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[Fleeting Frames]

But anyway, I don't know why we built those weapon traps in the first place. For one thing, we can't build any weapons out of anything but wood to begin with

Well, wooden ones will still kill naked targets like damn keas, as well as being useful for dodge-me traps if the enemy is armoured.

[pikachu17]

But anyway, I don't know why we built those weapon traps in the first place. For one thing, we can't build any weapons out of anything but wood to begin with

Well, wooden ones will still kill naked targets like damn keas, as well as being useful for dodge-me traps if the enemy is armoured.

Better yet, they can maim, but they won't get stuck, because no one will actually die from them.
Example:The hobo steps on the trap. The hits his hand injuring it. The dwarves have easier time killing him. And, as I said before, traps don't get stuck if they don't directly kill anyone, so wooden traps may actually be better at humoungous sieges than metal traps.

[Fleeting Frames]

Don't think you can make artifact wooden trap components, though. Closest might be artifact bone weaponry...

Might as well groom dwarves for artifact steel trap components to go with artifact mechanism to have something both not jamming and deadly, though this is obviously years off, not something you can set up in first granite.

[Derpy Dev]

Spent a bit of time looking through the fort to get a grasp on what was going, but I think I get the situation.

1. The Handsome One is dead, so there goes my plans of getting my dorfing and him married.
2. It took me a bit, but I think I've gotten the hang of the cave in trap. I think. I might have to make another one just in case.
3. You have been dorfed, Pikachu17! Since I couldn't find a dual shield user, your dorfing is a swordsdwarf. Hope you survive!

Now it is early autumn now, so I will just play until I get to next years autumn.

For some reason, a bunch of wild giant moles are in with the tame giant moles, and now it's a mess because they're fighting the dogs. Time to send in our feeble military and hope they can deal with this nonsense.

Yeah, they dealt with that problem quick. The poor moles didn't stand a chance, I almost feel bad for them.

Now, because we have no metal, there is only one thing to do to make weapon filled minecart traps -- get glass. So we're making a glass furnace and then giant glass discs. I don't think glass is against the rules.

Well hello there magma crabs. How the heck did you get inside? They aren't harassing anybody, but they are inside, which worries me because that means there is a way in from the magma sea somewhere that I'm missing. Where is it though?

That's gonna have to be it for now, I have started the construction of a magma kiln and built a magma glass furnace, but that's it for today. I'm too tired to do too much waiting around for something to happen, especially at 14 FPS. I'll try to get way more done over the weekend during the day.

[Fleeting Frames]

Going to piston up magma?

Btw, worth knowing: a non-nethercap wooden pump can briefly pump magma/a wooden bridge can briefly hold it up. Useful if you have no axes to cut nethercap with and can't get yet make glass pumps since no glass fu...Though, charcoal is a thing, right.

yay magma crabs. look for vertical diagonal access.

[Derpy Dev]

Going to piston up magma?

Btw, worth knowing: a non-nethercap wooden pump can briefly pump magma/a wooden bridge can briefly hold it up. Useful if you have no axes to cut nethercap with and can't get yet make glass pumps since no glass fu...Though, charcoal is a thing, right.

yay magma crabs. look for vertical diagonal access.

Someone already did the job of digging out a safe chamber full of magma, but it is limited in size so I'll probably have to expand upon it.

One of the magma crabs actually got aggressive and attacked someone, but it didn't use its ranged attack so we're okay there. Other than that we've got two crabs in cages and one fire imp. The fire imp is what scares me.

[pikachu17]

3. You have been dorfed, Pikachu17! Since I couldn't find a dual shield user, your dorfing is a swordsdwarf. Hope you survive!

I realized you probably wouldn't find a duel-shielder, as they don't appear naturally, but could you give him two shields instead of weapons?

[Derpy Dev]

3. You have been dorfed, Pikachu17! Since I couldn't find a dual shield user, your dorfing is a swordsdwarf. Hope you survive!

I realized you probably wouldn't find a duel-shielder, as they don't appear naturally, but could you give him two shields instead of weapons?

