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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 775820 times)

Lord_lemonpie

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13245 on: July 29, 2018, 05:54:43 am »

A.

The thieves will certainly be executed in the cruelest way we can imagine.
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Basil ii

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13246 on: July 29, 2018, 07:50:02 am »

A.

The thieves will certainly be executed in the cruelest way we can imagine.
oh so you want the most torturous execution possible here is an example. the convicted person would be placed in a wooden tub with only their head sticking out after that the executioner would paint their faces with milk and honey and soon flies would begin to feed on them the victim would be fed regularly and would end up swimming in their own shit and piss after a few days maggots and worms would begin to devour the body as they decayed alive.
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auzewasright

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13247 on: July 29, 2018, 09:41:33 am »

Just finished reading the entire thing from 1 to 3. Took me 4 or 5 days but I had the time.

Anyways, A.
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13248 on: July 29, 2018, 11:34:09 am »

Just finished reading the entire thing from 1 to 3. Took me 4 or 5 days but I had the time.

This is the level of dedication we should all aspire to, people ;v



You give the dwarves some money so that their runesmiths begin cooperating with your Spymaster and the hired adventurers.

1183 AD, End of the Year

You pace around your chambers, while Doge stares at you from his chair in confusion and slight fear. The door is knocked upon by someone, and moments later, the Advisor enters the-

"Have the artifacts been found??" The Advisor blinks when you question him.

"Err, no, Lady Empress. Actually I'm here for the usual like every year before." You sigh and sit behind your desk. Might as well try and get your mind off this theft with help of Scrolls of Kingdom Status.

Happiness: 7
Population: 6
Economy: 5
Army: 10!
Imp.Authority: +2

"Despite the thievery, the country is doing all right. Edict time, Lady Empress?"

A) "Sure."
B) "Nope."

The Advisor also procures and shows you the map of Methiant, but after few glances you can easily see there's no difference compared to previous year.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Basil ii

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13249 on: July 29, 2018, 11:45:19 am »

A might as well check if there is something new.
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13250 on: July 29, 2018, 11:48:07 am »

A
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Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13251 on: July 29, 2018, 11:49:19 am »

A
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13252 on: July 29, 2018, 11:58:54 am »

MILITARY EDICTS:

Matters of military hierarchy, philosophy of war and development of military tech.

-

BUREAUCRATIC EDICTS:

Matters of administration and government.

Issue the Bill of Rights:
A standarized code of basic laws of the common peoples. Even if peasants will have nothing else left, they will always have their basic freedoms, helping ease their minds in times of emergency - and perhaps allow the spirit of liberty and humanism to blossom (for good or worse).

Establish Passage Tax: (once in effect: 1142 - 1169 AD)
All those travelers, adventurers, merchants and others are moving through the country for free! Let's establish a tax for those entering and leaving our country - this will earn us nice profits each year, although it might slow down immigration and convince some merchants to seek passage through elsewhere.

CULTURAL EDICTS:

Matters of religion, culture and art.

Establish Calendar of Festivities:
Rather than throw a festival every few years to celebrate a bontiful harvest, let's instead establish a cyclic and stable calendar of state-sponsored festivities for the whole year. This will cause a drain on the Treasury, but hey - people love festivals!

Adopt a State Religion (Pantheonism):
Pantheonism has become a major religion amongst our subjects. To foster unity of our subjects against foreign religious influences, we should establish Pantheonism as the state religion, with all others nowhere equal to it. The Pantheonist clergy will sure view it in a good light, too.

Proclaim Religious Equality: (once in effect: 1135 - 1172 AD)
Travelers, merchants, immigrants; they all bring new beliefs and philosophies into the country. Rather than fight those foreign influences, it might be best to allow all peoples free worship on equal level no matter the size and beliefs of the congregation, to help all different worshippers achieve a certain degree to harmony and peace.

REVOKE EDICT: Revokes a previously implemented edict, either to cut spending, appease some disgruntled subjects, or both. On the other hand, it might tick off some other peoples, potentially causing a deadly cascade of discontent.

Late Spring, 1135 AD: Established the Fireblood Court:
Creation of a specialized military branch devoted purely to development of Fireblood arms to ensure they are aplenty and of best designs around. This will allow to centralize the production, research and budgeting of Fireblood weaponry rather than having some errant alchemists and engineers running around, trying to make things happen.

End of Year 1139 AD: Established Recruitment Offices:
Mandatory training for youths is a good thing, but after bloodier-than-usual wars, there might be shortage of men to replenish the ranks. If we were to expand on the royal bureaucracy to include offices for traveling civilian recruiters and offer citizenship grants for mercenaries and travelers looking for a new home, our Army could refill its ranks much faster.

End of Year 1140 AD: Established The Council of Statesmen:
Creation of a small council of governmental officials who will be tasked with helping the government run smoother alongside traditional advisors, and, of course, the monarch himself. This will help strengthen the Imperial Authority, even in dire times, and help pass edicts quicker, although giving even more political power away from the throne than in the past might become a source of troubles one day.

