Well shit that didn't work,try to summon the raiders of apocalypse
[1] Instead of summoning the Raiders of Apocalypse, you instead summon the Girlscouts of Salvation, who quickly proceed to go around giving life-extending cookies and causing flowers to grow wherever they tread.
Rip Coffee Puppy's mind out of its body(and delete the mind), then replace it with the mind I want. If that's not possible, teleport it into some alternate dimension and create a new one according to my specifications. See below for specifications.
Firstly, complete control over it, secondly, replace that complete do-nothing mind control with "thou shalt become a regular customer of the coffeehouse. If this is your first time hearing the jingle, go to the coffeehouse NOW".
[1] Rooting around further in Coffee Puppy's blank mind, alarms suddenly start blaring in his psychicspace. Quickly backing out, you are alarmed to see all of your customers with blank looks in their eyes, holding coffee with completely still bodies. They all turn to face you. Coffee Puppy raises his arm, and the Caffeinated Mob advances towards you...
Well, fine then. Teleport to Middle Earth. Carefully. Land in Durin's Tower, at the top of the Endless Stair, if possible. It's a nice tall landmark.
[4] You teleport to the highest peak of Durin's Tower. FUCK it is cold. At least you've made it in one place, and the view is really fricking cool. Peter Jackson ain't got shit on the real thing.
You're gonna have to remind me of the overall layout of Moria's structures, cause I can't remember them much and cannot be bothered to research everything.
Finally.
The first batch of young ants are workers, who tend to the eggs and gather food.
Hunt for something to feed them with.
The first generation are, quite reasonably, workers, meant to provide the backbone of your new Anthill.
[6] You manage to find a den of fat wild boars! Killing even one of them will feed your brood for a good long time. But even a single one of them would give a pack of wolves or even a bear pause. Let's see if a Praetorian ant is made of sterner stuff.
"healing please" bodyslam Edgan with my dragon body while saying that.
"No. Nope. That is illegal sir. Stop that. Stop resisting!"
Doink ziizo upside his resisting head to break his concentration and cause my buddies' souls to return to their bodies. Use antimagic shield to prevent further tomfoolery from ziizo or Satan.
"healing please" bodyslam Edgan with my dragon body while saying that.
When he says this dive between ziizo and Satan and block the heals using my shield.
[4] vs [1]
[2-1] ( penalty due to having to make a split second decision that your character has not prepared for )
Ziizo attempts to slam into Egan whilst wishing for full corporeal rejuvenation. Egan ain't having none of that, bashing Ziizo in the face with his shield, further wounding the dragonoid. However, Satan's Cure Major Wounds is too fast a spell for the unprepared Egan to deflect in time, [4] and Ziizo is restored back to full functionality, slight soreness aside.
"Welp, bye." Satan says, as he takes his leave back into Hell.
The battle is on!
Become sufficiently powerful.
[1] ( probably should have been a bit more specific )
Before you can do anything to actually bolster your power, one of the chicken legs of Baba Yaga's house grabs you! Not only does it really frickin hurt, but to your horror, you can feel your magic being drained into the house itself. From inside, you hear cackling.