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[Derpy Dev]

When I first made Windlock, I had one goal in mind; I wanted to test out a trap idea I had. Unfortunately, I have spent five in game years without a single surface invasion. So I have to resort to drastic measures to test out this trap-I am unleashing hell.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As you can see here, that is an admantine vein. I will send one miner down there on a suicide mission. He will not survive the hoard of demons.

The goal of this challenge is simple - open up hell and survive the initial hoard of demons with no surviving clowns. If none get past the traps, then I win and my traps are clearly the best thing since sliced bread. If not, then I have to unleash plan Z in an attempt to simply survive.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That is where the demons will be coming from. That door will be forbidden so that he has to be killed by the demons, I don't want him running into the traps. That would be bad for morale. The impulse ramps to the far right have a minecart filled with spiked iron balls balanced on a floor grate connected to a lever. I will launch this HB, or "Hell's Bastion," towards the demons at top speed. It will hit a fortification and all of the spiked balls will fly out into the demon's faces.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two more HBs, as well as a cage full of ogres I have hooked up to a lever. I will release the ogres if they slip pass the upright spike traps. And the dwarf is named Tholtig, he is handling the adamantine I already have right now. Once he leaves, the madness begins.

One of my best miners is being sent to the site now to open the underworld. His name is Erush, and may Armok have mercy on his soul.

Wait... almost forgot to wall off the entrance to the magma sea. I don't want them escaping there, they need to fight plan Z. Erush, you live for now.

Almost forgot to mention what plan Z is.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That's plan Z. I have it trapped right now.

Erush is busy right now and I'm too lazy to wait for him. It's Dodok's turn to die for Windlock.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WUT. Please tell me I'm wrong and that there is an underworld in that vein. Please. It goes down a layer or two. It must start down there. Right?

And then Dodok dug into a random pull of magma I didn't even know was there. ****



Alright Zon, it's your turn. Please for the love of Armok give me hell.

...the things this game makes you say.

A trade caravan arrived at this point. That's annoying. At least it's the same outpost liason as last time, I can tell because of here scars.

All right, this is taking a bit longer than I expected it too. I'll finish this hell after lunch.

[Derpy Dev]

Welcome back to Windlock, the most botched attempt to open the underworld ever.

Immediately, Zon tapped into another magma pocket. I have never seen these bloody things outside of now, so I suspect that this happens in the place of hell. If that is true, than please just shoot me in the head now.

Zon was starting to starve to death in the tame it took to get this done, so Urvad is taking his place. He might burn to death because I'm trying to drain some of this magma.

It's really difficult because you have to give lava enough room to spread out while avoiding digging into the magma sea and adding more lava to the mix.

I've decided that the easiest way to get through this magma is to wash it out with water one bucket full at a time. This will take a while.

While they're doing that, I decided to get an image of the lava:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They are dumping water on that now. It will take a while. And one layer below...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Is the last piece of the adamantine vein I can see with my two eyes.

Hello there my bookeeper. Are you looking forward to carrying a bucket of water down 100 Z levels? No? I don't care.

Yeah, this is gonna take a while. I'll get back to you later.

[Derpy Dev]

So this is the point where a dispute happened on the surface world between my military, some merchants and RHINO PEOPLE. It went better than it should have but still didn't go well because now I have to clean up rhino corpses. A lot of rhino corpses.

They finished adding water to the situation, and the magma is clear enough that the dwarves can continue going deeper without melting. Now let's actually find hell.

Ah, it's Thick Skull who's mining this time. I named him that because he fought a cave crocodile, and won, after it BITING HIM ON THE HEAD. I don't know how he survived that but he did. I hope he doesn't die. Just kidding, I really don't care at this point anyway. GIVE ME HELL.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

...REALLY! IS THERE JUST NO UNDERWORLD ON THIS MAP WHAT THE **** YOU LITTLE PIECE OF



Yeah this is getting ridiculous.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That adamantine I'm not mining to the right is warm, so it's probably another magma pocket.

I really hope that hell is here and not on some other adamantine vein on the other side of the map.

After digging out the layer below:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Currently working on the layer below that.

*sigh* I should be feeling blessed right now. I have over 50 raw adamantine, more than I've ever gotten ever. I could arm my entire squad with candy armor and have some more to make weapons for em. And yet, this is still not what I want. The one time I want hell it refuses to give it to me. WHAT THE LITERAL HELL GAME. WHERE THE HELL IS HELL 

The current lowest level:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Thick Skull is taking a break, it's Zon's turn to risk his life for my amusement. Say hi Zon.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I should probably stop unleashing a hoard of demons to get all of this candy. Nah.

