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[chubby2man]

C,E,H

[Tiruin]

C,E,H

YOU! Hope everything is going well there!
. . . Oh wow these updates are pretty.
+1 to CEG

[Prophet]

CEG

[Draignean]

AFI

[VoidSlayer]

A C F

We saved the world and killed/ate the people threatening her.  Can't be better then that right?

[Harry Baldman]

Time for a round of Vomit or Bluster! 1d6 -> 2 -> Vomit it is!

You step forward, and note that the Queen is immediately shocked at your appearance. GOOD it will make her miss the fine details

3

You begin to go on about the terrible things you see, the Vizier is dead! Possessed, driven mad by his knowledge! Done in by the fell powers of the Book of Hez-Shalhoub and its infinite demons! MOSTLY DUE TO HIS INJURIES REALLY but that's an irrelevant detail Best skipped in your explanation. You go on to describe the rupturing of his head, the tree of corpses, the Black Gate he was attempting to open, oh gods, oh gods, you let the tears well up in your eyes and run down your cheeks, coaxed out by a mixture of careful method acting and demonic stoking, oh may the gods forgive them all! You transition into utter blubbering as you grab the queen by her shoulders, and she stares bewildered as you suddenly retch on command and let flow a projectile stream of vomit that lands straight on the Queen's shoes.

It occurs to you a little late that what you've mostly been eating lately is human flesh IS THAT NOT A THING HUMANS DO Not around here, it seems. OH BALLS yeah they don't seem to be happy about this UH MAYBE WE COULD SEARCH AROUND FOR SOMETHING MORE INNOCUOUS TO VOMIT UP dammit she only has her own organs and somebody else's It is sad when you have so little material to work with. anyway we've got a routine to commit to here

You continue to babble and periodically retch as the guards pull you away from the horrified Queen, and, for lack of any better ideas, place you under direct observation of the court physician, a usually quite amicable fellow whose sunny disposition sadly evaporates upon closer examination. LET'S EAT HIM you can't just eat everyone like that Yes, there'd be far too many witnesses to comfortably eat as well.

Congratulations! Kalja has successfully completed a trip to the cellar!

258 S.I., The First Week of Spring

5

Luckily for you, despite the body parts in your satchel and the remains found in your vomit being unmistakably human, you do manage to eventually convince the physician to give you a clean bill of health, and the Queen that you are certainly not any kind of terrible danger to her or her court. Rumors do spread, of course, of the courtier who came back from the Vizier's evil dungeon filled with magic of the worst sort, and the tales of exactly what you did there become quite lurid indeed THOUGH NOT AT ALL COMPARABLE TO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED They possess such limited imaginations! you try coming up with coherent rumors with that much syphilis under your belt

6

The men and women back at your headquarters seem to have heard the stories as well, considering the berth they give you when you finally arrive for your inspection. All, that is, except for one - Assante, who seems to have gone on an adventure of his own. He's only been back a few days, it seems, and is the subject of as much suspicion as the rest.

Honored spymistress, he bows to you as you return, he understands you've been having one of them sabbaticals on account of being, well, somewhat bewitched by strange forces. Odd how these things work out, he says, for he was out in the northern woods. Brought the sacrifice as you said, worked the rituals as needed. Even did a little research himself beforehand. It's good that you didn't send anyone with him! They would have only slowed him down, in retrospect.

You cock your head a little. Something is off. HE CARRIES WHAT YOU ASKED FOR even if you did not specifically ask for it

Yes, Assante continues, so he went and sought the wisdom of them there northern gnomes, and he got a right feisty bugger, oh yes! But he'd read all the fancy words, had a bit of a chat with the natives, that kind of thing, and ultimately they came to what he would say is an equitable arrangement, a sort of timeshare thing.

He is still being ridden by the gnome, you say, and he nods - well, not ridden as such. He prefers the previous phrasing! Much less precarious, you'll find, and still likely as beneficial! The knowledge, oh dear, it's a little hard to tabulate it all at times. Did you know that gnomes know all that has touched the earth? His keeps asking for odd things though, like a piece of a cloud - yes, yes, he's working on it, he's working on it! BRILLIANT you can be best friends now Possessed best friends!

A) ... well done, after a fashion. Consider yourself a lieutenant in this operation, Assante.
B) You know everything that's touched the earth, do you? Off to the library with you for the foreseeable future, start writing it all down!
C) Aha, Assante - have you heard about the palace? They have an opening for a new Vizier!

[heydude6]

C

Surely letting the gnome possess a vizier is a great recipe for fun.

[omada]

SPAMPOSSESSEDMASTER

"Oh. That kingdom? nobody mess with them, we sent diplomats they came with the best deals, we try to send an army the earth swallow it with gnomes breaking havoc, we sent a whole team of the best man and woman chosen by spymaster and they returned in panic, some of them where devoured by eldritch beings, all that is magical reside there."

