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Author Topic: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched  (Read 36862 times)

Prophet

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #510 on: June 18, 2017, 09:02:09 am »

B See. We should have trusted our totally awesome demon friends.
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #511 on: June 18, 2017, 12:02:09 pm »

B

...
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Blood_Librarian

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #512 on: June 18, 2017, 01:09:35 pm »

B See. We should have trusted our totally awesome demon friends.
Children is a miracle under god,
B.
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if you want something wacky
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Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #513 on: June 19, 2017, 05:51:49 am »

You accept the bargain, knowing it will be the last and greatest of them all. AS IT SHOULD BE as it has always been

258 S.I., Summer

The lump in your kidney area grows at a prodigious rate, and your gait grows increasingly peculiar to compensate as you try to ignore the slight aches and the developing scoliosis. All for a good cause. THE BEST CAUSE

Quote
3

You hear news from County Tarrent, and not unexpectedly they appear to be the news that you made. The Count's castle is said to have utterly collapsed in the weeks following your departure and visiting exorcists have been working double time to address both witchcraft and rampant hysteria among the populace, with mixed results. What's more, you hear that all of the servants in the castle were killed by whatever supernatural horror visited the Count in the night. This seems a little surprising before you glance at your window.

A raven sits on the windowsill, seemingly having waited to be noticed. Greetings, it says in the voice of Jules. You said you had work for him.

Didn't stick around in the castle then, you say with a drawn expression. Bit of a shame, could have used a reliable witness.

It was for the best that he disappeared, Jules responds, otherwise he feels there would have been good odds of him being on the receiving end of some of the more outlandish local suspicions. They'll just work things out between themselves now. Burn some witches. Hire exorcists. Be a complete nuisance to whoever inherits the estate next. You know, rabble things.

Hm, you suppose. No witnesses works too, in a sense.

You appear to have developed a certain glow, the raven says and looks at the enormous tumor you seem to have developed. Expecting soon, he takes it? Suppose you'll be needing some little birds to pick up the slack in the city, yes?

A) Well, he might not be a spy by training, but you can't imagine anyone more qualified for lieutenancy than a demonically empowered beastmaster.
B) He's got a place here to be sure, but perhaps retaining and promoting him ahead of Captain Bukhar would be unfair to your most loyal employee.
C) You know how this goes - gotta test him with a quest of some kind.
D) The heat is on, so having more demons here at a sensitive time may prove highly undesirable. Instruct him to lay low and maybe contact you later.
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birdy51

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #514 on: June 19, 2017, 06:35:58 am »

B
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BIRDS.

Also started a Let's Play, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses

Iituem

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #516 on: June 19, 2017, 07:33:21 am »

C, we had to go through hell, the now-vizier had to get possessed by a gnome and Captain Bukhar had to murder a shit-ton of priests.
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omada

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #517 on: June 19, 2017, 10:16:00 am »

C While thinking B

Hey, the queen will have her heir, it's the Antichrist but...
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #518 on: June 19, 2017, 11:22:58 am »

A Demony Spymasters forever!  :P
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

DolosusDoleus

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #519 on: June 19, 2017, 02:09:23 pm »

C. If only because it's a tradition.
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Glass

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #520 on: June 19, 2017, 03:58:15 pm »

C, because of course C.
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I'm gonna say we go with whatever Glass's idea is.

heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #521 on: June 19, 2017, 05:56:31 pm »

C
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #522 on: June 19, 2017, 07:24:15 pm »

You wonder if something qualifies as a tradition just because the only guy before you did it and you thought it would be funny to inflict the same on potential successors. You suppose you've done it to enough people since and thus might as well count it.

Jules, you say, you're afraid you can't exactly promote him to the highest spying office of the land right off the bat. You're going to need to send him on some kind of quest to prove his worth.

Okay, he says, some kind of quest? Does he get more to go on than that?

Well, you respond, you don't exactly have-

The door to your office opens and you instinctively compose yourself as Assante walks in. It's quite regrettable how he remembers the way here sometimes. He smiles - good fortune to you on this day, madam, and may he say that you're looking quite wonderful with the tumor-child and what have you. You get demonically pregnant and suddenly everyone's so kind to you! really wonderful how the community comes together

Right, you say and glance briefly at the raven, which sits by the window lacking exactly as much majesty as Jules does in person. Thank you and all, but you're under the impression this isn't a social call.

Oh no, says Assante, there's been a development! Diplomacy with our friends among the gnomes, which has been somewhat formalized in these latest months due to a strategic push by yours truly, has brought along fascinating information! A vein of unusual ore is said to be found in the depths of Utterdark Cave over in the northern hills - terribly unusual ore, in fact. His friend - yes, yes, they're not technically friends but it's easier to say than 'two mutually self-interested partners with broadly aligned goals and vast troves of separate highly specialized knowledge that serve to endlessly fascinate' - his friend has told him that, were it to be properly harnessed, it could change Ortfast as we know it! It could change everything!

So why not send a team of prospectors, you ask.

Oh, well, Assante stammers a little, it's because the matter is, as you might expect with something of this importance, very clandestine. And potentially extremely dangerous to try and reach. Nobody's been that deep inside the caves and returned for centuries! Oh, and the royal retainers normally used for such purposes don't exactly appear to trust his mapmaking, don't seem to like 3D maps much for whatever reason.

And, he says after a few more moments, after he did manage to convince a team to go investigate, they don't appear to have come back in weeks either. And now the Queen's soured on the concept as well, could you perhaps help convince her?

A) Certainly, you'll have a talk with the Queen and vouch for the idea as an expert in extreme risks.
B) You don't know, what's in this for you if you manage to arrange it?
C) Sending your own people to die out in Utterdark Cave and needing to beg to do it? Not bloody likely.
D) No need to ask for permission, is there? Just send Jules to check it out!
« Last Edit: June 20, 2017, 07:56:57 am by Harry Baldman »
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Glass

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #523 on: June 19, 2017, 07:31:41 pm »

I'd like to reject all options; I think we found our customary quest.
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Quote from: FallacyOfUrist (on Discord, 11/15/21)
Glass is, as usual, correct.
Yep, as ever, I bestow upon Glass the expected +1
I'm gonna say we go with whatever Glass's idea is.

heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched
« Reply #524 on: June 19, 2017, 08:12:30 pm »

I'd like to reject all options; I think we found our customary quest.
+1
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.
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