Out of curiosity, how effective do you think that will be in combat?

Ahem. If you really want that, I'll move your dorfing to a dwarf that doesn't have really high sword skills.

[pikachu17]

3. You have been dorfed, Pikachu17! Since I couldn't find a dual shield user, your dorfing is a swordsdwarf. Hope you survive!

I realized you probably wouldn't find a duel-shielder, as they don't appear naturally, but could you give him two shields instead of weapons?

Out of curiosity, how effective do you think that will be in combat?

Ahem. If you really want that, I'll move your dorfing to a dwarf that doesn't have really high sword skills.

To answer your question, I intend him to be tank that absorbs hits, while other dwarves attack/flee, although, he may occasionally get a lucky hit in.
Yes, I really want such a dwarf.

[Derpy Dev]

3. You have been dorfed, Pikachu17! Since I couldn't find a dual shield user, your dorfing is a swordsdwarf. Hope you survive!

I realized you probably wouldn't find a duel-shielder, as they don't appear naturally, but could you give him two shields instead of weapons?

Out of curiosity, how effective do you think that will be in combat?

Ahem. If you really want that, I'll move your dorfing to a dwarf that doesn't have really high sword skills.

To answer your question, I intend him to be tank that absorbs hits, while other dwarves attack/flee, although, he may occasionally get a lucky hit in.
Yes, I really want such a dwarf.

All right, you've been dorfed as the newest member of the dwarven military! Because of the lack of metal bars, we had to give him two copper shields instead. Hope you don't mind.

Since in my own experience I know that the best way to get stuff from merchants is by trading them masterpiece food, I've started that industry by building a second kitchen out of soap. Gustavo is now our chef in training. She's actually a human visitor that applied to citizenship at some point, so that's nice. Has a bunch of off map family members too, as well as an on map former apprentice.

Somehow, someway, we ran out of booze. That's a problem. I just started a constant production order to keep making booze, forever, till the end of time.

My bed is being replaced with the newest fortress artifact, a blood thorn bed! That sounds like something that's comfy when slept on.

All right, I'm done for now. I've sat here for about 30 minutes now and I've only gone through half a month. This lag is really bad, next time I'm gonna use DFhack to clean everything and then I'll probably kill some of these human visitors just for kicks.

[Derpy Dev]

All right game, you've forced my hand. I wasn't gonna go this far to bump the FPS above 20. But you've forced my hand. I'm gonna kill every single human that's not currently a citizen.

Prepare for the mass use of the exterminate command.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it doesn't work. Don't know what else to say about that, I used the exterminate him command and it didn't work, it killed no bloody humans, it doesn't kill dwarves, I know it has worked before but it's just calling a bunch of syntax errors right now. The FPS is stuck at 13 because DFhack doesn't freaking work right now. I don't understand. I'll try to play despite the lag and just do it, but geez it's pretty bad right now.

And a giant fire breathing swan arrived in the caverns right when I was thinking about how I needed to make an alternative path back and forth from the caverns. Uh oh.

It already set the caves ablaze and killed a guy, so that's pretty bad.

All right, I've never seen that before.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dunno how I haven't, but I haven't.

So this guy is just pacing back and forth around the cavern entrance, which is bad for multiple reasons. For one thing, it restricts all cavern access until it's death. Secondly, if I just send the entire military it will light the moss ablaze and kill them all that way. There needs to be no unburnt moss, so I'm sending in one random mercenary as bait for it to light that area of the caves on fire, thus making it safe for the entire military to fight it there. He will die for the fort and he will die well.

Okay... so he died and got that area lit on fire, which is good and what I wanted. But the bad news is that there are two levers that control cavern access, one that lets FBs in and on that keeps them out...

I got them confused 

Well now there is an angry fire breathing swan vs 23 military dwarves and humans, lets see how that goes.

So now that the majority of the military is on fire, Beta got a stab in that struck the heart and killed the beast! Unfortunately he and Pikachu17 are among the casualties.

The good news is that the FPS is now at a stable 25-30, the bad news is that over 20 people died to make that happen.

