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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 789555 times)

ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15450 on: December 26, 2018, 05:38:30 pm »

B
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omada

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15451 on: December 27, 2018, 09:41:18 pm »

B And a letter to the dwarves
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Competent reader (any know lenguage)
Novice english wordsmith
Dabbling english speaker (rusty)
He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15452 on: December 28, 2018, 04:05:21 pm »

//I had to remember how to do End of Year update because last one was 3 months ago, that's how slow we got with them updates '<.

You decide to sponsor the shrine of Isogdod.

After arrangements are done, next morning the pilgrim girl leaves with a wagon of treasures, asking guards to come with her to protect the wagon for only a certain distance.

Few days later, the Archpriest arrives. Having heard that you graciously sponsored a construction of a shrine, he wanted to personally thank you. It gets a bit weird once you tell him the details.

"But Emperor, Isogdod has no oracles within Methiant."

"No oracles?"

"No oracles, m'lord. They never had any!" Within few hours, scouts and agents are sent across Methiant-Cydwyl, to search for the scammer girl that took off with part of your Treasury.

1213 AD, Late Winter

Your great-uncle, Hein, who has left Eldrican for Methiant, has passed away in his sleep, having nearly reached the venerable age of sixty.

Winter in recent weeks have been very mild; snowfall was minimal and temperatures, for this time of year, were far from chilly.

A report has been compiled by your men sent to investigate the pilgrim that scammed you. No trace have been found of her, the wagon she took, nor the money she unlawfully taken from you. Nobody ever saw the pilgrim girl in anywhere but the capital and the palace itself, and it seems that she appeared, and disappeared, during the night.

There has been a shrine constructed in the Hurthlings' mountains, just beyond the Great Forest. A fresh building, but no one from the local settlements has admitted to having built it. It also seems that the shrine, near a somewhat well-traveled route, has also appeared 'overnight'.

Pantheonists are doing their own cursory investigation, although many of their mystics believe that you were, that particular Midwinter night, visited perhaps by apparition, an avatar of Isogdod, or perhaps even the goddess herself (who is oft depicted as a beautiful, but terrible, young woman), who judged you for your generosity - and, upon being satisfied, spared the Empire from harsh weather.

The Spymaster believes its just a big conspiracy, and will continue searching for actual truth, and not fairytale explanations.

1213 AD, End of the Year

It feels like its been longer than usual since the last time you've gotten Scrolls of Kingdom Status onto your desk.

But like always, the Advisor reassures you, its been exactly a year.

Quote
6, 4to6(4to6)

Happiness: 4
Population: 8
Economy: 5
Army: 8
Imp.Authority: -1

"Unfortunately, your Majesty, the authority of the Emperor isn't getting up, contrary to expectations. The Army, despite the losses against nobles, rebels, and noble rebels, have managed to regain its strength rather swiftly. The Treasury, despite scoring several losses on trading front and being cut off the gold bullion, is doing well."

"Is it a good time to issue an Edict, my liege?"

A) "Yep."
B) "Nah."

"Also, the cartographers have managed to update the map of the Empire after the recent rebellions have been quelled. It is available for your viewing pleasure, your Majesty."

« Last Edit: December 28, 2018, 04:08:37 pm by Haspen »
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Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

melkor

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15453 on: December 28, 2018, 04:15:18 pm »

B
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what do postdwarvenists do with goblins?

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We slaughter them by the thousands.
But... you know, we do it ironically.

ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15454 on: December 28, 2018, 04:54:03 pm »

B
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15455 on: December 28, 2018, 04:54:59 pm »

A

Looking back at it, Haspen was practically throwing it in our face that the pilgrim girl was the frost goddess. :O
« Last Edit: December 28, 2018, 04:58:31 pm by helmacon »
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Science is Meta gaming IRL. Humans are cheating fucks.

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15456 on: December 28, 2018, 05:08:42 pm »

Looking back at it, Haspen was practically throwing it in our face that the pilgrim girl was the frost goddess. :O

I was hoping you guys wouldn't fund the shrine and make her angry so that she wrecks your Empire, but oh well.

Sooner or later, you guys will slip in your vigilance. Remember, I'm always watching. UwU
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15457 on: December 28, 2018, 06:36:51 pm »

A
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15458 on: December 28, 2018, 07:11:22 pm »

B

We are just coming out of a civil war, and expecting a great war. Lets not piss our people off by passing an edict.

Also, glad to see that rumors of The Damned defeating all the other human gods are not entirely true.
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VoidSlayer

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15459 on: December 28, 2018, 07:15:10 pm »

A edict may be what will help us in the war, lets see what we got.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15460 on: December 29, 2018, 05:22:03 am »

A - Lets at least see what's on offer
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15461 on: December 29, 2018, 05:26:07 am »

MILITARY EDICTS:

Matters of military hierarchy, philosophy of war and development of military tech.

