"Hello, I would like to order a custom cake for a friend. Just make a base for the cake itself, and completely cover it with sugar frosting. What, no, my friend can totally tolerate such amounts of sugar." After the waiter accepted the order of Roger, he stood up and screamed "HEY, PEOPLE! DO YOU WANT TO HEAR, OR RATHER SEE, SOME DISTURBING TRUTH ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA?!"
Show the public a picture of Donald Trump fapping to Hitler's thin mustache in order to tarnish Trump's name.
If successful, gather a band from the restaurant's visitors, then pay Trump a visit and give him the cake.
You flash your photoshopped celeb porn in a crowded family restaurant. The children are fascinated. The women start shrieking. The men's sense of honor have been offended.
Trump's toupee starts vibrating aggressively, alerting him to the fact that someone nearby is tarnishing his great name. He spits out a lump of cake, and charges outside, immediately starting on a retaliation rant.
"Now now, believe me, Hitler was a strong leader, but he wasn't my type, he was never strong like me, and I like women, Hitler wasn't a woman, he didn't even have breasts, breasts are very important, tremendously important, he was small, barely a man, definitely not even a woman, not my taste, no, because like you he was a slob, where did you even get that picture? I don't carry pictures of Hitler around with me, not like you, if anyone likes Hitler it's you, the Hitler Hustler, just disgusting, I can't believe you, who would be so weak to like Hitler? Sad, just so sad!"
Fervently deny any romantic feelings toward Hitler, and accuse the man holding the sexy Hitler picture of actually being the Hitler fetishist.
Name: Donald J. Trump
Occupation before the Apocalypse: Actual President of the United States
Appearance: "Just amazing, I look great, people look at me and just wow."
Personality: "The best, I have a tremendous personality, everyone loves my personality, it's such a good temperament, nobody has a personality like I do."
Professional Skill(s): "Making America great again, and being amazing at twitter, have you seen my twitter? I beat everyone at twittering, all those slobs are worthless, they can't touch my twitter."
Hobbies: "I have so many hobbies you wouldn't believe, they're all great, just the best hobbies, everyone wants hobbies like mine, but nobody can have them because they're not me, only I can have hobbies this good."
What do you have in your pockets: A lot of money, a smartphone, a spare smartphone in case twitter stops working on the first, and a secure government-issued phone which is never used.
Status: STAINED WITH CAKE
3 - Trump starts babbling about Hitler fetishes. In the whole commotion, it only serves to paint him as a man who talks about Hitler Fetishes.
Glare the angry parents like only true badass can. Continue eating the cake, using my combat knife.
"What you are staring at?"
Name: Vladimir Putin
Occupation before the Apocalypse: President of Russia
Appearance: It's like god distilled the essence of manliness from tiger and bear testicles, decided the result wasn't good enough, threw it out the window, and then handcrafted a man that transcended manliness as we know it.
Personality: The essence of calm badassery. He's so badass that when he looks at explosions, they immediately stop to avoid breaking the laws of the universe.
Professional Skill(s): Badassery and Conquest.
Hobbies: Bear riding, gun-kata, and funky dancing.
In his pockets: Makarov pistol, combat knife, His favourite stuffed bear in full KGB regalia.
Status:
STAINED WITH CAKE
6 - Putin intimidates everyone with his no nonsense Russian bad-assery. Everyone in the room starts backing away and heading for the exit, convinced that this cake looter is a terrorist. In the confusion, a crying cake-stained toddler is trampled to death, but his parents were too frantic in their efforts to flee from the nasty terrorist to notice.
"No, my old chap. It is you who is depicted on the picture, not me as a Trump cosplayer. Also, did you just say that Hitler was a "strong leader"? If he was so strong, why did he killed himself in the end? He was such a pussy that he would be unable to answer the judgement call on Nuremberg tribunal without pissing his pants? Anyway, my old chap, I ordered a special cake for you, so sit down and enjoy your moment in the restaurant..."
