I was going to wait longer to put out this update because it wasn't quite done, but at this point I have so many questions that I might as well dump it here so you guys can have some kind of context.
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In a nice office a koopa sits at a desk with his fingers steepled, deep in thought.
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'...What the hell was I doing again?' Mottled Petrel wondered, as he sat at his desk. Outside of his door Mottled Petrel could see the naked ghost of stingpie scaring the hell out of everyone in the hall 'Oh yeah, that was what I was doing. One slab, coming up. Now what else was I up to'.'. Outside the sounds of a family of kangaskhan being murdered could be heard 'That too, I forgot about that'.
Next to him was a deceivingly small box full of scrolls, each containing information on the many books found throughout the world. After wasting much of his afternoon the day before, Mottled Petrel had stumbled across a book of particular interest. The Book of Coagulation was said to be filled with the secrets of legendary cheese making, and Mottled Petrel believed that creating the best cheese in the land would be a sure fire way to have Modded Hell elevated in the eyes of the koopa empire. Because of that, once the army was done killing the kangaskhan he would send them out to look for it.
He waited, but an unfamiliar face eventually peaked through his door "I was told that migrants were to report to you?".
Mottled Petrel put down his paper weight that he had been fiddling with "Make it quick, I've learned that even with introductions I can't remember who's who". The koopa, who Mottled Petrel now recognized was a demon koopa, stepped into the room with his migrants "I'm Nokoopi, great clothier" "You'll be a miner/mechanic, because that's what we need". Nokoopi frowned, but continued anyways "Nuku, talented brewer" "All purpose farmer" "Nokopok, accomplished wood crafter, novice special weaponmaker, proficient building designer" "Militia" "Scourge II, novice fish cleaner, novice gem cutter" Mottled Petrel squinted "Mining/mechanics" "Nuku, uh, what did you do again? Oh, novice epic sax player" "military" "Lonokom, adequate glassmaker, novice metalsmith." "All metalsmithing" "Plonoko, novice gem cutter, novice bone doctor" "Military" "Maknoko, high master glassmaker" "military" "That's it".
Mottled Petrel looked at the group in front of him trying to take their faces in, all the normal koopas and a demon koopa, the demon koopa would surely be political trouble later "Alright, get to it, I'm in the middle of military planning".
After months of hiding in his shell, bloop_bleep had finally succumb to starvation. An inglorious death that could have been easily avoided if he had just gotten up to get some food.
'Thank the gods he's finally out of my hair, maybe now I can finally sleep without him phasing through my bedroom.' (I actually got a second report that Stingpie had risen to haunt the fortress, and I'm really not sure if a second ghost was existing within him, or if he just made a second dramatic entrance).
A ninja maceman petitioned to join the fort, this time for actual mercenary work, Mottled Petrel pondered what it would be like to see a ninja wearing a shell.
'Alright, Autumns is here, I've waited long enough, its time to send out the raid' Mottled Petrel thought, as he put in a summon for the military. After all 16 warriors of Modded Hell arrived Mottled Petrel began his monologue, but then stopped because he thought it would be better to have the scroll with the information on the Book of Coagulation before he got into detail. It took him probably 30 minutes to find it (You guys would not believe how far down I had to scroll to find it) and explained that he wanted the full squad to retrieve it while the 6 koopa/ninja squad stayed behind to defend the fort. There was some arguing over risking the lives of good koopas over a 'cookbook', but Mottled Petrel assured them that there was more to it than just cooking.
The dark tower of Hopwreaths was a five days travel to the north, even farther north than the koopa mountianhome. The local population was estimated to be about 20, but there was no telling how many undead would be present. With a few more grumbles, the military grabbed their war laser-ceratosauruses, and departed for the book. The squad had barely gotten out the door when they were jumped by a large herd of pentaceratops.
Being large creatures, the pentaceratops held their own, barring the koopas from their mission.
Almost as if they were just a front, a vile force of darkness crested the a hill farther north. A pelagic raiding force with all manner of war animals had its eyes set on the fort while the pentaceratops were keeping the koopas busy. 'Oh fuck me, all I wanted was a nice book and now this' "
FORGET THE BOOK, DEFEND THE FORT!" Mottled Petrel yelled from the top of the meat tower.
But what was this? It would appear that an equally substantial haxxor invasion force had unknowingly crested the same hill as the pelagics, and a full out war was being fought between the two groups.
