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Milk

16 (44.4%)

Cookies

20 (55.6%)

Total Members Voted: 36

[johiah]

Also I feel a bit out of place since i know practically nothing about WH40K

Don't worry, I didn't either. Then I spent six months and hundreds of hours wasting time reading lore. Is probably why I don't have a 4.0 GPA.

[Glass]

Also I feel a bit out of place since i know practically nothing about WH40K

Don't worry, I didn't either. Then I spent six months and hundreds of hours wasting time reading lore. Is probably why I don't have a 4.0 GPA.

I read the TvTropes pages for Rogue Trader, Tabletop Gaming memes, and also some of the more general references throughout the site. I also read the Emprasque stories and part of Deffwotch. I do not play any WH40K games, and I don't expect to get a chance to do so for a while.
Also, da red wuns go fasta, and the Blood Ravens stole all of your stuff three years ago. Always remember these things.

[star2wars3]

Create a cloning device so that cows can be mass produced for the army.

[Imic]

Buy the milk.
Win the game.
Roll a 6 sided die.

[Rethi-Eli]

Also I feel a bit out of place since i know practically nothing about WH40K

If it's from space, it's either an asshole (in communist flavor or football hooligan flavor) or it worships the gods of evil. If it's from earth, it's either an asshole (in beurocrat flavor or nazi flavor, all with a nice side of xenophobe) or it worships the gods of evil.

If it's not from space or earth, it's a demon that worships the gods of evil (or is a god of evil).

Understand?

That makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.

[johiah]

Yeah so Enemy Post, if you could update the DM to me waking up on an Eldar craftworld, that would reflect the Emprahsqueniverse.
Please?

[Enemy post]

Yeah so Enemy Post, if you could update the DM to me waking up on an Eldar craftworld, that would reflect the Emprahsqueniverse.
Please?

Done. I guess I should read that story.

[CABL]

Okay, guys, I'll try to keep the things abstract when the next turn begins. Also, about Chaos Marines, let's just say there's 14-16 of them left (there's still Havocs, Land Raiders, Predators, Basilisks, and Sorcerers, though).

Also, enemy post, would you kindly update the status of the police station from "Holding the line" to "Destroyed by artillery barrage"? Remember, I ordered an artillery strike on it.

[Enemy post]

Okay, guys, I'll try to keep the things abstract when the next turn begins. Also, about Chaos Marines, let's just say there's 14-16 of them left (there's still Havocs, Land Raiders, Predators, Basilisks, and Sorcerers, though).

Also, enemy post, would you kindly update the status of the police station from "Holding the line" to "Destroyed by artillery barrage"? Remember, I ordered an artillery strike on it.

Thanks. I changed it.

[ATHATH]

Make a new doommug (much closer to the Earth) and all that. If my contract-signer isn't busy fighting Chaos or something, ask/demand/invoke the contract to force him to help me.

[johiah]

So now my quarters are on an Eldar craftworld? Is this some Eldar psychic skullduggery?
Ask the "Ultramarines" how I woke up, where I am, and what the state of the Imperium of Man is.

[FallacyofUrist]

"Okay, look. What conditions are you talking about? The portal's vanished. Is there anything else I should know about?"

[Yoink]

Once more, some demons want to be your manager.

MAYBE YOU CAN HANDLE RELEASE OF UPCOMING MILKDRINKER / SPACELASER SPLIT AFTER THIS SHOW
THEN WE SEE ABOUT MANAGEMENT CONTRACT... PROBABLY HOLD OUT FOR OFFER FROM SATAN HIMSELF THOUGH TO BE HONEST

((GM I HAVE TO SAY, I AM HAVING RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF FUN WITH THIS RTD. IS GOOD. YOU GOOD GM.
ALSO IS FUNNY THAT GOATSBY WAS INDIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ENTIRE CURRENT PLOT-ARC.))   

[Smoke Mirrors]

Also, the devil has a management contract for MILKDRINKER. Not a demon management contract, a normal management contract, like the ones he had for KISS, Ozzy Osbourne, and Alice Cooper.

Once more, some demons want to be your manager.

MAYBE YOU CAN HANDLE RELEASE OF UPCOMING MILKDRINKER / SPACELASER SPLIT AFTER THIS SHOW
THEN WE SEE ABOUT MANAGEMENT CONTRACT... PROBABLY HOLD OUT FOR OFFER FROM SATAN HIMSELF THOUGH TO BE HONEST

You already got one, though some more Princes of Hell are also willing to sign. Do you want to sign with Lucifer/Satan (Pride and Wrath), Asmodeus (Lust), Mammon (Greed) or wait for some others to be willing.

[Enemy post]

I should really write a recap of all the things that have happened so far sometime.

