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[Nosaneinme]

Find the Revolutionary hammer

"It has to be somewhere, I must break the chains of capitalism" said ANCOM wizard

[NRDL]

Heal myself and my cult.
If the healing is successful, go and hypnotize everyone in Somalia, ending the reign of the anarchy.

[2] The healing does NOT go well. You are barely able to save yourself from death, but more of your cult drops dead, thankfully without harming YOU too badly. You're still pretty damn injured, and your men are dropping like flies.

Charge at the secretary and bite her head off.

[2] You attempt to rush the Receptionist, relying on your form's natural speed and instincts to guide you. It's a valiant attempt, but you fall just a few inches short of what passes for her face, and she grabs you with tendrils, before throwing you at a wall. Again. Ouch.

Gather myself up from all realities I'm dispersed onto.

You're already on Earth.

"YOU YOUNG'NS ARE REALLY DETERMINED BY THIS, HUH? IT'S RATHER FUNNY THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A BATTLE. ANYHOW, TA TA, HAVE FUN IN A DIMENSIONAL COLLAPSE."

Travel out of the current dimension in my fortress (sans all other players, of course) and destroy the dimension as I exit. Then go destroy all those copyright firms holding my moniker (it'd be silly for this to be my actual name) to get rid of that inconvenience.

[6] vs [1]/[6]You know what, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Packing up your Eldritch bags, you hightail it outwards, knocking out the foundations of your dimension as you go. Smoke Mirrors is still alive, Egan_BW is dead..

[1] You completely fail to destroy the many multidimensional firms. Not good.

Teleport both of us to Iceland, then return to Russia.

[3] vs [4] Perhaps the best course of action would be to take this witch out of Russia altogether. With a burst of magic, you throw the two of you through space, and as you land, you quickly teleport back, hoping to leave her in the dust. When you do get back, you breathe a sigh of relief.

"Helllloooooo dearie." No. Come on. You look up, and in the distance, you see the Old Witch flying towards you in what appears to be a fucking mortar, like the shit they crush herbs in.

She lands, steps out, and just grins at you.

[5] vs [1]

"Enough of this."

The Old Woman throws a chicken bone at you, which you aren't able to dodge in time. As soon as the bone touches you, more bones start to sprout from it, until an entire weave of bones forms around you like a net, and starts dragging you underground. As your head is pushed below the surface of the Earth, you wonder how long you can hold your breath...

Copyright Xantalos's realm and take control of it, bending it to my will and shutting off the god blender

[6+1] You manage to further take creative control of Xantalos' realm, effectively transforming yourself into an elder god as well. You look exactly the same, just about 100x larger. As master of the placeyou now get the same bonus Xantalos did, within the realm. You successfully shut of the god blender.

STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING OH YEAH, TRY ONCE MORE TO SUMMON THOSE HELPFUL PARAMEDICS FROM EARLIER IN THE GAME.
IF SUCCESSFUL, POINT THEM IN THE DIRECTION OF THE CARNAGE OUTSIDE BEFORE HEADING TO THE COUNTER TO REQUEST ANOTHER IRISH COFFEE; IF UNSUCCESSFUL JUST SHRUG AND GO ORDER ANOTHER COFFEE ANYWAY

[2] Yeah, we're not using those paramedics anymore, its getting complicated.

[4] You order another coffee. As expected, it is delicious.

[Glass]

Below the earth? Perfect. I'm not just on Russia now; I'm in it.
Call to the heart of Russia, to the very essence of this land, to lend me strength and to best this thieving witch. I want a +1 for being, physically, in Russia. Or, if not for that, for cashing in that cookie.

[ziizo]

Aggressively bleed in the Receptionist let my poisoned blood defeat her.

[PaPaj]

Well i guess i will try to become larger becuse being 60cm long snakeman is being kinda pathetic

[CABL]

Heal myself, then go and unite Somalia under my banner via mass hypnosis.

[NRDL]

Below the earth? Perfect. I'm not just on Russia now; I'm in it.
Call to the heart of Russia, to the very essence of this land, to lend me strength and to best this thieving witch. I want a +1 for being, physically, in Russia. Or, if not for that, for cashing in that cookie.

You don't really have any ties to Russia that gives you a bonus, the Witch STOLE the soul of Russia. Sure, the cookie can give you a bonus, just this once.

