I think the thread is mature enough to warrant a proper response.
So, I'm sure everyone is familiar with the 'common knowledge', oft-advised by both teen and young adult magazines:
- 'in the dark of the night, when the moon is right, sneak upon her window and make noises not unlike a wounded animal'
But wait! Where a seasoned ladykiller can pull off this move without a sweat or without much strain to their vocal chords, an amateur can easily get lost in the poorly-specified nuances.
For one, when is the moon right? Or, what animal should you choose?
To clarify these vital points, we asked for sagely expertise of Richard '1lobeAnimu' Cox (all names changed for privacy reasons). Dick is a veteran of all things girls-related. He hasn't left his basement in ages, and he's quick to relate his extensive experiences:
Dick: the most important thing is the astrolabe. Without a well-oiled instrument, one cannot hope to properly ascertain the moon phases. Girls, you know, have this cycle where their lady parts go cray-cray every time the moon is 68.6 % full. You don't want to be there when it happens, believe me.
Like, seriously, believe me. The shame, the police... anyway.
You want to pop in earlier, about 24 to 44 % full moon, ideally. This is because before they go into their monthly bitchy phase, the girls have a 'I need a man' period. That's your target.
The astrolabe is absolutely essential for properly measuring the revolutions of the skies, so you better get a good one, pronto. People seriously thinking about getting laid generally tend to buy high-end equipment, in the range of 10-15 Australian dollars (PM me for vendor recommendations). Once you have the tools down pat, and the measurements taken, you can begin your animal transformation.
Choosing the right animal to impersonate while whining under your SO's window is almost as important as being there when she's got high hots for the manmeat.
The literature on the subject is full of case studies, where a hot stud dressed up as the wrong animal for his mating ritual, only to be punched in the face by the father and laughed on by the neighbours. Don't be one of those guys.
You wanna pick a manly, intelligent-looking animal, that lives in its own world and doesn't care about bullies or people telling it to go out more.
You want something like the Naked Mole Rat. Or the Echidna. Some hard-core playas take on the aspect of the Mantis Shrimp, but the sounds it makes are hard to pull off if you haven't practised extensively in your bathtub.
The NMR is especially great, since you can skimp on the outfit, and rely on your flabby skinfolds and protruding teeth to do the job for you.
With good timing and a not-too-shabby makover, you have 90% of the job done. The last bit is making the sounds so that they feel natural, and not just like an out of breath, obese man furiously masturbating. Admittedly, I haven't got that part figured out yet - which is why I still can't claim the sweet spoils of victory.
But remember, even if you just jerk off under her window while dressed as a eusocial rodent, you can still say you're getting more action than any of your pals.'
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Topic: How do you indicate to a girl you like her? (Read 7942 times)