Another day dawns upon a fledgling koopa fort, and said day starts with a human lady consort gutting a flying totem pole in the middle of a forest fire.
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'Nothing out of the ordinary here' thought Mottled Petrel, who was busy watching all of the workers run frantically around the fire that was moving at less than a snail's pace. Amidst the slightly above average amount of chaos, a certain metalsmith's eyes glaze over as he stares into the heart of the flame.
Before he even turned to claim a workshop, he was set upon by another giant buzzard and joined the chorus of frantically screaming workers. Mottled Petrel face palmed and walked away.
Eventually, the metalsmith claimed a metalsmith's forge and began gathering supplies. While this was happening, Darkening Kaos was busy getting most of his arms broken by another giant buzzard. One of the demon koopas decided that it would be a good idea to help Darkening Kaos by breathing flame, engulfing the whole animal pasture.
He actually managed to hit the giant buzzard though, so it wasn't a total loss, but it wasn't anywhere near worth setting the one remaining patch of grass on fire and killing a lot of the animals. But instead of accepting that the giant buzzard was on fire and would probably die, the demon koopa began chasing it inside the fort, continuing to breath fire on it. And before Mottled Petrel could do anything to ameliorate the situation, ANOTHER giant buzzard flew down to start mauling the scattered koopas. It was also noticed at this point that the moody metalsmith only grabbed one iron bar with which to work with, telling Mottled Petrel that it was probably going to be something useless.
This was getting to be too much for Mottled Petrel, it had been days since something had gone right, which wasn't very good even by Modded Hell standards. To make himself feel better, he allowed a forumite spearmite to stay and eradicate monsters. After doing so, he realized it didn't actually make him feel better, but it momentarily got his mind off of the demon koopa strangling the giant buzzard in the main hall.
Not even a day after the fire had burned all of the previous poison puddles away, the entrance was already covered again in a new substance.
Mottled Petrel gave the metalsmith a slow clap "You know, I'd be impressed, IF THE FORT WASN'T FUCKING BURNING DOWN AS WE SPEAK! Tell me your all knowing plan for how that floodgate will usher in a new era for koopa-kind or whatever after you go put out that fire with everyone else" Mottled Petrel said as he threw the metalsmith a bucket. The metalsmith responded by taking off his shorts before he ran to go haul something. 'I need a vacation' thought Mottled Petrel as he shook his head.
Mottled Petrel's luke warm thoughts of vacation were interrupted by the call that a snatcher had been spotted. A haxxor thief had been seen running from a group of angry cockatiel men, probably after trying to steal one of their kids. Mottled Petrel sent the military out anyways, it wasn't like they were training as they were too busy sleeping and eating.
The chase was long, and ultimately not worth it because the theif seemed like he never really had the intent to steal, but it was good conditioning for the remaining squad.
'I've either officially gone crazy, or we have the least effective local government I have ever seen' Mottled Petrel thought, as he double then triple checked that there were actually no lawnmowers in office. 'This better not be some kind of insurgency', Mottled Petrel looked next to him to see a lawnmower wearing a fake mustache, seemingly trying to blend in. Mottled Petrel ripped the fake mustache off and told it to "Get out of here", the lawnmower drove away in dissapointment. If anyone in the fort could speak lawnmower, they probably would have heard something along the lines of '
Why won't they just accept me for who I am!".
Word had gotten out and had spread across the known world that Modded Hell was probably the most confusing place in the land, and that it had a surprisingly good library for a military fort. A certain forumite historian claimed that he wanted to get to the bottom of it. "Please, allow me to stay in your fort so that I may study the calamities that occur here. I also intend to document all of the events that transpire here, so that might be useful for you in the long run." Ral Kibalis the forumite historian pleaded, hopefully. Mottled Petrel wasn't impressed "Sure, whatever, just don't get in the way of the people who are actually working".
Winter fell upon the fort, the military was still out searching for the book, and the forest fire was still burning, all was well with the world.
Not 10 seconds after that comment was made, an enemy laid siege to the fort. It was actually unknown who, or what, was sieging the fortress because it appeared that the assailants had decided to attack from the other side of the still raging forest fire. After the fire had passed, it was discovered that the forumites were again laying siege to the fort after burning themselves to death the previous year. As their ranks swelled over the hill, it looked like it was going to be another unnecesarily giant siege.
