TURN 24QUICK!Find a car! then OFF TO WENDIES!
5What luck! There's a race car just outside with the keys still in it. You drive out and quickly arrive at Wendy's.
PRESS ONWARDS.
2vs5"LOOK AT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS! CAN'T THE OUTSIDERS MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS FOR ONCE?! IT'S JUST A PLANET WE'RE CONQUERING HERE, GEEZE..."
Use my power as God of Beasts to call magical beasts from all planes of existence to serve the forces of Chaos. Have these beasts attack the enemy, if they don't come then throw some powerful offensive spells around (provided I have the time)
2+1Eliphas sees how Rethi-Eli smashes his army, and decides to charge with his Chaos Terminators at Rethi-Eli, while screaming "Chaos calls for your destruction!" Meanwhile, another Dark Apostle plans to attack the biggest military base in New Hampshire...
Draw daemonic powers before charging, giving Eliphas and his Terminators +1 to attack for 2 turns.
Kill Rethi-Eli.
Havocs with Multi-meltas (main army): Shoot at Angel/Devil guy.
Decimator Tank & Nurglite Sorcerer: Go and help the main army. Nurglite Sorcerer will try to summon Plaguebearers.
Chaos Marines (main army): Hold against Rethi-Eli.
Land Raiders (main army): Shoot at Angel/Devil guy from all the weapon available, including Havoc Missile Launcher.
Squad Gamma 1 & Squad Epsilon 4: 1 Chaos Marine will grab all the looted milk, and abandon the battefield through the portal to Hell-Forge. Dark Mechanicus will try to use the milk in order to improve geneseeding process. Then both Gamma 1 & Epsilon 4 will regroup and change their composition:
9 Chaos Marines & Land Raider will guard Chaos Basilisks from now on, while 2 Chaos Predators will go and help the main army. Then Epsilon 4 will barrage both Yoink and Spacelaser (ugh, that was a long action).
Squad Epsilon 3: Destroy the Men of Iron with rocket launchers.
Chaos Sorcerers: Aid Goatsby, then re-open the portal.
Chaos Raptors: Throw Melta-bombs at the audio system of Yoink. If Yoink survives the artillery barrage, take him as a prisoner.
Dark Apostle Anak's forces*:
Attack and destroy the military base, no prisoners!
If the base is destroyed successfully, drive to Concord and overthrow the state government.
* His forces consist of 8 Chaos Dreadnoughts, 20 Havocs, 70 Chaos Marines, 7 Rhinos with Heavy Flamers, 16 Khornate Berzerkers, and 6 Chaos Predators.
(Eliphas drawing daemon powers)
1(Eliphas vs Rethi)
5-1vs2(Chaos vs Diablo)
2vs6(Chaos vs Rethi)
4vs3(Nurglite Sorcerer)
4+1(Milk thieving Marine)
1(Chaos vs Men of Iron)
1vs6(Sorcerers opening portal)
4(Anak's troops vs military)
6vs3"Diablo, stick to the plan" "But I was having fun" "Fine, kill some Chaos fools, but then head to the library" "Certainly"
Continue attacking Chaos forces, Its fun, also, summon walls of pure darkness to block projectiles from hitting me.
3vs6,2Goatsby nearly fails to summon anything, but a quick boost from the Sorcerers as they open a small portal allows him to summon a
chimera to serve him. He doesn't have time for more spells yet. Eliphas attempts to draw power from the Warp, but the attempt backfires. His attacks are slowed a bit by the burning energies. Chaos and Diablo continue battling, but neither makes any headway. Diabo is pushed hard enough that he is unable to summon the walls of darkness. In the confusion, Diablo spots a Chaos Marine trying to leave the battle with some milk and kills him. With sheer numbers, Chaos eventually overwhelms Rethi. Eliphas himself eventually arrives to finish the job. With a his power fist, Eliphas rips off Rethi's left arm. Eliphas raises his fist for the kill. It is then that the remaining Men of Iron break through Chaos's lines and save their ally, dragging him back behind their lines. In the distance, the sounds of more US troops and tanks approaching the city are heard and some fighter jets fly past overhead.
Elsewhere, Dark Apostle Anak leads his soldiers against Portsmouth Naval Shipyard. Chaos soon reigns in the base, but doesn't have time to redeploy just yet.
Purchase the milk with my moneys.
5+1They've got a sale going on, and you're able to purchase a cartload of milk cheaply.
Telepatically order milk creatures to get inside the tank through any holes in it's hull and destroy it for being too stompy.
3vs5The milk creatures attempt to comply, but are unable to reincorporate. They just get smeared against the ground a few more times as the treads turn.
let Oichi sleep then go back to house hunting.
5You leave the hotel and look around for a nice house. You find exactly the sort of house you wanted for a reasonable price.
Develop the tech in order to block the overmind. And equip the cow army with it as standard equipment.
6You make helmets capable of blocking Overmind's signals and deploy them to your troops. However, a traitor steals a copy of the designs and hands them over to the enemy. You ignore the President's offer of a peace agreement. You continue to fight, but your numbers dwindle under the continual US attacks. You have only 92 cows still standing with you.
