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Milk

16 (44.4%)

Cookies

20 (55.6%)

Total Members Voted: 36

[Enemy post]

Turn 4

Wait for transformation to wear off, and try again.

5

You wait a little while, thinking human thoughts, like how chewing cud is weird and how you don't want to eat grass no matter how good it is. You snap back to your proper shape and begin cooking. Within a few minutes you've made the biscuit! Looking around for a target, you remember ATHATH running around trying to drink milk off the floor and running downstairs. You see your chance. 6vs2 You slip the bovine biscuit through the hole and drop it directly into his mouth. He polymorphs into a Longhorn cow.

Put mouth under milk. Win game.

2

No time to waste! You throw open the basement door and slide downstairs on the banister. You see the milk leak and dive for it with your mouth open. You're still too late. It drained into the laundry. You lie on the floor for a while. Then, a biscuit drops through the crack into your mouth. It tastes grassy, and you feel yourself change.

CURSE YOINK, ALL HIS TEARS SHALL BE MILK AND THEY SHALL NEVER END
PREPARE TO HARVEST MILK TEARS

You saunter up to Yoink's room. You hear him crying. Time for a curse! You speak the incantation of Eternal Milk Tears. 5vs6 He resists. Your magics were strong, however. With little smoke trails, his tear ducts burn out and he loses the ability to cry.

Name: I want milk
Description: he wants milk
Why I want milk: I don't want milk

Fuck with someone

Some men just want to see the world burn. You are one of those men. Stepping out of your room, you see from the state of the house that either the Falcons blew another lead or you're out of milk. You see Ozzy getting ready to go to the store. 4vs4 You tie his shoelaces together. He isn't fooled. As he admonishes you, he doesn't notice you steal his wallet.

pull a Fedora from your trenchcoat and put it in your head so you can use it to give a small salute to the totally normal human that entered the store behind you.

Buy chocolate milk and cookies.

2

You tip your hat to the normal human and enter the store. You wander around its aisles, seeing Ozzy as you're there. You can't find any milk or cookies at the moment. Maybe you missed them.

TIE END OF BEDSHEET-ROPE TO HEAVY PIECE OF FURNITURE
(PROBABLY BED?)

THROW OTHER END FROM WINDOW

THEN DRY EYES AND PREPARE SELF FOR ACTION
BEGIN DARING CLIMB DOWN TO THE STREET OUTSIDE    

3

You fight off a magical influence trying to mess with your tears. It takes all of your strength, but you do it. Wiping off your tears, you tie the rope to your bed and rappel out the window. You hear a crack as you realize your bed's posts weren't as sturdy as you thought. You fall a bit into the weeds outside. You aren't hurt.

Name: Ozzy
Description: A businessman holding a briefcase and wearing a formal suit.
Why I want milk: Coffee is barely tolerable without milk.

Head to a store. Buy some milk.

4

You leave your room and decide to head to the shop after checking what's left of the fridge. You have a bit of a dispute with one of your more intolerable roommates before you head out to the store. You have a nice walk and arrive promptly. You say hello to Ziizo, get a gallon of milk off the shelves, and take it to the cashier. It's then that you realize you don't have your wallet.

Meanwhile in the streets, the battle continues.
Initiative:Shadow, Gulliman, Eliphas.

ABORT, ABORT

FLOOD THE SWORD WITH MILK

ABORT CHAOS

FLOOD THE WHOLE DAMNED FIGHT WITH MILK

GIVE GULLIMAN HEALING MILK

ABORT!

6

Ok then, I see how it is.
Call for Ultramarines in terminator suits to assist me.
Brothers! Now is the time to fight!

4

Eliphas notices that the sword is imbued with Shadow. It's most likely possessed by some spirit.

Try to contain the spirit in the sword for another turn.

6vs5

Grab his sword, since it is still in me. BY THE HILT. Wrestle it from him.

3(+1 for situation)vs5

Try to disarm (not literally) him and if successful, strike enough blows to slice the knee off. If not, stab him in the abdomen.

3vs6



The Shadow struggles! This isn't how he wanted this to go at all. At the Shadow's command, milk floods out of the sword. Gulliman is blown off the blade as the flood heals his wounds. The Primarch keeps his grip on the hilt and calls for reinforcements. As Eliphas struggles to keep his sword from escaping his grasp, Gulliman calls in reinforcements. Two Ultramarine Terminators beam down from above and survey the battlefield.  Eliphas places both hands on his unruly power sword, and attempts to force the spirit to stay in the sword. It's a mighty contest, as Eliphas stands amidst the milk and mayhem and the sword shakes. Their wills clash. Eliphas binds the spirit amidst the wild magic of the flood. A terrible consequence is brought about.