TURN 25

Buy the house if I already bought the house go to search for quirky roommates that will accidentally destroy the house (and probably the city) next time you all run out of milk

1

Unfortunately, you are unable to find anyone who wants to move in because your house is known to be extremely haunted.

Continue work!

3

Currently, you have about enough powered milk to convert the Mediterranean Sea. Almost done.

Create a cloning device so that cows can be mass produced for the army.

2

You are unable to complete the cloning device at this time. Your science cows need more equipment to finish the job.

Force the McDonald's cow army to surrender.

In other news: Well, Mr. Lincoln, could you potentially tell us anything of the forces that managed to bring you to our time? Purely for research purposes, of course.

As for the glorious country of Giraffia, develop infrastructure to get from one part of Giraffia to another with minimal difficulty.

2vs2,6,6

The military is unable to find the hidden base of the cow insurgents. They will continue searching. In Giraffia, your scientists invent a teleporter that they say "can use Xen as an unexpressed axis, effectively a dimensional slingshot so we can swing around the borderworld and come back to local space." Do you set up the teleporters?

In the Oval Office, Lincoln considers what you asked. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep secrets from you, Mr. President. I was brought here by a wondrous flying machine belonging to an Irishman named Mr.Shaun O'Brian."

Rush into the store, throw wallet at the people inside and demand all their milkshakes
"GIVE ME ALL THE MILSHAKES I SWEAR I WILL THROTTLE YOU!"

5

They give you all the milkshakes they have. Nobody seems willing to try and fight you on it.

Decimator Tank: Shoot from Decimator Cannon one time at Armnotok, then drive away from him and help the main army destroying the Men of Iron.

6vs2

Fly to the battlefield and cast milk-spear at the tank. If fails, stomp it down.

5vs4

Sensing the plight of his followers, Armnotok flies forth from his citadel. The Decimator's mighty cannon swivels to aim at the new target. The god throws a spear, and the cannon roars. Both are hurled back into separate buildings, which crumble around them. There is a moment of silence. Then, Armnotok's fist bursts from the rubble. The milk god slowly picks himself up, revealing a shattered hole in his golden body. He falls. The milk creatures slither over to him. One of the milk creatures forsakes its own existence to seal his wounds with its own milk. Armnotok recovers, but with a noticeable scar from the blast.

Okay....
Go offroad to the nearest town, without crashing into anything or getting stuck
maybe a horse was better..... 

 Engage hovermode! Where we're going, we don't need roads! If fail do above.

5

Your van's wheels rotate underneath your car and it rises into the air. You fly out to the nearest town. A faded old sign sits by the side of the road below you. Scrawled letters read:"Miilkvile:Setle 37".

Eliphas sees some jet interceptors flying above the city. "I knew that they'll come back, but their aircraft will not save them from the inevitable defeat. Basilisks, prepare Rot Plague shells! Today, they'll all turn into rotting corpses..." Said Eliphas to Chaos Basilisks via vox-caster. Eliphas prepares his Power Fist and tells the Chaos Marines to charge against the Men of Iron.

Rip and tear through the ranks of Men of Iron.
If successful, stop Rethi-Eli from escaping

Decimator Tank: Shoot from Decimator Cannon one time at Armnotok, then drive away from him and help the main army destroying the Men of Iron.
Nurglite Sorcerer: Make Ithadham's body rot at insane rate.
Squad Gamma 1: Hold the line against US military.
Squad Epsilon 3: Use rocket launchers to fight the enemy's aircraft.
Plaguebearers: Stop Rethi-Eli from retrieving the body.
Squad Epsilon 4: Bombard US military with "Rot Plague"* shells.
Predator Tanks & Land Raiders: Prevent Diablo from hurting the infantry by overwhelming him with fire.
Chaos Marines (main army): Destroy the Men of Iron.
Havocs with Multi-Meltas: Melt the Men of Iron.
Chaos Sorcerers: Open a huge, invincible** Warp Portal.
Chaos Raptors: Throw melta-bombs at the fanboys of Milkdrinker.
Dark Apostle Anak's forces: Regroup and attack Concord. 

* They cause sheer necrosis and heavy diarrhea via breath and skin contact.
** By "invincible" I mean "can't be destroyed/closed so easily". It's still can be destroyed/closed, just not with the average tricks.

CrocandBearLover said he'd tone down his turns after this one.
(Nurglite Sorcerer)6
(Chaos vs Imperial Guardsmen US Military)4vs6
(Plaguebearers vs Rethi)6vs2
(Chaos vs Diablo)6vs1
(Chaos vs Men of Iron)3vs6
(Chaos Sorcerers)6
(Anak's Army)3vs5

"It's not working" "Ok then, lets head to the library" "$&#^ that halo boy, it just means I have to kill them harder." "I knew this would happen, fine, but if you can't make much head way, we go to plan A, C, or D" "YEAH!"