[birdy51]

C

Honestly, I think he'd do a good job with it. He's a perfect match for the Queen!

[Kashyyk]

B

Time to make the best library ever.

[Prophet]

B The Knowledge! All the Knowledge! All the Demons! All the Magic! All the Immortality! It'll all be ours!

[birdy51]

I have the feeling that all we'll get out of his maddened ravings would be a recipe for a fantastic cherry pie or something.

[ZBridges]

C

[Puppyguard]

B

[Harry Baldman]

Permanent library duty or Viziership? 1d6 -> 5 -> Vizier!

You figure a gnome-ridden compulsive bureaucrat would be an excellent fit for a Vizier - you bring the matter up to Assante and he blinks rapidly for a few moments, his head shaking at first but then starting to nod. Why yes, good spymistress, he does believe he catches your proverbial drift, as it were, say no more - will there be a letter of recommendation or some such thing, or should he go over there right away?

Letter of recommendation, you say, that's a brilliant idea - you step over to your desk and write something quick-like. A peculiar practice. BUT A USEFUL ONE it is good to know that you are helpful enough for an employer to lie on your behalf

After making sure your demons haven't snuck anything in while you weren't paying attention, you hand him the letter and send him off, and Assante merely smiles a little absently as he goes to the palace first thing in the evening.

4

Not long afterward you get word from the Queen - she rather appreciates you sending over a candidate. He's a terribly odd one, granted, but he seems to have a remarkably encyclopedic knowledge of the land, and a love of paperwork that even the old Vizier didn't have in his day. He is accepted! And then, soon after that, you get word from Assante himself - he thanks you profusely, if circuitously for his new appointment, he's been sitting over a map of Ortfast the past few nights, making notes! So many, many, many notes! Glad to see a man enjoying himself, at least. SOMETIMES THINGS JUST WORK OUT

258 S.I., Spring

Assante appears to be working out well as the new Vizier, and you hear word of the Crown organizing a diplomatic mission northward at his insistence, apparently to negotiate with the forest dwellers for some kind of useful agreement with the Queen. Levies for birds, Assante informs you along your back channels, a very simple agreement indeed.

Meanwhile, the report comes in from the secretary, useful fellow that he is.

Public Mood: 3
Operating Funds: 5
Available Agents: 3
Royal Trust: 4

Your excursion to the cellar, the secretary notes, not to lend credence to any rumors, has raised some concerns for the Queen, but doesn't appear to have fundamentally eroded her trust in you. The nobility, however, seem to be getting rather alarmed about the amount of supernatural events occurring around the palace and, for that matter, the fact that the Queen's closest confidants at the moment appear to include, in order, a princess of a foreign and belligerent empire, a possibly demonically possessed woman of uncertain birth and a Jovanastian petty thief turned chief bureaucrat of an entire kingdom. MERITOCRACY'S A BITCH WHAT CAN WE SAY

One of those most visible among the factions perfectly innocently raising these reasonable concerns is, naturally, one Count Terentius - not because he's vocal about it, mind you, but because among the stories circulating around the nobility the ones attributable to him or his friends are by far the most alarmingly plausible and, you note, closest to the actual truth as well. HE KNOWS he suspects And he seems quite good at this sort of thing, too.

Beyond that, there is also the Lunar Patriarch, Muhut. Your blackmail scheme is still working as intended, of course, and he has nothing but restrained praise for the Queen's regime. Sadly this is making him increasingly unpopular among certain more radical elements in the Temple who despite their seclusion know perfectly well that something is going horribly wrong in the Palace, and there are fears among the established clergy that a shakeup may soon be in the making with the popular support the less corrupt and consequently less royalist elements are building. let's fuck with them Nothing like upsetting the clergy, is there? NOTHING LIKE MAKING THEM REGRET EVERYTHING

A) Dispatch agents to address both of these matters.
B) Send operatives to see what the Count is up to and if there is a way to bring him into the fold.
C) Activate operatives in the Lunar Temple to address these alarming new factions.
D) Let the Queen handle her unruly subjects, you have your own business to worry about. Such as living forever!

Then there is the question of whether you want to involve yourself personally in this WHICH WOULD BE VERY FUN yeah haven't cut loose in months now But there would naturally be certain risks.

A) Yes, and I would prefer to investigate the Count.
B) Yes, and I would like to oversee the Temple infiltration.
C) No, you feel like your personal touch might carry a certain unwelcome taint here.

You also know that Captain Bukhar is on hand, having returned from a routine trip to the Free Isles with no news, and is more than eager to prove himself in field work.

A) And field work he shall have, probably going up the country.
B) And field work he shall have, preferably the Temple.
C) Let him stay on hand for now.

Voting is preferential, and each next decision is subordinate to the previous ones (Kalja's decision takes precedence over the Captain's, for instance, and preference for operation only comes into play if both are chosen).