The adamantine count is now over 100.

Yep. This is absurd. The lowest layer:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm gonna finish mining all that nonsense later. This is annoying me too much right now. I'm gonna go rest until I feel less salty.

[Madman198237]

Congrats, Derpy Dev. You are the only man who can't intentionally find his way to Hell.

[Derpy Dev]

Congrats, Derpy Dev. You are the only man who can't intentionally find his way to Hell.

Sigged.

[Madman198237]

Thanks.

[Imic]

You should pick up the adamantine, you could make this the best fort ever. After all, the alternative is for demins to steal all of it.

[Glass]

Use it to make robes for all of your fighters, and give them full steel armor underneath. Verified best fighting gear; people have easily taken on Hell with the stuff.

[Derpy Dev]

Use it to make robes for all of your fighters, and give them full steel armor underneath. Verified best fighting gear; people have easily taken on Hell with the stuff.

I perfectly understand what you are saying, and I would do that except for too big problems:

One, I'm lazy.

Two, the purpose of this is NOT TO CONQUER HELL. I just want to kill one wave of demons with these traps. If I use a military, that it ruins the point because this is me finding a way to kill invaders without a military. Because no large naturally occurring threat has appeared on the surface even after declaring war on humans, I am deliberately creating a problem underground by opening hell.

Still, I feel bad for wasting all that adamantine... wish you could do something to send items across save files. Oh well.

[Glass]

The purpose is not currently to conquer hell. We can do that once the trap is tested.
And besides, it's a good backup if the trap doesn't work.

[Derpy Dev]

The purpose is not currently to conquer hell. We can do that once the trap is tested.
And besides, it's a good backup if the trap doesn't work.

That's true...

All right, hell opening can wait. Gonna spend some time pulling all of this bloody adamantine out of here.

I guess I could also have fun because on the wiki it says that blind cave ogres have been known to equip weapons and armor. It might be fun to arm one with adamantine weaponry and drop it into hell.

Apparently my cage traps caught a couple of rhino people. They're going in with the blind cave ogres.

[Imic]

Yes. So so yes. Giving a blind cave ogre adamantine weapons and armour and dropping it into hell is the greatest idea ever.

[Derpy Dev]

So... because I'm basically just waiting for them to deal with a metric butt ton of adamantine, I think I'll showcase a few of my favorite dwarves from this fortress.

First, there is the queen and king consort/baron, Brittany and Buzz Jenkins. Brittany is also the chief medical dwarf. They have a son name Sakzul, but he's their only child.

Then we get into the weird names because of the child I named Batman. I named him that because both his mother and his father were killed by violent dwarven criminals. It fits Batmans backstory and I'm a nerd.

When it comes to skilled craftsdwarves of interest, I only have two: Glassy, my legendary glassmaker, and Fun Cooker, my legendary chef.

While I was typing this, a tavern brawl broke out again.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The gem cutter got himself killed in this battle, but I don't really care because he started it. The surgeon can go on unpunished.

Then there's my manager, who is a retired soldier. Fikod would still be on the field now if it weren't for Fafire, the deadly dust spraying buffalo FB. I accidentally let it slip into the fortress and a massive brawl between it and the entire fortress ensued. It killed about 10 dwarves before getting killed. But Fafire took particular interest in Fikod. First, it bit his hand off, and if that wasn't enough it bit his neck and shook him for a bit before it was decapitated by one of the axedwarves (more on her later). He has a massive jagged scar on his neck from the incident.

Then I have my two prized fighters, Doren and Atir. Doren is the captain of the guard, and she killed the first FB of the fort, Fiendshores. It doesn't sound impressive until I mention that she was the first to go down and take it on with her spear and killed it in single combat. And Atir is my champion. Grand master axedwarf, expert shield user, slayer of not one but two forgotten beasts, Fafire and Nenpe, and killer of 62 other assorted cavern monsters. I need to train them more because neither are quite legendary just yet, but those two are the best fighters the fort has.

By the way, just wanted to mention that this fort is getting unnervingly close to total lag death. It is usually at a stable 30-40, but occasionally it dips even farther and I had to deal with 4 FPS. I am using DFhack a lot to clean all the blood and vomit, but I worry that Windlock will meet a non-demonic end.

[Immortal-D]

but I worry that Windlock will meet a non-demonic end.

[Derpy Dev]

but I worry that Windlock will meet a non-demonic end.

It's not too likely--every time it gets too low I just use DFhack to clean all the blood and vomit and it goes back up again. I don't know why it went so low for about ten seconds, the last time I had such low FPS was when I used DFhack to embark on a vault.