The milk flood coalesces around them. A vaguely humanoid shape appears, all milk and might and maws. It is the Milk Monster. It is a being born of Chaos and shadows, with no mind but the violence that spawned it. Eliphas and the Shadow-sword are trapped in it. The Monster and Gulliman fight for the swords, and the Monster takes the possessed powersword while Gulliman keeps his original sword.

The Terminators level their bolters at the Monster, and the thing roars. A police car turns the corner, and the driver begins desperately calling for reinforcements.

[Mallos]

"NO! GET BACK HERE, I NEED THOSE TEAR DUCTS!"

GLIDE OUT OF THE WINDOW AFTER YOINK, COMMANDING THE AIR TO SLOW MY DESCENT

[CABL]

"Obey the power of Chaos, filthy monstrosity!"

Try to control and corrupt milk monster with the power of Chaos. If successful, pour corrupted milk on these Ultramarine Terminators, making them servants of Chaos, and give them a command to fight Gulliman. Also, If all my previous actions in the sentence are successful, do a powerful vertical sword slam which will ejaculate the spirit from the sword as a shadow fireball.

If not, try to get out from the monster and call for reinforcement of 12 Chaos Space Marines and 1 Rhino Transport with Heavy Bolter.

[ziizo]

In that case search for strawberry milk and donuts

[Glass]

Nononononononononono!

Abort harder! I do not want to be here!

[Failbird105]

Zibnob tips his own fedora in response.

Then he begins the hunt for milk

[Yoink]

SIT DOWN TO REGAIN MY STRENGTH

INVESTIGATE PAINFUL EYE-FAUCET PROBLEMS

IF HOUSEMATE MALLOS DIVES OUT OF WINDOW AFTER ME, ATTEMPT TO PREVENT THEM FROM INJURING THEMSELVES       

[OceanSoul]

Milk ATHATH! The chance only comes once in a lifetime!

So...I would like to propose the basics of a scoring system for this game. We are scored, not just on the amount of milk we obtain, but the quality of it, too. Cheeses, yogurts, and the like can also score, and things like cookies and crackers that go well with milk may add a small modifier to an amount of certain foods. Cookies with milk, crackers and meats with cheeses, and toppings with yogurt.

[Rethi-Eli]

consume contents of wallet via mouth-hole

exit house in search of a bottle of not-milk

[FallacyofUrist]

"Hm. Odd. Seems I don't have my wallet with me. Wonder where I left it..."

Leave milk at store. Find and take wallet. Go back to store.

[johiah]

Summon a grey knight and a member of the inquisition to help me purge the taint.
Slice off a leg of the milk monster. (Daemon?)
Brothers! Now is the time. A fallen Battle Brother resides in that beast! Eliaphas the Inheritor! Assist me in slaying him!

[Enemy post]

I'll post OceanSoul's action tomorrow, I want to give ATHATH a chance to react. That scoring system might be a good idea, once peoplle start to actually get some milk.

TURN 5

"NO! GET BACK HERE, I NEED THOSE TEAR DUCTS!"

GLIDE OUT OF THE WINDOW AFTER YOINK, COMMANDING THE AIR TO SLOW MY DESCENT

3

You gracefully jump out the window, but the air isn't listening.

SIT DOWN TO REGAIN MY STRENGTH

INVESTIGATE PAINFUL EYE-FAUCET PROBLEMS

IF HOUSEMATE MALLOS DIVES OUT OF WINDOW AFTER ME, ATTEMPT TO PREVENT THEM FROM INJURING THEMSELVES   

4

You check your eyes. It's painful, but the stinging should fade soon. You hear Mallos leaping out the window overhead and catch him. A passing bystander cheers for the unexpected circus act.

consume contents of wallet via mouth-hole

exit house in search of a bottle of not-milk

3

Putting your money where your mouth is. Really, it's Ozzy's money but whatever. You chew up a few dollars and the driver's license, but then you chip a tooth on a quarter. You drop the wallet on the floor and decide to head outside. Soon enough you find a forgotten bottle of water on a bench. Take it?

"Hm. Odd. Seems I don't have my wallet with me. Wonder where I left it..."

Leave milk at store. Find and take wallet. Go back to store.

3

You apologize to the cashier and head on home. It really is nice weather today. You find the wallet lying on the floor with some of the money removed. You head back to the store. On the return journey, you notice a good number of emergency vehicles rushing to Main Street. A police car splashes you with a puddle as it skids by.

Zibnob tips his own fedora in response.

Then he begins the hunt for milk

3

You return the human's greeting. The market flashes around you with the bright colors of human advertising. The humming lights remind you of saucer craft from home. Looking for milk, you encounter a human pushing a cart with several Milks in it, along with other food items.

