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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 787254 times)

Fluffe9911

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16215 on: January 30, 2023, 04:51:33 pm »

A
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16216 on: January 30, 2023, 07:17:34 pm »

This gives me a sense a Deja vu. The first game ended because we got into a war with Damdam. Once the war started, there wasn't anything we could really do. If we retreated, our execution would have been demanded as part of the surrender. And when we fought, we lost.

The right thing to do would be to surrender to avoid further bloodshed for our troops. To contain the consequences of our mistakes only to ourselves.

We have nothing to gain by surrendering though. So it looks like the only option is to go for a 1 in 100 chance.

I'm voting B anyway though, with the expectation that when we retreat it will be towards more favorable ground. We started this battle in bad terrain after all.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16217 on: January 31, 2023, 01:00:35 am »

A
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16218 on: January 31, 2023, 04:14:48 pm »

You announce that there shall be no retreat, that every Methiantese soldier is to die after killing at least one Damdamian, that they shall not have the glory without pain and losses so great they will rethink this campaign.

Incensed, or mayhaps resigned to their fate, the officers yell and join the fight!

Quote
6*

The mass of Methiantese army smashes into centre-left of the Damdamians forces after you call and order, throwing the entirety of Caius' tactical planning into a disarray! The huge wedge you've hammered into the Damdamians now provides you with some tactical advantage.

But from experience and from tales and from observation you know that Caius won't waste time to fix this - he is too smart and too experienced for this.

Quote
5*

Somehow, the Methiantese wedge continues to drive its sharp nail into the Damdamian body, and finally splits it into two halves! The left one is, by the virtue of bearing the brunt of the wedge, smaller, and towards it your officers and soldiers turn their attention under your careful guidance!

Quote
6*

The first line collapses under Methiantese onslaught; the second line bears the brunt of the attack and is ground to dust, the third line wavers and finally breaks for it, but the fourth line persists, assisted by hail of hot lead from behind! You realize that the squeaky war trumpets you've been hearing in past few minutes are Damdamians horns of command.

Whilst you've routed some of his forces, the old dog Caius has managed to regroup his forces mid-battle. Your tactical advantage is no more!

Quote
4*

Despite this, your Army itself manages to retain its cohesion and concentrates on the center and right bulk of Damdamian horde.

The meatgrinder continues and so you continue to give orders, when you notice something.

Some of your officers and squires have been collapsing. One of them has just tripped over himself, dropping his sword before managing to pull himself onto his knees wobbily.

Fatigue, not wounds, has begun to damage your Army, and comparing the amount of banners and colors you know to the darker and less pleasant colors and banners of Damdamians, you see that again you're on the smaller side.

Then, you hear Damdamian horns. Caius is issueing his commands again, and you can see the battle lines of Methiantese to finally become locked in still melee.

A) We must retreat whilst the conditions are still favorable, else we will lose through attrition!
B) Just a little more, my brave soldiers, and we will break the iron will of the southerners!
C) Dramatic moments call for dramatic actions - CHAAAAARRRGGEEE!!
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16219 on: January 31, 2023, 04:22:04 pm »

C - Trying to retreat from a melee is asking for a rout. We have to end this quickly and decisively
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Fluffe9911

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16220 on: January 31, 2023, 04:47:40 pm »

C Fun fact the vast majority of medieval army losses do not tend to actually happen during the melee but rather the rout that follows it.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2023, 04:53:21 pm by Fluffe9911 »
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16221 on: January 31, 2023, 07:08:41 pm »

C We are cornered rats subsisting solely on adrenaline. Any drop from the high we are currently experiencing will lead to a crash to rock bottom.

