TURN 20search for the keys to my secret bunker. Invite Oichi there.
2Unfortunately, you locked the keys inside the last time you were there.
"Blast. Well, let's see if anything got in in the meantime." As in, check to see if anything went wrong as a result of the lack of security. Also make sure the rest of the computers are secure.
4Looks like there wasn't any breaches, but some employees hadn't updated their systems recently. You have that fixed.
"Hello, NASA, you say you're getting weird readi- ah. Yes, that... that would be a problem."
Set up funding for anyone willing to put work and resources into solving the Doom Mug issue.
Meanwhile, the other giraffes should attempt to warn other governments and countries about the solar system's plight.
2+1,5You encounter difficulties getting the budget through. However, you just manage to get it set up with your excellent political skills, and soon they start working on a plan. Outside the US, all the countries in the world leap into action following heartfelt written pleas from your giraffes.
Doom Mug delayed by 1 turn.Expand the McDonalds into the nearest dairy farm. Free the cows!!!!!!
3You and the Hell bovines take over the diary farm, but you soon realize they don't have any cows. This farm only produces goat milk.
I can't risk Diablo getting his claws on a Kill Sat, but heaven just sent me a mission we can both agree upon, save the mortal plain. Without it, neither of us would have any fun.
Begin my assent into space to try to find the mug, and begin plans to send it to the elder plain, the squids will just drink it dry.
3You fly into space on holy wings. You see the distant mug far below. You start preparing your spell, but then a blast of ectoplasm knocks you off balance. (Heads) You feel Diablo trying to take control, but you remain Angelo.
Smite any fools who attempt to stop the IMPENDING DOOOOOOOOOOOM.
If I am unable to do that, attempt to speed up the arrival of the IMPENDING DOOOOOOOOOOOM.
4vs2You sense the greatest threat to Doom Mug is currently in orbit above Greenland. Racing into space, you spot an angel trying to cast a spell. You catch him off guard with a ghostly blast, interrupting the spell.
((I think you misspelled name of my character in hall of milk.))
Arise brothers! Go beyond the lake and spread the word that anyone can be accepted on the way of milk!
Send golems as my disciples.
4The golems leave your lake and begin wandering the streets. A few people seem interested in the universal acceptance you offer. They ask the golems if you have a church or something they should go to.
SCALE UP THE A. M. A. AND LAUNCH IT AT THE DOOM MUG!
AND THEN SHOOT THE DOOM MUG WITH ORBITAL LASERS!
5,2You scale up the A. M. A. with a grow ray and fire it out on a deep space probe. The massive explosion when it hits incinerates the top layer of the milk, buying the solar system a bit more time. The orbital lasers don't do much, however.
+1 turn before Doom.Obtain giraffe milk. Create a Bovine Biscuit that, when consumed, allows me to turn people into cows and back, including myself.
2,5You don't find any giraffe milk. Seems it's not a very common thing to sell. Regardless, you're able to make a batch of bovine biscuits with some of your normal cow milk.
DENOUNCE THIS SPACELASER FOOL AS A COMPLETE AND UTTER POSER (ON SOCIAL MEDIA, IN INTERVIEWS, OR EVEN JUST SCREAMING IT ON THE STREET TO ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN), THEN HAVE MY FANS LOBBY/THREATEN THE VENUE TO REPLACE THAT WIMP WITH SOME REAL BLACKENED UKULELE METAL, NAMELY MILKDRINKER
IF THAT FAILS, JUST PUT ON MILKDRINKER SHIRT AND AS MANY SPIKED GARMENTS AS I CAN LAY MY HANDS ON, THEN GO WAIT OUTSIDE VENUE WITH MY GEAR TO STAB HIM TO DEATH BEFORE SHOW
METAL CRED WILL SKYROCKET, BLACKENED UKULELE-METAL WILL BECOME TRVEST SUBGENRE OF ALL
6,2-1You humiliate Spacelaser. You drive him from the venue, but your fans end up getting you banned from the place as well with their swarming the owners. A crowd of them is now standing outside the building demanding that they give you a stage.
"YES! Now I am become Goat, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!" Goatsby screams triumphantly while running a hairy hand over his 6-horned head.
Use my increased power as a God of Beasts to eject Gulliman from this plane of existence
1+1vs5Perhaps we should work on saving this planet? Fulgrim won't be pleased if you waste so many men on a lost cause.
If he agrees, try to think of methods to save the planet.
If he, or anyone else, attacks me, behead them.
2vs31 Decimator super-heavy tank and 2 Chaos Land Raiders emerge from the Warp Portal. 2 squads of Havocs with Multi-Meltas (each squad is 10 people) disembark from Land Raiders and await Eliphas' orders. At least 50 Chaos Marines also emerge from the portal, lead by 2 Chaos Sorcerers and 1 Nurglite Sorcerer (he's a mercenary). Eliphas himself prepares for Gulliman's strike.
Give out the orders to the troops: Decimator tank and Nurglite Sorcerer will attack the National Guard via superior firepower and summoning a rain of rotting filth to demoralize the National Guard. Land Raiders, Havocs, and Chaos Marines will all focus on Men of Iron and Rethi-Eli's minions. Chaos Sorcerers will aid Goatsby in his try to eject Gulliman from this plane of existence
Prepare to parry Gulliman, giving me +1 to my defense if Gulliman or someone else attacks me in close combat.
3Eliphas laughs viciously at the proposal of temporary alliance. "I guess loyalists have a pretty good sense of humour. Too bad that they are so pathetic at trying to be some sort of schemers. Seriously, leave these tricks about "temporary alliances" to someone who's never watches his back... Said Eliphas, clearly refusing the proposal.
Important, additional action added: If I successfully parry the strike of the enemy, counter-attack him with a Power Fist punch to the face.
If nobody attacks me, take out my vox-caster and order a surprise party for Rethi-Eli*!
* Which means that a squad of Chaos Raptors will try to attack Rethi-Eli, neutralize him, and then kidnap and take him to the Warp as a slave.
3vs6+1Attempt to persuade National Guard that we're all on the same side. Greet Guillman. delet chaos, fight defensively with Ith
3-1,4vs2,6(I wasn't sure if you meant to run off and watch Milkdrinker instead of this action. This one was the bolded one, so I picked it.)
Not good.
6+1vs2Not so bad as the other group.
3vs2Gulliman attempts to reach out to his enemies in the light of the impending danger to the planet. They laugh him off. Goatsby attempts to hurl Gulliman out of reality, but Gulliman dodges the portal and slices at him. Goatsby dodges back just in time. Eliphas clenches a power fist, but Gulliman still doesn't attack him as yet. Meanwhile, the battle turns in Chaos's favor in general. Rethi leads the troops with defensive fighting alongside his giant companion. However, he overdoes it a bit and is unable to hit back significantly. Rethi's minions and the Men of Iron are driven back to cover around him. The National Guard fares much worse. Their futuristic opponents slaughter many of of them and destroy their tanks.
Doom Mug is 12 turns away.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk (Read 236812 times)