Use the rebuttal above to shut up Trump.
The civilians fleeing the area are now convinced that you are not only terrorists, but Nazi terrorists. (With sexual fetishes)
Loot the Southern Scum for something to burn the place down with. If I find anything, burn everything and laugh maniacally.
Name: Kim
Occupation before the Apocalypse: Dictator
Appearance: Short, fat, with a monk-style haircut.
Personality: Power-hungry, egotistic and perfect meme-material.
Professional Skills: aiming arguing, ummm...
Hobbies: Ignoring loudspeakers, giving out ultimatums.
What I have in my pockets: The list of nuclear launch codes for tried and tested missiles and warheads that definitely work, a picture of Comrade Putin kissing Trump, darts.
You walk into a Ramen Restaurant and head for the kitchens.
4 - You find some stoves and land a sucker punch of the cook manning them.
"COsmTIC DamAge oNLY. coNtINUing onsLauGht."
Keep killing.
The cannibals lift you up in triumph. Having slain their leader, you keep what you kill. This gang now looks to you to lead the assault. Someone finds a personal mobility vehicle for you.
You now have the following status:
Quadriplegic
Cannibal Alpha
You add: Personal mobility vehicle to your inventory.
Bob walks out of Victoria's Secret, victorious. "Can we loot it?" he asks, and a nearby potted plant replies "Yes we can!"
Back to work though. Attempt to find the directory yet again, in order to locate a hardware store.
Name: Bob
Occupation before the Apocalypse: Carpenter
Appearance: A rather short, but stout individual. His tiny eyes are barely noticable on his huge, football shaped head. His go-to outfit are a pair of overalls, steel-toe boots, a toolbelt, and a safety-yellow hard hat.
Personality: He is a problem solver, and always has a positive attitude, even when things are going wrong.
Professional Skill(s): Construction and repair.
Hobbies: Flipping houses, gardening, and talking to inanimate objects.
What do you have in your toolbelt: A screw driver, a pipewrench, a box cutter, a tape measure, and $3707 worth of Victoria's Secret lingerie.
You determine that the best supply of hardware would be at the hypermart and head for it on the third floor. It sells all manner of home appliances and may have the items you need.
Name: Jack S.
Occupation prior to apocalypse: Stunt double
Appearance: Looks pretty average, actually; he's made to look like the actors with CGI.
Personality: Would just like to get out of this alive thank you very much; also, probably
this.
Professional abilities: acrobatic feats, taking a hit well, good luck, impersonation
Hobbies: marathons, martial arts, reading tvtropes
Whats does he has in his pocketses: a pair of tonfas, an umbrella, and a snack
Upgrades: Commander of Bookworms
You organize the librarians and helpful citizens into work teams.
4 - The first small group of library people succeed in moving a single table to block an escalator entrance.
3 - A second group only manages to move their table part of the way, but somehow a chair ends up lying across the escalator.
Rooftop barricades:
East Escalator: 1 table
West Escalator: 1 chair
East Passenger lifts: None
East Passenger lift fire escape: None
West Passenger lifts: None
West Passenger lift fire escape: None
West Exterior stairwell: None
East Cargo Lift: None
Central Cargo Lift: None
Central Garbage Chute's Stair Access: None
Library West Fire Escape: None
Library East Fire Escape: None
It is a lot of access points to cover. People are wondering if you would be safer in the library.
Glass also gains the upgrade: Commander of bookworms. Which will also be available to all their future characters.Meanwhile in zombieland:
The cannibals begin spilling into basement 1. The stampede cascades into the first floor. At the information booth, an announcement is made about an ongoing terrorist attack. The fire alarm rings. If people were oblivious before, they may start panicking now.
Meanwhile more cannibal gangs reinforce the ones already here. They seem to be coming up through the subway.
Author
Topic: Re: Zombie Apocalypse Survival the RTD! Open to all (Read 30285 times)