Adopt Fireblood Skirmisher Tactics:
Fireblood weapons are currently slow to load and rather inaccurate, but smoke and thunder they make alone can shatter morale. Some believe that if the hand-held Fireblood weapons are given to highly mobile units (cavalry), they could strike terror into enemy's ranks, allowing massed spear-and-sword infantry to advance afterwards and decimate the demoralized enemy troops.

BUREAUCRATIC EDICTS:

Matters of administration and government.

Issue the Bill of Rights:
A standarized code of basic laws of the common peoples. Even if peasants will have nothing else left, they will always have their basic freedoms, helping ease their minds in times of emergency - and perhaps allow the spirit of liberty and humanism to blossom (for good or worse).

Establish Passage Tax: (once in effect: 1142 - 1169 AD)
All those travelers, adventurers, merchants and others are moving through the country for free! Let's establish a tax for those entering and leaving our country - this will earn us nice profits each year, although it might slow down immigration and convince some merchants to seek passage through elsewhere.

Establish Scaling Tax:
At the moment, people are taxed on per-household basis. Let's squeeze extra money from those who earn a lot; noblemen with holdings, successful craftsmen and rich merchants. Of course, all of these might not like the idea of having to pay more than a lowly peasant working the fields.

Introduce Fireblood Tariffs:
Fireblood, as well as its components, are both valuable, important, and traded in large quantities. While a royal tariff on the mineral and Fireblood traders would surely hamper our trade and possibly lower amount of the precious black substance available for the Army, it could bring invaluable yearly profits to the Treasury.

Establish Imperial Trade Commission: (once in effect: 1167 AD - 1186 AD)
To ensure stricter and better control of trade in the Empire and through its borders, an imperial guild of trade and commerce should be created. Its officials will keep an ever-vigilant eye on market trends, supply and demand, as well as establish and maintain favorable tariffs and taxes on goods, and help our merchants gain upper hand over foreigners. Hopefully, they will avoid price gouging, corruption, favoritism and other nasty things.

Implement the Vault System:
Introduce the 'Vaults' to the current Treasury system. Vaults are places where dwarves store money of their clients in exchange for stamped writs, which can be then taken to a Vault at a different dwarven domain and safely exchanged for cash in with only a small 'processing' tax handed to the dwarves. With a lot of wealthy clients, this could earn the Treasury a lot of money in the long run, especially if professional dwarven 'Vaulters' can be recruited.

CULTURAL EDICTS:

Matters of religion, culture and art.

Proclaim Religious Equality: (once in effect: 1135 - 1172 AD)
Travelers, merchants, immigrants; they all bring new beliefs and philosophies into the country. Rather than fight those foreign influences, it might be best to allow all peoples free worship on equal level no matter the size and beliefs of the congregation, to help all different worshippers achieve a certain degree to harmony and peace.

Enforce Religious Unity:
Strengthen the nation and culture of the Empire by disallowing foreign faiths to preach freely in the Empire, as well as prevent rise of sects, zealots and fanatical schismatics amongst the clergy by declaring heresy a crime against the Empire, the Emperor, and his subjects.

Promote Missionary Orders:
Promote our faith outside the Imperial borders with monetary and political support from the Crown for the preachers and missionary groups. This will surely strengthen our state religion, on the other hand, it will probably upset religious minorities within the borders and our 'heathen' neighbours outside them.

---

REVOKE EDICT: Revokes a previously implemented edict, either to cut spending, appease some disgruntled subjects, or both. On the other hand, it might tick off some other peoples, potentially causing a deadly cascade of discontent.

Late Spring, 1135 AD: Established the Fireblood Court:
Creation of a specialized military branch devoted purely to development of Fireblood arms to ensure they are aplenty and of best designs around. This will allow to centralize the production, research and budgeting of Fireblood weaponry rather than having some errant alchemists and engineers running around, trying to make things happen.

End of Year 1139 AD: Established Recruitment Offices:
Mandatory training for youths is a good thing, but after bloodier-than-usual wars, there might be shortage of men to replenish the ranks. If we were to expand on the royal bureaucracy to include offices for traveling civilian recruiters and offer citizenship grants for mercenaries and travelers looking for a new home, our Army could refill its ranks much faster.

End of Year 1140 AD: Established The Council of Statesmen:
Creation of a small council of governmental officials who will be tasked with helping the government run smoother alongside traditional advisors, and, of course, the monarch himself. This will help strengthen the Imperial Authority, even in dire times, and help pass edicts quicker, although giving even more political power away from the throne than in the past might become a source of troubles one day.

End of Year 1146 AD: Established Diplomatic Corps:
Creation of a small but highly professional cabinet of diplomats and ambassadors that would visit neighbouring countries on regular basis to strengthen ties with nearby rulers and their nobles, and maybe even develop favorable treaties with them.

