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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 786669 times)

Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8610 on: March 19, 2018, 04:41:41 pm »

AB

We actually have a casus belli against the Eldricans, they welched on their deal for the silver. It gives us both a good reason and a clear opportunity, all we need to do is invade slightly into their lands, seize the silvermines which we've basically got the right too, and hold it until they are forced to surrender. It sounds like a quick, easy, and profitable war. We've got good or at least not hostile relationships Rucus right now, so I don't see why so many are happy to go to war against them.

Eldrican owes us some silver, right?

It does. Which means we can extort them for troops if our wars against a third party start going bad.

Why would they do that? They already unilaterally broke one deal and don't seem to care for us.
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8611 on: March 19, 2018, 04:43:25 pm »

C, A
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8612 on: March 19, 2018, 04:44:56 pm »

D,A

let's not poke the damdamians.

Also, that statue should be finishing up about now, right?

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Science is Meta gaming IRL. Humans are cheating fucks.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8613 on: March 19, 2018, 04:45:42 pm »

AB

We actually have a casus belli against the Eldricans, they welched on their deal for the silver. It gives us both a good reason and a clear opportunity, all we need to do is invade slightly into their lands, seize the silvermines which we've basically got the right too, and hold it until they are forced to surrender. It sounds like a quick, easy, and profitable war. We've got good or at least not hostile relationships Rucus right now, so I don't see why so many are happy to go to war against them.

Eldrican owes us some silver, right?

It does. Which means we can extort them for troops if our wars against a third party start going bad.

Why would they do that? They already unilaterally broke one deal and don't seem to care for us.

They offered us troops to get out of the deal during that last rebellion Cyl put down. They still technically owe us silver, they just said they wont pay for a few years. I don't see why they wouldn't offer Houlandin troops to clear their ledgers.
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8614 on: March 19, 2018, 04:46:12 pm »

Ah but the Damdamians have been wasting themselves on this pointless civil war of theirs for years now if I'm remembering correctly! Surely they've never been weaker! Haha! As far as I'm aware they've also always been a menace towards their neighbors too! So it's unlikely for them to have any foreign help. We also have Houlandin's extremely competent martial ability to lead our army at it's full strength! This is what we've been waiting centuries for! We can also call up on our allies Cylwyl to help out! They do owe us for all the help we've given our brother in-law before his death!

If we let the Damdamians reunite then we'll be waiting generations to get another chance to strike a blow such as this to them! They've always have been a threat so now is that time to assert our strength!
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 04:48:44 pm by Prophet »
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8615 on: March 19, 2018, 04:48:39 pm »

Although anotherer thing to consider, the eldrican converted to a calvary based army after taking the nomads. If we don't push past the mountains, they will have trouble dealing with the terrain, even if they are twice our size. Riding uphill into spears and cannon fire is not so great.
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8616 on: March 19, 2018, 04:50:35 pm »

seize the silvermines
what silver mines?

I don't know why so many people refuse to believe that Eldrican is broke. They had no reason to lie about it...
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8617 on: March 19, 2018, 04:52:01 pm »

seize the silvermines
what silver mines?

I don't know why so many people refuse to believe that Eldrican is broke. They had no reason to lie about it...

Their money issues might be more 'debt to the dwarves' than 'we have no silver left'.
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Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8618 on: March 19, 2018, 04:53:44 pm »

They offered us a small number of troops in a limp wristed effort to get out of the deal they knew they were going to default on. After we refused they said they weren't going to send us any more silver "in the coming years". I don't see any assurances that it'll come eventually. From what we can see, I don't see any reason to think that they don't already consider their deals cleared... Sure, maybe they'll help, or maybe they'll do as they've already done in this affair and shrug their shoulders and give us nothing.

seize the silvermines
what silver mines?

I don't know why so many people refuse to believe that Eldrican is broke. They had no reason to lie about it...

Well, they had silver. And we've had no word that they no longer do. He said he's been spending it on the good of the people, not that it is gone. So... Why do you think that there isn't any silver?

Tbh what I'd rather do then any of this is start a concentrated military effort to seize and explore more of orc world. Maybe I should be voting for peace in the hopes that that comes up.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 04:55:50 pm by Criptfeind »
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crazyabe

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8619 on: March 19, 2018, 04:54:25 pm »

FA.
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nothing here.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8620 on: March 19, 2018, 04:56:18 pm »

They offered us a small number of troops in a limp wristed effort to get out of the deal they knew they were going to default on. After we refused they said they weren't going to send us any more silver "in the coming years". I don't see any assurances that it'll come eventually. From what we can see, I don't see any reason to think that they don't already consider their deals cleared... Sure, maybe they'll help, or maybe they'll do as they've already done in this affair and shrug their shoulders and give us nothing.

