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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 786693 times)

omada

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16005 on: March 23, 2019, 10:03:15 am »

A Can I list possible terms? we got a bunch of victories but we don't know how hard we can push

 I would say that we should demand compensation for damage done, mainly damage done to Eval

Can we oblige them to accept our wine again? give permit to our merchants to pass through their empire freely? Option to pay their debt freeing volunteered slaves (welp, no gain in freeing slaves that will go on the direction of a country that we don't even have diplomacy range) in our territory? (add some black elves with info to our land and help the house of learning to know more about the world?)

A public letter saying that the crusade is over (possible) and any harm done to the pantheonists will not get the bless with the church? (impossible)

a white peace isn't the best solution, willingness to cooperate when they invaded our lands and burned our churchs without compensation is a bit too much
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Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16006 on: March 23, 2019, 10:44:34 am »

A
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16007 on: March 23, 2019, 02:51:59 pm »

You agree to meet with Caius Cuscus.

The meeting is arranged to take place on a hill visible by both armies, and happens in the early morning of next day.

You and Caius Cuscus meet for first time, and sit down on two large stones upturned and dragged to the hill by the Damdamian soldiers. Caius Cuscus is a miniscule man; naught an ounce of fat on his flesh, the man is tanned, wrinkled, greying, has yellow teeth and dresses like a Damdamian recruit, with the only addition of fashionable cloth being a bright red cloak drapped over his right shoulder.

He notices your shiny metallic necklace, and quickly pulls a Damdamian symbol on a chain from beneath his tunic. No doubt he came prepared for negotiations.

"Emperor Houlandin. Salutations from a warrior like yourself. A honor to meet you."

"Likewise, General."

"The Senate of Damdamian Republic is willing to negotiate simply because they believe numbers are on our side, and that your defeat, in the matter of coming years, is inevitable. I myself wish to stop the bloodshed and send the youth back to their homesteads." He pulls out a scroll from beneath his clothes and opens it, his eyes shifting from line to line.

"You will pay Theocracy of Damedia three times the yearly profits of your famous, highly-sought after glassware, as a donation to the altars of Damed. You will allow Damedian preachers and missionaries free travel through your Empire." You grimace, restraining your fury for now.

"And?"

"That is all of Senate's demands." Caius rolls the scroll and places it inside his tunic.

A) "Now that I know I'm dealing with self-centered, narcissist, pompous zealots, I wish you good fighting. Now begone!"
B) "How about we call peace here and now, and return to the state of affairs as it was before this sorry war?"
C) "I can send money to satisfy the greed of Damedian priests, but I won't let them roam freely amongst my Pantheonist brethren!"
D) "I could agree on the freedom of religion - we had such a thing once - but I'm will not place a single coin on heathen altars!"
E) "I'm not understanding how you can make demands! Listen, for I am entitled to the demands, and they are as follows... (describe demands here)."
F) "Actually that's not that much of a price to bring peace to our nations. I agree to those terms!"
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16008 on: March 23, 2019, 03:09:51 pm »

E

Reparations for the damage to our infrastructure, and a formal end to the crusade.
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16009 on: March 23, 2019, 03:11:53 pm »

C
E2 - we will receive reparations for the damage of infrastructure, a formal end to the crusade, and both sides will confirm freedom of movement for Religious and Mercantile agents from both the Damdamian Republic and the Empire of Methiant-Cydwyl.
+1
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 08:14:24 pm by ZBridges »
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Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16010 on: March 23, 2019, 03:24:47 pm »

E2 - we will receive reparations for the damage of infrastructure, a formal end to the crusade, and both sides will confirm freedom of movement for Religious and Mercantile agents from both the Damdamian Republic and the Empire of Methiant-Cydwyl.
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Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16011 on: March 23, 2019, 04:03:11 pm »

E3 Reparations for the damage done by the Damadian armies, the end of the crusade, 5 years of tribute and a public apology to the people of Methiant-Cydwyl.
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16012 on: March 23, 2019, 04:19:38 pm »

Alone on a hilltop? We've got him right where we want him.

E4?

Take off our necklace. Invite him to do the same. Rely on our own Charisma (and Wisdom, once we start talking law and theology).

"I think, one general to another, you know those terms are overblown. Whatever 'future years' may hold, you have not won yet today.

"Can you imagine, for a moment, what it is to be told that soldiers will invade you in the name of a foreign god, and that you ought to pay tribute for the privilege of having your lands ransacked? It is an affront to the very notion of law, or justice! Will your Damed bless my land with the prosperity to pay these exorbitant demands, or will only your Senators prosper while they find another target to bleed your young farmers?

