In a grassy field a koopa cranes his neck to see over an adjacent grassy hill.
---
'As if we didn't have enough trade goods for 3 caravans, here comes another!'. From over the hills a silanif caravan approaches, in there eyes is a powerful glint of greed.
Before this caravan could even get over the farthest hill the doublade that had been floating around since the fort was founded descended and almost bisected one of the merchants with a single blow from one of its swords. Surprisingly, the merchant survived and crawled away, but the wagon he was riding was shattered into a rain of splinters by the force of the blow.
The wagon looked really depressed before the attack, so Mottled Petrel was unsure as to whether the wagon enjoyed being destroyed or not. The rest of the caravan immediately turned around and began fleeing, but the bouffalant that had been hauling the sad wagon decided to stay behind and avenge their gloomy friend.
The two bouffalant were hacked to pieces in a matter of seconds. A caravan guard also stayed behind, not the help the merchant who was lying on the ground with his lungs hanging out of his chest, but to claim the glory of slaying the doublade for his own. He let loose a number of iron bolts, each one taking a good sized chunk of the duoblade with it when it hit. Eventually, even though the duoblade was probably never alive in the first place, the silanif declared it 'dead'. Mottled Petrel took note that the destruction of the wagon probably meant that they'd have to leave behind a large pile of their trade goods "Sorry about that guys, can you come back next year?". The silanif that had killed the duoblade shook his fist at Mottled Petrel and ran to catch up with the fleeing caravan, leaving his bleeding friend in the dirt behind him. Mottled Petrel thought about if he could remedy the situation, and then decided he didn't care enough because he didn't even know what a silanif was until a couple of seconds ago.
Once back inside the fort he noticed a mole man ambassador and a ratooey minister of trade huddled around the passed out broker. "Squire! You're temporary broker until the old one wakes up. I want you to deal with these diplomats and call me over once they ask what we want to import.".
Some angry yelling could be heard from outside, Silverlock was now next to Mottled Petrel "I think that's the diplomat from the caravan that got cut up. Not much we can do about them.". Silverlock steps aside to speak with the Mole person ambassador. After a few minutes Silverlock calls Mottled Petrel over and sums up the conversation for him "We have settled along a major trade route it seems, and the mole person people welcome us doing so. They see it as a way for them to better connect with the koopa people and that this could become a valuable checkpoint for all merchants. He requests that he be allowed to stay longer than the trade caravan so that he may better assess the trading potential of this location." Mottled Petrel was thinking about what he was going to have for dinner later '-nd then I could give it a side of pokebeans with- oh fuck, I missed all of that. Uhhh...' "Tell him that we are glad that his people have come to trade and agree to any diplomatic request he might have."
Silverlock went back to talking to the mole person for another few minutes, and then returned to ask what Mottled Petrel wanted to import and handed him a list. "Hmm... I think we could go for a pair of Geo Vipers, they sound cool, some mountain dew, some pond turtles, for their shells. Other than that, surprise us." Silverlock ran off, then returned with the list of goods that the mole person people requested of the koopas. Mottled Petrel pretended to look at it 'They're getting spiked balls and they're going to like it'. Silverlock went to find the ratooey minister of trade, but found that he had been the one who had stormed off angrily earlier. Mottled Petrel didn't know what to make of this, but he noticed that wags was just sitting around "Hey, wags, you're a brewer now, go make the still" wags sighed "dammit..." and reluctantly got up.
The three caravans on the surface had somehow all squeezed themselves into the singular trade depot, which was pretty impressive because each wagon was about the size of the entire trade depot. The three races all vied for Mottled Petrel's and Silverlock's attention, each describing just how quality their 'premium goods' were. "All right, calm down everyone, the ruxes got here first." One of the rux merchants pumped his fist and said "
yessss" under his breath. Silverlock stood at the depot and looked at the goods, and then backed up and said "I have no idea what any of these are worth". 'god damn it' thought Mottled Petrel, as he looked around for someone else who could trade. A troll walked by, "Hey, you, troll, what's your proffession?" "trader" replied the troll.
"Trader? Well get over here and help us trade!" the troll walked up to the depot and brushed Silverlocke aside. The troll looked over the goods for a few minutes as he tried to get an idea of the standings of each side of the deal, wags walked up to report that the still had finally been made.
"It's about time! Now go down there and brew anything that's even remotely edible, I want enough alcohol to last us the winter.". The troll pulled Mottled Petrel aside to talk to him "
They've brought a lot of stuff, but most of it is overpriced crap. Chances are we can dump our own overpriced crap on them. Just tell me what you want when you see it and I'll take it from there." Mottled Petrel nodded.
Overpriced crap was an understatement, they were selling some stone blocks for 5000 urists...
EACH. Nothing else was really of value. Mottled Petrel pulled the troll aside "
These guys are fucking insane. 230 urists for a waterskin? I don't care if it's made out of imported white beaked dolphin leather, there's no fucking way we're paying that kinda money for a folded over piece of leather. Just... just buy some cheap barrels from them or something so they don't feel bad and they come back next year." The troll agreed with Mottled Petrel's call.