There can be no retreat for we will die the moment we stop fighting. We must win now, or not at all.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Superdorf

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16222 on: January 31, 2023, 08:58:05 pm »

DEATH OR GLORY, ΟΙ ΑΔΕΛΦΟΊ ΜΟΥ

CHARGE
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16223 on: January 31, 2023, 10:05:44 pm »

I'm not convinced that retreat is automatically a rout.
C
But, in a war of attrition against Damdamia, we probably lose. It just feels like we need that high-reward option.
(Felt like that nearly four years ago, too...)
« Last Edit: January 31, 2023, 10:11:14 pm by mightymushroom »
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16224 on: January 31, 2023, 10:07:29 pm »

C
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16225 on: February 01, 2023, 03:34:38 am »

B Let us avenge the wrongs done to our ancestors by our hated enemy. May the Pantheon, and all the gods that have graced these lands besides the wretched worship of the Damdamians, protect and guide us. But if our Emperor falls, we will never be able to recover. The Gods have blessed us with two fierce warrior Houlandins to guard Methiant in this time of crisis, and we will need Houlandin IV if we ever hope to drive the barbarian Damdamians and their crusade back across the mountains.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2023, 04:31:47 am by Prophet »
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Lord_lemonpie

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16226 on: February 01, 2023, 04:45:01 am »

C
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16227 on: February 01, 2023, 10:46:44 am »

You yell and order a charge right into middle of enemy formation!

Quote
3*

It does not go well; the charge is met with the Damdamian steel and armor of their soldiers, and their pikes and spears and firetubes easily cut and shoot down your horsemen and footsoldiers alike.

A stray shot flies by your cheek with a ripping noise and you feel hot blood on your cheek - the lead piece suredly have grazed you.

Then your horse rears in shrieking neigh!

Quote
5

Fortunately, you're able to hop off it and tumble down on the grass as the wounded mount collapses onto its back and then side, red foam at its mouth.

"Emperor! Protect the Emperor!" You hear shouts around you as some hands help you up and drag you away to safety.

Your officers act on their own and sound a retreat, but you regain some of your stable mind to order them cohesively, to at least ensure that the retreat won't turn into a rout.

Quote
6*

Despite the bloodshed and the chaos, your commanding coupled with the elite training of Methiantense soldiers ensures the retreat proceeds smoothly; the lines at the back go first, then the middle ones, then your block, and then finally the ones at the heart of the fighting break for it. All orderly, organized, and with rhythmic pace - your soldiers couldn't do it better.

Surprisingly, during the retreat, you hear the Damdamian horns ordering an end of the battle and retreat also. Seems that Caius isn't willing to pursue you today anymore.

Its only few hours till nightfall, and at the hastily erected camp north of the battlefield, you sit down, your cheek being cleaned by the camp healer. Your officers are busy tallying the wounded, the present and the missing, gathering the information well into the night

"Deliver unto me the news." You say as their delegation shows up in front of your fire, and the healer quickly gets out of your way.

"My liege!" Says one of them. "We have counted up those that can fight and those that are wounded to any degree. In total, we have sixteen thousand men left. But that's all of them, if we take away thouse that are suffering from any wound that denies them full fighting capability, then we have about ten thousand left. Of that, about a thousand are horsemen still mounted." You grimace, the numbers way too small than you would like.

"And what of Damdamians?" The officers murmur, before one of them bows his head.

"We had few stragglers watch the retreat of Damdamians from the field and then our mounted scouts spied as much as they were able. To all gathered estimates, anywhere between twenty to twenty-five thousand Damdamians managed to leave the field on their own, few hundred more were then lifted by their companions--"

You wave your hand at the officer, silencing him. Those numbers, compared to yours, are way too high for your liking.

The firewood crackles as the tongues of flame lick at them voraciously, your eyes affixed on the fire and your mind in thoughts.

Tomorrow...

A) We negotiate!
B) We attack!
C) We retreat!
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Superdorf

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16228 on: February 01, 2023, 11:05:59 am »

-A-
« Last Edit: February 01, 2023, 01:29:29 pm by Superdorf »
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Falling angel met the rising ape, and the sound it made was

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heydude6

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16229 on: February 01, 2023, 01:13:44 pm »

C

This was never good terrain. We were supposed to die here, but by some miracle we didn’t. I’d rather we button our forces up in a castle and try to hold off a siege.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.
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