The forumites had not learned to train their horses for war, but they did apparently decide that bringing rapidashes probably wasn't worth it. That being said, there were still around 120 invaders with even more arriving by the minute, so it would not be an easy fight.
The signal to attack was eventually given, and about a third of the only remaining defense squad decided that it was a great time to refill their provisions.
The forumites just kept coming, at 230 invaders against the 5 koopas, forumite, and ninja who were defending.
Before the koopas even got within striking range, an enemy war electrode self destructed, killing the forumechs around it. With that the battle was on, bringing the great CPU in the sky to its knees. Lazers flew, blood was spilled, mechanisms were broken, and the koopas were still just dealing with the stragglers ahead of the main group.
The ninja was struck down, having never really been given any armor. The forumite macemite was struck down by his brethren, who seemingly disapproved of him having switched sides. Wags got his left foot cut off. There were just too many of them, and the recruits had too little training, but they continued to hold their own as the forumite horses started freaking out.
Three koopas, including wags, had been killed, leaving only untrained stragglers to try to resist the assault. The main fighting force had been dispelled, mostly because the horses had had enough, but the call went out for the gate to be sealed until the stragglers had lost interest and wandered away. While this is happening, another wandering koopa recruit is killed.
Despite the levers having been pulled, it was realized that there was some junk that was left on them from gods know when, preventing the gate from sealing and leaving the fortress completely vulnerable. The military had been reduced to 3 mostly untrained wrestlers, and only two forumechs had decided to stay behind to continue the siege, the wrestlers were sent out to prove themselves. And just as the wrestlers were about to make it outside the bridge finally closed, almost 3 days after its lever had been pulled. Of course, this prompted the wrestlers to take a nap while the lever was pulled again, this time with faster results.
After much milling about, two koopas went out to face the remaining forumechs. One is immediately mowed down, but the other wrestler managed to kill one of the forumechs. This sends the remaining forumech running, effectively putting an end to the siege.
Not more than ten seconds after the siege ended, a slamence started drifting in lazy circles over the koopas as they emerged to bury their dead. Not soon after, the salamence descended and started clawing the hell out of a weaponsmith trying to pick up the gear off of the dead invaders. After tearing open the weaponsmiths stomach and leaving him for the vultures, the salamence got bored and flied away.
On the bright side, the lead fire cube (for lack of a better name) was almost done. Mottled Petrel went to assign the chimchar to be pastured there, only to realize that they had a cage incineroar right next to it. Mottled Petrel didn't even have to think it over, a literal fire tiger was way more powerful than a small fire monkey. "Incineroar it is! Please, don't make me regret this decision." Mottled Petrel said aloud, as if the pokemon could understand what he was saying.
In light of the most recent military failure, Mottled Petrel decided that it might be best to make it so that each squad had its own training room. Whether it would actually help still remained to be determined.
Again, the salamence decided to attack some busy koopa workers, and with only two fighters left there wasn't really anything that could be done other than to hope that no permanent damage would be dealt. Madd is singled out from the group, and he began frantically trying to get away.
Surprisingly, after much dodging, Madd somehow managed to stretch his leg so far as to kick the salamence two feet above of him in the wing, chipping it. This rended the salamence flightless, and only then did Madd remember that he had been busy carrying at least three separate battle axes from the battlefield before he had been attacked. After flailing around the armful of weapons he had on him, Madd managed to cover the salamence with enough paper cuts to cause it to pass out from pain. After doing so, Madd ran away screaming. The last two wrestlers were sent out to put an end to the salamence, but with one still in intensive care and the other asleep it was unlikely that they'd ever actually get there in time.
They didn't, the salamence woke up to turn a passing rattata into a !!Rattata Roast!!. While distracted by the slag puddle he had just created, a passing miner killed the salamence. Even though there was almost nothing left to burn, the salamence still somehow managed to start a forest fire.
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I know we predicted it at the beginning, but I'm just going to restate it: I much as I hate it, I can't really make as much of a personalized narrative for each character in this part of the story as I would have hoped because there's just too much crazy shit going on all the time. That being said, I hope the lawnmower uprising more than makes up for it.
I swear, this fort is taking years off of my life.
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Topic: The Resurgence of Modded Hell (Back, Still Broken, Now With Giant Butterflies) (Read 301042 times)