There was only one cheap barrel, all of the other ones were encrusted in precious something or another. They payed for the purchase with a handful of cheap gems. The ruxes still seemed happy with that, as they immediately took out small magnifying lenses and eagerly looked over the gems. 'Well that was a bust, on to the ratooeys' "Hey, do you guys know why your minister of trade stormed off?" One of the merchants looked a little embarrassed "He's got a bit of a short fuse, if he doesn't get attention fast enough he gets angry and storms off. We'll try to make sure that this doesn't impact relations between us too much.". The ratooey merchants were much more agreeable than the ruxes, they willingly sold a magic reindeer waterskin for base waterskin value. Mottled Petrel asked if they had anything they thought could combat the effects of dream ale, the ratooeys pulled up a bag of revival herb seeds and said that they might help. The ratooeys were selling a few large gems for very cheap, Mottled Petrel bought them for future magikoopa spell making.
At the bottom of the trade pile were a few books, most notably one called 'thoughts on the farm', it sold for 420 urists. "It's a book about farming plants made to be smoked" the merchant explained "I know the koopas use gnobs for that purpose, maybe it will help to give some insight on new things that can be smoked?" Mottled Petrel could barely read, so he couldn't actually check if this was true or not "Sure, and we'll take 'the mountain halls within reason' for future architectural help, and that limestone bound codex" The troll looked at Mottled Petrel as he ran his fingers down the side of the codex "Don't you at least want to know what it's about before we buy it?". At this point Mottled Petrel was rubbing the codex against his cheek slowly, and oddly intimately "But that gets rid of all the mystery.". "Whatever" the troll handed over a few spiked wooden balls as payment, the ratooeys were impressed by the intricacy of the spiked balls. 'Good, I don't want any of these guys asking for anything of actual value in return for their goods'.
The mole people were last, and the koopas were almost out of trade goods. Most notable of the things being offered was a barrel of 'molding venom', "What does it do?" asked Mottled Petrel. The mole people looked at each other "We have no idea, a few mold monsters got loose in one of our mines, and one of them tried to poison us by releasing some of this substance into our water supply. Our best guess is that it will either kill you or turn you into a mold monster." "We'll take it, and what kind of blood is in that barrel?"
The mole merchants were starting to look concerned, most of their trade partners never bothered to ask about the blood barrels "Uhh... we had a ninji criminal lord that we caught, and as part of his punishment we drained him of most of his blood. It was later found that a vampire had been the one to give this order, and was dealt with, but now we're left with a barrel of ninji blood...
sooo...". Every part of Mottled Petrel told him that it would be a terrible idea to buy a barrel of blood in a fort where ninjis lived "We'll take it off your hands, only because we don't want you to have to carry it around any longer". The merchants looked like they were torn between being relieved to get it off their hands and creeped out that someone actually wanted a barrel of almost sentient creature blood.
The 1-up mushrooms looked very promising to Mottled Petrel, but they wouldn't be able to afford them anytime soon. The mole people actually didn't bring that much, so only those barrels and a bone instrument were bought. Mottled Petrel patted the troll on the back "Thanks for the help man, now carry all this stuff inside.". The troll grumbled as he began picking up some boxes. Mottled Petrel walked back into the fort "Hey wags, hows the brewing goi-"
"
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! OF ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN YOU CHOSE THE THING THAT HAS ALREADY PUT 4 MEN OUT OF COMMISSION![/i]" wags drops the sleeproot in his hand "I, uh, I just really liked how they smelled, so I wondered if when I brewed them they'd make the rest of the room smell like them." Mottled Petrel didn't buy it, and showed his distrust by doing a thing with his fingers that he hoped would say 'I've got my eye on you'. Wags had no idea what he was doing with his fingers, but gathered that Mottled Petrel hadn't bought his explanation.
"Get your tail in the barracks, you're a chainsaw koopa from now on." wags began to protest "But I've never done so much as held a weapon in my life! These gem cutter's hands are made for precision! We don't even have any weapons for me to train with!" Mottled Petrel beckoned KoopaUnknown over "Head brute, the barracks has been dug out and you can start training. We don't have any weapons for you yet, but once we do you will have 4 tridents, 2 shields, and 2 claws for sidearms should you lose any of the above. This one" Mottled Petrel pointed towards wags "Will have the same, but instead of tridents he will have chainsaws. I know tridents are technically pikes, and are large and heavy, but with some training a strong koopa can hold a trident with only one hand. Now, I want you take this" Mottled Petrel basically spat his next word "
capitalist[/b]" KoopaUnknown's head snapped towards wags. It held a gaze of the most intense and burning hatred either koopa had ever seen. Wags actually began to tremble a little "-and whip him into shape with some wrestling while we make some weapons for you. No training weapons, the only way to properly learn how to dodge is to start with steel and have the ever present fear of being ripped in half if you slack for even a moment."
KoopaUnknown walked over to wags and gave him a powerful punch to the gut. As wags keeled over KoopaUnknown grabbed both of his feet from under him and started dragging him to the barracks "Don't vorry zir, he'll be zubordinate champion of communizm before you know it!". Wags was screaming as he desperately clawed at the ground with all six of his hands. Mottled Petrel didn't bother to see it through "Derpy Dev, could you did out the plan for those rooms I showed you earlier."
"Sure, but what are they for again?" Mottled Petrel grinned "Don't worry about it, also, have someone build a meat hut when they get the chance, it's about time that we start building the foundations of the meat tower".
---
Migrant wave, for people who asked for a specific profession, do you want me to hold out for koopas that already have skill in it, or if none of them have skill in your desired profession do you want me to take a random one and start training them?
Poll
5 (6.4%)
Author
Topic: The Resurgence of Modded Hell (Back, Still Broken, Now With Giant Butterflies) (Read 301747 times)