It's hell, so they probably use lots of summoned matter. Use the Matter Unmaker to cut a hole into the Repository. Also use it to destroy the damn speaker.
Matter Unmaker: Wand which fires a beam that destroys any matter which was created magically. Said matter does not have to currently have any magical effects.
Shield Overcharge: Gives +3 to resist magic effects for one turn. Needs 1d6 turns to recharge.
[3+autosuccess] The Matter Unmaker does as it says, and destroys a portion of the Repository, allowing entry inside, for only one person at a time. You manage to erase parts of the speaker, but its still working, apparently tamper proof, for maximum suffering.
Thanks for including effects of your items, really helpful.
Alright, with my four-turn boomrang on my person. Is there any injustice or evil for me fight or must I go looking
[5] Your injustice senses tingle! There's apparently a capitalist uprising to the west, trying to overthrow the socialist utopia that the world has fallen into. Numerous tales of bourgeois atrocities reach your ears, and your Justice filled soul screams in rage!
You teleport to the scene by instinct.
Summon 4 titanium golems behind the RC, and give out the order to strip the RC from their toys.
Rewrite the RC's identities.
Go and create Somalian Air Technology Bureau, and tell them to start making helicopters and jet fighters for our army.
[6+1]
[2]
[5+1]
You create the 4 TITANIUM GOLEMS as you envision them, but end up giving them too much sentience. "Umm, why should we? The fighting's stopped, this'll just escalate things further boss." You're gonna actually need to convince them to work for you.
You are so disgruntled by their passive insubordination you fail to do anything to the RC, who still continue to block direct magical bonuses.
And just like that the Air Technology Bureau is born, and soon top of the line helicopters and jets are being pumped out. Soon, other countries will start poking around and wonder what to do about this newly united and militarised Somalia.
Obviusly there can only be one Ziizo, start a tournament.
The Ziizo that losses will be consumed by the winner for a power boost until there is only one Ziizo.
[3] You try and create a ziizo Highlander tournament, but what should be a fairly civilised series of one on one duels turns into an all out magical brawl. The chaos is just as unproductive as the earlier standoff, except now there's plasma and magic flying through the air.
No, no, no. Caffeinate zealots from inside. They'll surely love it!
[3+1]
Reaching within the bodies of the militant religious orders of the Empire, your forcibly Caffeinate the most diehard of their zealots. The effect on morale from seeing their most devout warriors turn to the ways of Sarrakian Coffee is disheartening to say the least. Pockets of resistance still fight doggedly on, but you've managed to win much of the hearts and minds battle.
Just teleport back to home base. I'll work on contacting the Communist leadership from there.
[3] You attempt to teleport back, but are put under direct fire!
[2] vs [2]
The tanks open firing on you miss, but you also are unable to mount a successful counterattack.
Fine, then.
Teleport to the real world.
[5] You decide to leave Tolkien-land for a while, and Morgoth's voice slowly fades from the background of your mind. Should you activate any of your Maia powers, it
might end up attracting his attention, but other than that, you should be good.
Become a giant small orb of destruction.
[4] You become a
tiny orb of destruction.
+1 bonus to destroying smol things.
SCREAM AT WIFE, GET NEW CONSOLE.
"YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA!"
[4]
[2]
You scream at your wife, using a line from the memeiest movie ever. Your wife's feelings are very hurt, as she hasn't actually watched it. She's going to stay at her mom's for a while.
You attempt to conjure up a new console, but you're still in the middle of your Tommy Wiseau breakdown, and are unsuccessful.
Accelerate find on all the corpses, causing them to rot and choke the villagers out
[6] I'm just gonna assume you want some sort of miasma to start being produced from the dead bodies.
The villagers are blindsided by the smell of rot, and it becomes so overpowering that they actually have to turn and flee. The battle is won! The humans are repulsed, but you've lost a sizeable chunk of your workers. Plus, the rotting bodies may lead to infections and illness for your brood down the line.
Right. Examine the area. What's going on?
[3] You're still in your Coffeehouse, with a bunch of braindead "customers".