Spoiler: this is the cavern now (click to show/hide)

The rest is just random blood smears across the fortress floors, so I don't think you care about that.

Look at the bright side, we get to eat cooked forgotten beast tonight! I mean, not as cooked as we are, but... I'm gonna shut up now.

Well this is... interesting. There's this artifact scroll here called Classic Human. It's on fire. Artifacts don't burn away completely, right? So this scroll is pretty much on fire on a ramp forever, isn't it?

This is pretty much how I feel about this situation. I share my attitude with that king.

Welp, I've let in two FBs so far, wonder if next time I'll let in a third by accident...

[Puppyguard]

Ahh that sucks, but not as much as what happened to me one time.

I was playing a singleplayer fort and my dwarves would frequently go to the surface for logs, as I didn't trust the caverns because... y'know... FBs.

So I dug out skylights for my dwarves above the meeting hall so they would stop puking whenever they saw the sun. Some time later I got a message that a giant firebreathing oneeyed magpie was on the surface. It rushed my skylights and flew through them, and proceeded to blast flame into the heart of my fortress killing a quarter of my population, save for some lucky ones. I promptly threw my military at it but I had forgot shields so they fell quickly to its flames.

Soon it ran over to the workshops and started toppling them, and any other buildings in its path. I began throwing dwarves at it until it finally fell. When the smoke finally cleared I had lost over half my fort to the beast, so I put its corpse behind a window as testament to the lives that were sacrificed to defeat it.

[Derpy Dev]

So it turns out you can't dump artifact books, which sucks because one is on fire right now. I guess Classic Human can keep filling the fort with FPS mangling smoke for a little while longer.

So after the great swan incident, we've gone from 24 soldiers to 15. I should probably start training some more soldiers.

All right, why the frickedy-frack is everyone given the profession name, "Mook"? I can't tell who's useful and who can be sent to the military at a glance if I can't see their bloody profession! That means I'll have to sort through every bloody dwarf if I want to find out who can be sent to the army. There are situations where I'd be willing to do that, but not when gameplay is already at a snail's pace because I have less than 20 FPS on average...

I'm not sure when I, the forts best miner, had my mining duties disabled, but... that's a problem. I'm a miner again.

So I made a new burrow that more or less replaces Lemme Smash called Better Burrow. Basically it works the same but restricts cavern access. There is also a new path down to the magma that does not require dwarves to go through the caverns. Whoever thought of that design, thank you, you're a second place contender for sending dwarves to an FB related doom. I hate being first place xD

So this has gotta be the most racially diverse fort I've ever had. I don't mean that in a bad way, I like having so many humans around. But it's kind of a new experience on my part. I wonder if the same thing can happen with animal people...

Magma crab has given birth to triplets.

That happened in a cage too. We have a caged magma crab with four babies. Woe to the dwarf who opens the cage and has a bunch of crabs pour out.

Oh god, a bunch of these dwarves can't use their hands anymore and are dying of thirst cause nobody will help them drink... that's freaking messed up.

Oh no, I noticed that none of those dwarves that got killed by the swan are in coffins... yep, just as I feared. Their bodies were melted completely and couldn't be put into a coffin. Now I'm making them slabs a month late. Hope I can do that before they come back to literally haunt me.

I just laughed so hard upon realizing that none of the humans have clothes 

Well we now have a breeding pair of giant cave spiders. Guess we're gonna mass breed those for a while and expect no consequences.

All right, that's gonna have to be it for today. I'm tired and although the FPS seems to have improved, it's still pretty bad. I'm gonna try to get my turn done by Monday, I hope I can do that instead of taking way longer than I should have. Sorry about that!

[Alpha Loves You]

Keep those GCS's trained at all times. Those things are way worse then an undead seige!

[pikachu17]

I feel your mook-related pain Derpy Dev.  In Simple Fortress, someone did the exact same thing. I understand calling them moods if they have no useful skills at all, but I found a bunch of "mooks" with useful skills, including not a few legendaries. And a few less-useful skilled mooks, but it is still nice to know specifically if it is a bowyer, as opposed to just saying "mook".