Summer 1152 AD: Issued the Codex of Training Regimen:
A set of efficient (and slightly draconian) requirements and practices of training to ensure that the Army gets only the best recruits of them all. This will make the Army much better in combat, although there might be a problem to fill yearly recruitment quotas sometimes.

End of Year 1153 AD: Established the Shadowranks:
Politics often involve underhanded tactics. A castle full of commoner staff and visiting foreigners just asks for a disaster to occur. Let's have the military form a professional division of most loyal of soldiers, who would protect the Emperor, his family and important state officials, during the day, night, war, peace, revelries of festivals and monotony of daily life.

End of Year 1156 AD: Expanded Primogeniture Law:
A string of bad luck can render a monarch without a male heir or cause succession debates. Rather than risk some unpleasant consequences of such a situation, it might be better to allow a skilled female to ascend to the throne, especially if she is as good at matters of the governance as any other ruler.

End of Year 1158 AD: Enacted Settlement Policy:
Guarantee that those willing to settle in previously undeveloped lands or territories yet unclaimed by any nation will be given a certain amount of money to help further their effort. However, this might cause a severe drain on the Treasury, especially during times of sudden, mass migrations to the countryside.

End of Year 1159 AD: Introduced Elective Succession Laws:
Sometimes a firstborn might be below average in terms of his skills to rule the nation, but there might be no other alternatives left, even amongst females. Elective Succession will allow the monarch to select the most skilled to inherit the throne, even a distant (or foreign!) relative of the successor, although this might cause problems with less gifted yet highly ambitious relatives of the next ruler, as well as local nobility.

Late Autumn, 1160 AD: Proclaimed Dissolution of Cloisters:
There are some faiths that are living and dwelling in estates and keeps that once belonged to the Crown, hoarding wealth within! We should force them out, restoring the important buildings to our governance as well as profiting from the stored treasures. Obviously, the worshippers of the faiths in question will be angry about this.

End of Year 1164 AD: Established The Royal House of Learning:
Scholars scribbling down books in secluded libraries and scriptories should be a thing of the past! Let's instead establish a centre of learning, where those of intellect can exchange ideas and educate those willing to learn. It will help the nation develop technologically, although maintenance of this beacon of enlightenment will obviously require yearly costs.

End of Year 1166 AD: Adopted Fireblood Infantry Tactics:
Fireblood weapons are currently slow to load and rather inaccurate, but even one in dozen of shots is bound to hit someone. Some believe that infantry should be given hand-held Fireblood weapons, which would be fired en masse against the enemy before melee combat, while horsemen equipped with melee weapons attack the flanks in glorious charges or mows down those who were lucky to survive the rain of hot iron.

End of Year 1174 AD: Endorsed State Patronage of Arts:
To help develop the nation culturally, set aside certain amount of budget money to sponsor sculptors, poets, musicians and painters. It will be a constant drain on the Treasury, but think of how prestigious your nation will become, what with those masterpieces of art popping left and right!

End of Year 1176 AD: Established Royal School of Cartography:
People come from near and far, yet we know little of the places they visit, the royal scribes clinging to rumors, hearsays and random tales of strangers. A proper society of cartographers and scholars at the House of Learning could help expand our knowledge about the region, and the continent - who knows, maybe entire world in the far future!

End of Year 1191 AD: Adopted a State Religion (Pantheonism):
Pantheonism has become a major religion amongst our subjects. To foster unity of our subjects against foreign religious influences, we should establish Pantheonism as the state religion, with all others nowhere equal to it. The Pantheonist clergy will sure view it in a good light, too.

End of Year 1195 AD: Established Calendar of Festivities:
Rather than throw a festival every few years to celebrate a bontiful harvest, let's instead establish a cyclic and stable calendar of state-sponsored festivities for the whole year. This will cause a drain on the Treasury, but hey - people love festivals!

End of Year 1199 AD: Passed Advancement of Religion Act:
To ensure that the state faith continues to remain strong and undivided, we should sponsor religious studies and schools as well as institute calendar of theological councils to quickly address changing times in the country and influence of foreign cultures and religions upon our Imperial subjects.

End of Year 1211 AD: Modernized Siege Engineering Principles:
With proliferation of Fireblood as destructive military component, there's a need to modify and strengthen our forts to better protect against it - some are mentioning star-shapes and sloped walls - as well as develop measures to make bombardments more accurate to minimize damage to the valuable buildings, goods and potential subjects behind the enemy walls.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Taricus

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15462 on: December 29, 2018, 05:29:40 am »

Establish Scaling Tax IIRC we just beat the shit out of some rebels, so those that would revolt over this are already spent. And more money to pour into other edits is good too.
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Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15463 on: December 29, 2018, 05:56:12 am »

Bill of R-

Heh. I would love that, but Scaling Tax sounds like a better idea right now.
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #15464 on: December 29, 2018, 06:37:40 am »

No Edict
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