If that is true, there is nothing stopping us from invading them next.
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8621 on: March 19, 2018, 04:56:59 pm »

Well, they had silver. And we've had no word that they no longer do. He said he's been spending it on the good of the people, not that it is gone. So... Why do you think that there isn't any silver?
Because mines decline over time, and I think that "I had to choose to spend it on my people" means "the income isn't enough to support my domestic spending and agreement with you anymore".
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Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8622 on: March 19, 2018, 04:57:37 pm »

Even if it was a +2 mine that's declined to a +1 mine it's still worth seizing.
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Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8623 on: March 19, 2018, 05:05:08 pm »

AA
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8624 on: March 19, 2018, 05:08:17 pm »

MILITARY EDICTS:

Matters of military hierarchy, philosophy of war and development of military tech.

none

BUREAUCRATIC EDICTS:

Matters of administration and government.

Expand Primogeniture Law:
A string of bad luck can render a monarch without a male heir or cause succession debates. Rather than risk some unpleasant consequences of such a situation, it might be better to allow a skilled female to ascend to the throne, especially if she is as good at matters of the governance as any other ruler.

Issue the Bill of Rights:
A standarized code of basic laws of the common peoples. Even if peasants will have nothing else left, they will always have their basic freedoms, helping ease their minds in times of emergency - and perhaps allow the spirit of liberty and humanism to blossom (for good or worse).

Enact Settlement Policy:
Guarantee that those willing to settle in previously undeveloped lands or territories yet unclaimed by any nation will be given a certain amount of money to help further their effort. However, this might cause a severe drain on the Treasury, especially during times of sudden, mass migrations to the countryside.

Establish Religion Tax:
Various congregations are given away territories and various tax exemptions for those. With erosion of religious influences upon the state, its prime opportunity to dip our hand into prime source of income that is donations and tithes gathered by those numerous cults present in the empire. It will surely not please them, and, by extension, your subjects.

CULTURAL EDICTS:

Matters of religion, culture and art.

Establish Calendar of Festivities:
Rather than throw a festival every few years to celebrate a bontiful harvest, let's instead establish a cyclic and stable calendar of state-sponsored festivities for the whole year. This will cause a drain on the Treasury, but hey - people love festivals!

Endorse State Patronage of Arts:
To help develop the nation culturally, set aside certain amount of budget money to sponsor sculptors, poets, musicians and painters. It will be a constant drain on the Treasury, but think of how prestigious your nation will become, what with those masterpieces of art popping left and right!

Establish The Royal House of Learning:
Scholars scribbling down books in secluded libraries and scriptories should be a thing of the past! Let's instead establish a centre of learning, where those of intellect can exchange ideas and educate those willing to learn. It will help the nation develop technologically, although maintenance of this beacon of enlightenment will obviously require yearly costs.

REVOKE EDICT: Revokes a previously implemented edict, either to cut spending, appease some disgruntled subjects, or both. On the other hand, it might tick off some other peoples, potentially causing a deadly cascade of discontent.

Late Spring, 1135 AD: Established the Fireblood Court:
Creation of a specialized military branch devoted purely to development of Fireblood arms to ensure they are aplenty and of best designs around. This will allow to centralize the production, research and budgeting of Fireblood weaponry rather than having some errant alchemists and engineers running around, trying to make things happen.

End of Year 1135 AD: Proclaimed Religious Equality:
Travelers, merchants, immigrants; they all bring new beliefs and philosophies into the country. Rather than fight those foreign influences, it might be best to allow all peoples free worship on equal level no matter the size and beliefs of the congregation, to help all different worshippers achieve a certain degree to harmony and peace.

End of Year 1139 AD: Established Recruitment Offices:
Mandatory training for youths is a good thing, but after bloodier-than-usual wars, there might be shortage of men to replenish the ranks. If we were to expand on the royal bureaucracy to include offices for traveling civilian recruiters and offer citizenship grants for mercenaries and travelers looking for a new home, our Army could refill its ranks much faster.

End of Year 1140 AD: Established The Council of Statesmen:
Creation of a small council of governmental officials who will be tasked with helping the government run smoother alongside traditional advisors, and, of course, the monarch himself. This will help strengthen the Imperial Authority, even in dire times, and help pass edicts quicker, although giving even more political power away from the throne than in the past might become a source of troubles one day.

End of Year 1142 AD: Established Passage Tax:
All those travelers, adventurers, merchants and others are moving through the country for free! Let's establish a tax for those entering and leaving our country - this will earn us nice profits each year, although it might slow down immigration and convince some merchants to seek passage through elsewhere.

End of Year 1146 AD: Established Diplomatic Corps:
Creation of a small but highly professional cabinet of diplomats and ambassadors that would visit neighbouring countries on regular basis to strengthen ties with nearby rulers and their nobles, and maybe even develop favorable treaties with them.

Summer 1152 AD: Issued the Codex of Training Regimen:
A set of efficient (and slightly draconian) requirements and practices of training to ensure that the Army gets only the best recruits of them all. This will make the Army much better in combat, although there might be a problem to fill yearly recruitment quotas sometimes.

End of Year 1153 AD: Established the Shadowranks:
Politics often involve underhanded tactics. A castle full of commoner staff and visiting foreigners just asks for a disaster to occur. Let's have the military form a professional division of most loyal of soldiers, who would protect the Emperor, his family and important state officials, during the day, night, war, peace, revelries of festivals and monotony of daily life.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.
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