It would also appear that a necromantic force had also decided to invade Modded Hell at exactly the same hill, and was now having their undead army annihilated by the two other armies.
'What the fuck is going on up there, is there a brigand invading force too?' Mottled Petrel noticed some brigands being torn apart by the far superior pelagic army, but he had no idea what was happening any more.
Eventually, it appeared that the pelagic army had won, and were still advancing en mass.
'
Woah Woah Woah, we are not fucking ready for this.' "
PULL BACK, PULL BACK TO THE ENTRANCE SO THE ANIMALS CAN HELP YOU!" Mottled Petrel cried desperately.
The pelagics just kept coming, even after filling three whole unit pages, they just kept coming. However, something in the crowd had reaminated the bodies of the other fallen forces, and the fight was renewed.
It would appear that the pelagic oracles were reanimating the bodies their army was currently standing on, drastically undermining their war effort. As the pelagics who were riding horses were scattered because the horses could not handle the presence of undead, all the koopas could do was wait and hope the pelagics killed themselves.
Ironically, the pelagics eventually scared themselves off with the constant reanimation of the enemies they had just killed, and ran off. Eventually, Mottled Petrel sent the koopas to kill the remaining pelagics who were being dragged around at the whim of their mounts. This doesn't go well, as one of the new recruits got one of their feet cut clean off in the beginning of the skirmish. The ninja recruit, however, has no trouble bashing a war dog's head in not too far away.
A war horse is struck down with ease, while the recruit who lost his foot continued to be maimed by a pelagic oracle swordsmaster. Eventually, the ninja recruit saved the koopa recruit by snapping the oracle's neck, but it seemed unlikely that the recruit would get the medical attention he needed in time.
A few more pelagic groupers were swiftly killed, a war chespin was mercy killed, and the remaining undead in the area were hunted down and the fortress was safe.
Right after the last invader was killed and the all clear to the civilians was given, a large group of dancers arrived. This group of dancers arrived directly in the middle of the remaining pentaceratops herd and was promptly gored to death. Some of the dancers fled in all directions, but Mottled Petrel didn't care enough to send out troops to save them, he was more interested in the events that had transpired during the invasion.
A LOT of animals had been caught, including 3 alolan rattatas, 1 imp, and two pentaceratops.
After seeing one of their fellow spawn be caught by a cage trap, the other three imps were waiting patiently for a koopa to wander by. On one hand, Mottled Petrel didn't really care to catch more imps because they couldn't be tamed, but on the other he didn't really want any more workers to be killed in the caves. He decided to wait for the warriors to rest and eat, then he'd send them down to finish the job.
Before said conditions could be met, Asin decided he was going to have a nice stroll in the caverns. The imps sensed his life force, and eagerly ran over the cage traps. All were caught but one, who began attacking Asin relentlessly. The imp was unable to land a hit on the troubled koopa, and after a bone shattering punch to the arm and a muscle tearing kick to the hip the imp was left to writhe in pain as Asin continued his walk. After making it like 10 feet, he turned back around and fell asleep in the middle of the cavern.
As if nothing was happening, Darkening Kaos whistled as he walked past Asin to reload the cage traps. As he did so, the injured imp crawled
BETWEEN HIS LEGS and began dragging itself towards the sleeping Asin. And after loading the cage trap he walked right back over the imp on his way back inside.
As if there wasn't enough going on, the ruxian and the mole person caravan decided to stop by for trading. Like the dancers before them, the ruxes walked head first into the pentaceratops herd and were attacked.
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Here's a list of things killed in the fight:
Alright, this update has left me with a lot of questions:
First of all,
WTF.
2. Are pelagic oracles supposed to be able to raise the dead?
3. If so,
WHY?4. What the heck is a pilgrim doing here? One died in the fight.
5. Pentaceroses man, damn.
6. That was an insanely large invasion, why the hell are they so interested in us on year 2?
7. Would anyone be opposed to me changing the raws so that imps are tameable? This is too good of an opportunity to miss.
8. Darkening Kaos literally walked over an imp who was trying to kill Asin, twice, what's going on?
9. Does anyone else see anything wrong with the fact that the pelagics brought a
horse recruit with them?
10. We obviously can't beat these huge invading forces in gentlemanly combat, any ideas for ungentlemanly tactics?
11. I had more, but at this point I'm not even sure if understanding what just happened will make it any better.