CROWDSURF MY WAY OUT FROM THE STAGE AND TOWARDS GOATSBY
SHRIEK THE FOLLOWING AT HIM DURING OMINOUS ATMOSPHERIC LULL IN CURRENT SONG:
"HOUSEMATE GOATSBY! YOUR SORCEROUS TALENTS ARE WASTED SERVING THESE PITIFUL LARP-LOVING NERDS! SATAN PROPERLY REWARDS HIS FOLLOWERS! HAVE YOU SEEN THE DEVASTATION OUR BLACKENED UKULELE METAL HAS WROUGHT IN HIS NAME, WITH HIS BLESSING? JOIN ME, OR DIE WITHOUT EVER HAVING KNOWN TRUE POWER!"
IF GOATSBY AGREES TO CHANGE SIDES: DROP FROM MY PLACE ATOP THE CROWD, HAND GOATSBY MY UKULELE OF UNHOLY MIGHT (THUS INITIATING HIM INTO OUR NEW 3-PIECE BAND) AND TAKE A FIRM GRIP ON MY MICROPHONE TO FOCUS ON VOCALS FOR THE NEXT VERSE, WHICH SHALL AIM TO WHIP MY BELOVED FANS INTO EVEN MORE OF A FRENZY WHILST ALSO CALLING UPON OUR LORD SATAN TO HELP US CRUSH THESE CHAOS POSERS ONCE AND FOR ALL
LEAD THE CHARGE AT THAT ELIPHAS DUDE AND WHATEVER NEW BUDDIES HE HAS HAND-WAVED IN THIS TURN, SCREAMING MY RAGE INTO THE MICROPHONE AFTER I TEAR THEM APART WITH MY CLAWS (WHICH WILL SOMEHOW BE BURSTING OUT OF THE TWISTED FLESH WHERE MY HANDS WERE PREVIOUSLY, BECAUSE WELL, WHY NOT? SEEMS APPROPRIATE)
IF GOATSBY CONTINUES TO MISGUIDEDLY SERVE THESE CHAOS WEAKLINGS: BEHEAD HIM WITH MY UKULELE JUST AS SPACELASER CARVES OUT A FRESH BARRAGE OF BRUTAL RIFFAGE, POSSIBLY CHANNELLING THE POWER OF METAL INTO THE INSTRUMENT TO STRENGTHEN IT AS I STRIKE
IF IT BREAKS ON IMPACT, WELL, JUST GRAB THE STRINGS, TACKLE GOATSBY FROM MY CROWD-SURF POSITION AND STRANGLE HIM HORRIBLY TO DEATH WITH THEM, THAT PROBABLY BE EVEN COOLER REALLY
>SOUND GUY: WAKE THE FUCK UP AND MAKE SURE ALL THIS BRUTALITY SOUNDS AS BADASS AND EAR-CRUSHINGLY LOUD AS POSSIBLE