[Nosaneinme]

Find the Revolutionary hammer

"It has to be somewhere, I must break the chains of capitalism" said ANCOM wizard

[Glass]

Below the earth? Perfect. I'm not just on Russia now; I'm in it.
Call to the heart of Russia, to the very essence of this land, to lend me strength and to best this thieving witch. I want a +1 for being, physically, in Russia. Or, if not for that, for cashing in that cookie.

You don't really have any ties to Russia that gives you a bonus, the Witch STOLE the soul of Russia. Sure, the cookie can give you a bonus, just this once.

I hold a political position. I'm interpreting this like in 7th Sea (warning: Tvtropes), where the Russian environment itself is on the side of its people and their government.
And thank you for the cookie point.

[Smoke Mirrors]

Restore the gods caught in the blender.

[Egan_BW]

Actually, I'm not dead. I don't have to play by your rules. Invalidate the GM's ability to declare people dead.
Power this action with salt gained from fighting Xanny. He did lots of evil monologuing, which is proof of salt.

[Yoink]

GO INSPECT THE SITUATION OUTSIDE WHILST DRINKING MY FRESH COFFEE
TRY AND REMEMBER IF THERE WERE ANY OTHER TAVERNS OR OTHER BITS OF NIGHTLIFE IN THE TOWN/VILLAGE AND WHETHER THEY WERE STURDILY BUILT ENOUGH TO SURVIVE THE RECENT EVENTS

DEAD MAGES NOT COUNT TOWARDS PLAYER LIMIT I HOPE, NOT EVEN NINJA DEAD MAGES

[Glass]

Actually, I'm not dead. I don't have to play by your rules. Invalidate the GM's ability to declare people dead.

It's more likely that you're still alive because A Wizard Did It _{and Tvtropes is hell} than anything else.

[Xantalos]

"HMM."

[NRDL]

Below the earth? Perfect. I'm not just on Russia now; I'm in it.
Call to the heart of Russia, to the very essence of this land, to lend me strength and to best this thieving witch. I want a +1 for being, physically, in Russia. Or, if not for that, for cashing in that cookie.

[1+1] You cash in your cookie, using its sweet, sugary sustenance to give you strength. It's not enough to break free from the net. At most, you are able to get your nose and mouth above ground, allowing you to breathe for a few more seconds.

"You really should give up, dorogaya. Don't worry, your bones and fat will make for good fertile soil, none of it will be wasted."

You can barely see the old woman standing above you, her face twisted in a cruel mockery of a sympathetic face.

Aggressively bleed in the Receptionist let my poisoned blood defeat her.

[5] You decide to try the sedative blood trick again. Bobbing and weaving, you manage to close the distance to the Receptionist and splash her straight in the face with your sleep blood. It takes effect nearly immediately. The Receptionist struggles, wailing in fury, but collapses. Congrats, you won.

Well i guess i will try to become larger becuse being 60cm long snakeman is being kinda pathetic

[6] You become a 60 meter long snake man. Try not to squish anybody.

Heal myself, then go and unite Somalia under my banner via mass hypnosis.

[4] You heal yourself, which manages to save the bonded men under your service as well.

[4] Your health restored, you go forth throughout Somalia, hypnotising literally everyone you come across. Soon, people are flocking to you, out of both curiosity and awe at this strange leader who can unite people who have been fighting for generations. Soon enough, you've conquered about half of Somalia.

Find the Revolutionary hammer

"It has to be somewhere, I must break the chains of capitalism" said ANCOM wizard

[1] ( I'm starting to feel bad )

You search and search for the glorious Revolutionary hammer, and in your searchings, you see a strange convenience store. Inside, there is the Hammer! Rushing in, you're stopped by the manager.

"Hold it "Comrade", no touching. That Hammer was acquired specifically for this shop, it'll cost a million bucks and then some for you to take it off my hands." he says, a cheap cigar clamped between his teeth.

Restore the gods caught in the blender.

[4] You manage to reconstitute the gods within the soul paste out of their disparate parts, and they all materialise outside of the blender, rather confused. They look to you, this godlike yet not figure, clearly master of this domain. Most of them leave, 2 remain. *insert which mythological gods you want to stay here.*

Actually, I'm not dead. I don't have to play by your rules. Invalidate the GM's ability to declare people dead.
Power this action with salt gained from fighting Xanny. He did lots of evil monologuing, which is proof of salt.

[5] I no longer have the ability to declare people dead. From now on, everyone who ceases existence will be called destroyed.

Congratulations.