TURN 27Set the military to work on getting rid of the (alien) problem, and have War help with that.
Continue work on the laser.
Have Giraffian scientists working on figuring out where we are, and the Giraffian military also work on getting rid of the (aliens).
4,4,3+1vs3-1Your scientists improve the laser. It will deploy in 2 turns. The Giraffian scientists do some dimensional readings and find that you are effectively nowhere. The Earth has been removed from all dimensional space.
The giraffes link up with their human counterparts through the working teleporters and go to battle against the aliens. It would have been a draw, but the Giraffian-US alliance fighting the divided aliens is enough to defeat them.
A person with supernatural abilities attacks the White House, but is chased away by your guards.
Zerg and Protoss are always nice, but how 'bout some Inter-dimensional Chupacabras invading the Earth too?
There's no time to celebrate, however. Chupcabra hordes descend from the mountains, attracted by the smell of blood.
In that case eat the ghosts absorbs their powers.
6v2,...Om nom nom. You devour the ghosts and absorb their powers. You now have telekinetic abilities and a non-haunted house.
Fly up to the sky and destroy whatever's threatening to destroy world and my cathedral.
4vs4Ceasing your rampage, you zoom into orbit and see the Mug rocketing down toward you. You strike it with your halberd. It isn't destroyed, but it is knocked back.
+1 turn to impact.The Warp Portal keeps pouring more and more infantry and land vehicles, but suddenly, it became unstable. The Warp Portal creates lightning-like sounds, and the troops stopped pouring out of it. "Sorcerers, why troops stopped coming out of this portal," asked Eliphas. Then he looked at the sky,
and he realized that the Earth was sucked into The Void, somehow. "Sorcerers! Half of you will help Goatsby, and the other half will try to keep the portal stable! We need to get the Earth out of The Void, or we'll lose our reinforcements," said Eliphas to Chaos Sorcerers. Then Eliphas ordered his army to start looting the city for milk. Malls, supermarkets, groceries stores, or even just markets, all must be looted for the milk! Meanwhile, reinforcements have hunted down routing US troops and killed them all. The temporary alliance between Hell Bovines and Chaos Forces has been established.
Give out the orders above.
Order to Nurglite Sorcerer to keep trying to control the giant zombie knight.
Order to Fellblades to roll over the shocked metal fans, then charge at both Milkdrinker and Spacelaser along with my Terminators, and rip their heads off!
Note: Chaos' reinforcements will be under the control of Fatio. Use them wisely, Fatio.
(I didn't say that the US troops were routed, just that they were being held off by your artillery.)
POINT OUT GOATSBY AND HIS CREW AS THE SOURCE OF THIS UNPLEASANT INTERRUPTION, FANS WILL DOUBTLESS ENTER A BLOODY RAGE
WHILST SOUND GUY ATTEMPTS TO GET THINGS UNDER CONTROL, LOB THE EMPTY MUG FROM MY HOT CHOCOLATE AT GOATSBY TO DISTRACT HIM, HOPEFULLY AT THE VERY LEAST REMOVING HIS +2 AND/OR LEAVING HIM MORE VULNERABLE TO ATTACK BY CROWD...
PREPARE UKULELE TO UNLEASH A FRESH BARRAGE OF RIFFS AS SOON AS SOUND FIXED, TO MAKE UP FOR THIS VILE NOISE
SPACELASER AND I SHALL ALSO FEND OFF ANY ATTACKS ON OUR PERSONS, OF COURSE, USING MY HANDS-FREE KICKING TECHNIQUE THAT WORKED SO WELL EARLIER, AND WITH HELP FROM MY BAT ALLIES WHO FILL THE CAVES AROUND US.
Goatsby's +2 came from the Sorcerers rolling a 5 to assist him. You succeeded at distracting him while they got another 5, so now it will be a +1.
"HEY, SORCERERS! HELP ME OUT HERE!"
THE GREAT GOATSBY attempts to summon a colossal ouroboros to aid the forces of Chaos
(Goatsby summoning Ouroboros)
4+1(Milkdrinker's guy repairing the sound)
5(Chaos vs Military)
2vs5(Sorcerers assisting Goatsby)
5(Nurglite vs Ithadtam)
3vs1(Chaos vs Metal fans)
1vs2(Milkdrinker distracting Goatsby)
6vs3(Milkdrinker vs Eliphas)
3+1vs5In the city, the military gets involved. The normal soldiers begin swarming the Chaos troops. The Nurglite sorcerer again dodges a blow from the zombie knight.
"Surrender thy brains, Heathen!" Ithadtam shouts. The battle is then ended when the Sorcerer manages to wrest control of the magics again and puppet Ithadtam.
The fight continues at the concert. Milkdrinker's sound engineer fixes the curse on the speakers and has them playing even better than before. With the aid of the Sorcerers, Goatsby summons the Eternal Serpent above the crowd despite Milkdrinker's mug striking him in the face. He even manages to do it without being so metal that it would help the musicians. The crowd clashes with the attacking tanks and Raptors. Their punches, thrown rocks, and folding chairs do little but bounce off their enemies' armor, but it's still disorientating. Eliphas himself leaps onto the stage. Milkdrinker and Spacelaser defend themselves with bat swarms and kicks. Eventually, Eliphas grabs Milkdrinker's leg, lifts him up, and hurls him through an exhibit window. Some exotic fruit bats fly out as Milkdrinker groans.