End of Year 1146 AD: Established Diplomatic Corps:
Creation of a small but highly professional cabinet of diplomats and ambassadors that would visit neighbouring countries on regular basis to strengthen ties with nearby rulers and their nobles, and maybe even develop favorable treaties with them.

Summer 1152 AD: Issued the Codex of Training Regimen:
A set of efficient (and slightly draconian) requirements and practices of training to ensure that the Army gets only the best recruits of them all. This will make the Army much better in combat, although there might be a problem to fill yearly recruitment quotas sometimes.

End of Year 1153 AD: Established the Shadowranks:
Politics often involve underhanded tactics. A castle full of commoner staff and visiting foreigners just asks for a disaster to occur. Let's have the military form a professional division of most loyal of soldiers, who would protect the Emperor, his family and important state officials, during the day, night, war, peace, revelries of festivals and monotony of daily life.

End of Year 1156 AD: Expanded Primogeniture Law:
A string of bad luck can render a monarch without a male heir or cause succession debates. Rather than risk some unpleasant consequences of such a situation, it might be better to allow a skilled female to ascend to the throne, especially if she is as good at matters of the governance as any other ruler.

End of Year 1158 AD: Enacted Settlement Policy:
Guarantee that those willing to settle in previously undeveloped lands or territories yet unclaimed by any nation will be given a certain amount of money to help further their effort. However, this might cause a severe drain on the Treasury, especially during times of sudden, mass migrations to the countryside.

End of Year 1159 AD: Introduced Elective Succession Laws:
Sometimes a firstborn might be below average in terms of his skills to rule the nation, but there might be no other alternatives left, even amongst females. Elective Succession will allow the monarch to select the most skilled to inherit the throne, even a distant (or foreign!) relative of the successor, although this might cause problems with less gifted yet highly ambitious relatives of the next ruler, as well as local nobility.

Late Autumn, 1160 AD: Proclaimed Dissolution of Cloisters:
There are some faiths that are living and dwelling in estates and keeps that once belonged to the Crown, hoarding wealth within! We should force them out, restoring the important buildings to our governance as well as profiting from the stored treasures. Obviously, the worshippers of the faiths in question will be angry about this.

End of Year 1164 AD: Established The Royal House of Learning:
Scholars scribbling down books in secluded libraries and scriptories should be a thing of the past! Let's instead establish a centre of learning, where those of intellect can exchange ideas and educate those willing to learn. It will help the nation develop technologically, although maintenance of this beacon of enlightenment will obviously require yearly costs.

End of Year 1166 AD: Adopted Fireblood Infantry Tactics:
Fireblood weapons are currently slow to load and rather inaccurate, but even one in dozen of shots is bound to hit someone. Some believe that infantry should be given hand-held Fireblood weapons, which would be fired en masse against the enemy before melee combat, while horsemen equipped with melee weapons attack the flanks in glorious charges or mows down those who were lucky to survive the rain of hot iron.

End of Year 1167 AD: Established Imperial Trade Commission:
To ensure stricter and better control of trade in the Empire and through its borders, an imperial guild of trade and commerce should be created. Its officials will keep an ever-vigilant eye on market trends, supply and demand, as well as establish and maintain favorable tariffs and taxes on goods, and help our merchants gain upper hand over foreigners. Hopefully, they will avoid price gouging, corruption, favoritism and other nasty things.

End of Year 1174 AD: Endorsed State Patronage of Arts:
To help develop the nation culturally, set aside certain amount of budget money to sponsor sculptors, poets, musicians and painters. It will be a constant drain on the Treasury, but think of how prestigious your nation will become, what with those masterpieces of art popping left and right!

End of Year 1176 AD: Established Royal School of Cartography:
People come from near and far, yet we know little of the places they visit, the royal scribes clinging to rumors, hearsays and random tales of strangers. A proper society of cartographers and scholars at the House of Learning could help expand our knowledge about the region, and the continent - who knows, maybe entire world in the far future!
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Basil ii

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13253 on: July 29, 2018, 12:07:26 pm »

B oh well it was worth a try.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2018, 12:12:49 pm by Basil ii »
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13254 on: July 29, 2018, 12:29:26 pm »

Establish Calendar of Festivities

Might as well, we're going to do it eventually.
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Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13255 on: July 29, 2018, 12:40:16 pm »

Calendar of Festivities
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13256 on: July 29, 2018, 12:45:12 pm »

Calendar of Festivities

+1

10 army is good for the coming artifact war
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Science is Meta gaming IRL. Humans are cheating fucks.

birdy51

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13257 on: July 29, 2018, 12:48:29 pm »

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BIRDS.

Also started a Let's Play, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses

TankKit

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13258 on: July 29, 2018, 12:56:02 pm »

Establish Calendar of Festivities
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“I would stop you from doing unholy experiments with my people, but I don’t actually care about their well-being and I kinda want to see what happens”

Spoken like a true god TankKit.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #13259 on: July 29, 2018, 01:23:15 pm »

No Edict.

We are slowly losing mines/income, and do bot have a happiness issue.
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