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Author Topic: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched  (Read 36854 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #555 on: June 21, 2017, 11:52:03 am »

You decide to slip this delightful child to the Queen. Surely nothing could go wrong.

Quote
3

The Queen has several questions when you pitch the idea to her.

Firstly, she gets the strong feeling that there is a lot more to this than you seem willing to acknowledge.

Secondly, she also gets the strong feeling that the child himself isn't quite what it seems to be, if you'll forgive her for saying so.

Thirdly, she's unsure if you quite appreciate how suspicious it would look for the Queen to suddenly have a son quite out of the blue. There's legitimacy to worry about, don't you know, however lovely the child in question might be.

And fourthly, how in the bloody hell did you get into her bedroom at this time of night?

Well, you say as you look around, that last one's quite simple - you came in up the tower and through the window. As for the other questions, well...

A) Come clean about your demonically possessed son.
B) Apologize for wasting the Queen's valuable time and head out.
C) Double down on lying.



So, did our demons remember to close up, or are we going to walking around with a massive hole in our torso?

They sort of did, in that you now have a very prominent scar around your kidney that in all likelihood will never heal.
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10ebbor10

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #556 on: June 21, 2017, 11:56:33 am »

On that matter, how living dead are we?

Breathing?
Heart Beat?
Body Temperature?
Decomposition?

C

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Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #557 on: June 21, 2017, 11:57:48 am »

On that matter, how living dead are we?

Breathing?
Heart Beat?
Body Temperature?
Decomposition?

None, none, seems to have settled on "room" and dunno yet.
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Iituem

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #558 on: June 21, 2017, 12:03:54 pm »

C.  Let's double down on lying.
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #559 on: June 21, 2017, 12:13:00 pm »

B

Pretty sure if we make him the heir, we'll bring a brand new age of ruination to the kingdom
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

ZBridges

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #560 on: June 21, 2017, 02:46:21 pm »

C
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Draignean

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #561 on: June 21, 2017, 02:49:16 pm »

C
Pretty sure if we make him the heir, we'll bring a brand new age of ruination to the kingdom

I quite agree.
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #562 on: June 21, 2017, 02:56:49 pm »

I feel like I'm not getting something, but why are you doing this intentionally then? Clue me in cause I'm clearly missing something.
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Prophet

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #563 on: June 21, 2017, 04:47:47 pm »

C I mean who says we ever had to work for the good of the Kingdom? We aren't the Queen so we're just working for our own interests while trying not to get sacked and executed for heresy or something.
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

VoidSlayer

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #564 on: June 21, 2017, 08:21:16 pm »

A

She seems to like demons and hey we got "immortality", maybe she could too.

Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #565 on: June 22, 2017, 05:29:59 pm »

Quote
6

You pretend that you have been caught, and pretend even more effectively that your motive was genuine concern were the information to reach her ears that it would endanger the child. For you see, this child is born under a star reserved for the most heroic of fates. Left alone and orphaned in a village put to the torch by an evil sheriff working under none other but the Duke of Hestermaillin in Vesperlund, fearing that this child would grow up to represent a credible threat to his succession!

For you see, and at this the Queen seizes her blanket a little more tightly, this child is the last scion of a line almost as ancient as her own, and were he to grow up well and be prepared for the fate that awaits him, he could potentially change the face of Vesperlund - nay, he could change the face of the known world!

The best lies, you think, are not just the ones that are mostly true, but the ones also supplemented by the supernatural - the darkness of the room bends around you like a cloak to a point where you are not merely endowed with mystique, but actively embody it. And despite herself and the strong intuition that what you are spinning is a load of bullshit, she is bound readily by your spell. Why, she does believe she will hang on to this child in that case - he does seem like he could be a valuable sort, if permitted to grow...

You bow deeply, and exit the way you came as the Queen calls for a servant to park the baby you delivered in a less unpalatable location, and soon you are on your way along the nightly streets of Ortfast.

You snap up a sleeping vagrant on the way back. He proves unappetizing, but filling. You leave half of him in the gutter, a tip for the omnipresent rats of the city, and head back to your office.

258 S.I., Two Weeks Later

The Queen does not make your son the kingdom's heir, of course, that would just be utterly ridiculous. But he is kept around, and quarters are made for him quite discreetly.

Quote
5

Fortunately, people do not seem to put two and two together and fold this into the broader picture of bewitchment that had started to surround the court. In fact the matter is kept out of the ears of the public entirely, which you suppose to be agreeable enough.

Meanwhile you have a bit of time to yourself, the Queen being quite busy with her own matters, your son included (she appears to have trouble settling on a name much like your son has trouble settling on a concrete set of facial features), Assante being busy steadfastly bothering the Queen about mining matters in the Utterdark Caves, Princess Annika being busy bothering her entourage of "diplomats" and occasionally the Queen about letting her see the latter more often and most everyone else keeping to themselves.

What you discover first and foremost is that you do not appear to get along well with sunlight anymore - so much as a minute in direct illumination makes you feel like purging your own organs through your mouth, and only by wrapping yourself up in four layers of clothes and at least three separate veils you manage to make it merely feel like a crippling hangover.

Furthermore, your level of self-confidence in the nighttime doesn't appear to be holding steady. The honeymoon of becoming a creature of the night seems to be rather quickly evaporating as you feel yourself getting very hungry, even for something as typically repulsive as vagrant flesh.

A) Start grabbing more vagrants, and make sure to eat all of them this time.
B) Seek a stabler arrangement with, say, a prison. Or maybe an orphanage!
C) Treat yourself with a tastier target or two.
D) Try importing.
E) Seek a more... exotic solution.
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Glass

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #566 on: June 22, 2017, 05:32:26 pm »

B, and specifically a prison. We're not cruel enough to eat children (not yet, anyway...).
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Glass is, as usual, correct.
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I'm gonna say we go with whatever Glass's idea is.

omada

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #567 on: June 22, 2017, 06:09:39 pm »

B say that it is for a kind of death penalty with interrogation or, re-education
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #568 on: June 22, 2017, 06:20:17 pm »

B
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Iituem

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #569 on: June 22, 2017, 06:47:45 pm »

B, and we'll just imply we're selling them off into slavery.  Greed is a pretty believable motive.
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Let's Play Arcanum: Of Steamworks & Magic Obscura! - The adventures of Jack Hunt, gentleman rogue.

No slaughtering every man, woman and child we see just to teleport to the moon.
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