(Anak vs Concord)
4-2vs1Anak makes his final attempt to take Concord. With stealthy raids, he is able to actually take the city.
"I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW WHAT"
Am I still bound by contract to help ATHATH? Jaunt over to the White House and attempt to destroy the anti-doom mug laser. If this breaks my contract...
Find a cheap roadside motel, somewhere nobody can find me. Go to the local drug store, get a prescription for my constant headaches. Buy a small bottle of whiskey and a cheap paperback novel. Read the book, drink the whiskey, then take every last pill and lay down with a smile.
"I'll be joining you soon, brother in arms."
(Rethi vs White House)
4vs6(Rethi finds a motel)
4You attack the White House. You tear open the front door and begin throwing lightning bolts around. The tallest Secret Service agents you've ever seen open fire on you with machine gun mounts attached to their heads. You realize as you take cover that the laser is probably not in the White House itself, it's most likely undergoing construction at a NASA base somewhere. Anyway, your powers are suddenly fading. Your contract must have been ended somehow. You retreat with what you have left, intending to kill yourself. When you're in the motel room, you receive a text from one of your thugs.
"Ur giant got hypnotised or smthn. Hlp pls.
"
"I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW WHAT"
Am I still bound by contract to help ATHATH? Jaunt over to the White House and attempt to destroy the anti-doom mug laser. If this breaks my contract...
Find a cheap roadside motel, somewhere nobody can find me. Go to the local drug store, get a prescription for my constant headaches. Buy a small bottle of whiskey and a cheap paperback novel. Read the book, drink the whiskey, then take every last pill and lay down with a smile.
"I'll be joining you soon, brother in arms."
Is this a statement of suicidal intent, because it really sounds like one. Hell's lawyers are already working on the breaking of your contact, they are the masters of theses kinds of contracts, they can definatly break them.
"Ring Ring Ring" "Yes... Gabriel! What! Certainly,I'll take the job." "What was it" "Have you ever seen it's a wonderful life?" "...Briliant" "Can we do this?" "I think so" "By the power of Heaven and Hell, we split to cover both our duties!
Angelo and Diablo split. Diablo continues the previous actions and Angelo flys down to earth on wings of fire, spreading good cheer and happiness like a badass Santa Clause to preform his mission, to prevent a man from throwing away the gift given to him by god, his life.
(Breaking the contract)
4(Saving Rethi)
1-2(For power split with Diablo)Hell's lawyers find a means to break Rethi's contract. Turns out he wasn't actually able to legally sell his soul, as he had already agreed to Facebook's terms of service.
Meanwhile, Angelo tries to find Rethi and prevent his suicide. It's much harder in your weakened state. You must have wasted your time preventing about 40-50 other suicides before realizing they weren't the right guy.
CONTINUE ANTI-NEO-DOOM-MUG ACTIONS
((@ATHATH: I actually lol'ed at that meme.))
5You were saving it for a rainy day, but the Singularity Uncloaker seems like just the thing for this. Gravity goes to the corner and cries while you cause it to push the Mug away from Earth.
+2 turns before impact.I must go.
Uttering a prayer to the Emperor, attempt to teleport through the warp to the nearest Imperium held planet.
Or, if I can use the webway, ask an Eldar to guide me. Because I am no psyker and that would be WAAAAAYYYYYY safer.
Would be funny if this accidentally turned into Emprahsque and Milk, where everyone was Primarchs and we screwed around in the Wh 40kverse.
1The Eldar seem to want you gone. You teleport away, aiming for the nearest Imperium world. It doesn't work out how you had expected. You arrive on a agrarian world inhabited only by a single band of Imperial survivors and an invading Tyranid fleet. The survivors seem grateful but confused by your arrival as the ones who still have working lasguns fight off Hormagaunts.
go to area 51. also acquire the Russian leader's phone no..
(I thought about making the Russian leader Rasputin to avoid real political arguments in the thread and had it posted that way at first, but I guess it should be Putin.)
2,4You fly towards Area 51. You run out of gas on the way and are forced to land to pick some up. The flying mode always did eat through fuel quickly. You open up a phone book and find Putin's number.
Calibrate the cloning machines to clone cows. Rebuild ye mighty cow armies of Moo.
1You start up the cloning machines. The process backfires and angry dinosaurs begin to spill out into your base. Jeff Goldblum calls to tell you that this was inevitable.
"Okay, my house is missing. Maybe my barbecue machine survived, though." Look for that. And party supplies.
1Unfortunately, the barbecue and party supplies did not survive whatever catastrophe destroyed your house.
"#>>%?}£?#€!#€?#€,|€?#€,{£,\€£\>¥}[%==~\_>€••€<\]}%+=£" "That is a lot of profanity, it is though, well deserved"
Use the power of Negative Magic to return the earth and moon to their regular positions in our world, leaving the Doom Mug in The Void, where it very Memory, shall disappear.
EDIT: Leave ATHATH in The Void as well.
Protect the mug.
(I think I should let ATHATH attempt to protect his Mug this time, since I let Gulliman hit back when Johiah was absent and this includes an attempt to abandon him.)
(Change dimensions)
4vs5You try to change dimensions, but ATHATH flies over and grapples you before you can cast your spell. You are able to send back the Moon, at least.
+6 turns to impact
Poll
16 (44.4%)
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk (Read 236437 times)