"Did you just..." Victor stares at the newly-formed ferret that used to be a spell-caster, slightly surprised. "Well, that's what you get for fucking with Victor Superbia. Glory to me."
Victor turns to face the Shovel Knight. "Oh, hi there. I'm Victor Superbia, glory to me. Excuse me while I attempt to murder this shapeshifting ferret."
Command hooligans to capture ferret. Make sure it doesn't escape.
Capture: 1d10 = 3
Woah, your hooligans...
...are completely useless! They fail to capture a tiny ferret, and one of them trips and scuffs his knee.
UGH.Manworm:
Start moulding Jeff like so much clay until he achieves his true godlike potential.
Mold Extradimensional Being: 1d10 = 8
Oh, there he is, Jeff's a god now. Cool.
XX121
Build tunnels so xenomorphs can get around the city quickly and quietly.
Build Tunnels Of Navigation: 1d10 = 3
...yeah, these tunnels suck. Are you
sure you know how to build them? Because it looks like you're just digging long holes in the ground.
Frank enters his third pocket dimension before traveling through his sixth to escape, exiting out in the street right above Shovel Knight.
Hopefully not directly on top of his deadly shovel OF JUSTICE
Exit Pocket Dimension Through Very Complicated Means: 1d10 = 9
Through a series of 6,932,218 dimensions, you eventually escape your pocket dimension, out onto...
Land Somewhere Safe and not Pointy: 1d10 = 3
...Shovel Knight's JUSTICE SHOVEL.
Ow, that has GOT to hurt.
Transfer Ferret transfiguration unto Victor, preferably right after he tells the hooligans to capture the ferret. If I fail to transfer the curse, run.
Transfer Ferretness: 1d10 = 3
(Gee, sure are a lot of threes this round.)
random.org: Stop Rolling Threes: 1d10 = 10
The RNG stops rolling threes so amazingly it now rolls 2s.
...where was I? Oh yeah.
You transfer the ferretness onto a brick, which turns into a dead ferret.
...what, you didn't expect it to be alive, did you?
Oh well.
Use Tactical Retreat Strategy: 1d10 = 6
You successfully employ the tactical retreat strategies you learned through various tutorials, successfully managing to escape danger and why am I glorifying running away slightly faster than normal with a super long sentence.
Charles flips the gun, disobeys the laws of physics and shoots Frank while simultaneously gaining Wolverine powers to try and regenerate.
Disobey All Known Laws Of Reality and Physics: (number)d(pineapple) = (sound of 6 cats screeching)
Well, that worked.
Shoot Gun At Frank Despite The Fact He's Not Here Anymore: 1d10 = 9
You somehow breach the dimension's barrier and shoot Frank right in the chest.
Man, Frank is in
so much pain right now. I feel sorry for you, Frank.
...
I'm not handing out free buffs though.
Zefer
Call Morpheus and Posideon, inquire about their sections of army, then try to clear the one-armed midget porninternet history and try finding chain of command through an records if necessary.
Call People Who You Have An Alliance With: 1d10 = 3
(RNG you lied to me)
They're off somewhere, probably getting ice cream. Damn those jerks, why didn't they let you know they were going out for ice cream?!
Clear Browser History (and Probably Get Eye Bleach): 1d10 = 9
Well, at least the browser history is cleared. All of it. Forever.
Now the citizens of the town can sleep well knowing their browser histories aren't being secretly logged, and you can sleep well knowing you'll never have to see any of it ever again!
Find Chain of Command: 1d10 = 9
You find a chain, lying in the corner. Next to it is a panel, probably stating what the chain does.
Jumping to the conclusion that this void must have something to do with emotion, roger gathers all the hype he can must, sumersaults off the platform and tries to catch the ledge, swinging into the button. If he misses, he can just find the platform again, right?
Jump To Conclusion: 1d10 = 8
You successfully jump to a platform labeled "Conclusion". I'm like 99% sure that's what you wanted, right?
Gather Hype: 1d10 = 10
Roger gathers all the hype that exists...
...which is to say, the very boundaries of the dimension itself, because the dimension is made of pure emotion.
As the boundaries shatter, he finds himself back in the real world.
Land on Something Soft: 1d10 = 1
You also land on Shovel Knight's JUSTICE SHOVEL. Ouch.
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Topic: (Open) Insanity II - Anything (Still) Goes - Chapter 1: New Neighbors (Read 25598 times)