*groans*
Hold a meeting with the commanders of the Hell Bovines: We will end this fighting on the condition that you leave Vermont alone and stop selling people burgers.
If they accept, refocus military on the Chaos problem (though recall, all of the police in a wide radius should be zeroing in on their location, as it's really obvious and their religion is illegal).
If they refuse, keep fighting, but send ~ 1/5 of the troops to fight Chaos, just to help out until we can finish up with this annoyance; they will bu under the command of whoever commands the Imperial troops.
Have a meeting with Lincoln. No reason to assume it is not Lincoln; this is a weird reality, and the president is a giraffe. Although, correct his incorrect assumptions. Clearly, the timeline has been changed for the better. (
)
(US vs Bovines)
6vs4(Deploying troops)
4(Meet with Lincoln)
4The bovine leaders ignore your truce. Maybe this was a mistake on their part, as you whittle their insurgency down to an estimated >100 members. They introduce helmets to block your telepathic signals, but a defector gives you the design. You deploy troops to Genericville. SWAT and counterterrorism police units from surrounding cities link up with your troops as they march.
The Lincoln meeting goes well. Lincoln thanks you for clearing up his misunderstandings and taking care of the Mad President for him. He seems to approve of your actions so far, and asks if there's anything he can do to help you before he returns to his own time.
"Of course, sir."
Go find the people and get them back to work.
1Your subordinates refuse to return to work under these conditions. A few even resign when you ask them.
Accept the job.
Just need to get something first
Drive to the neighbouring town. Fastly.
1You inform the President of your acceptance and begin driving out. A few minutes later you find yourself stuck in traffic.
Work on super-strong powdered milk. If it's strong enough to turn all the oceans into milk, put in oceans. Until then, keep working on it.
2You don't make any progress yet. Don't feel bad, Rome wasn't turned into milk in a day. Three million people so far have been converted for your cow legions.
9 Chaos Marines & Land Raider will guard Chaos Basilisks from now on, while 2 Chaos Predators will go and help the main army. Then Epsilon 4 will barrage both Yoink and Spacelaser (ugh, that was a long action).
Chaos Raptors: Throw Melta-bombs at the audio system of Yoink. If Yoink survives the artillery barrage, take him as a prisoner.
(Chaos vs Milkdrinker)
5vs1+1(Chaos vs Milkdrinker's equipment)
4(Chaos vs Spacelaser)
1vs1KICK ONE OF THESE WARHAMMER COSPLAY DWEEBS INTO CROWD WHILST STRUMMING ANOTHER BARRAGE OF FROSTY RIFFAGE, ENCOURAGE FANS TO TEAR THEM (AND THE OTHERS) APART WHILST I ASSESS THE LENGTH OF MY UKULELE CORD... IS IT LONG ENOUGH TO REACH BAT CAVES WHILST STILL PLUGGED IN??
IF YES, STRIDE OVER THERE TO DO BATTLE WITH SPACELASER
STIR THE BATS INTO A BLOODTHIRSTY FRENZY AROUND HIM THROUGH USE OF SOME ESPECIALLY WRATHFUL TREMOLO PICKING, AT THE PERFECT SONIC FREQUENCY TO CONFOUND THEIR ECHOLOCATION AND ENRAGE THEM
AD-LIB SOME BADASS VERSE ABOUT BATS, OR BAT MONSTERS, OR POSSIBLY VAMPIRE LORDS EMERGING FROM SLUMBER, I DUNNO
(Milkdrinker vs Chaos)
6+1vs4(Milkdrinker's Fans vs Chaos)
5vs5(Milkdrinker summoning bats)
4(Bats vs Spacelaser)
5vs1Chaos attacks the concert as Milkdrinker and Spacelaser begin their musical battle. Milkdrinker jumps down and plays a sonic tune that causes the bats to swarm out from their cave. Spacelaser is attacked by a flock of vampire bats that force him to the ground and repeatedly bite him. Spacelaser is out of action. The Raptor squad throws their bombs at Milkdrinker's gear and destroys it. The Chaos heavy vehicles roll in and blast Milkdrinker, knocking him to the ground. Outraged and egged on by their hero, the crowd swarms Chaos. The Chaos troops are far stronger than normal people, but they are badly outnumbered. After a while, all the riot's participants from both sides lie scattered about, unable to go on fighting.
What was I doing?
As far as you can recall, you woke up this morning and decided you needed some milk. You got out one of your battlesuits and went to rob the store. You had a skirmish with enemies boosted by weird milk nonsense. Then you left after they disabled your anti-milk weapon to make a better one. Then there was a giant mug trying to eat the solar system, so you bombarded that until it got ejected into another dimension. Then you tried to fix all the world's problems, but you were unsuccessful. You also bought all the cheap apartments in Luxembourg.
FINALLY got internet access back. Sadly, it appears I died. Darn, was going to summon an Imperator class Titan and the Emperor's divine form himself.
Examine my surroundings
You awaken. You are in your chambers on an Elder craftworld, recovering from your long stasis. A contingent of your Ultramarines stands at attention.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk (Read 236206 times)