In that case search for strawberry milk and donuts

5

Now you're getting somewhere! After only a few minutes of searching, you find a stand selling both strawberry milk and donuts. Even better, it's a buy-1-get-1 free deal on the pair.

On the street...

For the Emprah!

RaArGh!

2vs4+1

Nononononononononono!

Abort harder! I do not want to be here!

1
(Wow, looks like the dice really aren't on your side lately.)

"Obey the power of Chaos, filthy monstrosity!"

Try to control and corrupt milk monster with the power of Chaos. If successful, pour corrupted milk on these Ultramarine Terminators, making them servants of Chaos, and give them a command to fight Gulliman. Also, If all my previous actions in the sentence are successful, do a powerful vertical sword slam which will ejaculate the spirit from the sword as a shadow fireball.

If not, try to get out from the monster and call for reinforcement of 12 Chaos Space Marines and 1 Rhino Transport with Heavy Bolter.

4

Summon a grey knight and a member of the inquisition to help me purge the taint.

5

Slice off a leg of the milk monster. (Daemon?)
Brothers! Now is the time. A fallen Battle Brother resides in that beast! Eliaphas the Inheritor! Assist me in slaying him!

3vs5+2

The roar of the Terminator's bolters fills the street as the Monster snarls. Things do not go well for the Ultramarines. Their bolter shots blast apart sections of the Monster, only to regenerate. The Monster scatters the Terminators with it's sword and flows into their bolters, destroying the weapons from the inside. The Shadow struggles to escape. Eliphas's bonds hold, and the black flames grow wilder with the fury. Eliphas's sword now gives +2 to attack rolls using it. The bonds trapping the Shadow in the sword fade after this, at least. Inside the Monster, Eliphas reaches out with Chaos. The Milk Monster's void of a mind fills with corruption easily enough. Blackened cookie spikes form along its back. Eliphas is able to use the infused Chaos to exert control over the beast, for a time at least. The Inheritor tries to use the corrupted milk to convert the Terminators, but their sealed armor prevents them from making any actual contact with the milk. Gulliman rises up. The Primarch calls for more troops, and a Gray Knight beams down with an Inquisitor. A squad of 12 Imperial Guardsmen accompany the Inquisitor. Gulliman tries to hack at the Monster's leg, but it crosses blades with him and savagely shoves him back.

Milk ATHATH! The chance only comes once in a lifetime!

So...I would like to propose the basics of a scoring system for this game. We are scored, not just on the amount of milk we obtain, but the quality of it, too. Cheeses, yogurts, and the like can also score, and things like cookies and crackers that go well with milk may add a small modifier to an amount of certain foods. Cookies with milk, crackers and meats with cheeses, and toppings with yogurt.

6

You've done it. This bizarre idea has actually paid off. You get a pail and milk ATHATH. The pail sits before you, churning and bubbling. You think taking milk from a cursed atrocity cow might not result in the best product. Still.

Mal Tinkke has acquired milk!

Let OceanSoul "milk" me. I'm a bull. Remember that joke in the opening scene of the new Power Rangers movie?

Kick down the door of the neighboring apartment while in my cow disguise. Raid their fridge for some milk. Win game.

1

Actually, he did say he turned you into a cow. You leave the house to go kick down a door. Unfortunately, it's a McDonalds. The staff turn and stare at you.

[ATHATH]

Let OceanSoul "milk" me. I'm a bull. Remember that joke in the opening scene of the new Power Rangers movie?

Kick down the door of the neighboring apartment while in my cow disguise. Raid their fridge for some milk. Win game.

[Mallos]

"WHAT."

Confused by how strangely his exodus of the house went, the GREAT GOATSBY stands on his own two hooves feet and attempts to magically replace Yoink's tear ducts.

[CABL]

Milk Monster roars furiously while Eliphas inside tries to control the monster with all his possible strength.

Try to stun Gulliman by striking him in the face with a power sword's hilt. if successful, grab him and smash him into the ground so hard, that he'll penetrate the sewer system and will end up in bedrock. In any case, powerfully strike the ground, releasing a strong shadowflame wave, which will burn or ignite every lapdog of the False Emperor... at the cost of losing my bonus and killing the spirit inside of it (since he'll be released as a shadowflame wave).

In any case (fail or success), pray to Khorne so he can open warp portal and send 1 Khorne Chosen Champion and 7 Khornate Berzerkers, then try to control the milk monster even harder.


OOC: What is the name of the town/city? I presume it's a typical American town, so I think we should call it Genericville. I also have Typianapolis, Banaltown, New Normal...