrases that held the most power. There were diagrams of cheese, and corpses, and black incantations, and bending the will of the flesh to that of cheese, and- Mottled Petrel slammed the book shut "Alright, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting".
Mottled Petrel thought for a minute "We've got an abandoned room that used to lead to the trash pit we just dug, I want you to dump that book in there until I find a way to deal with it. Send the other books to the library, I'm sure the scholars would love the insight on what goes on in a dark tower.". The Cunning Citadels nodded, and walked out. As they were doing this, Mottled Petrel noticed that a few of the laser-ceratosaurs had some crude medals pinned to their chest, which usually was a koopa tradition for commemorating exemplary work on the battlefield. Mottled Petrel didn't know what to make of it, but prayed that the book actually made it to where he wanted it to go. Before they left, rainbowdashfanboi84 placed his stolen item on Mottled Petrel's desk.
"Auze is going to have a field day with this thing.". Under the artifact was a copy of the mission report.
And just like the last time, a performance troop decided to tag along with the koopa invasion force.
But this time, something was a little off about the group.
Mottled Petrel couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't normal for a poet to declare death on everyone around him, and then attack his fellow troupe-mates. The poets beat the crysanthrope to death with the books they were carrying, and then continued on their way as if nothing had happened. Except the pianta child, he was scarred for life and curled into a ball and wept.
Among the confusion, another
child protective services officer haxxor theif tried to sneak into the fort. The 2-man wrestler squad was sent out to deal with him. To further worsen the matter, a wild gallade wandered right into the visiting troupe, and began hacking off limbs like there was no tomorrow. While watching a ninja poet be reduced to confetti, Mottled Petrel noticed something glinting from a pile of blood.
'Where the hell did this thing come from?'.
Somehow, instead of just driving the haxxor off, the wrestlers managed to scare the haxxor into the densely populated tavern. Once there, they cut off his arm right in front of all of the other guests, before giving chase again.
After bleeding his way across the hall, the haxxor was impaled on top of one of the dinning room tables, right in front of three visiting baron consorts from the human empire. Without even so much as picking up the body, the two of them high-fived, and then went back to training. It was probably at that time that the visiting humans realized what the rumors of Modded Hell were talking about. They were also very perturbed by how nonchalantly the next koopa who came into the room picked up the dead haxxor's scattered teeth.
It is spring now, and after a month of the military being home, the fighter who had stolen the Book of Coagulation was still carrying it around on him. Despite the fact that the book had been forbidden, he still carried it.
Apparently the haxxors had decided that sending in individual thieves to their death wasn't a very effective strategy, because a complete ambush party was seen on the edge of the fort's territory. One ambush party soon turned into three, then five, and before you knew it it seemed like the entire haxxor nation was trying to invade. They were even led by a prophet who had brought some of his pilgrims with him, but unfortunately for them they decided to ambush on the side with the bob-omb's and incineroar. The lead cage hadn't been finished in time, but the incineroar was more than willing to throw himself into the fight anyways, breathing fire the entire time.
Now at around 80 invaders, most of them actually ninjas, the incineroar had sparked another forest fire that was beginning to close in on the haxxor ranks. At this point the untrained horses the haxxors were riding on began to freak out and were fleeing in all directions, to reveal that there was actually an invasion of clowns directly behind them. After slightly regroupring, the haxxors turned around to try to fight off the clown invasion force as the fire slowly crept towards both groups.
The haxxors themselves didn't stand a chance, none of them actually brought any weapons or armor, but the ninjas that were part of the haxxor invasion force stood their own reasonably well. Regardless, the clowns were by far the superior force. While this was happening, the incineroar was content to sit in his fire, watching the two sides fight.
The clown force was much smaller than that of the haxxors, totaling in with only a ten clown squad and no war animals, but they still managed to make short work of most of the remaining haxxor forces. Soon enough, however, both sides were annihilated, leaving only a few panic stricken haxxor recruits running around screaming. It was at this point that the military, who had been ordered to stand by the tower until things cleared up, were finally sent out to put down who was left.
'Oh come on, we just finished cleaning the corpses from the last invasion from that area'.
The military only managed to catch one fleeing war stoutland, but they did make an approximate casualty list while they were out.
On the way back inside from the field, Mottled Petrel pulled over the soldier who had been carrying the Book of Coagulation for over a month. "Don't worry man, I finally put it away" he said, Mottled Petrel squinted "Alright, where did you put it.". The soldier cupped his chin with his hand in a thoughtful expression "You know, I don't really remember. You forbade me from carrying it, so I kinda just dropped it somewhere.". Mottled Petrel looked like he was going to strangle the koopa in front of him who had just lost one of the most powerful books in the land.
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So, the Book of Coagulation has been dropped somewhere, and it isn't showing up on the stocks screen. Even if I can find it again, it wasn't letting me mark it for dumping, and no one in the fort is actually dumping. Any ideas on how I can get the book into the safety room without restricting all of the other books to there? Also, does anyone want to volunteer to become a cheese wizard?
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Topic: The Resurgence of Modded Hell (Back, Still Broken, Now With Giant Butterflies) (Read 301138 times)