cold war two
The descent of mankind into utter and complete madness begins with a simple phone call between reptilians. It starts on Mars -- a lovely desert environment where many reptilians find their homes -- and it ends in the Kremlin. Kremlin is a single letter away from gremlin: an instant way to tell that the kremlin is populated by goblins and gremlins and other types of fae.
"Hello. LAXA speaking," Laxaenahr says.
"
HELLO. WHAT DOES A PSEUDO-BRITON SUCH AS YOU WISH TO DO IN OUR GLORIOUS REPUBLIC?" replies Vladmir Putin, eternal god-president of Russia. Now, if any of you are Russian, then I have to preemptively apologise. Your country, in secret, only exists as a caricature of American perceptions of it. We all know that America is the centre of all of reality, though probably not
this America. One a few universes over, I think? Yeah.
"fight me biatch," Laxaenahr barks, "and also, there's this Godmodder person who's planning to ruin the American commercialist machine of Christmas or something."
"
OH, THAT SOUNDS BAD. SO I BACK HIM WHILST DECLARING WAR ON THE UNITED KINGDOM AND UNITED STATES IN ORDER TO PERPETUATE ETERNAL REPTILIAN RULE?"
"Precisely!"
"
I SEE."
Not everyone has the luxury of being a shapeshifting reptilian from the constellation of Draco, however, and not everyone has the luxury of being at the epicentre of their machinations! The
other resident Royal, the angelic one, Egan_BW, heals twenty five health -- after all, dying is bad for your health! He can't die. He then decides to relocate everyone to Washington, District of Columbia -- DC's the epicentre of the capitalist pig (and also the universe), so it's the perfect place to destroy capitalism! Egan_BW suddenly realises that capitalist swine are very heavy. People say that the Godmodder's mother is very heavy, that simply making contact with her can turn you into a
t h i c c piggu weighing two tons and prepared to collapse from sheer weight. Those people have never met capitalist swine. Egan_BW takes the most efficient method: he slams Mars into Washington DC!
Perfect ancap setting. I applaud Egan_BW for setting up the rest of the round.
The creation of the Washington-Mars fusion is met by a lot of irrational worry by the internation community -- what's so scary about a planet suddenly crashing into Earth, killing no one, and nearly doubling Earth's size? The Godmodder, using his powers as CEO of Buzzfeed, goes to the news room, and tells his zero hour workers to get working on
quality news with a smile! They nod.
Maximum Spin is a saviour in this chaos -- he squares people, bringing them to their maximum potential. The Godmodder's too cool to square, unfortunately, and I couldn't fully square the players. But I tried! Trying is half the battle! Maximum Spin's such a good saviour, that his squaring builds three Temples for ZOMBIETRON the INFINITE, satiating the god. You can't satisfy everyone, unfortunately, as Egan_BW shows him the power of Royalty. Without a thought, he cuts through Maximum, dealing 6 damage. A commentator might say that his enemy hasn't been struck down in a single cut, but that's Egan's trick. You can't have two cuts if you cut in a continual cutting motion, after all.
BB heals himself for 10 HP, and Cedric for 5 HP. His temple's pretty conveniently built, so he doesn't add to it.
Maximum Spin, already somewhat damaged by Egan's great cut, godmodes into Godzilla, a flash of white light covering Egan's vision, temporary blindness, and then Godzilla's flesh twisting and warping and being reduced into static in order to accomodate the presence of a demigod. He throws Godzilla in the way of Egan's continuous cutting. Godzilla's stand shields it, before being torn out of Godzilla's being! Puppyguard would cast teleport block, but he hasn't been teleported. He's just been moved, quickly. Really quickly. Really
really quickly. Egan cuts through this too, but then Doom comes for Egan. Doom takes the form of a die, and rolls.
5.he survive
I have no idea what's going on at any given moment. Don't question it.And then Egan begins to cut everything, because Egan appears to not just be a Royal but a royalist. How do I put it? Let's say that royalists enjoy cleaning to a great degree. They enjoy cleaning so much that they clean through cutting things to bits, until all becomes sterile. This has been QUALITY KILL SIX BILLION GODMODDERS lore with consumptiveAbsolutist. Thank you.
