SiegeWell, if there’s any good to come out of this, it’s that the military’s pathetic stand has probably bought enough time for everyone to cozy up nice and safe in Sanctume’s ti-
Wait why are the gates down.
Didn’t I ordered them raised already!?!
SHOOT, JUST PULL ALL THE FRAKKIN’ LEVERS.
Whew. Okay, that was close. Couldn’t see the real lever in the tavern on account of there being like a dozen poets sitting on it. But really? I still see loiterers mucking about outside. Part of me doesn’t care much whether they live or not – they had ample time to get into Fort Sanctume – the fact that they didn’t clearly shows some sort of mental AI deficiency that does not belong in Ineth Zafal.
Nonetheless, no fear, for there is plan B! The Grand Trunk is sufficiently built and is installed with a very handy lever to seal the trunk at moment’s notice.
Welcome welcome, we're all vegans here. I order the loiterers to gather there and start moving supplies to the upper branches. It’s going to be a while till the goblins reach this far northwest…
What are you guys doing?! Our remaining military, MAINLY the Second Foreign Legion, who were stationed down in the caverns, have taken to suiciding against goblin forces near Fort Sanctume’s gates! I told you guys to stay underground!
YOU’RE NOT EVEN FUCKING ARMED. THIS ISN’T FUCKING SPARTA YOU IDIOTS.
EVEN THE GOBLINS ARE LAUGHING AT US.
… Okay I discovered what the problem is. This. Is. The fucking problem.
Lets say a member of our military dies. Instead of going “Uh oh, this is going bad, maybe I should retreat!”, the remainder of the military goes “Bro, did you hear the commander just died? I’m gonna to loot that sweet +steel mailshirt+ off his fresh corpse!” and proceeds to discard their own frickin’ equipment and walk straight into a hundred or so goblins. The fucking idiot then dies, and the cycle of nuclear idiocy repeats once again until our whole military is dead. And no, that is not an exaggeration.
See kids? I told you looting was bad.
By now, JS's tile is toast. They've completely destroyed the graveyard, and have moved on to the village.
You know what this means? More ghooooossssts!
A week or two later, goblin forces approach the Grand Trunk. Can’t dawdle any more – I order the gates closed, and the elfkin sealed inside.
I said, seal the ga-
Holy shit.
No fucking shit.
You have got to be kidding me.
EVERYONEDOWN INTO THE CAVERNS NOW
Derrrrrp. Forgot to link the bridge.
I'll be skipping the story updates from now on; as much as I enjoy them, it's become painfully obvious that I might not finish this fort in due time. Game's crashed quite a bit as well, which puts a damper on my progress.
Bearskie is something of an exception, but Bearskie also went "fuck the rules" and erased what Maximum Spin had done. (No hard feelings from Spin, thankfully...Maybe some laughter.) (Also, the siegers would have killed everyone in Idiot City and three dozen pastures anyway.)
Sorry, I think I wasn't clear - I did not chop down Idiot City, it's still there. I just reassigned the Idiots from the burrow (needed that humankin labor). To appease Maximum Spin, I have now burrowed in all the children and turned it into a kiddy treehouse instead.