"I've met my gods, you know – at least two of them that I can be sure of. Can you tell me the same? They've demonstrated their power, and their rewards for myself and the people in my care. I've seen necklaces like yours, and I don't deny that there is power behind them, but here in my lands the voices of Damed over recent years have been nothing but shrill cries for conversion or blood.

"So, forget the senators. Let's see if you can convince me that Damed is worth more to my nation than our own Pantheon. I'll start by asking whether it is He who is so greedy that he must have all the produce of every land for Himself, leaving none for the people; or is it only His so-called priests demanding that others die so their temples may be more richly decorated."

Etc. Keep up the themes that the Damedian hierarchy is corrupt and we are simply living our simple lives just like his own soldiers.



Work our charm to convince Caius Cuscus to give up the Crusade. Personally at a minimum, and taking as many people home with him as we can swing.

We might indeed have trouble out-fighting the Republic in perpetuity. (Though I'm certainly willing to try! I don't think the situation is so one-sided as the "self-centered, narcissist, pompous zealots" say!) It would be better if we change the willfulness of either their high leadership, or all their swathes of peasants, to fight. Starting with an able military leader like Cuscus gives us leverage in both these directions.

If this is a bit ambiguous to be a counter "demand," my second choice so far is for Kashyyk's E2.

Addendum: also see my response four posts down.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 09:41:57 pm by mightymushroom »
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omada

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16013 on: March 23, 2019, 07:59:52 pm »

This E4 plus E2 combo, let's undermine the faith of a influent person, if he don't agree with the freedon of movement we can point that it can be seen as a clear lack of faith, since slowly both preachers will talk and the right religion shall prevail
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Competent reader (any know lenguage)
Novice english wordsmith
Dabbling english speaker (rusty)
He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

Taricus

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16014 on: March 23, 2019, 08:03:44 pm »

E4

Edited
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 11:06:56 pm by Taricus »
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Pavellius

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16015 on: March 23, 2019, 08:57:38 pm »

Edit: E4
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 10:54:39 pm by Pavellius »
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16016 on: March 23, 2019, 09:40:40 pm »

Thanks for the support; yet I'd like to make sure I'm clear that my personal vote is for E2 only in the case that E4 is disqualified on technical grounds. I don't see them as things that are combinatory and particularly in my write-up I'm not seeking reparations at this time. (Free movement of priests is a reasonable follow on though.) Double talking that their priesthood is too greedy while insisting we get paid would be some risky rhetorical gymnastics even for Houlandin III.

It's not really about the peace negotiations, as such, for my plan. Mostly I'm trying to make a loophole in the offer of "write your own" that gets Caius Cuscus out of the war – like a trap/ambush but without any violence that the other side can claim is a truce violation. I think that if we roll well we can also get a good proportion of the crusaders to leave with him, and at the edge of possibility even spark a reform movement among the Damedians. I'll wait to see if any further options for peace accords are proffered next turn, after he's softened up.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 11:51:15 am by mightymushroom »
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Pavellius

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16017 on: March 23, 2019, 10:54:19 pm »

Double talking that their priesthood is too greedy while insisting we get paid would be some risky rhetorical gymnastics even for Houlandin III.
I think that's a good point. Monetary demands could make our argument harder.
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16018 on: March 24, 2019, 12:48:09 pm »

You invite him to negotiations without need of your necklace or his, as you have much to negotiate about - as well as touch the topics of Damedian cult and its zealotry. The old general agrees.

Quote
5*

What follows (and was not inscribed down for lack of willingness on GM's part scribes at your side), is a grandiose dialogue between a Pantheonist orator and a Damedian zealot, who, as the time flows - the sun manages to take its course towards the horizon before you two finish - nods and agrees with much of your talk. It's obvious that Caius, despite his virtues, is just as a bloodthirsty zealot at heart as any other Damedian. But even he budges and starts to think and wonder about actions and policies of Damedian clergy.

As the sun starts casting long shadows and the sky turns deep orange, Caius Cuscus concludes the negotiations.

"What you've told me today is nothing but wisdom and reason. I'm willing to call a month of truce, so that I might take your... 'cause' to the Senate. I promise nothing but thirty days of non-hostilities, and that my army moves back into boundaries of Kingdom of Rucus. Either this, or we resume fighting."

A) "That is fine with me."
B) "That won't do, at all!"
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Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16019 on: March 24, 2019, 12:56:40 pm »

A
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