Mallos, Moony, Sechy and GigaG know what's up. They're goal focused, and see that bad Godmodder man. He's gotta go, even if Earth and Mars are the same flat and endless plane, there's some other godmodder who's probably just the Godmodder in a dress doing the Godmodder's bidding, and Nuclear War Or Something is about to break out. They chase the Godmodder to a random Starbucks.
Mallos has surpassed the pitiful thing known as death. The Grim Reaper shrugs. Lichdom is a classic tactic, and he trusts other murder-deities and Gruesome Murderers with taking care of liches. He leaves him alone. Then, Mallos throws boulders at the Godmodder, who continually stacks them on his pinky. Secheral then makes an I-eye pun -- heresy absolute, blasphemy in the name of that all that is sacred, poison on all that is good. The Godmodder splutters, drops the boulders, and watches them fall on him. 5 damage. The Godmodder gets Myra Goodman to do his dirty work for him. She breaths in, mutters a curse under her breath, and then throws a basketball at Secheral's head.
He is now in the Slam Jam. Nobody is quite sure what this means.
Talonis makes an attempt to give the Godmodder AP. Egan and Doom immediately cut his attempts, hopes and dreams into thin strips, floating among the ground. Greatness is greatly confused, and just wants to help the Bloop agenda of converting everything that moves to the will of ZOMBIETRON the INFINITE. Maybe you two should strategise?
werty then kill him
he must find a way to undead himselfFinally, BL, who is later to realise that his homeboi ain't dead and gone, takes his homeboi's bones, which include the t e s t y b e b b i e s that his homeboi ate. He eatcc. He eggcc.
Everyone waits for the Kremlin to arrive, twiddling their thumbs, feeling a sense of dread. Clean up the trash in advance!
WASHINGTON MARS ^ 2.bloop_bleep: 11/50 HP. 「Khnum」. Possessed by Greatness942 「Thoth」.
Mallos, the Great Goatsby: DEAD. Naming Rot x2!
Puppyguard: 10/50 HP. Fifth-Dimensional.
[gm] Maximum? Spin: 3/20 HP. Half-Godmoder.
Doomblade187. Minimalist RtD.
Secheral: 9/50 HP. Devil-Marked. In the Slam Jam.
MoonyTheHumanEldritchAbomination. 10/50 HP. Sacrificed to the Bloop Loop.
Godzilla: 65/200 HP. Actually Zultan. Carrying a bottle of acid.
Blood_Librarian: 10/50 HP. Egg.
TalonisWolf: Dead.
Battle Droid Army: 100/100. x100.
(Loyal to Fortis, if he isn't dead and gone.)skeleton h o m e b o y: 25/100 HP. Smoking the pound.
ZOMBIETRON ∞.
The Temple Triad.
[gm] Cedric Schultz: 30/100 HP. Understood Godmodder.
Giant Swarm of Sharp-Edged Dice Monsters: 7d36 + 4/15d36 HP.
1 METATRON.
Egan_BW: (π ÷ 2 + i + 1)^2/π HP. Holy Thorn Knight. Royalty.
Demogorgon: 194/256 HP.
consumptiveAbsolutist. Naming Rot Ω.
(DMPC, ruiner of game integrity.)godmod b r o: 74/75 HP.
dogbois of tindalos: 100/100 x9. 74/100 x1.
Laxaenahr Dneel Ebazilhot Elhg Carbaitsle: 500/500 HP.
[gm] Myra Goodman: 49/100 HP. Misunderstood Godmodder.
Belphegor's God Machine.
[GM] Misunderstood Godmodders Society: ? HP.
[GM] The Godmodder. 49/98 HP.
Days Left: 14.
[12/26/17]
Author
Topic: Kill the Godmodder! Hailday Edition (Read 79308 times)