Continue murdering the hell out of Chaos jerks, if possible, move towards the place the rock soundtrack is coming from. (the concert at the zoo)

6vs4,2
Diablo retains control.

Tell Chimera to back up the army, mount dire ostrich. Summon more extraplanar beasts.

2

Heal myself, and attempt to recover Ithadtam's corpse. Retreat for now.

1,6

The Men of Iron team up with military reinforcements, and finally begin to push Chaos back. The Plaguebearers steal Ithadtam's body away as Rethi and his remaining troops struggle to stop them while Rethi attempts healing his arm. Neither of Rethi's efforts succeed. Rethi also hears the voice his benefactor ordering him to help drop a giant mug on the planet. The Chaos tanks shoot Diablo out of the sky. He crashes through the stained glass window of an old cathedral. As Diablo gets out of the crater, he nearly loses control. However, he remains the dominant mind for now. The Sorcerers open a new, stronger portal this time. It's much more stable than the others. In fact, they don't think they could turn it off if they wanted to. Goatsby sends the chimera into the fray and mounts his ostrich steed. He is unable to summon anything at this time. The Nurglite Sorcerer tries to destroy Ithadtam's corpse with rot magic. He may have used a bit too much. Ithadtam does indeed decay badly. And then he stands up and looks down at the Chaos troops around him.

"Huzzah, BRAINS."

Also, Anak is unable to conquer Concord this time.

Buy the milk.
Win the game.
Roll a 6 sided die.

4,4

You have bought the milk. You win the game!!! In celebration, you roll a d6 and get a 4.

So now my quarters are on an Eldar craftworld? Is this some Eldar psychic skullduggery?
Ask the "Ultramarines" how I woke up, where I am, and what the state of the Imperium of Man is.

The "Ultramarines" reveal themselves as disguised Eldar. They had taken the guise of your troops to ensure you would have a stable awakening. The Elder explain the many, many years of history that have taken place since you were wounded. It takes a very long time. Ultimately, they explain everything that has happened since then, how the Emperor became a giant lizard, and how you were healed. As you were awakening, your mind sent an apparition to a version of Holy Terra to battle Chaos there.

[/b]

"Okay, look. What conditions are you talking about? The portal's vanished. Is there anything else I should know about?"

3

The employees just tell you to turn on the news for a minute.

Chaos Raptors: Throw melta-bombs at the fanboys of Milkdrinker.

4(Unable to do action, but they start to recover.)

STAND UP, TEASING OUT SOME OMINOUS, BETWEEN-SONGS FEEDBACK FROM MY UKULELE OF DARKNESS AS I REGAIN MY BALANCE UNLESS AMP BROKEN I GUESS

CALL OFF THE BATS AND HELP MY OLD RIVAL, SPACELASER, TO HIS FEET
NO WORDS ARE NEEDED TO FORM THIS NEW ALLIANCE. IF AS HE ACCEPTS MY HELPING HAND WE SHALL PERFORM THE HANDSHAKE.
ONCE THAT PORTENTOUS GESTURE IS COMPLETE WE SHALL COMBINE FORCES (AND SOUND EQUIPMENT), WITH SPACELASER JOINING ME ON STAGE/IN THE CAVES TO COMPLETE THE SHOW WITH A DEADLY DOUBLE-DOSE OF UNIMAGINABLY POWERFUL BLACKENED UKULELE METAL THE LIKES OF WHICH THE WORLD HAS NEVER BEFORE SEEN, REJUVENATING THOSE WOUNDED IN THE ATTACK AND STRIKING FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO FOLLOW THE SO-CALLED 'CHAOS GODS'!

OOZE A FEW DRAMATIC BLOOD-TEARS AND SCREAM THE FOLLOWING IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO LAUNCHING INTO OUR FIRST SONG:   

"THESE NERDY CHAOS POSERS SHALL BE CRUSHED! OUR FALLEN FANS SHALL BE AVENGED! THE SCENE IS UNITED AND THE UNTOLD POWER OF BLACKENED UKULELE METAL NOW RUNS UNCHEEEECKED!"

4+1

Ukulele Metal is unleashed. With you and Spacelaser combined, you launch a new concert. Your fans rise up to cheer again. The Raptors are unable to attack you yet because of their injuries from the riot so recently, but they start to prepare explosives. However, some of them hesitate. They hear your music. Surely, Slaanesh at least would not want such a sound to be silenced.

Make a new doommug (much closer to the Earth) and all that. If my contract-signer isn't busy fighting Chaos or something, ask/demand/invoke the contract to force him to help me.

4

You are silhouetted by the moon as you cast a new spell. This time, you will go for a more efficient strategy. You create a massive mug, this one about 23 miles wide. It appears between Earth and the Moon before hurtling down like a meteor.

5 turns before Neo-Doom Mug impacts the Earth.